by Piper Bee
“Thanks.” And I snag the food because I can’t not.
“What about me?” Cale says, making a wide gesture at himself.
“I only got one hand, man.”
I laugh because that’s actually a good excuse.
The smoked meat is sweet with barbecue sauce, coupled with cold, dripping coleslaw in a pillow-soft bun. My mouth tingles. There’s a bite of spice and a tomato-y tang. My stomach thanks me even though the food hasn’t gotten there yet.
I could kiss him. At the moment, though, that would be a gross gesture.
The festival has filled out a lot for lunch. I’m loving the sun rays and soft breeze and this perfect sandwich. So far, the best Fourth ever!
Cale secures himself a couple of fish tacos, while Jin insists he’s not hungry. As we chat and eat and laugh, I’m shocked that I’m here with two really awesome guys. Me! But Lena Garcia has a romantic monopoly on both. And she’s not even in the United States of America right now.
I’m okay with it. I want all of these people to be happy, no matter how they arrange themselves. I just have to stay out of it, have fun, root for my friends, and head to college with an awesome summer in the books.
In a way, I feel more freedom without the pressure to impress either of the guys.
Bluegrass floats in the air as we walk around. There’s a sign for upcoming shows and I’m locked onto it when I see the name of one of the bands.
The Crux Constellation. They’re here? Despite the heavy rotation they have in my playlist, I’ve never seen them play because they hail from Seattle.
“Hey, you like them, right?” Cale says looking over my shoulder.
“Yeah, but… it says it’s their farewell tour,” I say. Wow, that puts a damper on things. But getting the chance to see them today is pretty cool.
“Guess we’re sticking around!” Cale says. I’m so happy that he gets it.
“Guys, it’s noon already,” Jin interjects. I’m flooded with jitters. The competition!
We shuffle over to the tent, and free folding chairs near the stage. The MC, a tiny woman in her forties with excess perkiness, battles miserable feedback and gets the show up and running. It’s not Broadway, but it’s something.
Cale and I are a few down in the set, so we sit with the audience and watch. It’s like bad karaoke. We politely cheer with the sparse spectators, but then there’s this dangerously good twelve year old girl. How can someone that young handle ABBA like a pro? She calls herself Little Dragon.
“Because she breathes fire!” Cale says into my ear when she hits a particularly difficult note.
We join the applause for her as she bows and grins big with gleaming braces.
“Wow! What a fabulous performance! To follow that act, we have Cale Thomas!” the MC says.
His arms fly up and he moves for the stage. “Here we go!”
“Break a leg!” I call after him.
Once on stage, Cale yanks the microphone from the stand. Fake drums sound. Cheesy synth rolls in and his back faces the crowd. His only dance move is the snap of his finger to the drum.
Snap. Snap.
The song builds with a guitar strum and I giggle because I know what’s coming.
Cale was made for “Take On Me.”
The melody synth hits. He moves his hips, wide and flouncy. He swerves around, continuing his ridiculous but entirely appropriate dance.
He’s definitely a Will Smith.
And his voice hits the speakers with the lyrics and cheers erupt for Cale. They didn’t know what I knew. Cale owns his crystal clear voice like a pro. From the way he handles vibrato, you would not think he’s breaking a sweat with that wiggly dance.
He’s infected everyone in the crowd with his insanely entertaining energy.
Jin leans over. “He’s good!”
I eye him. “I know!”
Cale delivers the smooth, long words of the chorus, and it leads up perfectly to the final word. That crisp high note garners intense cheers. He has them eating out of his absurd jazzy hand. There is no Left Shark in this kid.
I sing the echo in the second chorus. I catch Jin grinning at me.
When the karaoke-quality guitar solo hits, Cale starts half-break dancing.
We. Eat It. Up. His model poses, his perfectly timed robot, his sprinkler! Little Dragon has some serious competition.
The song slows for the third verse. He falls to his knees and I can hear in his voice that he overdid it. But he reaches his hand out to me and sings the words.
To me.
I pull my fists to my face and blush. He winks at me.
Cale Thomas. No wonder everyone in this crowd is into you!
He gets up and dances again for the upbeat ending. After he hits that brilliant, high note a few more times, it’s over. He bows and the enthusiastic cheers prove his worth.
I’m beginning to doubt my ability to one-up him.
Once he’s off stage, my pulse quickens. I’m next. Performing always gives me nervous energy, but I embrace it. That way it pulls my introverted self into scary places. I also have a jolt of Cale-induced energy to work with, like I was plugged into his electricity.
The little MC clears her throat. “Up next, Joy Becker!”
Before I know it, I’m on the stage. I take a measured breath.
The karaoke piano plays the lead up. I adjust the mic.
Sharp inhale.
“Don’t Stop Believin’” leaps from my throat. Journey’s greatest hit. It was my life when I moved to this town a year ago. My one daily comfort. This song is muscle memory for me, so I play with vocalizations as I fall into the song. It’s like home.
Armed with the surge I got from Cale, I claim the stage. I lean into the mic, not dancing with abandon, but tensing and pulling and pushing myself as I move through the emotion of it. It’s not just the melody or the cheap synth of the karaoke version. The words, the way I command them, are my existence right now.
I love the way my heart bursts when I build up to the high note. That sweet echo of my voice reverberating in the speakers sends chills through my body.
I’m brimming with a songful of emotion and soul and vision, in sync with the power of music. It’s like I have those wings on the cover of Journey’s Greatest Hits album. For me, this is total freedom.
The guitar solo resounds and I have a few seconds to share it with the audience. My face hurts from smiling, Cale whoops, some even look starstruck… like Jin.
Holy… focus. I’m not done yet.
I hold the emotion until the last note. The outro ends and it’s over. I fan myself while the people go nuts. I put myself out there, everything I had, and they loved it!
I descend from the stage, dripping with sweat, but I don’t care. I run over to Cale and Jin. Cale wraps his arms around me and spins in a half circle.
“Girl, that was amazing!” he says as he releases me.
I’m out of breath, longing to be back in the middle of that song. I love and hate when it’s over. I’m so harmonized with being alive when I sing.
In the corner of my eye, neon green. I look up and there’s Jin, with a lingering look of awe. Brand new flutters wash over me.
“That was awesome,” Jin says like he’s catching his breath.
“Thanks!” I bite my lip and fan myself again. This heat, I swear.
My phone buzzes rhythmically in my shorts pocket, so I grab it to see who’s calling.
MOM
There’s a sudden drip of cold dread on my hot excitement. Buried deep is the part of me that knows she wouldn’t call me like this without a motive. I brace myself when I answer.
“Hey, mom,” I answer, scouting out a quieter space.
“Joy! Where are you?” she says, sharply.
I knew it.
I give the truth a shot. “I’m with my friends.”
“You’re supposed to be with your family! Or did you forget about us?”
Just like that, all the happiness I was feeling
seconds ago escapes through the hole she just punctured in my ego.
“I didn’t forget, I just…” I can’t think of how to word it, but she jumps on me before I can.
“You just acted selfishly.”
How dare I, a grown adult, make my own plans?
“Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it would make a difference if I was home or not.”
The silence between our passes is super short when Mom is angry like this.
“You didn’t think at all, Joy Diane!”
Psh. Middle name usage. It’s pointless now.
She carries on. “Did you know your brother came home? When was the last time you called him?”
“Carson’s home? Why is he home?” That doesn’t sound good.
“Is everything okay?” Jin asks me. I turn and avoid him. My burning eyes land on a brown patch of grass.
“He lost his job! I can’t believe you wouldn’t even check on him!”
Yeah, right. Like the phone only works one way.
“What do you want me to do, Mom?” It always ends up with me asking this question, and obeying whatever she says. I hate it, but that’s how it is.
“Just come home. I know you have to get back to the dogs, but at least spend a couple hours with your family. Your brother is really down.”
I really wanted to stay here, but now I can’t. I have no idea why Carson lost his job, but I know my brother. His feelings are as real, and definitely a lot more intense, than mine. There’s no doubt he needs me. I have to go.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll be there soon.” I hang up and enter back into the world of Americanafest.
“Wait, what?” Cale starts, having heard my conversation. “You can’t leave! You gotta stay to claim the prize.”
But I can’t win anything when my brother’s involved.
“Are you really okay?” Jin asks again.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “My brother just lost his job and my family wants me to spend the day with them. Can you drive me there?”
Jin nods, his brow still tense with concern.
“It can’t wait?” says Cale, annoyed. “What about the prize? And that band you wanted to see?”
I shake my head. “You should stay, Cale. You beat me anyway, Mr. Glee Club President.” I smile to lighten the mood. It doesn’t really work. Cale lost some Joy.
“Hey, come here.” Cale reaches his long arm around me and pulls out his phone with his other arm.
“Say ‘singing champion!’” I see his big grin on the screen. I smile for the camera as best I can. It was fun while it lasted.
Cale kisses the top of my head and snaps the picture.
My stomach does a mini-flip. He just kissed me. Once he has the selfie, I stare up at him.
“What?” he says with an oblivious smile.
I guess it’s fine. Why not kiss your girlfriend on the head, right? It’s more keeping up the image. Even though it caught me off guard, I feel better.
He quickly sends me the selfie.
“Selfie King’s gotta selfie,” he says with a grin.
I really don’t want to abandon my friend with all this positive energy for the soul-sucking aura that Carson is no doubt emanating.
“Sorry, Cale. I really wish I could stay.”
He makes eye contact. “Me, too.”
The deepness of his voice makes me think he means it. Like he doesn’t regret that I’m not Lena. Coupled with the disappointed look on his face, you’d think I was his real girlfriend. He even slaps Jin on the back and tells him to take care of me.
Am I letting these lines get too blurry?
I wave goodbye and walk to the car with Jin.
It’s a shame I spend the car ride to my neighborhood doing mental circles around my frustration. Jin is polite in silence the whole way.
Carson always wins. I shouldn’t have forgotten.
TRACK 11 - CATCHING FEELINGS
STILL JULY 4TH
My dead end street is packed with lawn chairs and charred remnants of used fireworks. Five minutes after Jin drops me off, Mom gives me a tight squeeze, then shoves barbecue chicken in my hand.
Food usually makes me very forgiving and she knows it.
In a way, I wish she would keep seething. That way I’d have a reason to ignore her. But she always forgives and forgets. Rinse and repeat.
“Hey, sis!” Carson says, opening his tanned, muscly arms wide for a brother bear hug. The curls of his head tickle my face. He doesn’t seem depressed to me!
Carson didn’t actually lose his job, I find out. He got caught making out with one of the girls staying at the resort. Her parents made some threats, but she was twenty (older than him), so they slapped him on the wrist for misconduct or something. He’s on unpaid leave until that family leaves the resort.
Mom was embellishing. Shocker.
I’d wallow in anger, but there’s no point. Actually, part of me feels guilty for assuming my family wouldn’t want to see me today because I was “working.”
Alas, I was wrong. Happens a lot these days.
As long as Dad keeps pumping out bratwurst and chicken, I’ll try to be happy. Sparklers make me kinda happy, so I grab one.
My phone buzzes.
CT: GIRL YOU WON
CT: OBVIOUSLY
CT: They gave the title to the 12yo kid with the INSANE pipes
CT: And yours truly got 2nd place!!
My sparkler flickers and hisses. It’s a bittersweet victory. Three dots appear.
CT: You were beautiful and amazing today
I stare at his words. It sounds weird, but for Cale, that text is understated. I’m used to his loud, elaborate compliments. Snarky gif wars. Exaggerated hand gestures emphasizing his enthusiasm. But somehow the simplicity feels… bigger.
I can’t leave him on read! I should reply.
What does he even mean by that? I don’t know what to say!
JB: Thanks :) so were you :D
Oh God, kill me now. Instantly I want to take it back. “So were you??” I squeeze my eyes shut and hope it’s dorky enough that he’ll take it as a joke.
CT: Hahaha, you know it!
I breathe. Was I holding my breath? Cale’s into Lena. We’re friends. I stare into my sparkler and remind myself of this plain fact.
“That’s not from your boyfriend, is it?” Carson asks me. He’s looking over my shoulder, waving his own sparkler close to me like it’s a housefly.
“So what if it is?” I swat at his fizzing sparkler. “It’s not like I’m sneaking around.”
He scoffs. “Sexting counts, little sister.”
“It’s not! Here, see for yourself.” I hand him my phone.
He examines the last few messages. He sees the picture, peers at me, and then hands my phone back.
“Um yeah, that was sexting if I’ve ever seen it.”
“Are you crazy? How on earth was that ‘sexting?’”
“I know what a guy is thinking when he calls a girl ‘beautiful.’ It’s sexting.” There’s a smug look on his freckled face.
I roll my eyes. Carson thinks he knows everything about relationships and guys’ intentions and how to woo girls, yet he’s still single.
It’s not near dark yet, but fireworks start going off. They ring in my ear, and I suddenly think about one, pudgy, slobbery face. Diamond. I hope he’s not scared.
I say goodbye to my family. The fact that a paying job is on the line is enough to convince Dad to give me a ride all the way up to the boonies. I’m grateful it’s him. Now I don’t have to have any more anxiety-inducing conversations about boys with my brother. Or my mom.
In fact, the whole ride is completely silent and I’m 100% for it.
It’s been an intense day. Up close explosives are not a necessity.
♫
The house is still and quiet, like it’s been abandoned for years. Just the creak of the door gives it life. The leftover smoke and sun linger on my skin. I could fall asleep right here on the foyer floor. I’d
probably summon Jin again if I did that, though.
Diamond is totally asleep. Guess I worried for nothing. I take a picture for my story with the caption “the chillest” and post it. The silence is barely broken by distant popping and shimmering. I bet I can see some sky flowers from up here.
My phone vibrates. It’s Jin.
JP: You back?
JB: Yeah. Diamond is sleeping. How’s Zany doing?
Ellipses.
JP: For how high-strung she usually is, fireworks don’t seem to bother her.
More ellipses.
JP: There’s a great view from my balcony.
Yes. That’s the first thing that comes to mind. Even though I could just curl up under Lena’s fluffy blankets and pass out, all I want to do is go to him. Can I do that?
I don’t know where keeping it friendly ends and “taking advantage” begins. Actually, I doubt this twinge of guilt has anything to do with Jin’s company.
I don’t want to disappoint Lena. Which reminds me that I still have to make sure Jin doesn’t let the couch sleeping incident slip.
Buzz buzz.
JP: It would be a shame if it were wasted on just me.
JP: But it’s okay if you’re not up to it.
He doesn’t make it easy to say “no,” does he?
JB: Be right over :)
I’m hopeless. I like him. The evidence is right here on my screen. And blundering in my heartbeat.
God, I like him.
But I’ll be careful. It’ll be nothing more than watching explosions in a dark sky and agreeing that Lena doesn’t find out about him accidentally staying over. That’s all.
So… I’m walking over to his house now.
