by Stash (v5)
Gwen was all for it.
By the time they arrived at the house night had fallen, a web of stars pricking the sky above the tall pines around their house and reflecting on the still surface of the lake. Brian turned on the outdoor lights to illuminate the fire pit and dock, and he sent Nate and Nora out with flashlights to hunt for downed sticks and branches for a fire. Get ones with no leaves, he reminded them.
The kids gathered wood while Brian helped Gwen unload the car. The house smelled musty, and they walked from room to room, turning on lights and opening windows. A kitchen and living area with picture windows dominated the first floor, with a den to one side. Upstairs were two bedrooms and a bath. They had purchased the house furnished, from beds and towels to kitchen utensils and games and books. That helped make the deal more attractive—she and Brian wouldn’t have to spend weeks trying to furnish and supply a second house.
To one side of the house a scramble of granite formed a small peninsula into the lake. On the other side stood a boathouse they shared with their neighbor, although Brian and Gwen didn’t own a boat. Between the peninsula and boathouse a beach of sandy grass and pebbles lined the water’s edge.
Brian built a fire from a tepee of dried sticks and they roasted marshmallows on branches he cut from saplings. A breeze picked up, fanning the flames and heat toward their blanket. Gwen moved the blanket to the other side. Still, they needed sweatshirts because any body part not facing the fire got chilled. When the kids had their fill of marshmallows and started to argue about who had counted more stars, Gwen broke up the party and called bedtime.
Once the kids were down, there was nothing for Gwen and Brian to do except go to bed themselves. There was no television. No picking up to do, no laundry to fold.
“Should I go down and get a bottle of wine?” Brian asked.
“Not if you’re going to stay mad at me.”
“It’s not that.”
“You haven’t looked at me since we’ve been here. You’re like staring off into space, and I don’t mean counting the stars.”
“I’m sorry, I’m still at work.”
He stood by the open bedroom window. She got up and joined him. A bent tree rooted in moss and granite leaned over the black water.
Brian mentioned there was a possibility he could lose his job. He told her about the story in the Times, his confrontational meeting with Stephen and Jennifer, the potential FDA scrutiny of Caladon’s marketing practices.
“You haven’t been doing anything illegal, have you? I mean, that can get you into trouble.”
“Not personally, I don’t think. It’s such a gray area, there’s no way of knowing. It really goes back to the day drug companies won the right to advertise directly to consumers. The industry became a free-for-all, with patients demanding certain drugs for all kinds of conditions. And it’s only gotten worse with the Internet.”
“What about our stock options?”
“Yesterday I cashed in everything vested and sold the shares we had. I’m not taking chances. The worst case is the whole company takes a hit.”
“When I see you unhappy like this I keep thinking I’m the one who made you leave medical school,” Gwen said.
“We’ve been through this many times. You didn’t make me do anything. I was looking for an out.”
“You wanted to go to Africa to provide medical care to the poor. How noble can you get?”
Brian smirked. “You don’t think marketing pharma is a noble calling?” he said. “We made decisions together, Gwen. We chose it all. Together.”
“I could get a job to take some of the pressure off. I was speaking with Amy Hellman. She has a real estate business and is looking to bring on another agent. I could take the course and be licensed in like eight weeks.”
“What about the kids?”
“A lot of the work is on the weekends and during school hours.”
“You’ve been telling me we already don’t have enough time together.”
“It feels more like you don’t want to make time for me.”
He put an arm around her. “Am I not the one who invited you to a glass of wine a short while ago?”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“I don’t want you to work, unless you really want to or have to. For now I’m still employed.”
“No wonder you’re so stressed. Come here.” She held him and kissed his neck and told him she loved him completely. How long had it been since she’d said that to her husband? It felt so good: Brian, I love you completely.
“That’s mostly what I need to hear,” he said.
“I know my situation hasn’t made things easier for us.”
He nodded, but said, “And I know you’ve been put in a difficult position. I admire your principles and your wanting to do the right thing.”
“Let’s not talk about this now. I want to get into bed.”
“I’ll get that bottle of wine,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
A car passed on the road, the headlights shining into their bedroom as the vehicle rounded the curve. Brian lowered the shades and went downstairs to get the wine and two glasses. She heard him opening and closing cabinet doors. When he came back up she heard him look in on the kids in the twin beds on either side of a window facing the lake. He came down the hall to their bedroom and stopped in the doorway.
Gwen had changed into a nightshirt, gotten in her side of the bed, put on her reading glasses, and opened her novel.
“Wait a minute—didn’t we just agree on a plan that involved wine and kissing?” Brian said.
“We did.”
“You’d better set down that book.”
She looked at him and turned her book upside down. Finally. A sudden craving for Brian engulfed her, to be held, to be loved—and to give back. Yes, this is how it should feel.
“You’d better take off your glasses.”
She set her glasses on the night table.
“You’d better get out of that shirt.”
“I want to go swimming,” Nora said. She was eating pancakes Gwen had made from a mix brought from home.
“Me too,” said Nate.
“Mommy, did you bring Nate’s floaty vest?” Nora asked.
“Yes I did.”
“She brought your vest, Nate.”
“I know.”
“When can we go swimming?”
“After breakfast. Dad will take you.” She turned to Brian. “I should go into town and get some groceries.”
“Sure, stick me in the cold water.”
“Get your bathing suits on, they’re in the suitcase in my bedroom,” Gwen said. “And don’t forget your water shoes, the bottom isn’t smooth.”
The kids ran upstairs to get changed.
Brian approached Gwen at the kitchen sink from behind, wrapped his arms around her waist, looked at the rippled surface of the lake.
“Maybe we can have a repeat of last night.”
“That would be nice.” She turned to kiss him. Amazing what lovemaking could do, when it was the perfect timing, ideal setting, and the right man. It could vanquish all the stress, ease her guilt over the accident, mitigate her legal problems, marginalize her betrayal of Jude. And the aftermath of their love, side by side on the bed and holding hands under the warmed sheets, only the crickets interrupting the silence: it helped you remember who and what were essential in your life.
The kids came down in their swimsuits and water shoes. Nate had his suit on backward and shoes on the wrong feet. Gwen helped him out of his suit and shoes and back on again the right way. She zipped him into his vest.
“Guess how many sharks I have?” A pattern of tiny blue sharks covered his suit.
“How many?”
“Guess.”
“Twenty?”
Nate laughed. “Nope. Thirty-seven.”
“That’s a lot of sharks.”
“Come on,” said Nora. “Let’s go.”
Gwen grabbed the camera and walked do
wn to the lake with them. Brian squatted at the water’s edge with Nora and Nate on either side and he tickled them just enough to coax big smiles. Gwen snapped two pictures.
“I’ll take another of you going in,” she said.
Nora waded in, but Nate touched the water and sprang back as if bitten by a fish.
“It’s too cold,” he said.
“It’s great!” said Nora. She dunked under.
“I don’t want to.”
“Come on, buddy, you just have to get used to it. Take my hand.” Brian looked at Gwen and chattered his teeth. He mouthed the words fucking freezing. Nora called for him to get in.
“I want to stay with Mommy,” Nate said, breaking away from Brian.
“I have to go in town to the store,” Gwen said.
“I want to come with you.” He clung to her leg at the water’s edge.
“Let’s swim,” Brian said. “It’s already feeling warmer.” He was midcalf now, Nora still yelling at him to come out farther.
“I want to go with Mommy.”
“It’s okay with me,” Gwen said. “I’ll take him, you two swim. Come on, Nate.”
She unzipped his vest and got him into a T-shirt. He insisted on keeping his bathing suit and water shoes on.
Gwen could make do with the small market about fifteen minutes away rather than driving the half hour into Saranac Lake. She’d pick up something Brian could grill for dinner, hopefully find fresh produce and get ice cream for dessert. A six of beer. Eggs for breakfast tomorrow.
On the way, she played a CD of kids’ songs that Nate liked and was stunned by how beautiful the mountains looked, the bold contours, the leaves starting to change. They hadn’t taken advantage of the mountains yet, having owned the house less than a year and hardly coming up. Now, according to Brian, they were at risk of having to sell it. Things could be a lot worse, Gwen knew, and if they had to liquidate, downsize, and live a different lifestyle, she would do whatever it took to make that life successful. The one thing about last night with Brian was she realized they already had everything they needed in each other, as clichéd as that sounded. If finances got strained, they could re-create their early days together, when they were living in a one-bedroom apartment and in debt with school loans. It hadn’t been easy, but at least they’d made love a lot.
Although they didn’t have two children to worry about then. Having children changed everything.
The market doubled as a gas station. Gwen steered past the two pumps and parked in a space on the side of the building. Nate held her hand walking in. There were no carts to push or ride in, which disappointed Nate, but he bounced back when Gwen asked him to pick out ice cream for dessert.
He asked Gwen to read off all the names and when she got to Cookies & Cream he said that’s the one.
“I haven’t gone through them all yet.”
“Cookies & Cream,” he insisted.
Gwen added the ice cream to the basket. She found chicken breasts and drumsticks and a head of lettuce that still looked reasonable, and tomatoes that felt firm and fresh. It wasn’t their produce share from the community farm but it would do. She picked out a six-pack of beer. At checkout she divided the items into two bags, giving the lighter one with the ice cream to Nate.
They held hands again on the way out, Nate cradling the bag with the ice cream in his other arm. As they passed the gas pumps, someone called Gwen’s name.
She looked up and tugged on Nate’s hand, knocking him off balance. He dropped the bag with the ice cream.
“Mom!”
“Hi—wow.” She looked down at Nate. “I’m sorry, honey. Just pick it up. Hi.”
Nate let go of her hand and reached down.
“Sorry, I surprised you.”
“No. No, I’m just. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
Jude replaced the gas pump and the cap on his tank. He looked as if running into her up here was the most natural event, even planned, unlike the way she reacted, which was more or less as if he’d landed from another planet.
He took a step closer to Gwen. She tried to step back, but her feet wouldn’t move.
“You mentioned you had a place here—Tear Lake, right?”
“We’re up for the weekend,” Gwen said. She feared her heart pumped loud enough for him to hear.
Be normal, she said to herself. Have a regular conversation. “You have a place around here too?”
“Just a cabin that’s been in the family for years near Rainbow Lake. I’m going to visit Dana—at St. Lawrence.”
Nate recovered the ice cream bag. He stared up at Jude.
“This is my son, Nate,” Gwen said. “Nate, say hello to Mr. Gates. You met him at his restaurant once.”
Nate didn’t say a word.
“Hello, Nate, it’s good to see you again.” Jude crouched down and held out his hand.
Nate looked at Gwen, then at the hand. “Hi.”
“Are you helping your mom do the shopping?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That’s nice, Mother’s little helper. I remember when my daughter was your age. She’d always want to work at my side in the restaurant.”
He stood and turned back to Gwen. He spoke so only she could hear. “You left the other night without telling me what you came for.”
She lowered her eyes. Nate was picking splattered bugs off the front bumper and headlights of Jude’s van.
“Nate, don’t do that.” She pulled his hand away.
“You walked out.”
“Sorry, it’s just …” She couldn’t come up with an excuse. Her throat tightened. “Did you call me? Because Brian answered my phone and …”
He whispered in her ear. “You’re very beautiful, even more than you were years ago.”
She shouldn’t blush, but felt the heat rise in her face. She looked down again at Nate. Now he was scratching at the van’s license plate and flicking the dead bugs off his fingertips. “Stop that. It’s gross.” She pulled his wrist.
“Mommy, can we go now?”
“Just a sec, honey. Why don’t you get in the car?”
“The ice cream is melting.”
“It will be fine. Go ahead, I’ll be right there. And use a wipe on your hand.”
Nate walked over to their car, tugged open the door, and climbed into his car seat.
Jude said, “We should meet later, when you can get away.” He expected her to say yes. He wanted her and he told her, and she understood that with his confidence came control.
No, she was in control. He’d just handed it to her to accept or reject him. Use it.
He stepped closer and she stepped back, and just as she started to speak he leaned and touched her face as he had last time and she realized he was about to kiss her again. She raised a hand between them and held him off, glancing over Jude’s shoulder to see if Nate was watching.
“No, don’t,” she said. Then: “I told the police you sold me pot.”
That stopped him. A shadow eclipsed his face; he frowned and his Adam’s apple moved.
“I had to,” she said.
“You had to what?” he said, backing off.
“That accident I got in, I was arrested. It was either …”
“You told the police?”
“That’s why I came to see you the other night, to warn you, but I couldn’t say it. I thought I’d end up in more trouble, or you’d be angry.”
He stared at her, waiting for more. She had no more.
“Gwen, I asked you not to tell anyone.”
“I wanted you to know, in case the police ask you questions.”
“That’s why you came to see me?”
She nodded. “This other thing—I can’t do it.”
Nate screamed out the open car window. “Mommy, my eye! I got a bug in my eye.”
“I’m sorry, I have to go.”
“Wait. Gwen.”
“Mommy!”
“I need to know when …”
“I hope I di
dn’t get you in trouble,” she said, already on her way to the car.
She ran to Nate.
She climbed into the backseat with him and shut the door.
Nate cried. She searched for a clean wipe and dabbed at the corner of his eye where a dead bug floated. She looked out the window. Jude stood next to his van, watching, squinting from the sun in his face.
Gone Fishing
Brian estimated the swim across the width of the lake measured close to a quarter mile. He swam by Nora’s side the whole way, but they didn’t talk. Nora focused on swimming, her freestyle strokes smooth and coordinated.
The cool, clear water calmed him. At work, they’d be looking for Brian, even though he’d left a message for Stephen that he was taking a long weekend, saying nothing about the information he was told to compile for the FDA. There would be messages on his desk phone and cell phone, e-mails, people stopping by his office. The FDA guy was coming. People would be asking: Where is Brian?
He believed that whatever was going to happen had already been set in motion, months or even years ago. The marketing of Zuprone would be labeled unethical or not, illegal or not, regardless of Brian’s position and explanation. Not that he wouldn’t fight any attempts to use him as a corporate scapegoat. But that was not a battle he would fight today.
Teresa was another story. Maybe the poor woman simply needed to be fucked and he could have done her a favor by obliging, although one sympathy roll when you’ve had a few drinks can turn into a bad habit. Anyway, that wasn’t the reason he’d turned her down. The temptation had not been strong. It was his love for Gwen that was strong, and it had been reaffirmed last night, not only because they’d made love—after nine years they’d had sex plenty of times without the trumpets of affirmation—but also after nine years he knew when their bond was strengthened, their spirits connected.
Although a few loose threads remained to be clipped. For one, Brian planned to visit Jude Gates when they got back to Morrissey. His objective: demand that Gates stay away from his wife. Brian had little experience with violence, and no desire to gain more, but confronting Jude Gates was part of defending his territory, a noble cause, and in that way he looked forward to it.
