Lush Curves 6: Safe Harbor (A BBW Erotic Romance)
By Delilah Fawkes
Gavin
I couldn’t believe what was before my eyes, but there it was, as clear as bloody day—Aolani’s legs wrapped around my brother Malcolm’s waist, right there in the gardens of the hotel, and him drooling over her like a mad dog.
My heartbeat hammered in my ears, my blood rushing until I couldn’t hear anything else. My stomach churned, and suddenly, I wondered if I might be sick. As if on their own, my legs carried me away from the scene before me, pounding out through the dark the way I’d come, away from the gut-wrenching view of the woman I loved slipping away from me and straight into the arms of another.
My own fucking brother!
What the hell had happened? What had I done to drive her away? Just a few days ago we’d been inseparable, making love every night on the yacht, working together each day, enjoying one another in a way I didn’t think I’d ever feel again after Fiona’s death.
And now what? Just as I’d vowed to tell her how I felt, to finally admit to her in front of God and everyone that I loved her and wanted to be with her, she betrayed me. She pushed me away as clearly as she possible could, using my brother as the vehicle.
And what would have happened if I hadn’t come upon them? Would Malcolm have buggered her right there in the goddamn garden? Right under my sodding nose?
The thought hit me like a wound, the pain of it almost dropping me to my knees. I couldn’t deal with this right now. I needed to get drunker than I’d ever been in my life, and then, in the light of day, maybe I could stand to think about what I’d just seen long enough to confront her.
To ask what I’d done. To ask why she’d done this to me.
I leaned over, my hands on my knees, and dry heaved, a flush of rage feeling foreign and utterly disgusting on my skin. I’d decided to risk my heart, and this is what I got. Broken down all over again.
This is what I got for betraying Fi. Fucking betrayed.
I should have bloody known.
“Gavin!”
Malcolm’s voice behind me. At the sound of it, rage boiled up inside of me, threatening to spill over if I didn’t get away from him.
I waved him off and kept walking, not caring where I was going as long as it was away from him and away from the vision of them together still blazing in my mind, burning me from the inside out.
“Gavin, wait,” he called. “Stop, and let’s sort this out!”
His hand closed on my shoulder, and I turned, my eyes blazing, my anger right at the surface, my hair dangling in my eyes.
“What’s gotten into you?” Malcolm said. “I thought you said you weren’t with her? That you two weren’t together?”
I shrugged his hand off and kept walking, not wanting to do or say something I’d regret.
Malcolm grabbed me again, and I whipped around, grabbing the front of his tuxedo shirt.
“Jesus Christ, Gavin,” Malcolm said.
“What do you want me to say?” I yelled. “I was a fucking fool for saying that. I just… God dammit…”
Malcolm paused for a moment, his eyes full of confusion and hurt. “Well, what the bloody hell did you expect then? Are you saying you are with Aolani, but you refused to tell anyone?”
He shook me, and my knuckles whitened as I strengthened my grip on his shirt. My other hand longed to strike out, to wipe that look of disgust off his face. Because, deep down, it mirrored my own thoughts. My own regrets. I was disgusted with myself. With him. With her.
With this whole god-awful situation that I created in my foolishness.
“You had no right,” I spit out. “Why can’t you pass a woman without trying to bed her, eh? You fucking arsehole!”
I shoved him then, and he stumbled back, the shock on his face slowly morphing into anger.
“You should talk, Gavin,” he growled. “Aolani deserves better than someone who acts like he’s bloody ashamed of her.” He ran a hand through his hair, his manner suddenly swaggering. Challenging. “I can give her what she wants, brother. Can you?”
For a moment, everything went red, my vision narrowing to a point. Then, I heard yelling, felt a sharp jolt as my fist connected with bone, and everything came rushing back, color and sound roaring over me even as I heard my own voice bellowing in my ears.
Malcolm was holding his jaw, his eyes narrowed to dark slits, and then his fist connected hard with my gut. I tensed in time, but it was still a hard enough blow to make me suck for air, tears stinging my eyes. I gritted my teeth and charged him, growling in fury, and we both hit the muddy grass in the garden, me falling on top of him, then rolling over and under as we grappled.
Stars burst before my eyes as he got a punch in, then I was on top, straddling him in the mud and hitting him again and again, dirt and blood from his broken nose splattering me.
“No!”
Aolani’s cry startled me, and I looked away just long enough for Malcolm to rear up and head-butt me, sending me tumbling off him. I gained my feet, staggering like a drunk man, and squared off against him, fists raised at the ready.
“You’re fucking mad!” Malcolm shouted at me, blood pouring down his chin and dripping onto his shirt, glowing in the moonlight. “You know that?”
“You stay away from her,” I growled, stabbing my finger at him. “You fucking stay away.”
“Stop!” She screamed.
Aolani was a few feet away, her hands now covering her mouth, her eyes brimming with tears.
“God, stop it! You’ll kill somebody!”
“Let Aolani choose, brother,” Malcolm said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
“She’s mine, goddamn it,” I spat, unable to help myself. “You keep your bloody hands off her! Do you hear me?!”
My mind was nothing but a blur of rage and regret. Of anger and a fear so deep, I thought I might be drowning.
Was I losing her now? Losing her forever, just as I wanted to make her mine?
I raised my fists again, ready to beat my point home, when a firm hand closed on my arm.
“Gavin.”
I reared back, trying to brush the hand away, not wanting to stop, unwilling to stop until Malcolm told me he’d stay far, far away. Until this night started over and Aolani was back in my arms.
I heard the scream as Aolani fell, hitting on her side in the cold, muddy grass at the force of my push.
“Aolani! Oh, God…” I rushed to her, tried to pull her up, but she slapped my hand away.
“You don’t get to call me yours,” she said, her beautiful mouth now twisted in anger. “You don’t get to decide all of a sudden that I’m fucking yours, Gavin.”
She pushed herself to her feet and walked away, toward the lights and sounds of the hotel.
“I’m sick to death of the both of you!” She yelled over her shoulder. Her voice sounded choked with tears.
I moved to follow, but this time Malcolm held me back. And this time, I didn’t pull away. We both stood, bleeding and bruised, watching the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen walk away from us, hips swaying, gentle sobs floating back to us on the night breeze.
Jesus. I am such a fool.
“I’ve lost her,” I muttered, not realizing I spoke aloud.
Malcolm’s hand squeezed my shoulder. “You need to talk to me, Gavin. What on earth happened? What’s going on between you two?”
I shook my head, my heart shattering in my chest, as my brother slipped his arm around my shoulders.
Aolani…
***
Aolani
I booked my ticket home before I even took off my party dress, now smeared with grass stains from my fall. Then I packed my bags
, stuffing the clothing Gavin had bought me in crumpled piles inside of the new luggage, and packing my old clothing in a small suitcase I’d brough along. I wrote a note on the hotel stationary for my boss, and then peeled off my soiled clothes and got in the shower.
The water washed over me, and I put my head back, letting the hot drops steal the tears from my eyes and swirl them away down the drain. I was tired of crying. Tired of feeling like crap. Tired of the emotional rollercoaster of trying to be with Gavin Fletcher.
Despite how much I still ached for him, despite how much I wanted everything to be okay and to just fall into his arms, and despite the opportunities I had working for such a powerful man, I knew what I had to do.
I had to leave.
I had to get away, back to somewhere I knew I’d be wanted. Where I’d be safe. As soon as I got home to my apartment, I was going back to Hawaii with my cousin Kali. Back to grandma’s house, and hopefully to a place where I could find a little peace of mind.
I just wanted to be myself again. I wanted to be Aolani instead of this heartbroken shell I’d transformed into. I was no model. No lover. No exotic world traveler.
I was just Aolani, and I wanted to find that girl again.
I wanted to be okay. To be safe. To be home.
The flight I’d booked was a red eye, leaving in a few hours. I had just enough time to make my preparations and get out. I lay down on my bed, wrapped in the hotel robe and covered my face with my hands.
I just hoped I was doing the right thing.
***
Gavin
Malcolm and I spent the night in the hotel bar, tucked into a shadowy corner, nursing pints of dark beer and speaking in low voices about what had happened. We’d both cleaned up as best we could in the lobby bathroom, but we were a sorry looking pair—him sporting a broken nose and me a black eye that swelled like a bastard and made my vision blur.
“So,” Malcolm said. “Do you love her?”
I took a long draw from my beer and looked up slowly, wincing. “Aye. I do.”
“But you haven’t told her.”
I felt his stare before meeting his blue gaze. Sometimes I felt like this brother of mine could see right through me. Where Graham often kept to himself, something about Malcolm’s insistent stare always cut right to the heart of me. We understood one another, sometimes without even speaking.
“No. I haven’t.”
He shook his head and drank, his expression saying what he didn’t need to. He and I both knew I was a fool.
“I’ve been a coward,” I said, running my hands through my hair. “God, Malcolm. What is bloody wrong with me?”
He narrowed his eyes at me, as if trying to read my mind. “This is about Fi, isn’t it?”
I sighed deeply, my chest aching at the thought. But strangely enough, the hole that had been in my heart for so long could no longer be filled by the memories of red curls on my pillow, and a lilting laugh caught up in the sea air. No, now it longed for the one I knew my heart belonged to. To Aolani Kahale, her dark eyes drawing me to her, her incredible heart keeping me close.
She was the one. It was amazing to me that I hadn’t seen it all along.
“I couldn’t let her go for so long. I promised, you know?”
Malcolm clapped a hand on my shoulder. “I know. I remember.”
The memory of him holding me as I wept, punching my leg with my fist, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my dearest was gone, gone forever to a place I couldn’t follow, welled up inside of me.
“I still have the ring. Aolani saw it.”
“And?”
“I… I told her I couldn’t give her my heart. That I could never love her the way she wanted me to.”
There was a long silence between us. Then, Malcolm sat back and raised his eyebrows, letting out a long sigh.
“Jesus Christ, Gavin.”
I frowned at my brother and raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t give me that look. You obviously are mad about her and have for a while now. It’s written all over your face.”
I nodded slowly. How right he was. I loved her so fiercely that it frightened me, but also exhilarated me in a way I’d never felt before. In that moment, I saw a future opening up before me, so bright it hurt to look at it. Hurt to think about. It was too good. Too beautiful.
I loved Aolani Kahale, and I wanted to be with her. Needed to be with her.
That is, if she’d still have me…
“Plus, it takes a man maddened by love to throw a swing like that, brother.” He grinned, rubbing his chin. “I’m surprised you didn’t break my bloody jaw!”
I winced at his words. “Malcolm…”
“Stop, Gavin. I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” He leaned over and clapped me on the shoulder. “You need to go to her. Make things right.”
“How can I? After all I’ve done… all I’ve said?”
I felt the pain of the evening’s events all over again, and for a moment, it was hard to breathe. Feeling Aolani slipping away from me, all because of my own pride, my own blind attachment to an old promise, it made me ache down to my bones.
Malcolm sighed and sat back. “Have you moved past it? Have you finally let Fi go?”
I stared at him then, my hazel eyes locked on his. A moment of understanding passed between us, and I felt a peace growing inside of me, battling with the hurt.
“There’s one thing I have to do first. Will you help me, brother?”
He smiled at me, the look tinged with sadness and pride. “Of course.”
“Then come on. Let’s take a walk.”
***
As we stood, side by side on the pier, the sea air whipping our hair back from our faces, I felt the ring in my hand like a lead weight.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Malcolm’s voice was low, barely audible above the cries of the gulls and the whisper of the waves over the rocky shore.
“I’m sure.”
I raised the ring and pressed it to my lips, just once. The gold felt cold against my skin, and I shivered. I thought of the storm the night Fiona drowned—a night so much different than this one. The breeze was soothing, the sea calm, and my heart, for the first time in ages, I longed for another.
It was time to let go. To say goodbye to my childhood love, and open myself up again to the promise of a new start. A new life. A new, deeper love, like nothing I’d ever felt before.
“I’ll always love you, Fi,” I whispered over the waves, and I meant it.
She’d always be my first. She’d always have a place in my heart, kept there like a treasure. That would have to be good enough.
“Goodbye, my bonny girl.”
I glanced at the ring one last time, the tiny golden hands gleaming coldly in the moonlight. With a shuddering sigh I threw the ring as hard as I could into the ocean’s black waters. I didn’t hear the splash, but when it winked out of sight below the waves, I breathed deeply. A weight I didn’t know I’d carried lifted from my shoulders, and I stood a little taller.
Malcolm put his arm around my shoulder and stood there with me, both of us looking out over the rolling surf, sharing this moment, this time together, as brothers.
Finally, I clapped him on the back, and we turned to leave.
I glanced back once at the waves, and saw the blinking light of a ship, far, far away, winking at me like a star. I turned away and walked back, toward the hotel, and the rest of my life.
Toward Aolani Kahale.
***
Aolani
I stood looking over the waves outside my grandmother’s house, feeling the hot sand between my toes, letting the warmth of the morning sun wash over me. Grandma had been surprised to see me when I arrived yesterday, after 36 hours of travel, my cousin Kali in tow. The last couple of days felt like a blur—a whirlwind of rolling suitcases and layovers, airplane food and fitful dreams full of Gavin’s hazel eyes, along with memories of anger and regret.
After
that scene in the rose garden, I knew I had to get home as soon as possible, and not just to my lonely little apartment, but to the place I knew I’d always be welcome if I was in trouble. The one place I knew love waited for me with open arms.
I was back in Hawaii, and knowing that my family was there, just a long walk up the beach, soothed me, calming my roiling spirit. And I was grateful for that. Because as I looked out over the violence of the waves crashing against the coral reef, I knew my heart would have shattered had I not come here.
I would have been broken, and I simply could not have that. I wouldn’t let a man do that to me, much less one who didn’t even want me until he knew he couldn’t have me.
The fact that my heart longed for him anyway was the reason I’d needed to see my grandmother’s kind face and hear her wisdom. I was an idiot for ever loving Gavin Fletcher, and I needed peace to heal. To get over him. To pick up the pieces and figure out what I was going to do with myself.
To forget ever loving him in the first place.
Above all else, I couldn’t believe I’d given up a job to go with him on that crazy journey. Now, not only was I here, broke until my salary from the shoot came in, but with nothing to fall back on, without a prospect in sight.
I had Sandra’s phone number in my cell. Maybe she could help connect me with someone… anyone.
I ran my hands over my face, and felt hot tears beneath my palms.
A firm hand touched my shoulder, and I jumped.
“How are you doing, babe?”
I turned to see Grandma’s wrinkled smile. One look at my face and she nodded, her eyes full of knowing.
“That good, huh? Come on back. I’ve got lunch waiting.” She put a hand to my face, cupping my cheek. “Nothing seems so bad with a full stomach.”
I laughed. With the way she cooked, nothing was closer to the truth.
“I made my fried rice, just for you kid,” she said, taking my hand in hers and leading me back.
Lush Curves 6: Safe Harbor Page 1
