by Lylah James
Palming my cheeks, he gave me a small smile. “No. Not a chance, Ayla. That thought never even came to my mind. What happened wasn’t your fault. Rape is never justified. You are a victim and that bastard deserves to die.”
Leaning his forehead against mine, he continued in the same soft voice. “Yes. I do think of you differently. But not the way you are thinking. Now, I think you are strong. You have endured this, yet you are still here, fighting. That’s all that matters. What has happened to you would never change my mind about you. Never.” Placing a kiss on my nose, he smiled. “I don’t think anything could ever change how I feel about you.”
My cheeks felt wet and that was when I realized that I was crying again. Sniffling, I brought a hand up and cupped his cheek.
He smiled a little wider. I rubbed my thumb over the dimple on his cheek, my tears running down my face.
“I’m no good for you, Alessio,” I whispered. “I’m not worthy of you.”
My heart clenched at my words.
“Ayla, no!” Alessio said, his eyes widening.
Smiling sadly, I rubbed my fingers softly over his cheek. “It’s the truth. You are too good. Too accepting. You are a good man with a kind heart, but I’m not good for you.”
Because I’m not who you think I am, I continued in my head.
“Stop,” he scolded, shaking his head furiously. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“I’m not the one for you. You think you know the whole truth, but you don’t.” I continued, my fingers tracing his eyebrows and then his forehead. “I wish I could be someone else. I wish I didn’t have the past I had. You and I…we can’t ever be one.”
He closed his eyes tightly, his body slightly shaking with the force of his emotions. “Don’t say that, Ayla.”
“You would hate me if you knew my truth,” I whispered. The words flew out of my mouth, my heart shattering in the process.
“What happened to you was not your fault. Don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t matter to me. All I want is you,” he confessed, pressing his lips ever so gently on mine.
If only he knew the whole truth. He wouldn’t be saying those words to me.
“I will only hurt you in the end, Alessio,” I murmured against his lips.
“I’ll take my chances,” he fired back.
“Alessio—”
He cut me off with a bruising kiss. Closing my eyes, I absorbed his kiss as my lips moved against his.
Slightly pulling away, his fingers tightened on my braid. “It’s me who isn’t worthy of you, Ayla. I have blood on my hands. I have killed so many people that I have lost count. I’m a monster, Ayla. I’m not a good man. But you…you are perfect. You are an angel.”
I gasped at his words and slowly opened my eyes.
“You have it in reverse. Whatever you said, it’s the opposite,” he continued.
“I’m fire. I will only burn you in the end,” I murmured against his lips.
He smiled. “The fire is raging, then. I don’t know if I’ll burn in the end or not. But I don’t want to give up on us. If I burn, then I will go with a smile, knowing that I had this little moment with you. Even if it was a little while.”
“Don’t do this, Alessio.”
He kissed me again. I couldn’t reject him. I was weak against his words. They were words that I wanted to hear…that I desperately needed, so I hung on even when I knew I shouldn’t.
I couldn’t push him away. I pulled him toward me, kissing him back with the same fervor. We kissed away all the pain as our hearts came together as one, the pull between us too strong to fight.
This intangible connection…I felt it deep inside my soul.
“I’m not giving up on you, Ayla. So, don’t give up on us either,” he murmured before claiming my lips again.
And in this very moment, I was thankful that I had gotten in his car.
For he had restored my shattered heart and broken soul.
Alessio had breathed new life into me.
Chapter 49
Ayla
I was walking out of my room when I saw Alessio limping up the stairs, his face and hands bloodied. “Alessio!” I exclaimed in panic.
He grimaced. “Ayla, I thought you were downstairs,” he muttered, his voice laced with pain.
“I was in my room. I was headed downstairs now to help Lena and Maddie with dinner,” I said. Bringing a hand up, I was about to touch his face but then stopped, scared that I would hurt him further. “What happened?” I asked worriedly.
“Nothing. I was just sparring with Viktor and Nikolay.” He flicked his wrist and shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly, as if it didn’t matter.
“Sparring? You are bloody and hurt. What type of sparring is that?” I took his hand and pulled him toward his room. “I’ll clean your wounds.”
“No. It’s okay. You have to help Lena. I’ll do it.” He tried to pull his hand away but I tightened my fingers. When he hissed in pain, I quickly let go.
“You are hurt, Alessio. Let me help,” I said, my chest aching at seeing him in pain. He smiled and bent down, placing a quick kiss on my lips.
“I’m fine. Really. It just looks bad because I’m not cleaned up. I’m not even that hurt.”
“But…”
He cut me off with another kiss. “Ayla. Go. Stop worrying so much.”
He gave me a wink and walked into his room, closing the door behind him.
Most of the day was spent with Alessio. We ate breakfast together in my room and then went to the creek. After our confessions this morning, we didn’t talk about it again.
I thought I could let him go, but I couldn’t.
I just hoped that he wouldn’t hate me when he learned my whole truth.
After tying my apron around my waist, I strode out of my room but stopped when I saw Viktor and Nikolay standing in front of my doorway, both of their expressions unreadable. They were clean compared to Alessio but I could see the bruises on their faces and hands.
“Can I help you?” I asked nervously.
Nikolay stayed quiet, so Viktor replied. “No. We just wanted to see how you were doing.”
Confused, I played with the hem of my dress. “I’m doing good.”
We stared at each other in tense silence and then he cleared his throat. “Good. We heard you weren’t doing so well this morning. It’s good to see you smiling again.”
I took a sharp intake of breath at his words and then nodded. “Thank you.”
Just then his phone rang and he answered the call. “Yeah?” He listened for a moment, his face growing frustrated. “Okay. Clean up the mess before the police comes.”
“Was that Phoenix?” Nikolay asked when Viktor hung up.
He nodded. “Yeah. There’s a mess at the club. I’m going to check it out. Phoenix is cleaning up.”
“I’m coming,” Nikolay said.
Viktor chuckled and then shook his head. “Let the boy on his own a little. I think he can handle it without you being a mother hen.”
Mother hen? Nikolay?
I hid my laugh with a cough.
“I’m not a fucking mother hen,” Nikolay growled, glaring at Viktor before sending me a glare of his own. My laughter quickly died but the smile was still there.
“Then don’t act like one.” Viktor laughed, quickly walking away.
“Fuck you.”
Nikolay rubbed his face, making a frustrating sound.
“Is Viktor always like this?” I asked.
“Annoying as fuck? Yes,” he replied.
“I think he is funny,” I said with a shrug.
“Don’t ever say that to him. He’ll never stop then.”
This time I let out a laugh, while shaking my head.
I saw his expression soften and then he nodded. “It’s good to see you like this.”
I ducked my head shyly and mumbled a quick thank you.
We were both silent and from the corner of my eye, I saw him lean against the wall beside my door. Nikolay
sighed and then cleared his throat. “After the incident in the bathroom, we had a few guesses but never asked because we didn’t want to push you,” he said. “I know what happened.”
“I—”
“I’m not telling you this to make you feel ashamed. I’m telling you this because I want you to know that no one would think of you any different just because of what happened to you. We all have a past here. All of us have secrets so we wouldn’t judge you. One thing you would find here is that no one is ever going to judge you. We are all fucked up, you know.”
His words brought tears to my eyes and I quickly blinked them away. Nikolay proved me wrong every time. I remembered the first time I met him. He was so scary, mean, and rude. He appeared heartless, ruthless, and emotionless. Just like Alessio.
“Especially Alessio,” he continued. “He is a good man.”
“Did Alessio tell you?” I whispered.
“No. He didn’t have to. When he came to the gym and sparred with us, his actions were enough to let us know.”
Swiping the tears that had fell down, I looked down at my feet. “Why do you guys fight like this?”
“Ayla, we kill people. We are part of a Bratva, feared by everyone. Sometimes, when we can’t spill the blood of whom we want, we have to take out the anger somewhere else.”
“Oh,” I murmured.
“Right. I will leave you to your work now,” he said, pushing away from the wall.
“Wait,” I called. He turned around and faced me, his face impassive as always. “You said Alessio was a good man…” Walking over to him, I placed a hand over his heart. “You are a good man too.”
His breath caught in his throat, but he stayed silent.
“I know the difference between someone who is bad and who is good. And you…you are good. You care even though you try to hide it,” I said.
Nikolay was a man who hid behind a mask of anger, just like Alessio. But deep inside, they all cared.
I brought my hand up and placed it on his cheek, right over the scar. He flinched but didn’t move away. “You hide behind your scars. You use them as a barrier, thinking that they would keep people away. It worked, didn’t it?”
“Ayla,” he said, his voice filled with pain.
“You think they’re ugly. You think they represent a weakness. But they don’t. Your scars represent your strength,” I said, Maddie’s words rolled off my tongue. I hoped that they would have the same effect on Nikolay as they had on me.
And they did. I saw his eyes soften the slightest bit and he cleared his throat again. “You have a kind heart, Ayla.”
I smiled and then let out a small laugh, rubbing a finger over his scar. “You know…your scars don’t make you ugly…they make you look…” I paused for a moment, trying to think of the word that Maddie used to describe Nikolay. When it finally came to mind, I quickly said it. “Sexy.”
His eyes widened in shock.
Did I just say that?
I pulled my hand away from Nikolay’s face and took a step backward. He raised an eyebrow at me.
“That was Maddie—”
“So, you don’t think I’m sexy?”
“What? No. You are sexy. Wait, no, I mean your scars don’t make you look ugly. They are nice. I mean, you look good with them. Yeah…” I stumbled over my words, rambling as I tried to fix what I said but instead made it worse.
Snapping my mouth shut, I stared at Nikolay mutely. The right corner of his lips twitched in the slightest bit but it looked painful, as if he was having trouble lifting his lips in a smile.
The scar ran down to his lips and I wondered if it was because of it that he couldn’t smile.
“Just don’t tell Alessio that you called me sexy,” he teased, his eyes shining with mischievously.
“Right. I should get to work. I’ve wasted enough time,” I said.
“Yeah. Go ahead.” Nikolay moved out of my way and I quickly walked away.
As I walked downstairs, I had a smile on my face.
I had just realized I was surrounded with so much love.
Chapter 50
Nikolay
As I watched Ayla walk away, I shook my head. She was too innocent. Too kind and sweet to live in this world. She shouldn’t be here.
But Alessio had claimed her. Boss was already too deep in to let her go now. He cared too much.
He loved too much, even if he didn’t see it or realize it yet, it was there. In his eyes.
Love shouldn’t exist in this life. It was too dangerous. We would only get burned in the end. We couldn’t have any weaknesses.
That was Alessio’s rule.
No love. No weakness.
But Ayla was now Alessio’s weakness.
As she faded from my view, I leaned against the wall again. She said I was a good man. So gullible.
My phone rang in my pocket and I answered the call without looking at the caller ID.
“I need to see you now,” a demanding voice said.
“Okay,” I replied before hanging up.
Ayla was wrong.
I wasn’t a good man. I had done horrible things and I didn’t even feel guilty about them.
I was a coldblooded killer. Heartless. Ruthless. A betrayer.
Striding into Alessio’s office, I found him sitting behind his desk. He looked up when I came in, and nodded.
“I need to take care of some things.”
Alessio stared at me for a few seconds, his gaze penetrating. “Okay,” he said. I turned around, but before I could walk out, his voice stopped me. “You should clean your hand.”
I looked down at my fist and saw the bloodied knuckles. The same fist that I had just punched into the wall before coming into his office.
“I will,” I replied, my voice emotionless.
Closing the door behind me, I went to my room and quickly changed my clothes. Wearing black jeans and a black sweater, I walked out of the estate and got into my car.
When I arrived at my destination, I pulled my hood over my head, hiding most of my face as I stepped out of the car. Two men greeted me. “He is waiting for you in his office.”
Without answering, I walked into the club. The door to his office was already open, waiting for my arrival. Walking inside, I closed the door and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for the man to start.
“Nikolay,” he said roughly.
Staring into his brown eyes, I nodded in his direction. “Alberto.”
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Acknowledgements
First and foremost, I would like to thank my parents for making me realize that writing is my passion. I was a reader for many years, before they told me one day “You can be a writer.” At first, I laughed. And then one day, I wrote the first word down. Without their constant push, The Mafia and His Angel would probably never exist. They are the reason I am where I am today.
To my soul sister, M. You hate reading romance books–especially this type of romance. But you still picked up The Mafia and His Angel and read it for me. Against all odds, you fell in love with it and I fell even more in love with you. I am so glad you are here with me, supporting, loving and fangirling with me.
A biggest thank you to my Publisher. Thank you for giving TMAHA a chance. I am holding my book right now, because you think it is worth it. So thank you.
To my editor, Rosa–you rock! Thank you for editing this book. I was worried you would have no hair by the end, but apparently you got a lot more hair. Thank God.
Thank you to everyone else who had a hand in making this book–my proof-reader,
formatter…you guys are a star.
To Deranged Doctor Design–Thank you for such a kickass cover. I couldn’t stop staring at it!
To the bloggers and everyone who took their time to promote TMAHA, you are awesome! My big thanks to you.
And I wanted to leave this for the end, because this is the important part. A huge thank you, to every single one of my reader. My lovelies. If my parents are the reason why I started writing, then you are the reason why I am still here. In this moment, holding this book. Your never-ending support and love has taken us on this path. From the first word to the last, you have been here with me. I am proud we took this journey together. Together, we dreamed about holding TMAHA one day, thumbing through the pages. We did it, lovelies. Thank you for standing with me, even through my craziness. To all the fan accounts and groups out there, thank you! All the beautiful edits and posters you have made, they are my inspiration and motivation.
About the Author
Lylah James lives with her parents and younger brother somewhere in Canada. She uses all her spare time to write. If she is not studying, sleeping, writing or working–she can be found with her nose buried in a good romance book, preferably with a hot alpha male.
Writing is her passion. The voices in her head won’t stop and she believes they deserve to be heard and read. Lylah James writes about drool worthy and total alpha males, with strong and sweet heroines. She makes her readers cry–sob their eyes out, swoon, curse, rage and fall in love. Mostly known as the Queen of cliffhanger and the #evilauthorwithablacksoul, she likes to break her readers’ hearts and then mend them again.
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