by Dianne Drake
“No, it’s fine,” Deanna interjected. “If Beau doesn’t want to do the family thing...”
“Big crow to eat,” Brax mumbled. “Big, big crow.”
“How about I let you two men stay here and talk it out, fight it out or do whatever you do while Lucas and I go down to the town and start over with breakfast?” She deliberately turned away from them to devote her full attention to the boy. “What would you like for breakfast, young man?” she asked him. “What’s your favorite thing to eat in the morning?”
“Cereal,” he said, his voice muffled into her chest.
“Then I think we need to go to the café and buy you some cereal. After that, we’ll go to the store and you can pick out a box of your favorite. Will you do that with me, Lucas?”
“Uh-uh,” he said.
“And maybe we can find a game you’d like to play. And some books we can read. Does that sound like fun?”
“Uh-uh.”
She glanced at Beau. “I’d invite you to come along but what we’re going to do is pretty much one of those family things.”
It was said with so much ice it immediately chilled him to the bone. It was obvious he’d said the wrong thing, but in his defense it was his reaction to feelings he didn’t want to have, feelings that were pushing their way in despite his best effort to push them away.
“You got that crow handy,” he said to Brax as Deanna and Lucas headed out to the car, “because I think I’m going to be gnawing on it for a while.”
“Or just admit what you’re feeling?” Brax suggested.
“You mean confused?”
“What’s confusing? You’re falling in love with her, aren’t you?”
Beau shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“And the fact that she’s pregnant doesn’t matter?”
“It does, but not the way you think.” The facts of her pregnancy were for her to divulge if she wanted to. As far as he was aware, Brax didn’t know. “More than anything, I admire her for what she’s doing.”
“Look, son, I know that Nancy really messed you up with her motives and pretending to be pregnant. But that’s the past. You need to put it behind you or, mark my words, you’ll regret letting someone like Deanna get by you. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to get just a little involved with her? Or even see if there’s a reason to think about getting involved?”
“I’m not shopping for women,” Beau snapped.
“Didn’t say you were. But let’s just say that you never were very good keeping secrets from me. It was always in your eyes, son. And what I’m seeing there when you look at her...” He shrugged. “Never saw it there for Nancy. That’s all I’m saying.”
Beau shut his eyes. “I’m not ready. I just can’t do it again,” he said, fighting back the images of Deanna that kept popping into his head. “Deanna may be the best thing I’ll never know, but...” Opening his eyes, he shrugged. “She deserves more than someone who doesn’t remember how to trust. And I just can’t remember what it was like before Nancy happened to me. Besides that, Deanna’s not interested. She told me so.”
“That’s what you’re saying, too, but look how interested you really are. Could be the same with her. Either way, you’ll remember what you need when you need it. Until then, one step at a time, and that first step is out the door. Go fix what you broke with Deanna, even if you aren’t going to take a step closer than that, because you’re not the kind of man who’d let it slide by.
“She’s quality through and through, son, and pretty damned tolerant of putting up with everything we’ve thrown at her since she got here. So go set it straight with her, and let me finish my breakfast in peace. Will you?”
“One step,” Beau said.
“But you’d better make it a pretty damned fast one, because she’s already halfway off the mountain. Deanna’s the real deal. Nancy was only a cheap imitation.”
Deanna was more than just the real deal, he was coming to realize. She was the only deal. But as clear as that was to him, he still didn’t know what to do about it. One way or another, though, everything in his life was about to turn over in ways he couldn’t anticipate. Given his present confused state of mind, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.
Although in his true heart, he knew. He absolutely knew.
CHAPTER NINE
IT HAD TO be the hormones, because now she was embarrassed about the way she’d reacted to Beau’s pronouncement that he didn’t want to do the family thing. It was his choice, probably for very good reasons. And it was none of her business. Still, hearing those words from the father of the baby inside her had evoked a strong, fast emotion she hadn’t expected. He’d hurt her feelings. Granted, the circumstances weren’t normal. Not anywhere close to normal. But she’d reacted the way she might have if they were in a relationship, which was just plain senseless.
“I could ask around and see if someone else could keep him until the social workers figure out what to do,” Kelli Dawson suggested. She’d slid into the booth across from Deanna the instant Deanna and Lucas had ordered breakfast cereal, and right now Lucas was pressed so tightly into Deanna’s side it was hard for her to move.
“No, we’re fine. I don’t think shuffling him off to yet another situation is a good idea. And I’ve got Beau, Brax and even Joey to help me. And Lucas...well, we get along. We understand each other, I think. I want to keep him if I can until his permanent situation is arranged.”
Funny how she was almost picturing Lucas as part of her little family. Her, Emily’s baby and Lucas. And... No! She wasn’t inserting Beau into that scenario. That was too much of a family thing to do. “We’re good,” she said, holding a little tighter to the boy.
“Strange how life works out, isn’t it? A few days ago you didn’t know any of them, and now look at you, all involved.”
Yes, just look at her. All involved. “Just going with the flow,” she said, as the server brought Lucas’s cereal to the table.
“Sure I can’t get you something?” the server asked her.
A little unexpected queasiness had set in, just when she’d thought she’d escaped the whole morning sickness process. Nothing substantial. Not even in proportions she’d attribute to what she’d always believed morning sickness would be. But what she was feeling right now didn’t seem like it would connect so well to food, so she opted for a cup of hot tea with a single slice of toast, with the hope she could force herself to eat it.
“Just the tea and toast,” she said, picking up the small pitcher of milk on the table and pouring it over Lucas’s cereal.
“I got that way with my first two,” the server said. “Didn’t want to eat a thing. Lost a few pounds in my first three months, then went on to make up for that after the morning sickness was over. Toast works. And when you leave here, I’m going to send some saltine crackers with you because they’re good for morning sickness, too.”
“You’re pregnant?” Kelli asked, sounding surprised.
Well, the cat was certainly out of the bag now. “Right at two months.” She tried forcing a smile, wondering how fast the news would spread.
“Is it good for you, or bad?” she asked, as the waitress, whose name was Jane, stepped in a little closer to hear the details.
“Good. Very good. I made the decision to do it...” She shrugged then took a deep breath. “Do it the way I’m doing it.”
“All alone?” Kelli asked, sounding like she couldn’t bring herself to believe that someone would make the choice to be a single parent.
“All alone. Single mom.” She glanced down at Lucas, who was simply staring at his cereal. He was holding onto the spoon with a grip so tight his little knuckles were turning white, but there was nothing in his eyes to suggest he even knew the bowl of cereal was sitting in front of him. “And very happy about it.”<
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“Well, good for you,” Jane said, giving Deanna a squeeze on the shoulder. “You’re going to be a terrific mother. And you can count on the people in Sugar Creek to help you out when the times comes.”
Apparently Jane didn’t know she was a temp here. The offer of help and support sounded wonderful, though. And very tempting. “I think the help I need most right now is trying to find a way to get Lucas to eat. Beau made pancakes for breakfast this morning but Lucas wouldn’t touch them. So I brought him here for cereal because he said it’s what he wanted, and now...”
Kelli and Jane turned their attention to the boy, who’d twisted around to stare out the window. “My son is about his age,” Kelli said. “Maybe a little older. Do you think he’d like to come over and play this afternoon?
“My husband’s built a play fort, which Max dearly loves, and we’d planned on lunch and games in the fort later on. We turn it into a scavenger hunt, hide little things around the yard for Max to find, then when he does he has to tell us what they’re used for. It’s a teaching game, actually. My husband is an elementary school teacher, so we’re all about education.”
“I don’t know if Lucas is up to it,” Deanna said. “But that might work out as I need to go on duty at one. At least it would give him a chance to be around someone closer to his own age, which will probably be good for him because he’s surrounded by adults right now. That can’t be much fun, can it, Lucas?” she asked. “Not having somebody your own age to play with.”
Lucas responded with a shrug then leaned his head against the back of the bench seat and closed his eyes. She knew he was past most of the crying now. This was despondency. He was sinking into a well of depression and for someone so young, that was dangerous.
She understood it better than anybody but Lucas could know. And what she also understood was that he did need some normalcy in his life, because at his age that would distract him for a little while. And even the smallest distractions counted. “What time do you want me to drop him off?” she asked.
“On your way to work is fine. I’ve got one appointment this morning then I’ll be home for the rest of the day, and since this is summer holiday, David’s there all day.”
“Chocolate milk,” Jane piped up. “I think Lucas needs a big glass of chocolate milk. Don’t you, Lucas?”
Surprisingly, Lucas turned his head, looked at her for a moment then very quietly, said, “Yes, please.”
“Amazing,” Deanna said.
“Not amazing. Just years of experience, three children and five grandchildren.” She bent down closer to Deanna and whispered, “And it’s not really chocolate milk. One of my grandchildren is a picky eater so I keep a childhood supplement on hand. It’s full of essential vitamins and it fools her every time. So let me run home and get a can...”
“You don’t have to do that,” Deanna said.
“It’s just down the street. Be right back.” She pulled off her apron and tossed it across the food counter to a perky, fiftyish redhead with a name tag that read “Cathy”, then bounded out the door.
“She can just leave like that?” Deanna asked Kelli.
But her answer came from Beau, who’d walked in at the same time Jane had exited. “One of the advantages of living in a town like Sugar Creek is that you don’t have the same rules. Nice place to raise a child, actually.”
He’d followed her to town, and seeing him standing at the end of the booth, knowing that he’d come there for her, caused her pulse to speed up. “Shouldn’t you be out at the stables?” she said, as Cathy brought over the cup of hot tea and the toast she’d ordered. Problem was, it seemed even more unappetizing to her now than it had been when she’d ordered it just a couple of minutes ago.
“I was, but I think I gave you a wrong impression and I wanted to clear it up.” He glanced at Kelli and smiled. “By the way, I may have someone who’s interested in buying the cabin overlooking my grandfather’s place. The one where Deanna’s staying. It comes with all the acreage all the way down the side of the mountain, doesn’t it?”
“About seventy-five acres, total. Adjoining your property.” She fished a business card from her purse and handed it to him. “Please, have him or her call me. I’ve got a motivated seller.” She glanced at Deanna. “Not you, is it?”
“Afraid not. In fact, as we speak, I’ve got an agent back in New York who’s looking for a new apartment for me. Sorry.”
“I was really hoping you’d stay. Doc Beau is right,” Kelli said as she scooted off the bench. “This is a nice place to raise a kid. Look, I’ll see you around one. And, Lucas, think of some things you’d like to do this afternoon. Maybe go wade in the creek? Or take a hike in the woods?”
“Lucas has an outing planned?” Beau asked, as Kelli took her leave and Jane re-entered the diner with the fortified chocolate children’s beverage she was calling milk.
“While I’m working.”
“You don’t have to work, Deanna. Brax is ready to manage the office.”
“And Brax isn’t a nurse. You need medical help, which he’s not ready to do yet, except in very minor cases.”
“And you need to get back to what you came here to do in the first place.”
Outside the actual work she’d brought along, everything important she’d come to do had already been done. She knew as much as she needed to know about the baby’s father, including that he didn’t want children.
Should she tell him the baby was his or not? Somehow she’d been wandering around in a fuzzy fantasy where she would tell him, he’d be thrilled, and their lives would forever intertwine. That wasn’t going to happen, though. Her life was going to be wrapped up in something he didn’t want, and there was nothing she could do about it. Not on her side of it, not on his.
So while she might have convinced herself into believing she had some feelings for Beau, she’d have to convince herself right back out of it.
“My client came to a conclusion on how to proceed with the problem, so nothing else is required except to implement the plan.” And that was the hard part. For, as much as she knew what she had to do, nothing in her was pushing in that direction. Not yet, anyway. “So except for a few loose ends to tie up, I’m...free.” She looked at Lucas.
“But I’m going to hang around for a while until we get this situation taken care of because I’m discovering I like doing the family thing.”
“We need to talk about that. I need to talk about that because—”
“Chocolate milk,” Jane interrupted, setting the cup down in front of Lucas, who came to life long enough to pick it up and take a few sips.
“Good?” Deanna asked.
He answered with a nod. Then went back to staring out the window. But this time he continued drinking.
“It’s a miracle,” Jane pronounced. “And if you don’t get some of that toast in you, I’m going to go home and get you a can of my special chocolate milk.”
Chocolate didn’t sound good at all. In fact, the mere thought of it forced Deanna to break a corner off the piece of toast and stuff it in her mouth, hoping it would dissolve before she actually had to chew it.
“Nausea?” Beau asked.
“A little. Probably a hormonal swing.”
“Or a vitamin B deficiency, or stress. Carrying twins or triplets might cause more nausea than normal.”
“Twins?” Deanna asked.
“Or triplets?” Jane interjected. “Don’t recall knowing anybody who’s had triplets.”
Deanna shook her head. “Not twins.” Although the doctor who’d done the implant procedure had mentioned the possibility. But she’d never thought in terms of having twins. Emily had wanted a child, and in Deanna’s mind that’s what the outcome had been. Still...
“How long since you’ve had an exam?” Beau asked her.
�
�Not so long that you’re going to do one on me,” Deanna said, forcing herself to take a second bite of the toast while forcing herself to not think about twins.
“You haven’t had an ultrasound yet, have you?”
“It’s scheduled for when I go back to New York.”
“In a month.”
“A month. But I think you should find out sooner, considering...” He glanced at Jane, who had wedged herself in even closer, trying her discreet utmost to hear every word. “Considering,” he repeated, and didn’t qualify it further.
“He’s a good doctor,” Jane said. “Almost as good as his grandpa is. I know you’re a nurse, but if I were you I’d do what he says.”
“Except there’s no convenient way to have that done around here, is there?” she said, feeling like she was being put under a microscope, with all the attention she was getting.
“My helicopter will get us to a real medical center in no time at all. And all I have to do is make a phone call to get you a referral to an obstetrician.”
“If that’s what I want to do. But it isn’t, Beau. I’m capable of handling my situation very well on my own. And the nausea is a passing thing.” She popped a large piece of toast into her mouth like that was going to prove something then fought to swallow it.
But the gag reflex got her and by the time she’d slid from the booth she knew she’d made a big mistake. “Watch Lucas,” was all she managed to get out before she dashed to the restroom.
“Brave young lady,” Jane said as she finally went to wait on another customer. “Too bad she’s alone, going through this. But we all make our choices, don’t we?”
“Yes, we do,” Beau said, his focus clearly on something that wasn’t visible. “We all make our choices. Then, good or bad, we have to live with them.”
* * *
As far as patient care went, the afternoon was light, although there were a few scattered people to see this evening. No one too far away, though, and Beau was definitely beginning to see some advantages to encouraging a few more of his patients to come to the clinic rather than him going to them.
