by J. A. Howell
“Well not at the moment, sweetheart. But you’ll go back. Just like me.”
Shayne balled her hands into fists. Instinctively, I grasped her wrist and her muscles relaxed.
“Mother, just tell me you’ll behave. They’re giving you one more chance to be compliant, and once they kick you out there isn’t another treatment center for a hundred miles that will take you.”
Her mother looked over her with a disdainful eye, then to me with a silent scoff.
“I’ll play by their rules…for now. But remember what I said. I can’t do this much longer.”
“Goodbye, mother.” Shayne pulled out of my grasp and turned for the car, saying nothing else. I looked from her back to her mother.
Her mother flashed me a cruel, teasing grin and nodded. “Well, run along.”
Ignoring her comment I hurried after Shayne, more concerned for her than her mother’s snide remarks. She already had the car started and the engine growled, only echoing the anger and hurt rolling off of her.
She didn’t look at me when I got in the car, but shifted the car into gear. “Buckle up.”
I did as I was told and she spun the car around, flooring it as soon we passed the gates and hit the dirt road. The car fishtailed and a cloud of dust ballooned up behind us. I gripped the door handle and stole a glance at her. Her fingernails were digging into the padding on the steering wheel again.
“I’m sorry. I tried ta hold it.”
She laughed, an uneasy, frantic laugh, and shook her head. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m sorry you had to witness that.”
“It’s fine. Ya don’t have anything ta apologize fer either.”
“Look, I can drop you back at the shop, but I need to calm down. I don’t know if I can deal with working on people right now.”
“I’m fine, Shayne. I don’t have anywhere ta be.” I told her. After what her mother said, and her current behavior, I was more concerned for her well-being than my brother not knowing my whereabouts.
Shayne sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it back out. I reached a hand out as hers dropped onto the shifter.
“Yer not like her.”
“Yeah, well she’s right, Kieran. You don’t know me very well.”
“Then tell me. Let me know ya.”
Her hand slipped away and like that her wall was back up. Her darkness was pulled beneath once more but simmering just under the surface. She turned left as we reached the heart of Midtown and parallel parked in front of an aged brick apartment building.
“Where are we?” I asked, following her up the stairs. The inside of the building was as aged as the outside, with fading white walls and worn blue-gray carpet that greeted us as we reached the fourth floor. She stopped in front of a black door with the brass numbers “433” under the peephole and looked back at me.
“It’s my apartment.”
“Oh.” I followed her in.
“Will it bother you if I smoke?” She dropped her purse on the kitchen counter and looked toward me expectantly as her hand fumbled with a carved wooden box. I wasn’t sure exactly what she was talking about smoking from the looks of it, but shrugged.
“Go on.”
Shayne pulled out a glass pipe and packed weed into the bowl, then pulled out a lighter and lit it, taking a deep inhale. She exhaled, closed her eyes, and leaned back against the counter, the tension flowing right out of her.
“Want some?” She held the pipe out to me and I stepped toward her, carefully taking it from her hands. I hadn’t smoked pot since high school, but after the conversation with her mother, I could use something to calm my nerves as well. Shayne watched me as I took a hit. The light from the window caught her brown eyes and they glowed like sunlit honey.
I started to speak, to say something comforting, but she grabbed the pipe out of my hand and pulled away, wandering toward her bed. I studied her belongings. The apartment was small. Nothing more than a studio with a kitchenette, a bathroom, and a couple closets, but the walls were a fresh shade of white. She had bright colored frames, holding black and white photos of places I’d seen around town and a large stereo system with a CD tower next to her bed. Her furniture was funky and unique like many of the items I’d seen at The Dirty Rich Hippie. They were kind of like her, I realized with a grin. Shayne kicked off her boots next to the bed, and I noted the knee-high Bambi socks she was wearing with amusement.
“What? I like my socks.” She frowned at me and handed me the pipe. I took another hit and smirked.
“I just didn’t expect Bambi. I like them.”
Shayne grinned and looked down at them. “Yeah? Hmm, you thirsty or anything?” She stepped closer, plucking the pipe out of my fingers, and wrapping her lips around the tip. I nodded and sucked in a breath, a pleasant buzz already settling over me. She flashed me a cat-like grin, handed the pipe to me again, and sauntered to the fridge.
I sank down onto the couch, unsure whether it was the weed or her that was making me lightheaded. A minute later something brushed against my knee and I opened my eyes, not even realizing I’d closed them. Shayne was leaned over me holding a can of soda.
“Here.” Her breasts heaved inches from my face. I took another hit, long and slow to calm the heat rolling through me, then took the drink from her hand.
“Thank you.” My voice came out gruff. Shayne laughed and pulled herself up, taking an equally deep hit. I wanted to pull her down into my lap, but right now wasn’t the time. Despite our altered states, I knew she was still upset. “Shayne, maybe we should—”
“I feel like dancing, hmm?” She was already across the room, bent over in front of the stereo system. I fought back a groan, watching her arse wiggle in the air as she rummaged through her CD collection and finally slipped one into the player.
“Shayne, wait—”
“Do you like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs? I saw them in concert once” She looked back at me with a wide grin, eyes narrowed and heavy. Yeah, she was baked.
“I do, actually. But Shayne—” Music blared through the speaker, drowning out my words. I sighed and stood up, intent on talking to her. Shayne swayed to the music with her arms draped over her head and her hair falling in her face. Her eyes were shut and tears glinted in the corners. The sight made my heart drop and I took a cautious step toward her, feeling a little unsteady myself. I touched a hand to her shoulder and she turned, nudging her cheek against my palm.
“Shayne…” My voice was just loud enough to hear over the music. Her eyelids fluttered open and a slow, relaxed smile curled on her lips. “Shayne maybe we should talk about—’
“Mmm, I don’t want to talk right now. Dance with me, Kieran?”
“Um, okay. But I’m not that good.”
Shayne giggled and it spread through the room like a million tiny chimes. How could I tell her no with those wide brown eyes pleading with me?
“C’mere.” She grabbed my hand, pulled me closer, and wrapped her arms around my neck. The sweet yet earthy scent of her and the pungent scent of weed filled my nose. I breathed in and closed my eyes, tentatively putting my hands on her hips. Shayne emitted a soft, content noise. She raked her fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck and I shivered.
“Shayne…” my voice came out in an odd croak. I opened my eyes, startled by the noise. Shayne giggled again, smiling at me with half-lidded eyes, apparently finding the sound rather amusing. The song changed to one with a slow tempo carried by a heavy drum beat and Shayne turned around in my arms, relaxing against me. My hands moved on their own, running down the curve of her hips. She pressed her arse against me and breath rushed from my lungs at the feeling of her slow, rhythmic gyrations.
I tried again to say something, to stop her, but her name left my lips in a deep groan. Shayne slid her hands over mine and dragged them up her body in response. She pressed them to her breasts and gave them an encouraging squeeze. I fondled them, circling my fingertips over her nipples and let out a harsh hiss of breath again
st her neck My cock roused to life and I pressed my stiffness against her arse.
I tried to pull my hands away. She didn’t want this, she didn’t want me. But her grip tightened and she pressed my hands into her breasts, her nipples pebbling between my fingers.
“Please.” She moaned and dropped her hands away. I could think of a million reasons not to. We were both high off our arses, she was upset about her mother, she wasn’t thinking straight. But that plea, that begging in her voice drove all of it from my mind. Something inside me took over. I pinched her nipples in my fingers and dragged my teeth over the back of her neck, intoxicated, needing more of her.
“Bite,” she whispered. And I did. She shuddered with a soft mewling sound and I thrust against her, growing harder by the moment. Shayne reached her hand back, stroking me through my jeans, and I groaned against the salty taste of her skin. My hands clawed at the front of her shirt, desperate to feel more of her bare skin, but made little to no progress.
“Take it off.” I growled against her ear in a deep, ragged breath. She let go of me, pulling both bra and shirt over her head. I was on her again before either article hit the floor. Her skin was warm and soft, and another groan shook from my throat. She turned her head, brown eyes clouded with desire and I kissed her lips, grinding hard against her. Lust and want crashed into me and my hand scrambled down the flair of her hips and over her skirt. I tugged the fabric up and cupped the heat between her thighs, pulling her against me as our hips moved together.
Not enough. I pushed the thin fabric aside, running my fingertips up her opening to the swollen nub. She moaned and rolled her hips against me and I rolled my fingertips over her clit, drunk on the sound of her. My cock swelled, painfully hard and I slid two fingers inside her, needing more. Shayne gasped and rolled her head back, her hair falling over my shoulder as her fingernails dug into my arm. More.
“Shayne…do ya have a condom?”
I braced myself, waiting for her to pull away like before. But she didn’t. Christ, I wanted her…and she wanted me too?
“I don’t, but I’m clean.” Her words came out in a breathy pant. “And I told you, I can’t get pregnant.”
My breath left me in a deep exhale. I’d thought about what it would be like with her since that first night at the bar, but I’d long since assumed there would not be a repeat of that. Slowly, I resumed my movements, working my fingers inside her. Shayne whimpered. She turned her head and her eyes met mine with a pleading stare . It sent a pleasurable shiver down the base of my spine. I leaned in to kiss her once more, but something else trembled from her lips.
“It was you.”
My movements stilled. I stared at her in a mixture of confusion and lust as I processed her words.
“It was you.” She repeated. “Yesterday. It was you I was thinking about.”
Realization slammed into me and I crushed my lips against hers, my tongue desperate, searching for hers. No, still not enough. I pushed her forward with my body and bent her over the stereo system—the closest thing to us. Shayne glanced back at me, wide-eyed and panting. I pulled my shirt off, undid my belt, and slid my pants and boxers down my hips. She hastily tugged her knickers down around her thighs, giving me a clear view of the marks Darren had left on her. I groaned and my cock twitched at the sight.
“Say it again.” I swallowed hard and came up behind her, brushing the head of my cock against her. She whimpered and I spread the lips of her warm cleft, teasing her opening. Shayne squeezed her eyes shut and pushed against me, but I couldn’t stop the words from coming again. “Say it, Shayne.”
“It was you.”
I pushed into her and a groan tore from my throat as her warmth surrounded me. I grabbed her hips, thrusting deeper, needing more. Shayne gasped, arching her back and steadying herself against the stereo speaker. I drove into her. Harder. Faster. She cried out and I squeezed her arse in my hands, burying myself inside her over and over until her legs trembled. Her knees buckled beneath her, and I caught her around the waist, pulling her up against me.
“Ya alright?” I asked against her cheek, my voice ragged with exertion.
Her chest heaved and she nodded, barely able to speak herself.
“Don’t. Stop.”
Shayne’s words sent electric jolts through me and I fisted a handful of her hair, plunging into her as deep as I could go. From this position I could see our bodies in the full-length mirror on the other side of her bed and the look of complete esctasy etched across Shayne’s face. Her body tensed in my arms and I pulled her tight against me, sinking my teeth into the soft flesh at the curve of her neck. She came, screaming my name. Her muscles squeezed and spasmed around my cock, and I collapsed with her over the stereo as my own body gave into its release. Wave after wave of pleasure shook through us both, mixing with the bass and treble of the music blaring from the speakers.
Several minutes later we sank to the floor, boneless and spent. I laid flat on my back with her in the crook of my shoulder. Shayne’s breathing was already slowing with the rhythm of sleep and I watched her in amazement before staring up at the ceiling. Out of all the times I’d made love to Kendall, it had never been like that. It had never been that powerful, that intense. Small tremors still moved through me in the wake of it all. Rather trite as the phrase was, the only words I could think of to describe what I’d just done with Shayne was utterly mind-blowing. I hadn’t ever lost myself so completely before. Maybe I didn’t have a lot to compare it to, aside from my wife and the one girlfriend I’d had on and off during high school. But why, with Shayne, was it so different? I glanced at her again, still filled with disbelief. Her features were relaxed with sleep, exhaustion from the day finally settled in. Just like her though, I was exhausted and my mind refused to think on it further. I fell asleep then, with Shayne’s naked warmth curled against mine.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I’m Not Broken
It was early evening, I realized as I awoke. I also realized quite quickly that I was on the floor of my apartment, next to Kieran. Both of us in various states of undress. His chest rose and fell as he slept, his pants still around his ankles. I studied him in repose, from the shape of his lips, his jaw, his defined chest, the taut planes of his abdomen…and lower. The earlier events of the day rushed back to me and I swallowed hard, squeezing my thighs together. It only amplified the pleasant soreness between my legs, and I bit back a whimper as tendrils of awareness crept through me. I’d never had an orgasm from just regular, vanilla sex. After everything I’d gone through, I didn’t even think it was possible. Apparently, I was quite wrong.
Kieran shifted against the floor next to me, and I looked back up at his face. His lips stretched into a sleepy grin and heat rose in my cheeks. Had he seen me checking out his goods? He put his arms behind his head and stretched, lifting his hips and drawing my attention back down to his crotch. Yes, he had.
“Hey.” He cleared his throat and pulled up his pants.
“Hey.” A sudden wave of shyness washed over me and I turned away from him, pulling my panties back up and searching for my bra. It left me unsettled. Since when did I care if a man saw me naked after we’d slept together?
“What’s wrong?” His lips brushed my shoulder, sending goose bumps prickling over my skin. I paused, letting out a slow exhale. A mixture of happiness and unease moved through me at his touch, and I found myself wanting to pull away from him but craving more simultaneously.
“Nothing. I should probably get you back. Liam’s already going to throw one of his temper tantrums.”
Shit. Liam. Guilt assailed me and I slumped down, staring at the floor. He’d asked me not to mess with Kieran. To keep away. Instead I’d done the exact opposite.
“He’ll be alright. Ya sure nothing’s wrong?” His hand trailed down my bare back and I shivered. The fresh memories of the visit with my mother came back and I suddenly felt cold and sick. No, I hadn’t just gone against what I’d promised Liam. I’d done it for my o
wn sake, to erase the venomous words my mother seared into my brain.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” I whispered, not sure if I was saying it to him or myself. Panic settled in my stomach and I started to stand but Kieran pulled me back down next to him.
“Hey, what’s goin’ on? Talk ta me.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as if it would block out my mother’s words, or even him.
“Shayne, look at me.” Kieran slid his arms around my waist and turned me toward him. “Open yer eyes. Look at me.”
I listened, slowly opening my eyes to find his staring back. Kieran’s fingers brushed my cheek and I froze.
“Ya keep doin’ that. When I tried ta talk ta ya earlier ya shut down. Talk ta me.”
“You don’t want to know.” My voice came out small. Why was he having this effect on me? If anyone asked about my past, I’d tell them to fuck off— especially a guy.
“I’m not going ta force ya ta tell me but I see that darkness that creeps out sometimes. I can tell there’s something underneath that tough exterior of yers.”
I stared at him in shock. How in the hell did he see any of that?
Kieran stroked my cheek again, sadness deep in his blue eyes.
“It’s yer mum, the things she said ta ya, isn’t it? What the hell did that woman do ta ya?”
A sudden laugh bubbled up in my throat, taking even me by surprise. “She didn’t do anything. That was the problem.”
“What do ya mean?” Kieran’s hand stroked my shoulder and I melted into his touch. Every instinct inside me told me to run. I’d only known Kieran a couple of weeks, and here he was, asking me about things only one other person knew about me. Things I’d prefer no one knew. But something pulled me fast to the spot I was sitting in. Something in Kieran’s eyes forced the words from my lips.
“She was always more concerned about her next fix than me. The only thing she did for me was make me get a botched abortion.” An involuntary shudder ran through me at the memory. “It left me completely infertile. Given the mother she was, I figured that was a blessing in disguise.”
