by Tony Lavely
“That’s an excellent point, though I never thought of it that way, exactly.” She listened to a couple of chuckles. “Elena, Beth and I were talking, and I thought you, Willie, might be ready to stay out of the field a little longer, to act as that ‘stabilizing influence.’ Any chance of that?”
“At first blush, I could do that. We will get out sometimes, right?”
“I expect.” Her sarcastic tone brought laughs from them all.
Sam eased his chair around, and Beckie focused on him. He would be the critical one of this group. Elena had said he was hoping she’d stay, but… well, he needed to say it himself. He tipped his head slightly. “I know that you’ve been driving Ian toward… how do I say this? More—”
“Safe jobs? Less risky? Boring? Yeah. That really hasn’t worked out as well as I’d hoped.” She wiped an eye. “But, yeah, I wanted us all to be safe, to get back to the Nest or wherever when the job was over. It was pretty apparent to both of us that you and Karen, and Leonid and Fedor, and Freddie, too, were happier with jobs where the potential for… conflict was higher, and we tried to assign those to you guys.”
“And we appreciated it. But, is your penchant going to lie in that direction still?”
She smiled. “‘Cause if it is, you’re thinking of looking elsewhere, right? Well, yes and no. Like I said, that style hasn’t proved as successful as I’d hoped. However, those jobs are profitable, some wildly so, and have generally low expenses, compared with the price of Jet A, ammo and food and meds for refugees. I’d expect to select both types of jobs, especially since we have skilled people to accomplish them. And my asking Willie to give me advice shouldn’t be taken to mean I won’t listen to you! I’ll see you in the field, or back at the Nest, anytime you want.
“Besides, Amy and I still need that sparring session you promised.” Her smile grew slightly at the sound of Amy’s groan. “Some might not consider it fun, I guess, but the alternatives… Well, I’m not giving up yet.” She looked around the room. “What I just said about talking to Sam… That goes for every one of you. If you stick with me, you’ll get to see me, maybe more than you want. So, if I’m micromanaging, tell me that, too!” She sat forward, staring into Sam’s black eyes. “If that doesn’t suit, tell me what will, and let’s try to come to an accommodation. With everyone.”
Sam’s smile was wide. “I think that will be perfect, Beckie. I had no problem with the mix of jobs you and Ian took before as long as I got the ones I liked. If I get input like I did, that’s what I’m looking for.” He stood up and came to the table where she sat. “I’d put you on my shoulder, but the ceiling’s too low. I’m ready to take my chances with you leading. I’ll keep watching to make sure you’re not headed, off the rails, I guess. And it’s my guess the others will eventually forgive you, if you actually made an error today, but even before then, they’ll have your back.”
That brought another round of crying to Beckie. Even with her stupid mistake, Sam and the others were willing to follow where she led. She pulled herself together and dropped off the table to embrace Sam. She was sure the sight of her, at five foot nothing and a hundred pounds, in an embrace with the man, six foot two or three, she didn’t remember, and 235 pounds, was a laugh.
He allowed her to break the hug after he’d kissed the top of her head. But he dropped his head beside her ear to whisper, “Barbara and I will talk to you.” When she jerked her head around to look him in the face, he mouthed, “Later.” She dipped her head and squeezed his arm.
Wonder what that’s about. He’s never been shy before… She glanced around at the others. “Okay. Any other ideas and opinions?”
Barbara held her hand up half-way. “You know that won’t work, right? Our team… no team like ours is a democracy—”
“I know, but while I can say I’m the leader, everyone here, and on the team anywhere, has to know and believe that I can do the leader. Talking to people doesn’t mean deferring to them. Asking Willie for advice doesn’t mean he’s in charge, or responsible except to me. For the next little while, earning confidence is my job and responsibility. If I can do that half as well as Ian and Kevin did it, we’ll be successful. If not, maybe Sam would like a turn.”
“I’m in, then.”
“Cool! Next. After talking with the four parents and Shalin, we’ve decided to have both Ian and Kevin’s ashes interred here. Back at the Nest, we’ll put up memorials like we did for Jolene. Abby. The twins and Maurice will be here tomorrow night along with Millie; we’re planning the service Tuesday morning, unless someone really wants to be here and can’t make it by then. For most, a memorial service back at the Nest will be enough.”
“Derek and Emily?” someone asked.
“On the way, to arrive later tonight,” Barbara said. “Can one of us pick them up at the airport?”
The next several minutes were filled with logistics and the like. Beckie leaned back against the table listening until Amy sidled up next to her and offered her a plate with appetizers. Though food still didn’t appeal, she thanked the girl and nibbled as plans were built, dismantled and reconstructed until everyone that they knew of was accommodated.
“Time to head back,” Beckie said. “Beth will think we’ve abandoned her.”
Night had fallen by the time Beckie’s car stopped outside the house. Inside, the dark had been held at bay by Shalin, playing a board game on the floor with Tamryn’s girls, while the other adults sat, staring at the television. Beckie knew her smile to them was weak; she reached inside herself to enhance it once Amy put a hand in the middle of her back and pressed her forward. With all of them inside, Amy dropped to join the girls, teasing them about something while they rejoined with complaints about being left out of a trip “up to town,” as Courtney put it.
Beckie laughed and tousled the girl’s hair, bringing howls of protest and finally, a smile from parents and grandparents alike. “We have arrangements pretty well along,” she said. “Let’s have a tea and you can vet them before it’s too late to change.” She reached down for Shalin’s hand. “We need you; Amy can take your place, I think.” Then, with a glance at Beth, she continued, “If you’d like to join us, we’ll get you up to date, too?”
Elena chivvied everyone into the kitchen, where Beckie outlined the arrival of the people she and the team were aware of, and the scheduling that Sam and Willie had put together after discussing it with the police.
“What about the twins?” Shalin asked. “I asked… Ian…” Her voice broke. “Sorry. It’s just…”
Beckie vied with Carys in assuring Shalin, then said, “I’m sorry no one told you. I guess everyone figured you already knew. Patrice and Mathilde are splitting the piloting again…” She glanced at the clock and did calculations in her head. “I guess they’re on the way to Turkey, now. Willie and Beth will pick them up at the airport tomorrow evening. Of course you can go with them,” she ended in response to Shalin’s look.
“Maurice Boynton will be with them, too, along with Rou Go,” Beckie said. “She’s our… well, I guess she’s like our lawyer, HR person, financial advisor and confidant all rolled into one. She’ll help all of us with any legal things, estates and the like.” She paused, and her head nodded. Wow, the tired just kinda crept up and slammed me.
“You, miss, are headed to bed.” Wait, where’d Elena come from? Has she been here all along? She felt the woman’s hands on her arm, then a pill slipped between her lips. “Here, drink. You’ve moved six time zones in the wrong direction and then been awake for hours, even if we discount—”
“Which we won’t! Never will we discount loosing Kevin and Ian!” She stood, disappointed that she staggered. Makes me less impressive, doesn’t it?
“Go off with you now.” She couldn’t put a name to the voice. “Catch her tomorrow, when she can think again.” What’s that mean? Her head drooped again.
When she followed the arm still holding her shoulder, Elena looked back at her. They made their way to Beckie’s r
oom. Softly, Beckie sobbed as she said, “Ian’s room.”
“Your room, now,” Elena said quietly. “You’re going to carry on.”
Beckie fell into the bed with her eyes closed. Soft. Empty. Cold.
Blink, blink, blink. Light flashed through Beckie’s closed eyes. I think they’re closed, anyway. What…what’s going on? Almost feel like I have to pry my eyes open. With force of will, she raised her right lid. The clock on the table by the bed was flashing: 1:30, 1:30, 1:31…
“Unngh.” When she tried to roll over, something stopped her. Ian! Her heart jumped, but just for an instant. Not Ian, so… “Amy!” She grabbed the girl’s shoulder and shook, not hard but firm. “Amy, what…”
Hazel eyes opened and she retreated from the reproachful stare Amy bestowed on her. “You’re supposed to be asleep. Lena said you wouldn’t wake up til tomorrow afternoon.”
“I’m no good at doing what people expect.” Her voice broke. “You of all people should know that.” She petted Amy’s hair, grown out long enough to be tangled. Tipping her head toward the clock, she said, “I guess the power went out a while ago. Clock’s flashing and I guess it finally woke me. After an hour and a half.” She laughed a little wry laugh.
“Yeah. Thunderstorm blew over about then, before I came in.” Beckie gave her a raised eyebrow look. “Two reasons, really. Or three. You snore less than Beth. I wanted to make sure you’re okay… as okay as you can be, anyway. And Dylan told me I should watch out for you.”
Beckie rolled onto her back. A quick inventory told her she was still dressed, though Amy was in a nightshirt. She tried to sit up, but Amy’s arm snaked out and caught her chest, hauling her back. “You don’t need to get up for anything… unless…”
“No. I was just gonna get out of these.” She plucked at her shirt.
“No need, unless you can’t sleep.”
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem, once you tell me why Dylan thought I needed watched out for.”
Amy sat up, then leaned on her elbows over Beckie. “We were talking, giving him the… update… He wasn’t as happy to hear it as he expected to be—”
“Huh?”
“Well, he’s had no news, so he expected, you know, normalcy. Like, Kevin’s okay; everything’s fine, that kind of stuff. Not what I told him.”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“Yeah. Anyway, he said… all the usual things, you know. But then he reminded me of everything you did for me, after Abby… you know. And he was worried you’d go off and do something… well, he said stupid, but what he meant was without thinking. And we both owe you so much…
“Anyway, he told me to make sure I kept you grounded and headed right. I told him about the meeting with Sam and all, and he said you’re just beginning to come to grips with it.” She leaned in and kissed Beckie’s nose; Beckie remembered doing the same to her. “He loves you. I love you. I already miss both Ian and Kevin, and I didn’t know them nearly as well as I wanted to. We want you to be safe and do what you want. Of everyone, he thinks I’m the best one to watch. Shalin, too, but she’s got the twins…”
Beckie almost told her about the child, but decided to wait. Not time yet. She reached out to catch Amy around the neck and pull her into an embrace. She closed her eyes. Am I gonna go all wild? Is Dylan right; I need watched? No. I don’t think so. Not the way he’s worried about, anyway. Not yet. She listened to Amy’s breathing for a minute, then wondered about her grief. Denial was finished; no way she could confuse the memory of holding Ian’s head in her lap in the helicopter. Yeah, she thought with a sigh, I didn’t need that doctor to tell me he was dead. So, shock. Yeah. I’m not over that. Or… “What?”
“Awfully deep sigh, there.” Amy moved, and Beckie allowed her to slide down beside her, her head lying on Beckie’s shoulder.
Beckie opened her eyes and saw Amy’s hair. “Nothing. Really. Just thinking about the… futility, I guess. Yeah, the futility of denying he’s gone. I wonder how people actually can do that.” Her breath caught, then, “Damn, Amy! It’s all my fault!” She fought to roll away from Amy, to face the wall and the still blinking clock: 1:43, 1:43, 1:43. “How can everything still be the same? He’s gone! That should make a ripple. Fuck, it should make a tsunami! Wipe the world clean…” She buried her head in the pillow. Amy tugged at her hair, and she tried to move her hand to push her away. The meds… taking over…
When Beckie pried her eyes open again, the clock read 10:30. The light from the window argued that the clock was approximately correct. Her phone confirmed it, along with several missed calls. Preparing for the day took fifteen minutes; the third time she did up the buttons on her shirt incorrectly, she ripped it off, threw it over the bed and slammed her case open to snatch a pull-over. At least I can get it on!
At the door, she stopped with her hand gripping the handle hard enough it might leave dents. Her damp ponytail swung heavily when she shook her head. Breathe deep, Beck. Try and relax. When her emotions had quieted, she turned the knob, as well prepared for the future as she could be.
The house was quiet; she met no one on the way to the kitchen. There, Carys looked up, approached to give her a hug, and then offered coffee and whatever else Beckie might want. As Beckie sipped, Carys said, “Mr. Dabron, I think it is, wanted you to find him as soon as you finish.”
“Sam?” Carys nodded. “Okay, thanks. Where’s everyone else?”
“Out and about. Life goes on, even though we question the need.”
“That’s so true. Thanks for your help. I appreciate it.”
“You take care of yourself.”
She didn’t see Sam in the front yard, and with all the Defenders missing, she grabbed her phone. He answered on the first ring and told her, “Sit tight; we’ll be there in ten minutes.”
It took him nine minutes; she thanked him.
When the pleasantries were done, she tipped her head. “What do we talk about, Sam?”
“Our response. Already Freddie’s gotten a couple of messages asking what we’ve found and our reaction to it. I expect that when I get back in touch, I’ll have the same.”
“And Barbara?”
“We can give her a couple more minutes; she went off with Kevin’s brother and sister-in-law, checking Kevin’s parents’ home.”
“So, what did Freddie say?”
He smiled, but his eyes were devoid of mirth. “Our response would follow Ian’s model: calm and measured. Beth wants to begin today.”
“Does she have a plan?” This time his smile warmed with a hint of humor. “Seriously, Sam. I’m not gonna throw her out there without thinking just because someone thinks I’m not worried enough about saving face or something.” She grabbed at her ponytail but it was still too wet to fool with. “Is that what you and Barbara want… Wanted to talk about?”
He nodded as a second Defender rolled to a stop beside them. Barbara, Beth and Amy got out and greeted them.
Beckie glanced once more at the empty truck. “I guess you left Tamryn and Mark at the house?” When Barbara said they had, Beckie turned to Amy. “If you can find your way back there… I assume they have no other way back here?” Again, they agreed. “So, Amy, please head back there so they aren’t stranded. I assure you I’ll tell you everything that the three of us talk about… if it won’t hurt you, anyway. Go on, git!” when the girl didn’t move.
“She’s good, Beckie,” Barbara said.
“She is, and I want to keep her safe, like everyone else. Whether I can… That’s a different question.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay Sam, looks like you’ve got your crew together.”
His glance touched each before focusing on Beckie. “Barbara and I were talking last night, and then Beth grabbed me this morning. We’re all ready to react however you want; pretty sure everyone is, but Freddie’s the only one I’ve talked to since, you know…” He caught his breath. “Beth—”
“Sam said you wanted to start today, Beth. What’s the plan
and the goal? If I go along.” She looked at the woman’s face and shrugged. “Or based on your expression, even if I don’t go along.”
Beth raised her hands as if to say, What? I’d never… “You know I joined Ian—”
“Yeah. He gave me a hint of the history you shared about the STF work you did. Do you think you can leverage that into… into useful information?”
“I think so, even though I was assigned up north. I’ll speak with some friends and co-workers; see what details they can share.” She smoothed her shirt and then her hair. “Won’t be any risk at all.”
Beckie stared into Beth’s eyes for a long moment before catching first Barbara and then Sam in her gaze. “Do either of you have any recommendations or…”
Barbara reached to pull Beth into a side hug as she said, “I don’t know any way we could make inroads without the kind of sit rep that Beth thinks she can pull out. Whether she can do it… I think my biggest question is more, what do the police actually know?”
“Yeah,” Sam said. “If you’d slept a little longer, I’d have sent her on my own, that’s how good an idea I think it is.”
Beckie stood unmoving for a second. “Wait here, okay?” Without waiting, she paced slowly across the front of the house. Barbara’s right. We have nothing to go on. Yeah… She felt the anger surging back from the place she’d hidden it. Yeah, it’s revenge I’m looking for, I admit it. The minister wouldn’t like that. Or Mom and Dad, either. But… She stopped, hands over her face. But am I really trying to find someone to blame so I feel better about my fuck-up? Probably.
Turning to face the trio, she said, “I need another coffee.” She waved them along. “Com’on.”
Inside, Tamryn’s girls had appeared in the kitchen; Carys was building sandwiches for them. Beckie and the others declined; she poured the fresh coffee and led the others back outside.
“Okay. Beth, go ahead. Do you want anyone with you?”
