by Stella Price
Even after everything, he didn’t feel like she loved him. And if he was honest with himself, he never felt like she loved him. Oh yes, he knew he loved her, knew he would forever. She was his ideal for so long… But now…
“Thought I would find you here.”
Rhys turned toward the one voice he didn’t wanna hear at this point and gave a wan smile.
“Oh? And just how would you know to look here?” he asked Saffron as she stopped a few feet from him.
“Nyx told me.”
“Yeah? Well Nyx needs to keep her big yap shut.”
She ignored his rant and moved closer. “Shit Rhys your housed.”
“Hardly,” he said in a dry tone. “But I’m getting there.”
“Okay, so what brought this on?”
He didn’t answer her, but took another deep drink of the whiskey, draining the bottle dry. “Why didn’t you just stay with me last night Saff? Things would be so much easier if you did.”
“Pardon? Rhys I wanted to talk to you about last night. I’m sorry, I freaked, really. I didn’t… I had a dream and walking into your bedroom, I freaked because I dreamed the room about a week ago.”
Rhys gave her an incredulous look. “Saff, baby if you didn’t wanna spend the night with me you could have just fucking said so, not give me this half assed bullshit now.”
“No bullshit Rhys, I did. And that’s why I freaked. The dream was not one I would rather repeat.”
“And why not? Did I hit you? Rape you? Shoot you?”
“None of that. I think I dreamed Phaedra.”
Rhys frowned and sat up straighter. “Explain, and explain so my whisky soaked brain can process it. Small words, slowly.”
“A tall blonde girl that was perfect stood there, asked me why me, insulted me, and told me to leave you to your pain. That easy enough to process?”
“What?” he shouted.
“You heard me. After I walked into your shag pad it came screaming back and I thought you guys had lived there together… and well..”
“You didn’t wanna bring back painful memories.” He said quietly and blinked several times. “Shit.”
Shit was right, he had fucked up. Now he couldn’t tell her with all honesty that he hasn’t hooked up with her in that room. He frowned again.
“Look, it’s okay. It was a dream, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” He said and dumped the rest of his drink out. The news was sobering him up quickly, and the blessed numbness was being replaced with a raging about of guilt, guilt he had no real business telling her about, less he lose her.
And Phaedra, for all her declarations of love, had cocked blocked him in order to get him alone in a place they had never been. Sneaky. And of course she would show now, he was moving from the self destruction he was feeling since her death.
And starting a relationship with Saff with secrets was not how he wanted to proceed. That would be… well it would cause him pain, guilt always did. And then he would be back to where he was before, punishing himself because he drove Saffron away, and lost Phaedra. Hell no.
“Saff, I need to tell you something.”
Saffron sat down next to him and smiled. “Oh? What? You piss yourself while sitting here? I would expect nothing less, have you even moved?”
He shook his head. “No. Worse. I hooked up with Phaedra last night.”
Saffron let off a string of curses that would do the crudest weather worn sailor on shore leave proud.
He blinked. “While that was the most creative way of using a broom handle that I have heard, I’m going to ask that you leave me out of your plans for dismemberment love.”
“Oh you don’t get to call me that.”
“The hell I don’t Saffron. I can’t take it back, and I’m not going to cheapen what we have by saying it didn’t mean anything, cuz we both know it did, its Phaedra. But I will say that I’m not happy about it, how it happened, why it happened or my ability to be so weak when faced with her after so long. You know we didn’t leave off in a good place before she skipped this mortal plane.”
“So that gives you the right to play a right howdy doo with your ex? Look Rhys, I’m not the normal girl, and when the parameters of a relationship are spelled out, I’m fine with shit, but how the fuck would we begin to deal with this issue? She’s fucking dead!”
“Right, she’s dead because of me, and in a way it was a way to say goodbye… or start to. She… she talked some major shit last night, shit I have been dying to hear for a long time and…”
“And this is where my heart gets trampled on? At the foot of your dead girlfriends grave? Seriously?” she said and stood up.
“Will you fucking let me finish? I was saying that while she showed up saying all the things I wanted to hear, I didn’t wanna hear them from her anymore. For the past two weeks, everything in my head has been about you, and my actual feelings for you. Christ Saffron, I haven’t felt shit for anyone except her in a long, long time.”
“And you don’t think this is a coincidence that you start to move on and she shows up?”
“Clearly it isn’t. Which is why I’m trying to make this right with you.”
“So what? I give you some time to say goodbye to your lady love, and I just wait in the wings? I’m not that girl Rhys, and I meant it when I said I don’t share. I’m supposed to just overlook this little transgression? Well I could, if I knew it was the only time it would happen… because I wouldn’t blame you for not telling me, but it’s not is it?”
Rhys sighed and shook his head. “Halloween. She can become flesh and she wants to rekindle our relationship, and work from there. Tells me she is sorry and she wants to be with me.”
“Has she said she loves you Rhys? Cuz I don’t think that has anything to do with this at all.”
Oddly, neither did he. He didn’t answer and she shook her head.
“So Voodoo you’re going to have your dead girlfriend back from the grave for one night only on your arm? Do you know how insane that’s going to look?”
“I didn’t say I would meet her.” He offered and shook his head. “This is really fucking confusing.”
“More so I’m sure cuz you’re piled.”
Rhys cursed in a slight whine which did nothing to gain Saffron’s sympathies.
“Well lemme add to your shit storm. Xxieda is here, and she knows.”
The cursing got more creative.
“It’s not as bad as it seems.” She said and shook her head.
“Well it can’t be, your still employed right? So that’s a step in the right direction.”
“Belle went hog wild on the Shades fan site and X saw it. So she knows pretty much everything, and is okay with it.”
“Score one for this relationship then.”
She gave him a droll look. “Is it a relationship? I mean you declare me your girlfriend to everyone and then get it on with your ghostly ex right after… so not the way to start something off.”
“Your right and I am sorry. What do you want me to say? That I shouldn’t have been so weak? That it was a huge mistake? Yes to both.”
Saffron shook her head. “Rhys…” she groaned in exasperation and then rolled her shoulders. “Jesus I don’t fucking blame you, she’s playing dirty, and you still love her. I can’t fault this, but it still kinda stings.”
He went to her and pulled her into his arms. “Saff, I’m not asking for forgiveness on this, I know I fucked up and I plan on making it up to you.”
“Oh yeah? And how do you plan on doing that?”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “You tell me what would make this better.”
Saffron looked over to the grave stone, a granite affair with a stone cherub perched atop it and smirked and then looked back to him. “You’re telling me you’re committing to me, and that you want this to work out?”
“For as long as it can.” He answered with sincerity.
“And the possibility of having her back doesn’t deter you?
You have been pining for her for years, and now that she’s in your grasp, you want me?”
He looked at the grave and then at Saffron. “I’m not stupid. Just because I can see the dead doesn’t mean that I can have a relationship with one. You’re real, and beautiful, and you get me in a way she never did. So yes, I want you, because with you, I have a possible future, one that isn’t a pipedream.”
Saffron looked satisfied in his answer. “Okay.” she blushed and leaned in and kissed him. “Then you spend Halloween with me, after you’re set, sweaty and entangled in sheets, plain and simple.”
Rhys grinned. “Yikes, what a hardship. However will I make it through?”
He pulled her into his arms and she wrapped herself around him. They sealed their deal with a devastating kiss at the foot of Phaedra’s grave, Rhys proving that the living, Saffron, was more important than any ideal he had held onto up until now.
The kiss ended and Saffron smiled at him as she leaned her forehead against his. “Then I think it’s time to say your goodbye’s love, and then get a damn shower cuz you smell like a Scottish pub.”
“Don’t you mean a brewery?”
She shook her head. “No, I meant a goddamn pub.” She stood off to the side and left him with his thoughts as he looked down and sighed.
It was the first time he ever felt that death was finality, but he wasn’t sad for it. Confused still, unwilling to let it all go completely, hopeful that he had done his time in mourning and accepting of how this was all going down. Halloween was a day away, and regardless of his promise to Saffron, he knew Phaedra was going to come to him, and tempt him, but Damnit, he wasn’t going to cave. Saffron mattered, Saffron was the living, and his mother was right, the living moved on. The only problem was the dead held grudges, and had nothing better to do.
This entire thing would be for Saffron’s benefit, and he realized he didn’t wanna lie to her. He turned to her and smiled. “A goodbye isn’t needed, because no matter what I say here on this grave, she’s not here to hear it. She’s not here, and that means she’s still going to come to me on Halloween.”
“Then we have to be ready for it.”
Chapter 16
My day will come. I know some day I’ll be the only one. - Descendents
Xxieda was waiting in Saffron’s suite when they got back to the hotel, sitting with her feet up on the ottoman with her computer on her lap. Saffron frowned in confusion.
“Don’t you have your own room?”
Xxieda didn’t even bother to look up from her typing. “Dante is in there cursing a ‘bloody’ blue streak at some of his friends back in Shadow Heights. Apparently he is missed, or something, and he doesn’t give a ‘foul rotten shit.’ I left after that one, no need to see how creative he can get.”
Rhys smirked. “The man does have a way with words, but then again the British always had a flourish we couldn’t compete with.”
Xxieda looked up then and smiled at Rhys. “Wow. Sobriety and happiness looks good on you, baby.”
“Love of a good woman.” He said and went to her as she stood. She hugged him and he twirled her around. “Good to have ya here boss.”
“And believe me you need me more then you know.” She offered.
“Meaning?” Saffron asked and flopped into one of the comfy chairs across from Xxieda.
“My Goddess tells me everything is in a state of flux down here, more so then usual. It’s a good thing I’m here. If something happens, I can help. Dante too.”
Rhys snickered. “I highly doubt his personal brand of helping is going to work. How’s that iPod dock by the way?”
Xxieda rolled her eyes. “He really hates Nora Jones.”
“Who doesn’t?” Rhys said and shook his head.
“You need a shower.” Xxieda said and wrinkled her nose.
“Noted. Twice.” He said before turning and sauntering towards Saffron’s bathroom.
“Enjoy.” She called after him and he stopped and turned his head.
“Only if you come in and wash my back.”
“So not going to happen. Go.”
The door closed seconds later and she turned to Xxieda who had a wistful smile on her face. “Now, what’s the real reason you stayed?”
Xxieda didn’t bother to deny or hide the fact that she had ulterior motives. “I wanted to make sure you weren’t a passing thing with him, from seeing him. You’re not. If you were we would be filling out these exit papers,” she said and held up a stack of documents.
“You didn’t think he was ready did you?”
Xxieda gave her a thoughtful look. “No, no I didn’t. Taking the word of my manager and some catty and childish chick he spurned is not the way I do business. With Rhys, the proof is in the pudding, so to speak.”
“So we passed your little test then?”
She nodded to Saffron. “And I’m happy you both did. I like you Saffron, I value your skills, because I haven’t had one issue with you at the helm. But make no mistake. Rhys is and always will be first priority for me when it comes to Shades. You guys don’t make it, well…” she left off the thought with a shrug.
Saffron knew everything Xxieda said was true, that she was expendable, as was most support staff in the industry. As long as you proved your worth you had a job… but most didn’t have to worry about sleeping with the client. No, it wasn’t professional, and with anyone else she wouldn’t have, but Rhys… Rhys felt right from the off. The attraction had nothing to do with who he was with the mic in his hand; it had to do with the man he was when the lights went down on the stage. The sad, lonely man that needed to be shown that life was what we did when the ones we loved left us.
Chapter 17
Why do I never seem to learn that love is wrong and girls are fucking evil? – The Ataris
“Release Me! Release Me!”
The crowd at the Royal chanted as the lights went down on the band’s set. They knew there was an encore coming, and they were making their preferences known.
Saffron sat at the reserved table in the VIP section with Chloe and Otto at their insistence, citing the opportunity to get to know each other. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t spent the better part of the last forty eight hours with them, but it wasn’t really a hardship. She liked his parents, liked that they supported him, insomuch as even wearing the band t-shirts to the show. Xxieda and Dante sat with them as well as Dermott, their original band manager, and his wife Sadie.
“So Dermott, why is it I’m doing your job?” Saffron asked and tipped her water to her mouth. She might be relaxing with the boss and the family, but she was still working, so alcohol was a no go.
“Because,” Dermott said and grinned at Sadie. “I became a daddy just before the guys broke, and decided my rock and roll days were over. Thought I will say you have filled the roll quite well Cher.”
“And Rhys seems happy,” Sadie offered.
“Understatement of the year.” Xxieda said and handed Dante another beer from the waitress. “The crowd can’t tell things have shifted, but I can. It’s what makes him so perfect as a frontman. Before it was his life, now, it’s an act.”
“He is in his element.” His mother said and smiled at Xxieda. “You look good child, love has treated you well with this strapping piece of man here.”
Dante actually blushed.
Saffron shook her head. Of all the things for the guy to be embarrassed about, he got squirmy over someone’s mother thinking he’s hot? She would never understand that relationship, but thankfully she didn’t have to.
Chloe and Xxieda chatted more, with Dante and Otto making small talk as well. Dermott and Sadie were cuddling and cooing at each other, obviously still very much in love. Saffron sighed, missing Rhys and his touch. She tipped her water bottle to her mouth again when her cell buzzed. Text message. She dug it outta her pocket and then smirked as she read it.
Why aren’t you back here with us? I miss you.
She shook her head and then texted him
back.
Because, your mum wanted to visit with me.
Seconds later another text came through.
You’re still on the clock love, or had you forgotten?
Ass she thought and texted him back.
As if I could forget. Get your asses back out on stage already so we can call this night done. I need a cuddle.
A text blinked back at her not two seconds later.
You got it sweetness.
The lights changed to blue, the smoky air playing in the light beam as Tosh and Chandler walked out onto the stage. The drums started, and then the guitar, and then Nyx was there on the keyboard, her fingers softly trilling out the piano strains of their encore song, which was in fact, Release Me. Winter started the bass line and then Rhys’ voice coated the air like honey over strawberries.
Aside from the band, not one sound could be heard as he sang. He scanned the crowd, his eyes finding Saffron quickly. He smirked at her just as the song picked up and she watched as the entire crowd went crazy.
The hometown crowd loved them, and everyone sang along with him as he hit the chorus. Saffron watched him belt out the song of loss, watched as he went through the motions of what he should feel, but didn’t. He couldn’t, not when he kept flickering his gaze to her. Lord was he sexy.
And then it was over. It was like a time warp for her, her entire focus on the man with the mic until she heard “Thank you Royal! See you at VooDoo tomorrow night!”
She shook herself out of her fuzz and stood as the lights went up. “I’m going to go finish working…” she said to Chloe who just laughed.
“Of course darling. Give him our love will you?”
She left them, Xxieda giving her a smirk, and Dante giving her a wink as she went. She made it through the crowd quickly and past the back stage area guard to find the band sitting in their green room drinking copious amounts of water and Rhys toweling off.
“Great set.” She said by way of greeting and then squealed when her lover grabbed her and kissed her.
