by Gloria Cook
Emilia wasn’t afraid of anyone, but Selina Bosweld was a hard, predatory woman, given to baiting others and causing strife. Just before leaving Hennaford she had complicated matters by declaring to Emilia that she was in love with her. ‘You can stay. I’ll make up a bed. I’ll fetch Perry. I’m very sorry about Libby, Selina.’
‘Not as sorry as I am. Go into the kitchen, shall I? There won’t be as much chance of disturbing your family in there.’ The hawkishness Selina had about her came clearly to the fore as, without waiting for an answer, she stalked past Emilia. She pulled off her small felt hat and tossed it on the side table. Her thick tawny hair was cut short and shaped into the nape of her neck. Not feminine but it suited her.
‘You’re angry,’ Emilia said to her back.
Selina whipped round and bore back down on her. ‘I’m absolutely bloody furious! I gave my child over to my brother’s care. I didn’t expect her to be dead before she’d even ventured out into adult life.’
‘Selina, please, keep your voice down. My little one, Lottie, has been very unsettled by Libby’s passing and Alec isn’t well.’
‘Oh dear.’ Selina’s reply was steeped in sarcasm. ‘You always have problems with your precious family, don’t you, Emilia?’ Selina gazed up and down Emilia in an intrusive way. Then she reached out and stroked Emilia’s hair. ‘You look very beautiful, by the way.’
Emilia grimaced and leaned her head away. ‘I won’t let you cause trouble, Selina. Perry doesn’t deserve to be made to feel worse than he already does. And who are you to pass judgement? You were never a mother to Libby, and you’ve never gone out of your way to set her a good moral example.’
Reaching out, Selina grabbed a lower banister post and brought her body and face close in to Emilia. ‘You’re powerless to prevent me from doing anything I like. Be very careful how you treat me or I’ll tell Alec just how close you are to my brother, the grieving father he’s so generously offered hospitality to. All this must really suit you, having your lover under your roof. How many night-time excursions have you made to his room? Trips to the barn? I bet you comfort him all the time.’
‘You’re unscrupulous,’ Emilia hissed. ‘There should be nothing on your mind except grief for Libby.’
A sudden river of tears washed down Selina’s strong face and dripped off her chin. ‘I am grieving for Libby, more than you could ever know. I knew she was unhappy in London and that’s why I moved far away to find something better for her. I was about to send for her. Her and Perry. They would have been happy in the countryside of Donegal. I’d planned a new start for us all. The very last of all the new starts we’ve had to make. But you and your revolting family have taken both of them away from me for ever. Libby’s dead, drowned near your brother-in-law’s property while in the care of his son. And Perry will never leave here now, you’ve seen to that. He must be dependent on you by now. I’ll make you all suffer for this.’
‘There’s no need for us to quarrel, Selina.’ Emilia was thinking, hoping, it was grief that was making the worst side of Selina so apparent. ‘Or for you to make recriminations or talk of revenge. At a time like this people should seek support and comfort.’
With lightning speed Selina caught a length of Emilia’s hair and twisted it around her finger. ‘I’d be willing to forget all that I’ve just said if you’re willing to give me comfort, Em. I suppose those who love you still call you Em?’
‘Selina, what are you doing?’ It was Perry coming awkwardly down the stairs in his dressing gown. Not bothering with his prosthetic, he was using the strength of his arms and good leg. ‘How long have you been here?’
Selina moved back. ‘Emilia and I were just consoling each other. I’ve just arrived. Perry darling -’ she held out her arms to him and was crying again – ‘hold me. I need you so much.’
Shortly afterwards Emilia went back upstairs, overwhelmingly disturbed by Selina’s arrival and what she might do. She heard Selina’s and Perry’s voices and then both of them crying in the kitchen and it filled her with fear. There was no use hoping Selina had changed her mind about her threats. She was vindictive and she was clever. She could be cruel in subtle and callous ways. She didn’t care about the feelings of others, the consequences of her heartless actions. Looking down at Lottie, fitfully asleep and clutching a teddy bear, Emilia feared for her precious child.
She went in to Alec. He was up and sitting on the couch. He had a glass of water in his hand and was taking painkillers. ‘Do you know who’s come?’ she asked, joining him, putting her arms around him protectively. ‘It’s a shame it’s disturbed your sleep.’
‘I won’t have that woman here for long,’ Alec said, closing his eyes and leaning against her neck, trying to shut out the pain in his head. He hoped it wasn’t apparent to Emilia that his left side was weak and not working properly. ‘Not even for Perry’s sake. Selina Bosweld’s pure poison.’
‘Don’t worry. I won’t let her stay. I’m sure Perry will move her on to Truro in the morning.’ Voicing this made Emilia’s heart plummet like a rock. Selina would torment Perry.
‘It’s a pity he’ll have to go too. I’m sorry for Perry. I like him. You like him, don’t you? A lot. I’ve noticed that.’
‘You can’t help liking someone like Perry,’ she said carefully. ‘Alec, you’re shivering yet you’re sweating. I think I should call the doctor.’
‘I keep telling you, darling, there’s no need. I’m just a bit run down.’
‘It’s more than that, surely? Alec, are you sure you’ve told me everything Mr Wilson said to you at the infirmary?’
‘More or less.’ He felt something brush his arm. He smelled a sweet, delicate scent. Jenna. She was getting nearer all the time. ‘Darling, what I need is some good fresh air. As soon as it’s light I’ll slip out for a walk. Hold me till then?’
‘Of course. Is there anything I can get you?’
He snuggled into her. ‘I only want to feel your arms around me. Don’t worry about Perry. He won’t let that witch downstairs spoil things.’
‘I hope so. Perry’s the only one who can handle her, but with Libby gone…’
‘He’ll be happy again. I’m confident of that. Tell me you love me, angel. I need to hear you say it.’
Emilia kissed him and gathered him into herself possessively. Her thoughts, her emotions, only with him at that moment. ‘I love you very much, Alec darling, and I always will.’
* * *
Under the warming touch of the early morning sun, Alec made his way to the bank of the stream at the bottom of Long Meadow. His fingers were aching because he had written a letter, something he hadn’t attempted for years, and the pain in his head was at searing level, made worse by the effort and concentration it had taken to hold the pen and put down the right words. He could hardly see as he stumbled on and now his left side was almost useless.
He fell down under a towering oak tree. As he struggled to lean his back against the tough old bark, as he had done so many times before, to think, to plan and to cry out in hope, and to come to terms with his impending fate, he yelled out in agony as a wave of pain seemed to slice his head in half. It left him dizzy and panting for breath.
He tried to focus his sight. He searched for his reflection in the clear water of the chuckling stream but couldn’t see a thing.
He was blind. Blind for good.
He had hoped fear wouldn’t take hold of him. But it did. He was afraid. He knew what was coming, and although he had tried to prepare himself for it, he was afraid. And so utterly lonely. He had felt loneliness during huge chunks of his life. His cold, loveless upbringing had robbed him of the capability to give all of himself to anyone. He had never had the strength of Emilia, the goodness of Tristan, the intelligence and devil-may-care spirit of Jonny, able to give and take in complete honesty or disregard. His had been a limited life; his only regret to be parting from it so soon was to be leaving behind, to fend for themselves, his wife and sons. And his little daug
hter, God forgive him, whom he had been too afraid to love. He prayed Emilia would do as he’d entreated her to in his letter, to seek happiness and not to pine for him.
Pain and terrible weakness and a horrible strangeness overwhelmed him. ‘Oh God.’ His voice was no more than a whimper of a breath. ‘I don’t think I can do this alone.’
‘It’s all right, Daddy.’
Somehow from deep within he found the strength to speak. ‘Jenna?’
There was a tinkling, merry laugh. ‘Yes, it’s me. I’m here, Daddy.’
‘Where?’
‘Look up. Open your eyes.’
Alec did as her sweet voice said. He could see her. He could see Jenna. His beloved daughter was a being of substance, bathed in a shining white light.
‘Is it time?’
‘Yes.’ Smiling, she held out her hand to him. ‘Come with me, Daddy.’
‘Jenna, my angel.’ For the first time he was able to smile deeply, openly, trustingly. He could see and speak perfectly now and there was no more pain or paralysis. ‘I forgot for a moment that you would come for me.’
He got up and walked the short distance to Jenna and took her hand. Without looking back, they walked away together.
Chapter Twenty
‘Perry, have you seen Alec?’ Emilia asked, as he came down to breakfast.
‘No, afraid not. What’s wrong, Em? You’re looking worried.’
‘I am. He was so strange last night.’
Alec had asked for the lamp to be left on and he had clung to her all night, quiet while awake, murmuring he loved her while asleep, which was no more than a few minutes at a time. He’d seized her hand, reached for her, as if to reassure himself that she was still there. Hoping his strange manner meant only a need for affection and not the beginning of more strange behaviour, she had enjoyed their time together; a special time. During those long, silent hours she had suspended reality and felt that by having the two men she loved in the house she had everything she could possibly want. She forgot Libby, and Selina, and how she would soon have to face sending Perry away. Life would be impossible if he stayed close by. She could not risk Alec discovering hers and Perry’s love and being hurt so much. Alec needed her and she would never desert him.
Finally, she had dreamed. Of Jenna. Of her tiny helpless baby as a beautiful little girl, sitting on the dairy steps. Emilia’s heart had been caught with joy and she had gone to Jenna and gazed into her angel-like face. ‘Hello! Jenna, you’ve grown so much. You’re perfect.’ Her daughter now had no physical and mental impairments. And she had such a gorgeous smile. She was fading away. Emilia reached out to keep her from leaving. ‘Thank you for coming to me, sweetheart, for telling me you’re well and happy.’ She had woken feeling the same wonderful, awesome emotions as in her dream. Alec had gone and her arms had felt empty. She’d tell him about the dream as soon as he got back from his walk. He’d be delighted, perhaps it would be just the thing to hold some promise for him. But it was now long past the time she was expecting him home and she was very concerned.
Selina came through into the dining room. She had something in her hand. Emilia ignored her, sighing at her unwelcome presence. Because of this darn woman she was about to lose Perry living here, and she had treasured looking after him, to be able to console him over Libby. They had spent some time together re-establishing Jenna’s remembrance rose bed; Perry planned to create one for Libby one day. And Alec liked him here. They shared a quiet drink together in the den each evening and Alec would emerge a little less weary. The boys got on with Perry; they had serious discussions about the Great War, and although Perry had been robbed of the deftness of hand that was required to be a surgeon he was skilled at building matchstick models, and had allowed them to monopolize him with board games. Dolly and Edwin and Tilda thought him an honourable, warm-hearted gentleman, blaming only his wanton sister for past events. They took pleasure in his unassuming presence and the genuine interest he showed in them. People from the village were of the same mind and many had called at the farm or written to him to pass on their condolences.
To Emilia’s joy, the one who had taken to him most was Lottie. She sought his company, and Perry, understandably in the circumstances, sought hers. They had connected: it showed in their every word and action together. Yesterday Lottie had climbed up on to his knee with her Jack’s African Adventure picture book and he had read every word to her, and they had talked about the pictures and made up a new adventure for the boy Jack. Then Lottie had pressed her head against his chest and slipped off to sleep. Perry had laid down the book and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her brow, tears sparkling along the lashes of his closed eyes. Emilia had not intruded on them but had silently joined Perry in his grief.
‘I took the liberty of going into the den to make a private telephone call,’ Selina said. ‘Hope you don’t mind. This envelope was propped against the desk lamp. The writing’s very infantile, almost illegible, but it’s addressed to you, Emilia, by your name, so it’s not from one of your children.’
Frowning, Emilia took the envelope from Selina’s well-shaped hand. ‘Haven’t a clue who this can be from.’ She took out the slip of notepaper inside and went to the window to read it in better light. The letters were strangely looped and some were formed back to front and some words were crossed out, but gradually she pieced together the message. Angel, you’re not to grieve over me. I’ll be all right. Make a new life for yourself. I’ll love you for ever, the children too, Alec.
‘Alec!’ She was gripped by panic, it seemed Alec was saying goodbye.
‘What is it?’ Perry asked, alarmed by her distress.
‘I don’t know! I’ve got to find Alec. At once. I think he’s in danger.’
Selina took the note from her and read it aloud. ‘Mmm. Don’t like the sound of that. Perry told me last night about how badly Alec’s been ailing. Where’s he likely to be?’
‘He went out for a walk. He said he needed some fresh air, but he’s always wandering off.’ Emilia was already heading for the door. ‘I’ll search for him and when I find him I’m going to get in touch with the consultant at the infirmary. I want to know exactly what’s wrong with Alec, there’s obviously something. Perry, will you call Ben and tell him to come over? And will you look after the children until I get back?’
‘Of course, Em. I’ll be waiting for you.’ Perry was longing to go to her and lovingly support her. He was feeling unsettled since Selina’s arrival, even though she had stated she did not blame him for Libby’s death. They had planned to go on to Highertown after breakfast and wait there a few days in the hope of Libby’s body being found. Perry hoped his sister would not be long in returning to her practice. She had asked him to go with her and had seemed to accept his refusal, but one never knew with Selina.
‘I’ll come with you, Emilia,’ Selina said, with a half-formed smile. ‘You may need a doctor. I’m sure we’ll find Alec quickly. As I remember his usual haunts aren’t far away. Perhaps… Emilia, don’t get upset but perhaps you ought to take a look at the gun cabinet. Make sure everything’s there.’
‘How dare you!’ Emilia just stopped herself from slapping Selina’s face. ‘Alec would never kill himself. This scrap of paper isn’t a suicide note, it’s…’ She was at a loss. ‘If you saw how he was last night…’
‘Then I’m happy to take your word for it,’ Selina replied calmly. This was different to her mean manner. Understanding and supportiveness underlined every bit of her. ‘The note is probably a cry for help. Let’s go and look for him.’
‘I’ll go by myself. Alec won’t want to see you.’
‘Em,’ Perry said, laying gentle hands on her. ‘I’d go with you but I don’t travel very fast. I don’t think you should go alone. Whatever’s the matter, Alec doesn’t believe himself to be well. Let Selina go with you. I’ll try to get in touch with Mr Wilson.’
Reluctantly, she accepted Selina’s company and led the way out of the house before the ch
ildren realized there might be cause for alarm. She thought Alec was most likely in the churchyard, but as Long Meadow was on the way she took Selina there first.
‘Slow down and take a deep breath,’ Selina ordered after they’d hurried along the lane in the opposite direction to the village and had then climbed to the top of a lengthy sloping field that had long been stripped of its growth during haymaking. They had reached a stile – it towered over them and was made up of oddly aslant granite blocks and was incorporated into a hedge that was hectic with blackthorn bushes. ‘If Alec needs help, you won’t be any use to him completely wrung out, and if he’s fine he won’t want to see you all hot and bothered.’
Emilia paused with her foot on the first implausibly projecting step. A breather was a sensible idea. The stile took concentration to scale safely. ‘You and Perry have talked about Alec. You’re both medics. Have you any idea what’s wrong with him?’
‘Let’s find him first, before we make wild guesses.’ Selina studied her stricken expression. ‘It can’t be easy having Perry under the same roof as Alec. What are you hoping for?’
‘What do you think?’ Emilia snapped miserably. ‘God knows I don’t want any harm to come to Alec.’
‘Whatever Alec’s been suffering, he’s always struck me as a strong man. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing. Don’t make him a victim of anything, Emilia. He’d hate that and it would end up destroying you.’
‘What a complex creature you are, Selina Bosweld,’ Emilia said, as she started a careful ascent of the stile, angling herself to avoid the barbarous thorns. ‘You’re a complete and utter bitch at times, yet you’ll offer just the right thing at the right time.’
‘Thanks.’ Selina followed her in easy, liquid movements. ‘After this I’d like us to talk, Emilia, Em. I’d like us to be friends.’
