by Abby Ayles
“I didn't mean to push you away from him,” she said, sobbing. “I thought you might be a bad influence. So I wanted to protect him. But then you weren't there and now he's gone.” She wiped the streaming tears from her cheeks, only for more to replace them.
a
Kitty embraced her friend and patted her back for reassurance. “No, that was the right thing to do. I doubt that he would have left because of that.”
“Are you certain?” Delilah asked.
Kitty did not hesitate. “If he was determined to leave, he might have just been waiting for the opportunity. He would have done it as I went to the ladies’ room, or if I fell asleep at my post. He was probably ready to do this no matter what.”
“You really think so?” she asked.
“Of course I do. It is not your fault,” Kitty said.
"Thank you. You are a good friend, Kitty. Do you think that anything has happened to him?” Delilah asked.
Kitty shook her head. “I do not know your brother very closely yet, but from what I do know, he is no doubt at a friend's house, considering going out hunting, drinking too much and trying to prove how strong his leg is. And then he will come back complaining that it hurts more than before.”
Delilah laughed softly. “That is probably the case. It is exactly the sort of thing he does.”
But despite her efforts to reassure Delilah, Kitty was not so certain in her own heart. She was distinctly afraid for his well-being. She knew he could be reckless. She knew that his friends would egg him on to do ridiculous things. Delilah knew these things too, of course.
But Kitty also knew how serious his injuries were. It was one thing to do such reckless things when you were in perfect physical health. But with his body in the terrible shape it was in, he was probably playing with fire just by standing up.
Then, Kitty felt Delilah shiver from head to toe. “Are you well?” she asked her friend. But Delilah shivered again.
“It is tomorrow that he would have gone to Spain,” Delilah said, her face going white. “You do not think that he might have...?”
“Oh, surely not,” Kitty replied in a tone of disbelief. But she did believe it. She absolutely believed it. Perhaps all of this gentleness, all of this compliance, everything he had done for the last few days was to make them let their guards down. So that when the opportunity arose, he could leave with his friends and prepare to go on a risky journey across France and Spain.
Kitty felt a sense of dread. Surely, he would not have been so stupid?
Just as she was about to attempt to reassure Delilah, the door swung open with a crash. Delilah glared at the butler and seemed about to shout at him for his rude entrance, when he began speaking immediately.
“The earl has returned,” the butler said, somewhat out of breath. “He is in his bed, waiting for you.”
“He is what?” Delilah asked.
“He has returned, mistress,” the butler repeated. “Nobody saw him coming back, but when we were looking through the rooms a maid found him sitting in his bed. He asked to see you, mistress.”
Delilah looked about in disbelief. “Where has he been?” she asked, standing up.
“Nobody knows, he will not say a word,” the butler explained.
Delilah seized Kitty's hand, pulled the young woman to her feet and they both set off to Earl Sinclair's room.
Kitty was feeling somewhat relieved.
But she was also feeling, as Delilah no doubt was, immensely angry.
They needed answers.
Chapter 16
“Where have you been?” Delilah asked her brother angrily. “We searched the entire house twice without seeing any sign of you whatsoever. We couldn't see any horse missing, so wherever you were you must have gone by foot and... do you know how worried I have been?”
Kitty just looked on from the doorway as Delilah slowly escalated to shouting at her brother. Kitty knew it was not her place to intrude on this. It was their relationship, their family, their problem. All she knew was that it was an immense relief to see him back in his bed.
“I wasn't anywhere,” he insisted. “Let us speak of something else.”
“I have never heard such blatant poppycock in my entire life,” Delilah shouted.
“It does not matter, does it? I am here now.” Earl Sinclair shrugged and looked away from his furious sister.
Delilah glared at him and walked out of the room.
She obviously could not understand why her brother was lying to her so blatantly. She wanted him to tell the truth and he was willing to not even cover up, to tell a bald-faced lie instead.
Kitty knew what he meant by it though. He meant that wherever he had been, was not their concern and that he would not tell her, so it should not matter to her. Which was of no comfort to either Delilah or Kitty, but at least it helped to explain his peculiar behaviour.
Kitty sat down in the chair beside his bed. “Do you need anything?” she asked softly. “Are you hurt?”
“I am fine. I did not do much,” he replied.
“But what did you do? You cannot simply vanish and reappear like so without explanation,” Kitty said.
“Am I going to be questioned by you also?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “I did something I needed to do. That is all.”
“I simply wish you would be more honest with your sister,” Kitty replied. “She does so much for you, the least you can do is treat her with respect.”
Earl Sinclair began laughing loudly. Kitty was a bit confused and just watched. He laughed so hard that he began coughing and pulled his back injury. After muttering something no doubt indecent under his breath, he turned to Kitty. “My sister cares about nothing but herself and does nothing for nobody but herself. If it were not for you she would have sent me away to hospital and left me there to rot.”
“I do not believe that. And if she wants to send you to hospital it is because she believes they can help you,” Kitty replied.
“Nonsense. She knows all that I do. She has seen all that I have seen. She understands and yet she still threatens me with the doctors,” he replied.
“Or perhaps she just understands that doctors are not bad people,” Kitty replied.
“You do not understand how matters are handled in this home,” the earl said sternly. “You make friends with my sister, then a few days later you are here as my nurse and yet you behave as though you had known us for years.”
“I do not need to have known you for years to see that your sister is a good woman who is trying her best for you and that you are a stubborn man who is ignoring the suffering he causes others,” Kitty said indignantly.
Earl Sinclair glared at her. “If I had a reason to trust my sister I would, Kitty. However, I have no reason to trust her and a thousand reasons to distrust her. I still love her, as she is my sister. But trust and respect are things that you earn.”
“Has she not earned your respect and trust for all she has done?” Kitty asked.
“You have not seen all she has done,” he contested.
Kitty huffed. “Well, all that I have seen her do is most noble and I believe you have been obtuse.”
“Kitty, you are a little girl who knows very, very little of the world beyond her own four walls. And you cannot possibly begin to understand how much more complicated life is than you think,” he replied.
She could not think of a response to this. He was the one who comforted her about her lack of life experience. He was the one encouraging her to go out and discover things. How could he turn around and use her insecurities against her like a knife to the back? Especially when she was doing so much to help him?
He was the most ungrateful person she had ever met. A ridiculous man. A senseless, cruel, obnoxious man. And she wanted to shout at him just like Delilah had. But to what end? What would it achieve?
Kitty was too tired to fight back. He wanted to believe she was hopelessly naïve? He wanted to treat her like a child, to dismiss her? He wanted to bel
ieve he was correct by virtue of experience? Very well then, he could believe whatever he wanted.
“I am going to bed,” she replied. “I need some rest after sitting up all night and all morning because of you.” It was petty and bitter, but she felt better for saying it.
He did not reply as she stood up and walked out the door.
Kitty's bed was the most inviting, comfortable place in the world. She sank into the mattress feeling instant relief. Her joints were not too sore, but her body felt like it weighed a ton and taking that weight off her feet was the most perfect sensation.
But she could not rest. The earl's mysterious disappearance and reappearance was playing on her mind. Where had he gone? What had he done? And why wasn't he willing to tell anyone about it?
She had stopped being worried as soon as she had seen he was not in pain or ill. Wherever he had been it had not hurt him. And she was willing to overlook his unbelievably selfish behaviour, at least until he started it again. Now she was just plain curious. It was impossible not to be, when someone had been so secretive.
She slept fitfully, but by lunch time she felt she had at least rested enough to get up and have her usual meal with Delilah. She stretched, washed and got dressed. Her thoughts immediately turned back to the earl's mysterious disappearance and his atrocious treatment of Delilah. How would she be coping after all that had happened?
The earl's rant against his sister had not changed Kitty's perspective of Delilah at all. In fact, it had just further sullied her opinion of him. How could he be so oblivious, so cruel towards someone who was trying her best to help him? Her shouting had, naturally, upset Kitty somewhat. But if this is what he was like, then perhaps it was justified.
On her way downstairs Kitty hoped that Delilah would be holding together. She hadn't even gone to check on her friend before going to bed, she had been so tired and frustrated. But she was relieved when, walking towards the dining room, she heard two women's voices, chatting and laughing. Naturally she needed to know who the second woman was. But it was reassuring that Delilah had company and was content, even after all that had happened.
Walking in, Kitty's eyes landed on one of the most stunning women she had ever seen. Tall, svelte, with cascading blonde hair that had been released from her bonnet and clips, a wavy mess draped over her shoulders. Her bright blue eyes were sparkling with joy and her lips seemed to be naturally a rich pink hue.
Her flowing dress hugged her figure perfectly without being too obvious, the bonnet and gloves that rested on the table beside her looked fine and expensive. Her dainty little hands were adorned with possibly a few too many rings, but each one was pale silver, blending into her skin. Only her left ring finger was conspicuously naked.
She was around the earl's own age, or if she was a bit older, like Delilah, she had somehow aged even better than Delilah had. And Delilah had aged well. No, this woman was under forty easily and yet definitely old enough that she ought to be contemplating marriage by now. She was probably engaged.
The two women stopped talking as Kitty entered the room and turned their heads to face her. Both smiled warmly. Kitty was, again, relieved to see Delilah looking well after what had happened that morning.
“Kitty! Meet Lady Cassandra Lovell,” Delilah said. “She is stopping by to see my brother, but he was resting, so I've been telling her all about you.”
"Lady?" Kitty asked. That could mean many things. She was a Lady in some senses, after all.
"Sister of the recently deceased Duke of Abercorn," Delilah explained.
"I see," Kitty replied with a nod. "Although I would not call the Duke recently deceased. It has been many years."
Delilah sighed a little. "I suppose so."
Sister of a Duke? No wonder she was so graceful, so well-dressed, so lovely... Kitty curtsied deeply. “I am very pleased to make your acquaintance, Your Grace,” she said, as she remembered from her father's meetings with Duke Haskett.
“I am likewise charmed to meet you, Kitty Langley,” the Lady replied. “Please, do sit with us. What a charming young lady you are.”
Kitty sat down at the dining table and smiled politely. “Had I known we'd have company I would have dressed a little more presentably.”
Cassandra laughed. “Not at all, not at all. I did not announce myself. How could you possibly have known? Why, your presence is quite enough. And you are a sweet little dear. Here, move closer to me, don't be shy. We are waiting on tea but I am sure we can ask the maid to bring another teacup for you and Delilah always serves too many biscuits.”
Kitty felt a little overwhelmed with the fuss. “I am not sure I would want to intrude. Perhaps I should go and get changed and then meet you properly in your own time?” she asked nervously, wondering if she could perhaps slip away.
“Nonsense, child, you are doing so much good. Nobody will mind that your hair is a little unkempt, or your cheeks a little pale. You are doing the Lord's work, by giving your time and energy so generously to a man who so desperately needs it,” Cassandra said.
Kitty was a little insulted to say the least. And yet, at the same time, she could tell that the Lady did not mean to be rude. She did not mean to actually insult Kitty. She simply had no control whatsoever over her mouth. If anything, she wanted desperately to befriend and praise Kitty, nothing more, nothing less.
Kitty was not quite sure what to make of this woman. She had heard of people like Cassandra before, but never met one. The Lady was talkative and blunt, but nevertheless seemed friendly and well-intentioned by it all. And yet Kitty did not like her. In fact, she disliked her with a passion.
As Cassandra rambled on, Kitty looked her up and down, trying to work out what she disliked about the Lady. Was it her too-perfect hair? Her perfectly manicured hands? Her constant talking? Her upbeat voice? The fact she was so careless in how she spoke? The way she made eye contact?
No, all of these things were neutral at worst. Most of them were nice things. They should make her likeable. In fact, everything about Lady Cassandra Lovell was likeable. As a whole person, Kitty knew, deep down, that she ought to like the Lady very much. And yet she did not. She instinctively reeled from the woman.
Then Kitty realized. She was jealous of Cassandra.
Chapter 17
It was an odd feeling, being jealous. Kitty was not sure she had been this jealous of anyone. In fact, she had spent her whole life being mostly grateful for what she had. She had never expected to be like any of the other girls her age, so she had never coveted what they possessed in terms of beauty, or power, or grace. All that was beyond her. The closest she got to jealousy was wanting to be healthy and normal.
And once she reached a point where she could get out of bed in the morning without feeling tired and sore, where she could go for walks and see her friends regularly, she was genuinely happy. She always strove to do better, of course. But she no longer yearned for that which she did not have. She had got what she wanted all along and she was deeply thankful for it.
She hadn't thought she would be able to feel envious of anyone any more. She thought she was beyond it.
Apparently not.
Lady Cassandra Lovell was everything Kitty had ever wanted to be. She was beautiful, stunning, even. On a level with some of the finest beauties in history, and her age barely showed. She may as well have been as young as Kitty. And on top of her youthful beauty she had something else in her favour: she had experience.
The earl seemed to value and respect experience, and the Lady had it in spades. They seem to have known one another for a very long time too. They had probably shared some intense, intimate experiences in that time. The Lady's expensive, foreign-made gloves hinted that she was at least as well travelled as the earl. What adventures had they been on together?
And her status... Some men might balk at the idea of marrying a woman more powerful than them, but Kitty could not help but wonder whether the earl would not mind so long as he could become a duke.
&nbs
p; He would be a fool to turn down such an opportunity.
Not only that, but Cassandra was clearly beloved by Delilah. They were on first name terms and were talking and laughing like two little old ladies. Delilah and Kitty had got along well from the start, but it was nothing in comparison to the strong bond which Cassandra and Delilah seemed to share. Their relationship had withstood the test of time and no doubt some trials. Delilah would have no qualms about her brother marrying such a woman.
In fact, if it were not for her jealousy, Kitty would have nothing against Cassandra. She was a perfect example of feminine charm and beauty.
Kitty felt her heart sink as she realized that Cassandra was probably Earl Sinclair's fiancée. At her age she was probably engaged and the earl was a fantastic fit for her. And if they were not engaged...
Even then Kitty stood no chance whatsoever. She realized that she was blaming the Lady for something completely beyond anyone's control. Even if Cassandra did not exist, even if she was not the earl's fiancée, nothing would make him love Kitty. Nothing would make a man like him interested in a girl like her.
It wasn't Cassandra's fault that Kitty was falling in love and it was not requited. If anyone's fault, it was Kitty's own for not controlling herself. And yet, she could not stop herself from disliking Cassandra.
As Cassandra and Delilah spoke animatedly, there was a knock at the door. Standing in the open doorway was the butler, far more collected than he had been that morning when the earl reappeared.
“Yes?” Delilah asked gently.
“The earl is awake and presentable,” the butler said with a deep bow. “He is prepared to see his guest now.”
Cassandra smiled and giggled with excitement. Kitty noticed how odd it was to hear a woman above a certain age giggling. There was something wrong with it. Or was it just her jealousy showing through again?
“Let us go,” Delilah said, offering her hand to Cassandra.
They walked along, hand in hand, like they were two sisters already. And they probably would be sisters soon enough.
