by T. S. Joyce
Haydan whistled, so Denison whacked his knuckles into the guy’s stomach. Haydan oofed air, and his stupid catcall got stuck in his throat. Served him right.
“Hi, fellas,” Danielle called as she sauntered toward the fire.
“Hey, Badger,” Drew called out, waggling his blond eyebrows. “What are you doing way out in our neck of the woods?”
“Oh, geez, no one has called me Badger in so long. Drew, Kellen, Haydan, Bruiser, Tagan.” She greeted his friends with a smile. She waved to Brighton and introduced herself to Brooke and Skyler, and never once did that stunning grin fade from her face. Not until her eyes landed on Denison.
He swallowed the pain and stood. “Sit on down. You hungry?”
“I don’t want to take your food—”
“Nonsense,” Kellen said, canting his head at their visitor. “You’re Denison’s mate. Our food is yours.”
“Kellen,” Denison gritted out.
Skyler turned and cupped her mate’s cheeks, then shook her head and kissed him sweetly on the lips.
“I’m your mate?” Danielle looked partly baffled and entirely uncomfortable with that wordage.
“You remember Kellen,” Denison explained. “He don’t say things like other people do. I’ll get you a plate.”
God, he wished the whole damned crew hadn’t been around to witness his downward spiral after Danielle left. They’d all been big fans of hers, once upon a time. From the way Haydan was grinning like an idiot, as if he was enjoying the show, Denison suspected maybe they still thought she was all right. Fan-friggin-tastic.
****
Danielle was wearing her poker face as best as she could, but inside, she was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm. Memories of days at the lake with this wild batch of boys—now men—had her feeling like she was home in a place she’d never seen before. Four years ago, they’d lived all over and around Saratoga, only coming together when someone was throwing a keg party in an overgrown field, or for night-muddin’, or Friday nights at Sammy’s bar to watch Denison and Brighton play, or really any excuse for them to get together. Through the years, she had thought about the men around the fire who talked to her now like she’d never left. But she’d imagined they’d all moved on and made something of themselves. She most definitely didn’t envision them forming some kind of moonshiner commune in the middle of the wilderness. From where she stood, none of them had changed. Not one little bit.
And Denison… God, her heart lurched into her throat, constricting her windpipe until her chest hurt to draw breath. He was beautiful, if a manly woodsman could be called that. Hair damp like he’d just showered, threadbare black shirt holding onto his broad shoulders, and that sexy scruff he wore on his face now. She hadn’t ever been attracted to men with facial hair, but damn, could Denison wear it. He was all sex appeal and dove-colored smoldering eyes as he watched her warily. He sat the edge of his seat like he would bolt at any moment, and when he offered her his chair, she thought he’d do just that. Instead, he piled spaghetti and fixings on a plate and offered it to her at arm’s length, as if he were afraid she might try to touch him.
“Thank you,” she murmured.
The moment was so surreal she had to anchor herself in it so she wouldn’t think it was a dream come tomorrow. She clenched her hands until her nails pressed painfully against her palms to remind herself this was really happening. All of these familiar faces and personalities…and Denny. Shit. She blinked rapidly to stop the stupid burning sensation behind her eyes. She hadn’t thought of him as Denny in a long time. Anger had made her heart tuck away the term of endearment. She blamed the boys for calling her Badger again.
“Where did you get the nickname?” the blond woman with open, smiling blue eyes asked.
“Uh, Denny came up with it.”
Denison snapped his head up, and Danielle closed her eyes, furious with herself for letting his nickname slip. “What I meant to say is, Denison gave it to me a long time ago.”
“On account of her being tenacious,” Drew said with a shit-stirring smile. “She followed Denny around town to all his gigs for three weeks, quietly stalking him until he was so head over heels in l—”
“That’s good,” Denison said, his furious gaze dipping to the toe of his boots as he leaned against a make-shift buffet table made of rough, unstained wood.
“Wait, you and Denison dated?” Brooke asked, eyes round as a disbelieving smile crooking her lips.
Danielle was going to kill Mr. Reynolds. Slowly. “Yes,” she choked out, then cleared her throat. “For a minute.”
“Can I talk to you?” Denison ground out. “Alone?”
“Probably best.” Danielle set her plate on her seat and followed Denison’s receding back.
He didn’t stop until he reached a trailer with the number 1015 over the door. He scaled the porch stairs and threw open the screen door, which banged closed right in front of her.
“Sorry,” he muttered as he pushed it open again and waved her inside.
The entryway led to a small living area off an even smaller kitchen. Everything was clean and tidy, in its place. “Is this your house?”
“Yeah,” he said, throwing his hands up. “And now you’re here in my place making it smell like you so that I’ll literally never be able to escape you. So this was an awful idea on my part, bringing you in here.”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“Yes, Danielle.” Denison gripped his hips and sighed, then turned his back on her and ran his hands through his hair. “And no. I don’t know.” He collapsed onto a couch that sat in the middle of the living room, long legs folded and knees spread wide. “Why are you here?”
Honesty was best. “I’m here for a job. I was told this morning my job now depends on you.”
“On me? What kind of job?”
“I graduated in December and started combing job listings for something in my field. The beetle infestation has been a problem up here, and some big-wig wants research done on the effects on the land around here. He hired me and one other person, Darren, to begin our research to tell him just how badly the area is affected, and to try to come up with solutions that will preserve the ecosystem here. Apparently, I need a guide.”
“Can’t do it.”
Danielle took a seat on the brown micro-suede loveseat that sat next to the couch and asked, “Why not?”
“Because it’s you. Do you really think it’s a smart idea for us to spend time together? You couldn’t stand to be around me for five minutes yesterday before running off. I know the area, but this is fire and gasoline, Danielle. I don’t think we should mix them, if you know what I mean. And anyway, I’m on a tight deadline with my crew, and Tagan isn’t going to be able to spare me. Best you go and find someone you have a shot at not hating at the end of the day. Someone who has more time and energy for whatever hunt for an ecosystem beetle cure you’re on. It ain’t me you want for this little adventure. Tell your boss I’m sorry, but the answer is no.”
Chapter Four
Disappointment and relief swirled through her chest as she let his answer wash over her. He’d denied her. It had been a monstrous mountain to climb just to work up the courage to come here tonight, but at least she’d tried. Environmentalists didn’t find steady work easily, and especially not jobs that were offering to pay what Reynolds had, but was it worth feeling the depth of the pain she and Denison had caused each other?
Denison couldn’t hold her gaze and cracked his knuckles softly against the heavy silence in the room.
She thought not. Nothing was worth this kind of pain that was slashing through her insides, and from the way Denison’s eyebrows drew down, and his eyes dimmed, she wasn’t the only one hurt by this reunion.
“I’m sorry I came.” She shrugged, unsure of how to word the mass of emotion roiling against her chest cavity. “I didn’t mean to hurt either one of us. I just…Well, it doesn’t matter.”
“You just what?” Denison lifted his eyes slo
wly to hers, held her gaze, and wouldn’t release her.
She dug deep for the bravery she’d grown since she’d left here those years ago. “When I took the job, I was scared you would still be here. And then I was scared you had moved on and I’d never get closure. It’s been a confusing month, preparing to come back here.”
“Why’d you leave in the first place?” His voice sounded raw and unused, but his eyes stayed steady on her.
“I didn’t want to be someone’s second choice. I’d thought we were more, but you didn’t feel the same.”
Denison linked his hands behind his neck and leaned back against the plush couch cushion. “How can you sit there and look me in the eyes and say that? I was willing to give up everything for you. I was scared as shit about what was happening between us, but I was still willing to try and keep you.”
“Keep me?”
“Yeah, keep you! Keep you happy, keep you with me. Keep you here. I knew you had to go back to school, and I wasn’t going to stand in the way of your education. I saw how much working in the woods meant to you. But I wanted the relationship, even if it was just summers and holidays together, I would’ve waited. I wanted you to come back to me when you were through. Instead, you just bailed. You never answered my calls, probably shredded my letters. And for what? Because you thought I didn’t care about you enough? I cared about you too much.”
Heartbreak hunched her forward and a sob clawed its way up her throat. “Then why did you cheat on me?”
Denison froze, eyes wide and furious, mouth set in a thin, shocked line. Slowly, his eyebrows raised. “Cheat on you? And who is it you think I cheated on you with? That’s not even an option for my kind, Danielle! Not when we’re in that deep. I didn’t want anyone else.”
Danielle shook her head and shot him a warning look. “Don’t.” Of course he’d deny it. All men did after they were caught. The walls came for her when she stood, collapsing by inches until they threatened to snuff her out completely.
“Oh, yeah,” Denison said, standing. “Run. Run when it gets hard. See, this is why we wouldn’t have ever worked. As soon as you get scared, you bolt. If a conversation turns too serious, you disappear like you never freaking existed. Have I ever walked away from talking to you?”
Danielle reached for the doorknob and clutched the cold metal in her damp palm. Tears rimmed her eyes, threatening to overflow. How mortifying that he’d snuffed out all her bravado with a few words.
“No,” she whispered. “You never did that.” Inhaling deeply, she turned, but was unable to meet his gaze. “I saw you that night. You’d invited me to your show, and I had all these plans.”
“What plans?”
“I was going to tell you I loved you that night. I’d felt it for a while, and I’d never said it to anyone, and you’d been saying it for weeks, but I hadn’t been able to accept that you could feel that way about someone like me.”
“Someone like you. How did you see yourself?”
“The same way everyone saw me. Brainy, unsocial, awkward. But you made me feel pretty and special and cared for, and I wanted to finally tell you how I felt. But you were with her.” She dared a look at him.
He was shaking his head with his palms open as he approached her like a rancher soothing a spooked horse. “Her who?”
“The redhead. You had your arms around her, and you were both smiling and whispering in each other’s ears. And then…” She swallowed down the yellow bellied chicken in her. “And then I saw you kiss her.”
“Laura?”
“Sure. Great. Now I know her name. At least it’s not Cinnamon the whore-faced, nipple clamped, smelly vag—”
“Laura Beck. My sister.”
“Oooh.”
His sister.
His freaking sister?
No way did Danielle make that big of a mistake. No way did she throw away a relationship with Denny because she was too caught up in being hurt to confront him. The door was smooth against her back as she slid down and pulled her knees to her chest. That certainly put a different spin on how she’d seen him that night. Maybe the embraces hadn’t been as flirty as she’d imagined. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”
“What, you’d rather I cheated on you?”
“Well, I’d been trying for three months to get you to open up to me, and you hadn’t given me anything. You didn’t talk about your family, you didn’t talk about why Brighton doesn’t have a voice, you were always meeting up with the boys and sharing all these secret little looks every time I asked a question, and it left me on the outside. You with that girl, cheating on me…well…it made sense why you wouldn’t let me in. She made everything make sense.” Danielle bit her lip hard to keep another round of tears at bay.
Denison ran his hand roughly through his hair. He picked up a throw pillow, as if he were going to throw it at the wall, but decided against it and yelled into it instead. When he lifted his gaze back to hers, his eyes were blazing a lighter color, as if the shitty fluorescent lighting above him reflected off his face at a strange angle. “Dammit, Danielle, all you had to do was confront me. Literally, all you had to do was pick up your damned cell phone one of the hundred times I called you and let me explain. I knew you were feeling like an outsider. Don’t you think I could tell that? I was hurting you, but it was either let you all the way into my life, which included the scary parts, or cut you loose to spare you. I was going to let you know how I felt that night, too. My mom and dad don’t live around here, but Laura lives up in Denver. I asked her to drive out here to meet you. That was a big step for me. I was going to ease you into what my life was really like because I…”
The unspoken words hung in the space between them.
Danielle was breaking apart. She’d shattered them both by making assumptions. “Denny.” She stood and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.
He tossed the pillow back on the couch and kept his eyes on it. Softly, he said, “I’ve been accused of a lot of things. Cheating is a new one for me. I think you should leave.”
“I owe you a huge apology.”
“I ain’t ready for it tonight. Go on now.” He still wouldn’t look at her.
She felt like she was falling. Like she was being sucked into a hole in the floor and scrabbling her nails for purchase on thin laminate that was getting pulled down with her. She closed her eyes as the pain of what she’d done burst through her chest. How stupid had she been to let a misunderstanding do this to them? She deserved this burning that spread through her limbs and left a numb sensation in their wake. “Okay.”
I’m sorry. The words sat right at the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say them so bad, but he’d told her not to. He deserved those words from her, but he wasn’t ready to forgive her. She understood, but it didn’t make it hurt less. Gritting her teeth, she turned for the door and opened it just wide enough for her to get through.
Tagan stood at the bottom of the porch stairs. In fact, the entire group seemed to be there, milling around in the shadows. Someone had turned strings of holiday lights on, illuminating the dirt road and the dilapidated trailers that lined it.
Heat filled her cheeks. “I guess the walls are pretty thin around here.”
“We heard,” Tagan said, arching a dark eyebrow.
His bright blue eyes studied her in silence until she was nice and uncomfortable under the scrutiny. She probably had mascara all over her face and looked like a sniffling zombie.
“Denison will help you. I can spare him for a week.”
“I don’t think he wants that.”
“He doesn’t have a choice. It’s my decision, and what I say goes around here. Anything past a week, we can’t help you.”
She’d have to mull this over tonight because she definitely wasn’t sure she still wanted to do this. The job felt very small in light of everything now. But maybe, just maybe, she could make it up to Denison if he would let her.
Tagan sidled past her and disappeared inside Denison’s h
ouse. The boys wandered off, talking low, but Skyler and Brooke waited for her to climb down the steps, then flanked her and walked her to the jeep.
“I know you’re thinking about leaving,” Brooke murmured, “but I think you should stay. If you have a running problem, I can promise you, it won’t fix what’s been broken with Denison.”
“Denny doesn’t want me here. He told me to leave.”
A door banged and Danielle jumped, then spun in time to see Denison hop over the railing of his porch and stomp off toward a fence that surrounded the trailer park. He didn’t even look at her once before he disappeared into the shadows.
She’d done this. Every ounce of pain she’d been through to get over Denison was on her. And the unimaginable agony she’d caused him made her feel like the dirt between the tread on her jeep. “I messed up really bad.”
In the distance, a feral roar echoed off the mountains. Danielle hunched as a flock of birds lifted from the nearest tree and flapped off into the night, as if startled by the terrifying noise. “What was that?”
The other women looked at each other, then Brooke draped her arm over Danielle’s shoulders. “You’re in the wilderness now, Badger. Better get used to the wild animals.”
Chapter Five
A horrendous booming sound traveled down the side of the RV, rattling the metal home. Danielle shot straight up with a yelp and lurched over the edge of the bed.
“Breakfast is on.” A voice that sounded suspiciously like Bruiser’s called through the thin wall.
Grumpily, she lunged across the tiny living area and threw open the door.
Bruiser’s eyebrows shot up, and he rocked backward on his heels. “Whoa there, Badger. You look like hell just spat you out.”
Danielle glared. “You know ‘knocking’ means on the door, not all along the walls, right?”
Bruiser balanced a plate piled with eggs and bacon in one hand and made a sweeping gesture to the ramshackle homes behind him. “Different rules in the trailer park darlin’. You don’t like them, you can park your fancy RV on that side of the fence.” He shoved the plate of food at her, then spun and walked away. “We’re leaving in half an hour. Oh!” He turned his behemoth shoulders and pulled a wadded up length of fabric from his back pocket. “Wear this.”
