by Mike Ryan
Jones noticed Recker pull into the lot via the camera feeds and wondered what he was doing, just sitting there in his car. Curiosity had gotten the better of him after his friend still hadn’t exited the car after half an hour. He quickly pulled up Recker’s phone records to see if he was engaged in a conversation with anybody. After seeing that he wasn’t, Jones was even more perplexed than he was before. He couldn’t understand what Recker was doing if he wasn’t on the phone.
Once Recker finally made it up the steps and into the office, he greeted Jones and sat down at a computer. Recker put his hands on the keyboard but that’s as far as he got. He sat there looking at the screen without making another move. With Mia and Edwards still on his brain, his head was in a fog. He didn’t know what he was doing. He just continued to sit there for a few more minutes, his hands almost frozen on the keyboard. Jones stopped typing several times as he looked to his left, seeing that his partner seemed to be in a daze. Each time Jones looked at him, he thought, now there was a man with a lot on his brain. Recker wasn’t disguising well whatever was troubling him. It was clear he had a lot eating away at him. Jones pushed his chair away from the computer and turned to face his friend, hoping he could ease his troubles away a bit. The least he could do was listen. Sometimes that was as good as anything.
“I would try to say something funny but I get the sense you wouldn’t see the humor,” Jones said.
Recker heard him say something but he wasn’t listening closely. “What?”
“Nothing. I was just trying to lighten the mood. Can I ask what’s troubling you?”
“Nothing,” Recker replied in a completely unconvincing manner.
Recker started pushing some buttons on the keyboard, but he still wasn’t doing anything constructive. He was just passing time. The tone of his voice told Jones everything. With that one word, it sounded like Recker had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Jones thought he’d just leave him alone for a while to sort out his thoughts and went back to his computer. But it was still gnawing at him. He tried to think of what could have been depressing his friend so much. Then it came to him. After everything that went down the previous day, it didn’t even occur to Jones to ask what happened in Ohio. He thought that must’ve been it and cursed himself for even forgetting about it. Either Recker killed Edwards and didn’t get the satisfaction he was hoping for or he didn’t kill him and was still upset about it. Pushing himself away from the computer again, Jones sought to reengage his partner in conversation.
“Can I ask about your trip to Ohio?” Jones wondered.
“What about it?”
“Did, uhh, were you able to get the closure you were hoping for?”
“I did not,” Recker directly answered.
Knowing he was part of the reason why Recker’s plans failed, Jones felt badly about it. He thought there was probably something different he could have done to prevent the whole Simmons situation from happening.
“I’m sorry for that,” Jones stated.
“It’s not your fault.”
Seeing that Recker still seemed angry, and whatever trance he was in, didn’t seem to be going away, Jones tried to think of something to get him right again.
“Why don’t you go back down there and finish what you started?” Jones told him.
“I dunno.”
“It’s something you’ve wanted for so long. Why put it off now?”
“I don’t even know if it makes a difference anymore,” Recker replied.
Jones leaned back in his chair, trying to analyze his friend’s behavior. It was strange. Just a day before, Recker was fired up about going down to eliminate Edwards and try to get some sense of closure about everything that happened in London. And now, a day later, he didn’t even seem to care. As Jones looked at him, he figured there must have been something else in play. Something else had to be bothering him to get in a mood like this. Jones was just going to have to figure out how to pry it out of Recker’s lips. Then he thought about where Recker had been since he got back to town. Perhaps it was whatever happened when he met with Vincent.
“You never told me how things went with Vincent,” Jones said.
“Yes I did. I sent you a text.”
“Well, all you said was everything was fine. There’s not a lot of details in that.”
“What else do you need to know?” Recker asked.
“How about telling me what happened?”
“He said nobody from his organization would be watching for you or Mia.”
“And what about Simmons?” Jones asked.
“He’s dead.”
“How did that happen?”
“I killed him,” Recker plainly stated, without a hint of emotion.
“Oh. I see. I suppose you did what you had to do. You did what was necessary.”
“Just like always.”
“Is that what’s bothering you? Killing Simmons?” Jones wondered.
“No.”
Jones took him at his word. He didn’t think a man like Simmons losing his life would be enough to drag Recker down into the dumps like this. Not that he thought killing anyone was an easy task. He’d probably begin to worry if he thought it didn’t bother Recker at least a little bit, just as it did when he killed Marco Bellomi. But Simmons was not an innocent person. He was a murderer, kidnapper, as well as a host of other criminal infractions. He didn’t think that was the kind of killing that would bother Recker the most. Not believing that to be the issue, Jones turned his focus elsewhere, wondering where else Recker had been. Was it something that just happened? Being fresh in Recker’s mind would cause him to still be in that kind of mood, Jones thought. Seeing as how Recker took a long time to get to the office, Jones wondered what else he was doing up to that point. Considering he had yet to bring up Mia’s name or ask how she was, Jones thought that maybe it had something to do with her. He thought it strange that Recker would’ve have at least mentioned her or asked about her, unless he’d already talked to her.
“Get enough sleep today?” Jones casually asked.
“Yep.”
“What else did you do today?”
“Not much,” Recker answered.
“Have you talked to Mia?”
“Yeah.”
“Is she OK?” Jones asked, trying to pry a more detailed answer out of him.
“I guess so.”
“That doesn’t sound promising.”
“She’s fine,” Recker told him.
“Is that where you’ve been all day? Talking to Mia?”
“Just a little bit.”
“Damnit, Mike, will you give me something at least?” Jones asked, his voice raised.
Recker just turned his head and glared at the professor, slightly annoyed by the tone of his voice. Jones could see by the evil eye he was getting that he must have struck a nerve. Whatever conversation Recker had with Mia was what was bothering him. More than Simmons, more than Vincent, more than even Edwards. That was telling to Jones. A man that Recker had been waiting almost two years to kill was taking a backseat to what Jones guessed to be an argument with a friend. Or was the friend part the issue? Jones had always known that the two had feelings for each other, though it was more obvious on Mia’s part. But he could tell that Recker did too. He just was always able to push those feelings to the side.
“You know, sometimes, you just need the ear of a good friend,” Jones stated. “Sometimes it helps.”
Recker looked at the professor out of the corner of his eye as he thought about the proposition. Recker opened his mouth as if about to say something but then thought better of it and closed it. Venting about his feelings and opening up about his emotions wasn’t one of his strengths. He just did that at the hospital with Mia and that didn’t wind up going so well from his standpoint. But after thinking about if for another minute, Recker figured there was no harm in talking about it with Jones since he wasn’t emotionally involved in it.
“I went to the hospital to
talk with her,” Recker blurted out.
“Oh? What about?”
“Just to see how she was.”
“And I take it things spiraled in a completely different direction?” Jones asked.
“Yeah.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know. We just started talking about relationships. I don’t even remember how it got to that point,” Recker frustratingly said.
“What was said?”
“I told her why we could never be together. The truth.”
“Everything?” Jones wondered.
“Yeah. Everything. About the CIA, about London, about Carrie, all of it,” Recker revealed.
“Oh. That must have been difficult. For both of you.”
“You have no idea.”
“I assume she didn’t take it well,” Jones assumed.
“No, not so much.”
“Doesn’t seem like you took it very well either.”
Recker finally took his hands off the keyboard, throwing them in the air as he tried to articulate his feelings.
“I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s like, since I got back all I kept thinking about was whether she was safe, how she was doing. Like, all of a sudden I started thinking…,” Recker said, stopping before he said what he was feeling.
“You started thinking of her as more than just a friend,” Jones finished.
“Yeah,” Recker nodded.
“I suppose it was only a matter of time.”
“How’s that?”
“These aren’t new feelings for you. You’ve had them for her since you met her. You’ve just been able to bury them until now.”
“But why are they starting now? Why does it seem like I’m unable to do it now? I don’t understand,” Recker said.
“Emotions are a fickle business,” Jones replied. “Sometimes they creep up on you when you least want them to or expect it.”
“Since I’ve been back I haven’t been able to block her out of my mind.”
“I suspect that it’s because of what happened yesterday.”
“I dunno. These are situations that I’ve been in before.”
“I would say that before now, her safety was never in question. And with what happened yesterday, your emotions came to the surface because you feared that you might lose her,” Jones told him.
“Maybe.”
“Perhaps you finally let yourself feel something for her, something you had successfully buried, because you worried that you’d lose her like you lost Carrie.”
“But Carrie was different,” Recker said. He rubbed his eyes as he felt them beginning to tear up, successfully blocking them from showing.
“Is it?”
“I was in love with Carrie. We had something special.”
“And maybe you’ve finally let your emotions show for Mia because you feel like you could have something special with her too.”
“I can’t. We both know that.”
“Do we?”
“C’mon, David. You’re the one that initially told me to stay clear of her. You knew something like this could happen.”
“All I know is that she has feelings for you. You clearly have feelings for her. What’s the answer? I don’t know. I’m not a love doctor. I really don’t have an answer for you.”
“She can’t be more than a friend,” Recker reinforced.
“Most people don’t sit in the parking lot for an hour just thinking about a friend, do they?”
Recker looked at him, realizing he must’ve seen him pull up on the security cameras.
“Mike, what I do know is you’re a torn individual,” Jones said. “You’ve been beating yourself up for a long time over what happened to Carrie. And I think you’ve tormented yourself long enough. It’s consumed every breath you’ve taken, every step you’ve walked, every plan you’ve made, every relationship you’ve encountered. Eventually you’re going to have to make peace with that.”
“I’m never going to forget what happened,” Recker argued.
“I’m not talking about forgetting it.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“At some point, eventually, you have to make peace with what happened.”
“Peace with who? Edwards?”
“With yourself,” Jones answered. “You’ve put the blame on yourself for what happened as long as I’ve known you.”
“Because it was my fault.”
“That’s what I mean. Eventually, you have to move on. I’m not talking about forgetting, but moving on. You’ve beaten yourself up inside and let it eat at you for so long.”
“What else am I supposed to do?” Recker asked.
“Forgive yourself.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“How’d we get to talking about this anyway?” Recker wondered. “I thought we were talking about Mia.”
“It’s all connected, isn’t it? Because you’ve never forgiven yourself or made peace with what happened in London, you’ve denied what was painfully obvious in your relationship with Mia. Now that her life was in danger, all those feelings for her that you locked away have managed to find their way out,” Jones said.
“I can’t let her love someone like me, can I? Living the way that I do, being on a CIA blacklist, that’s no life for her. If they showed up here tomorrow looking for me, or us, we’d have to split in a second. I can’t bring her into that, can I?”
“My honest opinion?”
“Of course.”
“No, you can’t. You and I have made conscious decisions that have led us up to this point. We understand the risks and understand what the consequences might be. Being romantically linked to you will cause her to become a hard target because of who you are.”
“So you think I should just push her away for good?” Recker asked.
“I don’t know if it needs to be that drastic of a change. As long as both of you know the boundaries and don’t cross them, then I don’t see the harm in continuing to know each other and be friends. The difficult part will be when you’re near each other, not throwing caution to the wind, so to speak.”
“If she even wants that.”
“I guess the thing to do would be to throw the ball in her court and see what she wants to do.”
Chapter 13
For the rest of the day, Recker tried to put his thoughts of Mia out of his mind. He was deeply torn on her. On the one hand, he liked her and liked being around her. On the other hand, he knew that the deeper the attachment between the two of them grew, the more danger she would be exposed to. After a little while, Recker was successful in blocking out his feelings for her and was able to start working on some of the cases Jones had pulled up.
Both Recker and Jones worked separately for a few hours, but Jones felt there was still some questions that needed to be answered. Specifically, what Recker intended to do about Edwards. Jones was never one to advocate killing anyone, no matter what they’d done, but this was a special case. Just as he’d told Recker, he wasn’t sure he would ever truly find peace within himself until all the loose ends of London had been successfully tied up. And as far as Jones could tell, the last remaining piece of London that haunted Recker was the fact that Edwards was still walking around.
“What do you intend to do about Edwards?” Jones finally asked.
“I dunno. Same as before I guess.”
“You guess? This has been all that you’ve talked about since I’ve known you. Finding him. And now that you did, you don’t seem to care.”
“Well the one time I left here, you and Mia had your lives put in danger,” Recker replied. “I’m not gonna risk you guys just so I can settle a personal score.”
“Mike, I think we can handle you being gone for a day.”
Recker just shot a look at his partner, thinking he had to be kidding.
“OK, that was different,” Jones quickly responded. “There was a situation that was being looked into at the sa
me time as your departure. But that’s over with now. There’s nothing here holding you back.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“And besides that, if you don’t get him now while you know his whereabouts, you might never get as good a chance as you have right now.”
“You’re probably right but why are you pushing it so much? Since when did you become such an advocate for this? If I recall, you were against this,” Recker told him.
“Yes, for a long time I was. But the more I’ve thought about it, like I told you, you need to find peace. You need closure. And until you’ve done this, you will never get it.”
“Fine. Maybe I’ll leave tonight then.”
“After you’ve talked with Mia?” Jones guessed.
“Guess I’ll need to find closure with her too.”
“Well, before you do anything, let me make sure he’s still there. I’d hate for you to go down there only to realize he’s left for an assignment.”
Jones immediately got back on his computer and started pulling up Edwards’ information. He got back into the same screen he was on before which listed the latest assignments that had been handed to Edwards. He still had to go through a few backdoor channels just to make sure that his visit stayed in secret and didn’t trip off any alarms. After about ten minutes, he had the information he was looking for.
“Oh dear,” Jones stated, diverting his attention between the screen and looking at the calendar.
“What is it?” Recker anxiously asked, sliding his chair over.
“It appears Mr. Edwards has been handed a new assignment.”
“Where?”
“Tough to say right now. He’s got a new flight itinerary though.”
“Where’s he going?”
“JFK in New York.”
“Where’s he flying out of?” Recker asked.
