“She wanted you back, and I could see you struggling with what you were going to do about it.”
“I wasn’t thinking about it the way you thought I was. I was trying to Þ gure out how I was going to end it without hurting her. I didn’t want to damage her dignity like she had damaged mine. I was already thinking about selling the house.”
She looked surprised. “Why would you sell the house? You love that house.”
“It’s a house. It doesn’t take care of me when I’m hurt. It doesn’t cry just because I’m crying. I don’t love that house. I love you.”
She took a step back and looked at me, horriÞ ed.
“Your reaction is not what I envisioned,” I said dryly.
“Are you sure?”
“Let’s see. I can’t sleep. I’ve lost so much weight that my clothes Þ t like shit, and you’re the only thing I seem to think about clearly. And right now I feel like I’m about to die because I just professed my love for you and you’re backing away from me.” I laughed but there was no humor in it. I felt as horriÞ ed as she looked.
“And you’re sure about this?”
I gritted my teeth. “I already told you, I’m positive.”
This is where I would like to say that she took me into her arms, but I can’t. She turned away from me, picked up her brush, and began to paint again. I watched her for a few minutes before I took off my sweatshirt, picked up a roller, and began to paint too.
We worked long into the night, barely speaking to each other, barely looking at each other until the whole house was Þ nished. She thanked me as if I were a complete stranger, her hand held out and open as if for a shake. I told myself that strangers didn’t avoid eye contact and strangers didn’t tremble when the offered handshake turned into a hug. I contented myself with turning my lips into her neck. I let her go and left quickly, telling myself that I would come back and I would continue to do so until she told me to stop.
• 242 •
SUCH A PRETTY FACE
v
The house I co-owned with Brenda sold fast. The only bump in our separation process was in regard to who would keep Pepito.
Things smoothed out considerably when Brenda realized that Pepito’s aversion to her was getting worse, not better. He and I moved into a cute little apartment with mirrored closets that we both loved looking into. I haven’t seen or heard from Brenda since we signed the last of the paperwork on the house.
Pepito and I spent our evenings and weekends working for Ryan, painting, cleaning, whatever she needed. I should say I painted; Pepito lounged in the bed that Ryan had bought for him. I won’t lie and say I didn’t long to do more than the heated kisses and looks that we shared, but I was happy that she was willing to let me back into her life again.
I was determined to wait as long as she needed me to.
You would have to ask her what Þ nally made her decide that she was ready to let go of whatever fears she was harboring about entering into a relationship with me. It had been a normal Saturday. We had worked until sundown and then had dinner on a blanket in the middle of the ß oor. The kiss good night had been long and lingering, but they all had been that way of late. I was carrying a limp and sleepy Pepito to the car when I heard the front door open. I turned around expecting to see her jog down the walkway carrying one of Pepito’s toys or one of my jackets. But she just stood there, the right side of her face in shadow.
“We forget something?” I walked back slowly until I could see the distressed look on her face. I took the Þ nal four steps to the front door.
“Will you stay here tonight?” she asked.
Finally! I forced myself to stay calm. I had waited this long; I could wait a few more seconds. “I’d like to stay, but I want to make sure we want the same thing. I didn’t handle the problem with Brenda well and I ended up hurting you, but I always had the best intentions where you were concerned. I don’t just want tonight. I want forever after with you. Is that what you want?”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” she said and stepped to the side.
Pepito sighed in his sleep and gave my ribs two kicks as if to say,
“it’s about damn time.” Ryan closed the door behind us.
v
• 243 •
GABRIELLE GOLDSBY
I was less than twenty feet from the Þ nish line, and I was a mess.
Ryan had convinced me to try a 5K rather than the PDX Challenge after I admitted that I had not learned how to ride a bike as a child. I had made the mistake of telling people at Goldsmith that I was running, so I had spotted familiar faces dotted throughout the crowd. Sweat poured off my forehead and I could feel every ounce of the ten pounds I still wanted to lose. My eyes stung as I forced myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I was exhausted, but it never crossed my mind to stop. I heard Ryan’s voice urging me on as I jogged, limped, sort of fell across the Þ nish line, and then someone was holding me and screaming in my ear and I lifted my arm like I had just won the Olympics.
This was it. What I had been working toward for the last six months. This was the very moment. I wasn’t Þ rst—hell, I probably wasn’t even one hundred and Þ rst—but I had Þ nished, and that was a Þ rst for me.
I wiped sweat out of my eyes to see Amy holding Pepito up in the air. I snatched Pepito from her and kissed his little head, narrowly avoiding being kissed back.
“Where’s Ryan?” I had to yell because there were so many people celebrating around me.
“I’m right here.”
I turned around and fell into her eyes. She was looking at me with so much pride and adoration that I had to blink tears of joy.
She kissed me hard. “We were on the other side. I told Dominique it wasn’t a good idea to have the baby stroller in your way when you crossed the Þ nish line. I got a great picture of you too. Do you know what you came in at?”
“No, I don’t.” The event volunteers hustled us off to the side of the Þ nish line. I was grateful that Ryan held me against her side because the idea of walking even those few steps seemed daunting now that I had stopped. I looked around for Christina, my ofÞ cial timekeeper.
“Ninety-second,” she said from somewhere behind me. I turned to Þ nd her with a sticky-faced Justin in one hand and a stopwatch in the other. “Right smack-dab in the middle.”
We grinned at each other and I felt something warm and fuzzy bloom inside. Things were still strained between me and my mother, but Christina was seeing someone for her eating disorder and she was
• 244 •
SUCH A PRETTY FACE
separated from Ned, so I refused to regret anything I’d said at Sunday brunch.
Someone handed me a T-shirt and I held it up in front of me. It was two sizes too big and it looked as if it had been made in a speed-sewing contest. It was probably the tackiest but most prized garment I would ever own. I reveled in the energy of the crowd, reliving the rush of triumph as another runner crossed the Þ nish line.
“Wow, that has got to be the most amazing experience ever. One of the most amazing experiences, I should say.” I smiled suggestively at Ryan and she ß ushed.
Goody laughed. “You two should be way over that stage now. Hey, Steve should be off work soon. Maybe we could all go get something to eat to celebrate?”
“Eh, I don’t think I can eat anything right now. A hot bath sounds great, though.” I caught Ryan’s eyes on me again. Her shy look hadn’t faded. “Something on your mind, sweetheart?”
“I have something for you. Sort of a celebration gift…you like the cottage, right?”
It wasn’t like her to be so tongue-tied these days. Puzzled, I said,
“I love the cottage.”
“I went to go see Decker Kenly while you were getting registered.
He’s putting it up for sale.”
“Oh.” I liked my apartment, but some of the most wonderful nights and mornings had been spent making love with Ryan in the cottage, and Pepi
to loved peeing on the ß owers she had planted out back. We would miss staying there. “Where are you going to stay? Hey, why don’t you stay with us? Pepito and I would love it.”
Someone bumped into me, pushing me closer to Ryan. She wrapped her arms around me and said, “That’s not what I had in mind.”
She pulled something out of her pocket and put it around my neck.
I held it up. A key tied to the end of a blue silk ribbon. She pulled another ribbon out, this one shorter, and instead of a key dangling from the end, there was a small metal bone. I read Pepito’s name along with the address for the cottage.
“He said it was mine if I wanted it. I’ve been saving all my money so I have the down payment, but I told him I would talk to you Þ rst.”
“Down payment?” I glanced from the key to Ryan. “You’re going to buy it?” Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “The cottage is yours?”
• 245 •
GABRIELLE GOLDSBY
“Ours.” Her voice was hoarse. “I want to be able to make love with you without wondering if you’re going to leave me the next morning.”
She didn’t have to convince me of anything. I poured all of my love and my answer into a kiss, crowd be damned.
When we Þ nally parted I saw the joy and the love I felt for her mirrored in her eyes. I saw myself as she saw me. Exhausted. Lank, sweat-drenched hair. Ten pounds overweight, and without a dab of makeup on my face.
I felt beautiful.
• 246 •
About the Author
Gabrielle Goldsby grew up in Oakland, California, where at the age of nine, a childhood illness left her conÞ ned to bed for weeks.
It was then, thanks to her mother’s efforts to save her own sanity, that she discovered a love of reading. After receiving a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice administration, she spent time as a gang and drugs prevention counselor, a ß ooring specialist for a large home-improvement store, a facilities manager inside some of San Francisco’s largest law Þ rms, and an administrative assistant in the semiconductor industry. These varied occupations have become the basis for many past and future writing projects.
She resides in Portland, Oregon, with her partner of eight years.
Books Available From Bold Strokes Books Such a Pretty Face by Gabrielle Goldsby. A sexy, sometimes humorous, sometimes biting contemporary romance that gently exposes the damage to heart and soul when we fail to look beneath the surface for what truly matters. (978-1-933110-84-4) Second Season by Ali Vali. A romance set in New Orleans amidst betrayal, Hurricane Katrina, and the new beginnings hardship and heartbreak sometimes make possible. (978-1-933110-83-7) Hearts Aß ame by Ronica Black. A poignant, erotic romance between a hard-driving businesswoman and a solitary vet. Packed with adventure and set in the harsh beauty of the Arizona countryside.
(978-1-933110-82-0)
Red Light by JD Glass. Tori forges her path as an EMT in the New York City 911 system while discovering what matters most to herself and the woman she loves. (978-1-933110-81-3) Honor Under Siege by Radclyffe. Secret Service agent Cameron Roberts struggles to protect her lover while searching for a traitor who just may be another woman with a claim on her heart. (978-1-933110-80-6) Dark Valentine by Jennifer Fulton. Danger and desire fuel a high-stakes cat-and-mouse game when an attorney and an endangered witness team up to thwart a killer. (978-1-933110-79-0) Sequestered Hearts by Erin Dutton. A popular artist suddenly goes into seclusion, a reluctant reporter wants to know why, and a heart locked away yearns to be set free. (978-1-933110-78-3) Erotic Interludes 5: Road Games, ed. by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman. Adventure, “sport,” and sex on the road—hot stories of travel adventures and games of seduction. (978-1-933110-77-6) The Spanish Pearl by Catherine Friend. On a trip to Spain, Kate Vincent is accidentally transported back in time—an epic saga spiced with humor, lust, and danger. (978-1-933110-76-9) Lady Knight by L-J Baker. Loyalty and honor clash with love and ambition in a medieval world of magic when female knight Riannon meets Lady Eleanor. (978-1-933110-75-2) Dark Dreamer by Jennifer Fulton. Best-selling horror author Rowe Devlin falls under the spell of psychic Phoebe Temple. A Dark Vista romance. (978-1-933110-74-5)
Come and Get Me by Julie Cannon. Elliott Foster isn’t used to pursuing women, but alluring attorney Lauren Collier makes her change her mind. (978-1-933110-73-8)
Blind Curves by Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall. Private eye Yoshi Yakamota comes to the aid of her ex-lover Velvet Erickson in the Þ rst Blind Eye mystery. (978-1-933110-72-1) Dynasty of Rogues by Jane Fletcher. It’s hate at Þ rst sight for Ranger Riki Sadiq and her new patrol corporal, Tanya Coppelli—except for their undeniable attraction. (978-1-933110-71-4) Running With the Wind by Nell Stark. Sailing instructor Corrie Marsten has signed off on love until she meets Quinn Davies—one woman she can’t ignore. (978-1-933110-70-7) More Than Paradise by Jennifer Fulton. Two women battle danger, risk all, and Þ nd in each other an unexpected ally and an unforgettable love. (978-1-933110-69-1)
Flight Risk by Kim Baldwin. For Blayne Keller, being in the wrong place at the wrong time just might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to her. (978-1-933110-68-4)
Rebel’s Quest: Supreme Constellations Book Two by Gun Brooke.
On a world torn by war, two women discover a love that deÞ es all boundaries. (978-1-933110-67-7)
Punk and Zen by JD Glass. Angst, sex, love, rock. Trace, Candace, Francesca…Samantha. Losing control—and Þ nding the truth within.
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The Empress and the Acolyte by Jane Fletcher. Jemeryl and Tevi Þ ght to protect the very fabric of their world…time. Lyremouth Chronicles Book Three. (1-933110-60-0)
First Instinct by JLee Meyer. When high-stakes security fraud leads to murder, one woman ß ees for her life while another risks her heart to protect her. (1-933110-59-7)
Erotic Interludes 4: Extreme Passions, ed. by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman. Thirty of today’s hottest erotica writers set the pages aß ame with love, lust, and steamy liaisons. (1-933110-58-9) Unexpected Ties by Gina L. Dartt. With death before dessert, Kate Shannon and Nikki Harris are swept up in another tale of danger and romance. (1-933110-56-2)
Broken Wings by L-J Baker. When Rye Woods, a fairy, meets the beautiful dryad Flora Withe, her libido, as squashed and hidden as her wings, reawakens along with her heart. (1-933110-55-4) Combust the Sun by Andrews & Austin. A RichÞ eld and Rivers mystery set in L.A. Murder among the stars. (1-933110-52-X) Tristaine Rises by Cate Culpepper. Brenna, Jesstin, and the Amazons of Tristaine face their greatest challenge for survival. (1-933110-50-3) Passion’s Bright Fury by Radclyffe. When a trauma surgeon and a Þ lmmaker become reluctant allies on the battleground between life and death, passion strikes without warning. (1-933110-54-6) Sleep of Reason by Rose Beecham. Nothing is as it seems when Detective Jude Devine Þ nds herself caught up in a small-town soap opera. And her rocky relationship with forensic pathologist Dr. Mercy Westmoreland just got a lot harder. (1-933110-53-8) Grave Silence by Rose Beecham. Detective Jude Devine’s investigation of a series of ritual murders is complicated by her torrid affair with the golden girl of Southwestern forensic pathology, Dr. Mercy Westmoreland. (1-933110-25-2
) Too Close to Touch by Georgia Beers. Kylie O’Brien believes in true love and is willing to wait for it. It doesn’t matter one damn bit that Gretchen, her new and off-limits boss, has a voice as rich and smooth as melted chocolate. It absolutely doesn’t… (1-933110-47-3) Carly’s Sound by Ali Vali. Poppy Valente and Julia Johnson form a bond of friendship that lays the foundation for something more, until Poppy’s past comes back to haunt her—literally. A poignant romance about love and renewal. (1-933110-45-7) Of Drag Kings and the Wheel of Fate by Susan Smith. A blind date in a drag club leads to an unlikely romance. (1-933110-51-1) 100th Generation by Justine Saracen. Ancient curses, modern-day villains, and a most intriguing woman who keeps appearing when least expected lead archeologist Valerie Foret on the adventure of her life.
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The Traitor and the Chalice by Jane Fletcher. Tevi and Jemeryl risk all in the race to uncover a traitor. The Lyremouth Chronicles Book Two. (1-933110-43-0)
Whitewater Rendezvous by Kim Baldwin. Two women on a wilderness kayak adventure—Chaz Herrick, a laid-back outdoorswoman, and Megan Maxwell, a workaholic news executive—discover that true love may be nothing at all like they imagined. (1-933110-38-4) Erotic Interludes 3: Lessons in Love, ed. by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman. Sign on for a class in love…the best lesbian erotica writers take us to “school.” (1-9331100-39-2) Punk Like Me by JD Glass. Twenty-one-year-old Nina writes lyrics and plays guitar in the rock band Adam’s Rib, and she doesn’t always play by the rules. And oh yeah—she has a way with the girls.
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Forever Found by JLee Meyer. Can time, tragedy, and shattered trust destroy a love that seemed destined? When chance reunites two childhood friends separated by tragedy, the past resurfaces to determine the shape of their future. (1-933110-37-6) Sword of the Guardian by Merry Shannon. Princess Shasta’s bold new bodyguard has a secret that could change both of their lives. He is actually a she. A passionate romance Þ lled with courtly intrigue, chivalry, and devotion. (1-933110-36-8) Sweet Creek by Lee Lynch. A celebration of the enduring nature of love, friendship, and community in the quirky, heart-warming lesbian community of Waterfall Falls. (1-933110-29-5) Wild Abandon by Ronica Black. From their Þ rst tumultuous meeting, Dr. Chandler Brogan and OfÞ cer Sarah Monroe are drawn together by their common obsessions—sex, speed, and danger.
Such a Pretty Face Page 28
