But he couldn’t do that forever. He had Monica to think of. Soon, she would be old enough to notice the things people did, the roles they served in life. He didn’t want her to think it was okay to be dependent on others for what she could do herself. He didn’t want her to learn that she was supposed to let some man become dependent on her.
“You don’t have to be strong in everything,” Anna said. “Let me do it for you.”
How could she say that? How could a woman who valued personal autonomy like she did expect her lover to depend on her? What was worse was that this scared Anna at all. She thrived on horror. Her livelihood depended upon things that were scary. Her threshold for fear was much higher than his. So if this scared her enough that she asked him not to do it, then maybe it should scare him to the point that it was beyond consideration.
Sully thought of arguing with her, of telling her that she was making it worse for him. But then she placed her naked breasts against his back and tasted his neck with her tongue. Chills ran down his spine and his whole body seemed to swell with anticipation. She then moved in front of him and laid him down. She went down low and used her tongue on his thighs. As she moved up slowly, covering him with her hot, wet mouth, Sully forgot about his arguments. Tomorrow, he would make the trip himself. Tonight, he would let Anna take care of him.
#
Sully arrived at Little Axe High School around 7AM the next morning. After grabbing a cup of coffee from the teachers’ lounge, he went to his classroom, where he studied his lesson plans for the day. It was easy for him to get lost in his work and thus forget about the trip that he would have to make after school today.
It was September now, the beginning and most difficult part of the school year. There were thirty in the entering freshman class. They were about evenly split between farm kids and town kids. Some acted cool, but he doubted a single one of them wasn’t intimidated. Whether a football player for the first time suiting up with guys three years older and forty to a hundred pounds bigger, a princess being eyed for the first time by older guys and resented by older girls, an academically minded kid for the first time being in a place where GPA really mattered, or just an average kid trying to avoid being noticed and singled out for cruelty, it felt like somebody was out to get you. Sully didn’t want them to feel the same about their math teacher.
The freshman came in at eight. There was no remedial math at Little Axe. All entering freshmen took Algebra 1. The challenge for Sully was figuring out how each student best learned math. Some were abstract and would learn by studying written concepts. Some were visual and could understand through charts and diagrams. Then there were the practical, who had to know how the square root of X divided by Y squared would ever apply to their lives. Sully accommodated them all. By the end of the year, all would be through the first Algebra section, about half would be through the second section, and a few would be onto Geometry.
The rest of the day he would be with students he knew and who knew him. He taught all four years of math. Then, at two o’clock, the end of the day, he taught a college prep class. Sully considered the prep class his reward. He had already taught these kids for three years, and, in the prep class, he got to see the fruits of his efforts. The first part of the year was focused on preparing for the entrance exams: word lists, extensive reviews, timed practice tests. But today being Friday, Sully took it easy on them. They went to the computer lab and got on the Internet. Some, as they were supposed to, looked at college websites. Some played games, checked their E-mail, or whatever computer activity suited them, as long as they thought they could get away with it, as long as they thought Mr. Jacobson would maintain his façade of indifference. It was Friday.
He loved the prep class. Last year, they had actually placed a student at MIT and another at Stanford. There were twenty-eight seniors scheduled to graduate in the spring. Of them, twenty-five were in the college prep class. Sully fully expected to place all twenty-five at four-year colleges.
He was wrong. Because on Tuesday, he would see one placed in the ground. Then there would only be twenty-four.
#
At 3PM, Sully was walking through the parking lot. He barely noticed the students moving around him, heading to their cars, walking off campus, loading on the buses. The sounds of their laughter and shouts, their car stereos blaring, all seemed distant.
This was it. He had packed Monica’s things this morning. No need to go by home first. He would just pick her up at daycare and then hit that long stretch of interstate, just he and a helpless child. A helpless child and a helpless adult.
He felt a strange energy. Part of it was anticipation, excitement over the prospect of recovering, the closed avenues this would reopen in his life. Another part was fear, not knowing what lay ahead, the possibility of failure. It was hard to tell how much each emotion contributed to the energy. But he thought he would soon find out, when he was driving and one or the other came to the front.
Sully had just started his Ford Taurus when he was startled by the high-pitched chime and brought from his head. He laughed at himself, realizing that it was just his cell phone. He pulled it from his pocket.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Sully. What are you doing?” It was Anna. Her voice revealed a mixture of sadness and anger.
“I just got out of work. I’m on my way to pick up Monica at daycare.”
“She’s not at daycare.”
Sully hesitated. She was playing some kind of game with him. “Oh. Why not?”
Anna’s voice was suddenly aloof. “Because I decided not to take her today. I’m used to seeing her everyday, and now she’s going to be gone for a whole week.”
Anna had not always played games. This addition to her personality had come when Sully started talking about making the trip. Sully tried to think of how to avoid being drawn into this little emotional sparing match, what words to use. He finally went with, “Sounds nice. You two have fun?”
“Of course,” Anna said, the anger creeping back up.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, despite knowing the answer, not wanting to sound presumptuous.
There were a few seconds of pause, then Anna said, “Don’t go.”
Sully sighed. “I have to.”
“No, you don’t!”
“We’ve been through this. I have to get over my fear. You traveled before you met me. You’re going to want to travel again.”
“I traveled because I’m a writer, and I didn’t have any reason to stay in one particular place. Now I have two, and they’re both getting in a car when—”
“Anna. Come on. We’ve already done this.”
“I don’t care, Sully. If you want to travel, then we can all travel. I can go with you. I can go with you tonight.”
Again, Sully sighed. He knew this was not an argument that logic would win. Anna was brilliant. He had no doubt of that, but when it came to this particular issue, she seemed to tune out the entire logical part of her mind and listen solely to the emotional centers.
“Anna. It’s only a five-hour trip. I’ll stop at a hotel if I get overwhelmed.”
“No. It’s ten hours there and back. And that’s too much for your first time alone.”
That actually made sense. Ten hours did seem like a lot. But he didn’t want to take it slow. He would rather jump right in than prolong his misery by taking this in ever so slightly increasing increments.
“Anna. I’m coming home. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”
“You don’t have to,” Anna said, right when Sully was about to hang up.
After a few seconds, it occurred to him what she might mean. He got out of the car and looked around the lot. Over the tops of several cars, he saw her. He hung up the phone. Even in the distance, he thought he could make out her sad-angry expression, her red pouty lips standing out in contrast to her light face. That face also contrasted with her night-black hair. Though he was sure that to many people of this rural community in nowhere Oklahom
a this woman looked like a freak, he was equally sure that in other places in this huge world, her eccentric style was beautiful, just as it was to him.
They both moved to the back of their respective cars. Now across the way, he could see both of his girls, Anna in her casual pullover skirt outfit, Monica, her hair as blonde as the sun, in her pink shorts and white T-shirt. They walked hand in hand and converged with him in the middle of the parking lot.
Sully lifted Monica up to his chest and hugged her tight. “How’s my little girl?” he asked.
“I’m okay,” she said in a subdued tone.
Sully put his daughter out in front of him and inspected her to see if he could figure out what was wrong. Was she sad or just tired? Seeing her droopy eyes and subdued breath, he knew immediately. He looked at Anna and said, “No nap?”
Anna, who now had tears in her eyes and her arms wrapped on her chest, shook her head.
Sully looked around. He was relieved to see that none of the remaining students in the lot seemed interested in them. Then he remembered that it was Friday for them too. They had more important things to focus on.
Sully placed Monica back on the ground, and then the three of them walked to his car. Monica got into the backseat and Sully fastened her into her booster chair. Her eyes went to the various books and games he had placed in the car this morning. He kissed the back of her head and then stood up. He shut the door and then turned on time to feel Anna rush into him. He had to take a step back to keep from falling over. She gripped him tight, so strong for a little woman.
“I love you,” she said, sobs in her voice.
“I love you too,” he returned, wrapping his arms around her, lifting her slightly off the ground. Though he didn’t like how upset she was, he loved the way she felt in his arms. Clinging to him. So light.
A few seconds later, he sat her down. Nearly a minute passed, and he realized that she did not intend to let him go. He gently pushed her out in front of him. “Hey. That new book you’ve been outlining isn't going to write itself.”
Anna started to say something, but stopped. She then nodded her head in resignation.
He looked hard at her, tried to decipher why this scared her so much. There just seemed to be more to it than what she was saying. But after a few seconds of trying to read her face like he was reading one of her stories, he thought of how ridiculous he was being. She was probably just worried for the same reasons as he, the same reasons she had told him.
Sully kissed her on lips that barely moved and then left her standing beside the car. A little while later, he was backing his car out. He caught a glimpse of Anna, who was still standing where he had left her, a dejected look etched on her face. He hated to leave her this way, but he knew that it was going to be leaving her this way or not leaving her at all. And he knew she would eventually put it to her own logic. She valued freedom and autonomy. She would be able to respect his decision. After he made it back okay, they would both be glad he had made the trip.
After pulling out of the lot, Sully looked at Monica in the rearview mirror. It looked like she had gotten into her playthings, but now she ignored them.
“Are you exited to see your Mommy?”
Monica nodded her little head. Then she said, “I’m tired.” Five minutes later, she was asleep.
Chapter Two
It was a twenty-mile drop from Little Axe to I-40. And that was where Sully and Monica would spend the majority of the trip, driving from the west side of Oklahoma all the way to the eastern border, about 315 miles.
Shockingly, the first couple of hours went by without a hitch. Sully had expected the fear to grip him. After all, fear was what had kept him from trying this before. But any fear he had started out with faded quickly. Maybe it was the resolution, he thought. Just telling himself that he was going to recover was enough to push the fear away. He wondered why he had waited so long to try. He started to feel a little regret for what he had missed out on, needlessly. But he pushed that regret away, not wanting to spoil his optimistic mood.
The weather was nice. Traffic was light. Sully put a CCR CD in, and in no time he was into his thoughts, thinking about the future, thinking about his life now, liking what he saw. As a teacher, he pretty much had the summers off. He pictured the three of them traveling together. Maybe they could drive clear to the ocean. Monica was about to the age where she would form lifelong memories, good memories, like the ones from his childhood. He thought of how he would love to show her some of the places he had been. And Anna. She had traveled all around. He tried to imagine seeing some of the places she had been, hearing her stories about them, trying to figure out which places inspired scenes in her fiction.
Monica woke up about the time they hit Oklahoma City. The traffic picked up in the city, but even that didn’t bother him. He talked to his daughter for a little while, and then she opted to play her Leap Frog board.
On the other side of OKC, they stopped at McDonald’s. Sully ate, while Monica climbed around in the PlayPlace. He watched her climb to the top, where she hesitated at the slide. After considering it for a few seconds, she came down. Then, having learned that the long slide wasn’t nearly as scary as it had looked, Monica played fearlessly.
Sully laughed, his daughter having just reinforced what the road was showing him. Things sometimes looked a lot scarier than they were.
After finishing his dinner and drinking a cup of coffee, Sully got Monica a Happy Meal to go. Walking out to the car, Sully noticed that the day was beginning to give. That caused a tinge of anxiety. But even that anxiety dissipated, as he moved down the road and closer to the night.
It was dark by the time they hit the final exit. Faith and her husband, Scott, were waiting at the edge of the Wal-Mart parking lot, behind their car, in the light of a lamp. Monica spotted her mother and finally showed signs of excitement.
“Mommy! There she is Daddy! There’s my mommy!”
Sully parked the car and unlocked the door. Monica got out on her own and ran excitedly into her mother’s arms. Sully thought he saw hesitation in the movements of his ex, as she lifted her daughter off the ground.
Sully got out and walked toward them. He took Scott’s extended hand as they met behind the cars.
“Hey, Sully. How was the trip?”
“Not bad at all.”
He had known Scott before Faith and Scott got together. Sully had not once felt ill will toward the man. Overall, Scott seemed trustworthy, and Sully was glad that he didn’t have to worry about Monica suffering a malevolent step-dad.
“Thanks,” Faith said to him, already crying and then took Monica to the car.
Scott stood there for a few awkward seconds and then said. “Well, Sully, you be careful now.”
“I will, buddy. You do the same.”
Sully walked to the backseat of Scott’s BMW and waived through the window.
Monica said something to her mother and then the window came down. Monica planted a kiss on his lips.
“Bye, little girl,” Sully said.
“Bye, Daddy.”
A little while later, the car backed out, and they left him standing there. Sully stayed alone in the parking lot for a few minutes, tokeing on a cigar he had been saving for when he had made it home. But it felt nice now, having made it this far.
There were cars and people nearby, but they faded into the background, as he got into the sweet taste of the cigar and the thoughts going through his head. He dwelled on things he hadn’t dwelled on in a while. Coming out of the coma. Within hours, his mother told him that Faith had left.
Even at that time, just coming from what he thought was his eternity, he had not felt forsaken. Nor was he sad or angry. He had only felt relieved.
#
Ten minutes later, Sully was back on the road. He called home, where he got the answering machine. He then tried Anna’s cell phone and got her voice mail. He wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t answered. He pictured her with the laptop on the dinin
g room table, entranced by her story. She had probably stopped to listen to his message, then, assured that he was okay, kept typing. In the year and a half that he had known this young horror writer, he had come to find that she had two worlds that she lived in. Two worlds that didn’t overlap.
In one world, she gave herself to him completely, while in the other world, she wouldn’t be disturbed. Even when she was in the latter world, Sully savored her presence, the way her face glowed, her eyes so intense. He liked to look at her and try to imagine what was going on inside of her incredible mind, what new place was being created. He wondered how she did it, conjured people out of nothing and gave them personalities and lives.
The most amazing thing was that none of her characters resembled her. How could she get inside their heads, know what they thought, how they acted, what motivated them?
How he loved this mysterious woman who had come out of nowhere and into his life.
Sully felt good now. He felt like he would be able to drive straight through. That would put him home about 1:30AM. Anna would most likely be asleep. But she would still be glad to see him, and she would probably be horny. That made the idea of driving straight through even more appealing.
#
Sully was forty-five minutes away from where he had exchanged Monica. I-40 was quiet, but he could make out the lights of a semi in the distance. He had passed a few vehicles and a few vehicles had passed him in the last half-hour. It was a nice little balance that helped him feel all the more normal.
Now that Monica was no longer with him, he was able to blare the stereo. He had the latest Pearl Jam CD in the player. He had bought it last spring but had not gotten to know it yet. Now, it moved him. This band fascinated him. Like no other band, they seemed to come up with a different sound with each new album. Every time, the new sound would grow on him. Every time, he would swear it was their best album yet.
Sully drove fearlessly down the road, into the night, trying hard to decipher the lyrics coming through his speakers. By now he had nearly forgotten that his fear ever existed. Then the rain started.
Scribner Horror Bundle: Four Horror Novels by Joshua Scribner Page 17
