On Tuesday, Parker came in alone and sat out on the patio in back. He usually ate inside, but occasionally went out there if he was studying something. Today, he had a stack of papers in his hand, maybe a contract, and appeared to be deep in focus. Celeste knew he was in Kendra’s section and that Kendra had done well to make sure he had all he needed, but she decided to feign ignorance to all of this.
She walked outside. It was a cool day and had been raining earlier, so nobody else was on the patio. Parker looked up and nodded slightly as she came out. She knew what she wanted to do and was quite nervous. She didn’t really have urges now, and was just trying to be a bit braver than last week. Before she could think too much about it, she sat down squarely on Parker’s lap.
“You been waited on, hon?” Celeste said, nervously, unnaturally.
“Well, yeah,” Parker said in a shocked voice.
Celeste briefly pressed her butt into his midsection as she got to her feet. She thought she felt a swell. She went back inside without looking back.
***
On Wednesday, James waited to go outside. It wasn’t until well after dark that he went out and sat on the porch swing. It was a clear night, not a cloud in the sky. He felt his anxiety rise at a steady rate. He lasted ten minutes before he was overwhelmed and had to go in.
James went downstairs and sat in the middle of his speakers. He turned the music on and absorbed it. After calming down, James was able to reflect on his experiment.
The day before, the anxiety had been less with the rain. After reflecting today, he had thought that possibly due to the clouds blocking out the sun; maybe it was the sun that triggered his anxiety. But he had feared both night and day before he started Dr. Porter’s new therapy.
Still, he’d reasoned that maybe the sun was at the base of his fear, and that the fear of the outside in general had developed out of that. In turn, because being outside at night, without the sun, was a mere secondary fear, it would be less resistant to therapy.
It had seemed like a reasonable hypothesis. But now he knew that his hypothesis was wrong. The night sky wasn’t a secondary fear. He feared the night as much as he feared the day. So the sun wasn’t to blame. Still, the rainy weather had acted as some kind of barrier for the anxiety. What was in the sky?
***
Celeste came home from work Wednesday night and went to bed. As far as she could tell, Parker hadn’t said anything to the other staff about what she’d done the previous day. Celeste was glad, not wanting to answer a lot of questions.
When she had done it, there had been little in the way of sexual sensation. It was afterward, thinking about it, that she got aroused. She imagined that swell up against her. She added him reaching around and touching her breasts. As it was before, she would think this, become somewhat aroused, and then have the feelings fade into repulsion. But she thought it was progress.
She had thought little of her imagined friend this week. But that didn’t seem like a big deal. Right now, she was caught up in the sensations. She was learning to like physical contact. That was the gateway to having that forever friend.
Then there was the James factor. She loved that James was ahead of her. He allowed her to see that it was only going to get better.
Chapter 10
The car ride hadn’t been that much different from being inside his house, at least anxiety wise. Otherwise, it was great. James loved the feeling of being inside something and moving down the road, the way the pavement, the trees and the other cars seemed to come at him so fast. He absorbed the rhythm of the vehicle moving and found it very relaxing. The only anxiety came in walking to the car and walking to Dr. Porter’s office from the car, and that anxiety was minimal, as the exposure to the outside was brief.
Inside Dr. Porter’s office, James felt like a star. He was like the guest of honor, arriving for a rare appearance. He found Dr. Porter in the lobby.
“How was your trip?” the doctor asked.
“Excellent,” James replied.
Dr. Porter nodded with satisfaction and then said, “The others are back in the therapy room. Let’s get started.”
***
All three clients talked of success during the week. All noted that there was discomfort within their success, but none were pessimistic in the least. Dr. Porter was fully aware that this was the first session where they would all three start with an open barrier. That, for him, made this the most exciting session yet. He put them under.
Celeste and Toby both signaled that their progress had halted within ten minutes. But Dr. Porter kept them under for another thirty minutes, because that was how long it took James to signal.
He was interested to hear from them all, as soon as he brought them up. But his interest in the other two paled compared to his curiosity about James. Why had he been under so much longer this time? By the exhilarated look on James’s face, the news had to be good.
“What happened?” Dr. Porter looked directly at James and asked.
James opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Dr. Porter realized that James was too excited for speech right now. He turned to the other two, who were obviously also fascinated with James’s reaction.
“Toby,” Dr. Porter said, taking the young man’s stare off of James and bringing it to him. “How did it go?”
“Good,” Toby said. “The gap is bigger.”
“Me too,” Celeste said.
Then all attention went back to James. They gave him a couple of minutes, and then he said, “It was incredible. When I showed up, the gap was as I had left it. But beyond that, further along the tunnel, were these hairline fractures.”
Dr. Porter was astonished, but not shocked. The work James did during the week must have compromised the barrier’s structure.
“Then, as I started to chip, making the gap bigger, I could feel how flimsy it was. Then, all of the sudden, a big chunk of it just fell down. But it didn’t crash. It just sort of disintegrated as soon as it broke off. I went back to work on the rest, top, bottom and side, and everywhere I chipped, big pieces broke. And the size of what broke off grew and grew, until . . .”
“Until what?” Dr. Porter implored.
“Yeah,” Celeste jumped in. “Until what?”
James laughed loudly. “Until it all, what was left, just sort of vanished. My God! I think it’s gone!”
This surprised Dr. Porter. It was faster than expected. “What happened next?”
“Well, the heat did something it had not done before. It had been like that heat didn’t obey the laws of physics. It didn’t distribute itself evenly once the gap was made.”
Dr. Porter had thought of that. The heat they talked about wasn’t actual heat. It was experiential heat, heat in their minds, so it didn’t have to obey the laws of physics.
“What did it do?” Dr. Porter asked, thinking he knew the answer.
“It kind of dissipated. I think it spread out evenly, throughout the tunnel.”
“Yes,” Dr. Porter said. “It’s now a part of you. That’s what the heat has been all along, a part of yourself that you’ve been deprived of. And now you have complete access to that part.”
“Wow!” James said in a manner very uncharacteristic of an intelligent man his age. “Does that mean . . .”
Dr. Porter smiled. “Yes, James. I do believe that means you are healed. But you have to remember that you are now the first client I have ever done this with, and I think I’m the first person to develop these methods. So we have to proceed with caution. Go about your life as it feels right. But notify me immediately of anything strange. And I want you to continue coming in, at least for a couple more sessions.”
James nodded as enthusiastically as any child Dr. Porter had ever seen.
“As for the two of you,” Dr. Porter said, addressing Toby and Celeste, whose glowing faces seemed to mark a contagious reaction to James’s excitement. “Continue as you did last week. Make small improvements, but don’t overdue it.”
; The session was over. One was healed.
***
On Sunday, James decided to test out the alleged cure. He went with his parents. They drove clear to Columbia, where they had lunch at Applebee’s. James was anxiety free during both the trip and during lunch. But he was not totally free. Today, he felt a sort of inner excitement, something beckoning him. He still enjoyed the ride and he enjoyed the meal, right there in a public place.
James noticed that people tended to react to his presence in one of two ways. Some stared at him. Others glanced at him, only to look away quickly. Those who stared were usually the really old or the really young, groups James suspected were the most likely not to care as much about social etiquette. James liked the people who stared. They were honest. Besides, there was no denying that he was a spectacle, with his bushy hair and pale face.
These observations about people and their reactions to him didn’t excite him that much. Something was missing.
After lunch, they went to the mall, where James got a haircut. He could do nothing about his pale complexion, for now. But he really didn’t care too much about his appearance anyway. Like lunch and the ride, James enjoyed the haircut. But there was still something missing.
Afterward, they went to see a play. During the course of it, his mother asked if he was anxious.
“No,” James whispered back. “I’m fine.” But he wasn’t exactly fine. He wanted to know what this longing inside him was. As he sat there, he ignored the play and focused inward. He was enjoying today, but not enough. His first time being out in the public without intense anxiety should have been different. He should have been more interested in what was to him a novel experience. He should have wanted to study the people more, up to that point most of his interactions not being in person. Seeing the way people were in public should have invoked his intellectual curiosity more. More than that, he should have been caught up in what was the biggest success of his life. This should have been a day of elation for him.
But coming outside made him feel like there was something for him to do. He had a void that needed to be filled. He wondered if this was what it was like for normal people all the time. He doubted it.
James didn’t think he’d be able to figure out what was going on today. He was with his parents, who had ideas about what they wanted to expose him to. He figured he could think about it better when he was on his own, without them accompanying his every move. Tomorrow, he’d go off alone.
***
During breakfast Monday morning, James announced that he wanted to walk around town for a while, alone. Neither of his parents protested, but his mom asked that he take a cell phone with him, in case he was overwhelmed. James agreed to take the cell phone and to check in occasionally. After breakfast, he sat out on foot.
The urgency had been there during breakfast, and it stayed with him as he walked out the front door. But that urgency rapidly changed to enthusiasm, like he was coming closer to what he was seeking, although he didn’t know exactly what he was looking for.
He walked down the block and onto the next. A little while later, he walked onto the grounds of Arabuke University. He strolled right into the heart of things, in the middle of several buildings. He roamed around, seeing many people, mostly young kids with backpacks, heading to class. He didn’t feel like he stood out here, so many people around, some from different cultures, some as eccentric looking as he. He kind of liked it. He pondered the idea of going to college. Maybe he could get an advanced degree and teach.
But, as much as he liked it here, he knew he wasn’t in the right place now. He stopped for a little while and looked around. He thought he could sense what wasn’t quite right. It was the buildings. It was the many trees on campus. It was that there were so many people. It was open here, but not open enough.
James realized what had been wrong yesterday. Though he’d left the house, he’d been inside at one place or another, or inside the car, most of the day. He needed open. He needed to get to as open of a place as he could.
James walked right off the campus, to the south, where he found himself in a field. He stood in the middle of that field and felt like he was doing right. He could feel the excitement, a heat inside him, rising. The sense of beckoning was there, but not as strong. Still, James wanted to move. He thought he felt a slight tug in the southern direction. He strolled across the field and across several others. He doubted he was legally supposed to be in some of these fields, and he saw a few houses, here and there, but no one protested to him.
All and all, he walked for about half an hour, and then he saw something that intrigued him. It was just a hill, an elevation over the surrounding area. It was where he wanted to go.
James had to walk another fifteen minutes to get to the hill. Then he worked his way up the side. The grass on the hill was high and so were the trees. James was shocked that he could do this. He was in terrible physical condition and should have not even made it to the slope. But the heat inside him was incredible. It gave him the energy he needed.
Then there was the thought. Was this crazy? People didn’t get heat inside them that let them engage in prolonged physical activity that they were not capable of. Adrenaline could give someone an extra boost, but James didn’t think an adrenaline rush would be enough to sustain him this long. Still, going around trees, and up a terrain that was increasingly rougher, James never felt tired.
James made it to the top and became even more excited. The apex leveled off somewhat and was as rocky as the hill got. There were no trees at the top. It was somehow perfect.
James went and sat upon the largest rock he could find, which was also the highest elevation. He realized that he was in a position to take in nature like he’d never taken it in before. But all he really wanted to take in was the sky. He sat down, cross-legged, and waited. For what, he did not know.
***
The thoughts teased her constantly, and she had started touching herself at night. The repulsion was still there, but it had dwindled since the last session. The novelty of the feelings was beginning to overwhelm the repulsion. She was thinking less and less of companionship and more of the simple contact itself. By Wednesday evening, Celeste knew she had to do something.
Wednesday, hump day, was a little busier than the other weeknights, so no one went home early. After the pub was closed, Celeste saw Paul go outside to smoke in the open air. She knew that she was just a little crazy right now and that she should give more thought to her urges, but she didn’t want to; she wanted to give in.
Paul just happened to be who was available. Celeste quietly walked out to the side of the pub, where Paul leaned against the wall, having his smoke.
“Hey hey,” Paul said.
“Hey,” Celeste responded.
Paul flicked his cigarette, and Celeste walked up and stood right in front of him, her arms folded in front of her.
“How’d you do tonight?” the unsuspicious Paul asked.
“I’m sure I did okay,” Celeste responded, knowing Paul wanted more like a number. But Celeste couldn’t think of numbers right now. She was thinking of how to do this, or that maybe she should do nothing at all.
The next time Paul brought the cigarette down, Celeste was able to see, in the lights of that parking lot, that a little ash had landed on his shirt. Using it as an opening, she reached forward and dusted off that ash, but left her hand on his chest.
Paul looked at her, astonished. He didn’t know that he was one of the guys she had been fantasizing about, that she had frequently, in her imagination, added to that night in the theater. He didn’t know that she needed him because her imagination would only take her so far. Though she knew what the acts of sex were, she couldn’t begin to imagine what they’d be like in person.
Celeste thought she might have seen Paul’s look go from totally confused to mostly confused with a tinge of want. She couldn’t resist. She acted on instinct.
“Let go of the cigarette,” she said, and Paul drop
ped it to the ground. Celeste pressed her body into his and then pressed her lips against his mouth.
Paul opened his mouth, and then they were kissing. Paul touched her but only on her back, and then he reached to her shoulders and gently pushed her away.
“What is this?” he said in a slightly frightened tone.
Celeste didn’t care to discuss that right now, though. She hadn’t much liked the kissing, Paul’s breath like cigarettes. But there was a heat when he touched her, something inside, and she liked it very much. She didn’t want for it to stop.
“Just give me more,” she said, as she pushed herself back into him.
He moved his mouth to her and they kissed some more. He moved his hands on her back, and there was more heat. She wanted him to touch her more, to feel the heat when he touched her in other places. But again, he pushed her back.
“No, Celeste. I’m not sure this is right. We have to talk first.”
Disappointed, Celeste said, “Fine. Finish up and then come to my place. We’ll have some wine and talk.”
Twenty minutes later, Celeste went home. She had four glasses of Zinfandel before Paul arrived. She let him in her apartment, seeing the mixture on his face: Lust and guilt, she thought. He had showered and cleaned up. She smelled his after-shave and knew he would be able to put the guilt aside.
Paul in the center of the room, Celeste walked up to him and put her hands on his shirt. She then began to pull his shirt over his head.
“Whoa!” Paul said.
Celeste sighed, but smiled at the same time. “Paul. You’re my best male friend. I have these urges, and I want to try them with someone I trust.”
Paul thought for a few seconds and then nodded.
Celeste had not known how far it would go. She had planned to just go with it. But shortly after Paul agreed, they were back in her bedroom. He kissed her and touched her body on top of her clothes. She felt like she needed more, had to have it, so she stripped.
Scribner Horror Bundle: Four Horror Novels by Joshua Scribner Page 35
