“Of course not.” Glory said ruffling Liberty’s hair as she walked out of the kitchen to change into her trainers. “Don’t wait up for me.”
“Don’t worry I won’t. Love you.” Liberty said, resuming her task.
“Love you more bitch.” Glory put on her fluorescent yellow Nikes and left the house. She turned right towards the main road and started off at a quick pace. She couldn’t be around all that wedding paraphernalia. Once on the high street she stopped running and found a bench to sit down on. It was outside a Chicken Cottage so she took the opportunity to observe the mortals in their natural habitat. There was a young woman standing outside the door trying to stop passers-by with leaflets. The mortals weren’t interested in taking them. One man even laughed in her face to which the girl remained stoical. In a rare moment Glory felt compassion for the girl’s stiff upper lip, so she got up and walked over to her.
“Excuse me can I have one of those please?” Glory asked politely.
“Of course you can.” the girl said handing one over to Glory. She was a little overwhelmed by the sight of such a junoesque woman. “Grace awaits us all, renounce sin and follow the light. Let Lucifer not tempt you. I’m Jeanette and you will always be welcome at our church. The directions are on the back. Hopefully I’ll see you on Sunday.”
“Thank you very much.” Glory said as she sat down on the bench again with the leaflet. She flicked through it: Heaven, Hell, light, God, Satan, love, saviour, Jesus Christ, sin, pain, suffering, redemption, forgiveness, peace, hope, angels, glory. What was she doing in there? The drawings of angels amused her, there was no way that Jeanette would be able to cope if Glory stretched her wings out. She barely used them to be honest, she found them ostentatious and besides she found driving more useful as there was always ketamine in the glove compartment. Musing over the leaflet Glory thought over and over again that she would never understand why most of the mortals could ignore what was in plain sight and believe in this omnigod. She reached into her pocket for an errant pill. Glory found it almost difficult not to feel sympathy for this Satan character. He sounded like your standard misunderstood anti-hero. Glory had a weakness for anti-heroes.
***
Bea got up and went to the fridge. She rifled around for a few seconds before she found the ambrosia and poured herself and Liberty a tumbler. She carried the two full glasses to the table and took the seat next to Liberty.
“Oh lovely, thank you.” Liberty said smiling warmly at Bea before drinking it “I could do with a break.”
“That’s alright.” Bea leaned in and kissed Liberty. “You are going to marry him, but don’t fall in love with him.”
“What?” Liberty breathed as she kissed Bea back. The haze of the last few days fell away. In Bea’s hand was Eros’s love arrow. She crushed it with little strength.
“You got shot. These arrows are usually pretty impossible to remove.”
“I see.” Liberty was left with the terrifying reality of having agreed to marry a megalomaniac she couldn’t bear: a god who had a reputation for going postal when it came to women breaking up. This fear began to fall away when she became overpowered by something she’d never quite felt before. Evidently Bea did not need to rely on Eros’s arrows.
“Don’t worry it’ll all work out in the end.” Bea said as she unbuttoned Liberty’s shirt.
“Are you sure?” Liberty asked. She was startled when the stairs creaked as Honour came down.
“I’m going out guys. See you later.” Honour said through the door before leaving the house. She had been reading more tomes of military history and was off to muse over the Italian defeat at the hands of the Abyssinians.
“I promise.” Bea said kissing Liberty’s neck. Bea and Liberty were home alone.
The Gig
Day two of KW2 was over and Glory, Honour and Bea had all been informed by Liberty that they were expected to attend Apollo’s gig, much to all their delight. Not that Liberty was that excited about it either, she was merely keeping up appearances as Bea had told her to. Apollo & The Muses were headlining a grotty club in Dalston. It was literally – and figuratively – underground: it was in the basement of a hairdresser’s salon that seemed to specialise in making grown woman look like mermaids with green, blue and pink hair. No one but the coolest of cool kids even had an inkling that this place existed. Even if they did know where it was, there was no way they were getting past the monsterish bouncers. Liberty, Honour and Bea stood outside the hairdresser’s together. Honour was finishing up her Marlboro whilst Bea and Liberty chatted. Honour had noticed the slightly flushed look on Liberty’s face but had put that down to Apollo’s imminent arrival. Glory was pacing up and down the other end of the street with her mobile glued to her ear.
“Hi there, I’m trying to get through to Oberon. Could you pass me through to his secretary please? No he’s not expecting me. It’s urgent. No I’m not trying to flog him double glazing. My full name is Gloriana Andraste Britannica, I’m his daughter Valour’s commanding officer. Yes I’ll hold. Hello, hello, hello. Hi yes, Oberon I’m so sorry to disturb you. No, I wasn’t aware that tonight was your bridge night. I am tremendously sorry to disturb you but it’s important. My name is Glory, I’m Valour’s commanding officer in Valkyrie Unit 401 and I thought that I should let you know that two days ago she resigned her post. No she hasn’t violated her contract or anything else for that matter; we don’t have a compulsory notice period here except for extraordinary cases. Look, I was ringing because, well, Val is a friend of mine and since she rang to say that she’s leaving none of us have managed to get through to her by any means. I thought I should ring you and see whether you have spoken with her. You haven’t. Oh alright. Yes you’re right she has got another boyfriend but... well I never considered her to be particularly wayward. My name, it’s Gloriana Andraste Britannica. Yes, she is my mother and yes I am fully aware that she was an evil bitch. I hated her too. Ok well enjoy your bridge.” Glory put her phone down. “What a bellend.”
“Everything alright over there?” Bea asked loudly, looking concernedly over at Glory who being halfway down the street was just out of ear shot. Glory came dashing back over.
“Yes, trying to get a new bloody shield made but Wayland’s workshop is being a total pain.” Glory said all smiles and swishing hair. She wasn’t going to air her concerns to anyone until she had direct proof of anything. Careless talk costs lives.
“Right shall we go in then and get this over and done with?” Bea said starting towards the entrance leading the other Valkyries in. This was a new experience for Glory she hadn’t been led in anywhere by anyone else for a good six hundred years, it made her uneasy even if only subconsciously.
They squeezed down the narrow steps heaving with beauties to what would have been the servant’s entrance way back when having a servant was socially acceptable. There was a small queue of super cute nymphs and wood gods of various types already lined up. Heads turned when the Valkyries walked past. Standing outside the door were two bouncers, each was terrifying. They were more likely to eat wayward mortals than to turn them away for wearing trainers.
Liberty walked straight to the front of the queue. “We’re on the guest list.”
“Name?” the troll with the clipboard asked.
“It’s Liberty, Apollo put us down.”
“Four of you, yeah? Alright go through.” the bouncer troll said pulling back the red cord rope for Bea, Liberty and Honour.
“Wait a second, you” the other bouncer, a Cyclopes, said pointing at Glory as she stepped through the threshold “I know you. Any funny business tonight and you’re barred. If you hadn’t been invited by Apollo I’d search you. You’ve probably got half a kilo of coke shoved down your knickers.”
“Stop thinking about what’s in my underwear you pervert.” Glory said kissing the Cyclopes on the cheek then flouncing into the dark club. She stopped part way down in the darkness and swallowed a few pills with a slosh of whiskey from her h
ip flask. As she pushed through the swing doors at the bottom of the stairwell she was faced with a nightmare disguised as a dream. Aphrodite was wearing stilettoes and a scowl.
“So here you are.” Aphrodite said, sizing Glory up.
“Yes, although I doubt I’ll stay long.” Glory smiled as she waltzed past Aphrodite straight to the bar. The bar was rammed as there were a considerable number of maenads at the gig that night. The practically edible barman was juggling martinis so she hopped over the bar and made herself a dirty pint, took a swig and swallowed some more pills. She recognised the barman but couldn’t remember why. He gave her a stern but affectionate look as she did a sad puppy face and handed him a fiver that she’d written her phone number on. She clamoured back over the bar much to the annoyance/admiration of the maenads who had all heard of Glory. She spotted Honour being chatted up by Dionysius again so she strolled over and put her arm around Dionysius neck.
“Well aren’t you being friendly today.” Dionysius was surprised. Glory normally emanated fuck off and die vibes.
“I’m as high as a kite. How’s the booze business going? I keep seeing Alcoholics Anonymous posters up and around Hackney, the bastards.” Glory said remembering all the times she had been cautioned for being drunk and disorderly by silly mortal policemen over the last year. She managed to persuade them not to charge her, as of yet she had managed to get away without turning them into pigeons although she was always tempted when they told her that she might have a problem. She knew she had a problem. She didn’t need a fucking mortal to tell her that.
“You’re wasted as Valkyrie.” Dionysius was tempted to make a move but he was still working on Honour.
“Well you’re wasted if nothing else.” Honour said a little giggly. She could hardly talk.
“Where did Liberty go?” Glory asked.
“I think she went to the loos with Bea.” Honour said.
“Ah cool, I need to put some make up on I look like shit. Dionysius, I’m watching you.” Glory walked off towards the loos. Considering that the only people allowed into the club were immortals there was no need for actual loos. In reality it was a dingy room with mirrors and empty cubicles where sometimes there was sex. Glory walked in to a standoff. Bea and Liberty were standing on one side of the room with Aphrodite standing closest to the door blocking the exit.
“Well” Aphrodite said over her shoulder to Glory with her hands on her hips.
“Well?” Glory said.
“You won’t guess what I walked in on. What sort of unit are you running Valkyrie?” smug Aphrodite said turning around facing Glory.
“Well honestly, I’m only soberish for around a third of the time, so I sincerely don’t know. Killing millions of mortals is hardly a difficult job so I’m usually half cut.” Glory said.
“There’s something desperately wrong with you. You can’t love romantically?” Aphrodite faced Glory and peered into her eyes before asking “How have I never noticed before?”
“Because you’re bad at your job? Well I’m half-cut all the time and then it’s a combination of two other factors. Firstly I tore out my emotions and put them in a box. Secondly as I don’t have romantic emotions I fuck like a guy so I have no regard for anyone else’s feelings whatsoever. Did that answer your question?” Glory asked squaring up to Aphrodite.
“You are never serious are you?” Aphrodite had always been a little spellbound by Glory. She felt she never quite lived up to her name in the way that she easily could have, but something had changed about her. This made Aphrodite nervous. She knew of the torch that Ares held for Glory, but Glory had always been trapped in some sort of recurring nightmare that never allowed her to fully blossom. It looked like Glory had begun to wake up; this was bad news for Aphrodite, she couldn’t bear to lose Ares.
“On the contrary I’m deadly serious.” Glory pulled her knife out from somewhere, no one knew where she could have been hiding that “Now what did you want to say before I purposely side tracked you by making crap up?”
“Nothing.” Aphrodite said. She knew that Glory was mental but she had never seen evidence of it before. She was known to throw a scene but even Aphrodite hadn’t pulled a knife out on anyone. There were lines that weren’t to be crossed and toying with shanking immortals was tantamount to anarchy.
“Now if you say anything about this to anyone I will flay your skin into a new jacket. Wouldn’t that look pretty? Now swear on Styx bitch.” Glory said.
“I swear on Styx that I won’t repeat anything I’ve seen or heard in this loo.” Aphrodite said.
“Good.” Glory said and then she swooped on Aphrodite and kissed her. “I’ve always wanted to know what you’d taste like: very disappointing, I always thought that you were overrated. Now fuck off bitch.”
Aphrodite swooned. The kiss had tasted like crack and it was glorious. Aphrodite straightened her dress out and walked out of the loos with as much composure as she could muster with a lady boner. As she opened the door Glory saw Eros leaning against the wall half in shadow, he shook his head at her. Glory gave him so much trouble. He had noted however that Liberty was free of her arrow. He wasn’t going to tell Apollo that but things were going to get interesting around here.
“I don’t give a shit what that dumb fuck was going to tell on you for. It isn’t my business. Liberty can I borrow your lipstick? And is no one going to congratulate me on a cracking, bad pun?” Liberty fished around her bag for her lippy and handed it to Glory which she duly applied. “Now you’re fiancée is about to go on stage. I suggest that you go out there and stand near the front. If you don’t want to marry him anymore then that’s fine and it’s probably the right thing to do, but don’t get turned into a bloody tree I’d miss you.”
“Yes.” Liberty said as she ran out of the room.
“Having a nice evening Bea?” Glory asked.
“Heavenly.” Bea began to follow Liberty out of the room before stopping “For a smack head you’re pretty classy.” This made Glory and Bea smile. They had a little moment together.
“This marriage is a terrible idea. Be gentle with her, I won’t be pleased if you hurt my oldest friend.” Glory said with gravity. Bea nodded, that was exactly what she had wanted to hear from Glory. Glory wasn’t going to intervene. Bea even thought Glory was a little pleased by the turn of events, even if she wasn’t aware of it herself.
Glory stared at her reflection in the mirror: her pupils were wide and her hair was glossy. She was wearing a black leather miniskirt and band t-shirt that she’d bought in the 70s. She was also wearing her bawdiest pair of Doc Martins. Aphrodite had paled in comparison not that anyone would dare make such a revolutionary statement. She still had Liberty’s lipstick and applied another layer before resting on the sink. Who the fuck is Bea? Had she let a cat amongst the pigeons by hiring her on an impulse? So many mysteries were piling up on themselves. Where was Val? Why was Apollo getting married now and to her best friend of all goddesses? She sat and stared at the tiles on the wall as if they would reveal some secret to her as the warm up act began to strum away on stage. A few errant notes swam around the toilets. Glory got up and moved towards the door when someone else pushed through and she jumped back to avoid being hit. There stood Apollo, all shiny and cute.
“This is the girls.” Glory said.
“I know.” Apollo said as he held her. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just breathing each other in.
“Don’t do it. Don’t marry her.”
“Trust me. I can’t be without you anymore. I won’t do it any longer. I love you.” Apollo let her go and left the room. Glory stood there with her reflection feeling empty. Her body wanted to cry even if she couldn’t justify it rationally. She followed Apollo out of the loos and went to go and hear him play. She saw the Valkyries standing with the Olympians who had turned up: Aphrodite was next to Ares (she was clearly dazed and was ignoring everything that he was trying to say to her), Hermes was talking to Dionysius who was slyly trying to
feel up Honour in the density of the crowd and Liberty was chatting intently to Bea. Ares tried to catch her eye, there was a small mosh pit growing to his left as the beings near him started to feel angry. Glory thought she’d go and stand near Hermes, he was normally civil.
“Hey, haven’t seen you in a while.” Hermes said loudly into Glory’s ear. The lead singer of the band, a wood elf, was singing loudly about being dumped. “How are you?”
“I’m alright ta. What about you?” Glory asked clapping politely as the band finished and the sound guy came on to tune Apollo & The Muses’ instruments. Hermes pulled out two tinnies from his bag offering Glory one of them. She had managed to drink her dirty pint very quickly.
“Cheers” Hermes and Glory said clinking their cans of Strongbow together.
“Yeah I’m alright, I’m not looking forward to delivering all those bloody wedding invitations. I don’t like weddings.”
“The only thing I like about them is the open bar.” Glory said. Apollo walked on stage and played a few notes as the lights dimmed.
“Oh I was ever so sorry about your friend, very sad. I’m not sure exactly what happened though. I must say you seem to be holding up pretty well. I know you guys were close. Unlike you’re mother which frankly must have been a relief to you.” Hermes said touching Glory on the arm. He felt her turn cold.
“Let’s never talk about my mother again, eh?”
***
Apollo walked out on stage to find his favourite guitar waiting for him. He picked her up and played a few notes. The rest of the band walked on and settled down to their instruments. He looked into the crowd, he could see his brothers all in a jovial mood and Liberty was busy engrossed by that new girl. Apollo’s eyes narrowed: Glory was with Hermes which concerned him, Hermes could be a bit of a dog and they frequently had similar tastes in girls. Apollo had written the song he was about to play for Glory. Clio the band’s drummer looked to Apollo for the nod and the song began. After it had finished he looked up and Glory was gone.
The Valkyrie Page 13
