by Susan Gable
In the foyer, Hayden set her on her feet. She walked through the two sets of double doors onto the porch. Memories, images, of her first meeting with Finn in this very spot assailed her.
He’d worn unbuttoned jeans and a smug smile, and she’d fallen in lust at first sight. He’d been sperm donor #7364, contributor of the other set of chromosomes that had created her daughter’s DNA.
Now…he really was Jordan’s father. Lust had turned into something deeper. And just as she’d feared, hearts were breaking all over the place. Including hers.
He’d actually made her start to believe that maybe, just maybe, he was different. A prince in toad clothing instead of the other way around. Marriage wasn’t possible, but couldn’t they have had some kind of relationship without it?
She didn’t doubt that he loved Jordan. But he’d had trouble dealing with the medical realities of her condition.
If the transplant didn’t work…how would he cope?
The stats regarding parents of extremely ill children and the dissolution of their relationships were even higher than the norm. And ninety-nine times out of a hundred, it was the man who walked when things got rough.
They had enough on their plates without adding that to it.
Hayden swept Amelia’s legs out from under her, hefting her in his arms again and descending to the sidewalk. She turned her head to stare at the building as he carried her to the parking lot.
“I didn’t want to hurt him when I showed up on his doorstep. I just wanted to save my daughter’s life.”
“Despite the pain, I think it’s safe to say my brother wouldn’t change that. Wouldn’t change Jordan showing up on his doorstep, either.” Hayden opened the door to Finn’s Explorer.
Amelia let him lift her to the seat, which she reclined slowly. Fresh and its surroundings disappeared from her sight line. She buckled her seat belt, then blinked back a new surge of tears as he backed out the car. “There were no other options.”
Hayden snorted. “Right. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.”
“Your brother has two failed marriages under his belt already. What possessed him to propose to me?”
“Men in love do stupid things.”
“Love? You really think he’s in love with me? He never mentioned love.” Even if he had, love was easy to claim. Easy to fake, too.
“What I think doesn’t matter. I’m not the one proposing to you.”
“And you think proposing to me was stupid?”
Hayden shrugged, keeping his eyes on the road. “Look what it got him.”
Amelia sighed. “Everything was going great. Why’d he have to ruin it?”
“Because he’s terrified that after Chip’s born, you’ll take him and Jordan back to Maine. And Finn will miss out on his kids’ lives.”
A chill raised goose bumps on her arms. “That’s what I thought.”
“What?”
“This is about my children, not me.” Amelia laid a hand over her belly. Her son stirred beneath her palm.
“Believe that if you want, but Finn wants it all. The whole package. That includes you. You’ve got to admit it seems like fate’s at work here, no?”
“We make our own fate.”
Finn might have been willing to risk a third go-round with marriage, but once had been more than enough for her.
JORDAN SLUMPED AGAINST the island’s serving counter. Not even the scent of the cooling triple chocolate brownies could cheer her up.
How could it when they might be the last batch she ever made with her father? Why were adults so stupid?Pans clattered against the stovetop as he seared tuna for one of the lunch customers and tossed some veggies with olive oil in another. “Can Grandma cook?”
He glanced over his shoulder at her, smiling. “Yes, Grandma can cook. You’ve been to Sunday dinner.”
“Yeah, and you’ve brought a lot of food to it.”
Her cell phone chattered on the counter. She grabbed it. A text from Shelby, who was back in Maine to start school in a week. Jordan was enrolled in a cyberschool until she was cleared to go back after her transplant. Aunt Kara had promised to help her, too.
Got ur voice mail. Whazzup? Shelby’s message read.
My parents r fighting. Like getting divorced w/o even getting married 1st Jordan fired back.
WTH? Thought it all good? What happened?
F asked M 2 marry him. She said NO! =:-0
Ur mom is nutz. I’d marry him.
Shut up. This is serious. What should I do?
Sorry. :( Not much u can do. Does this mean ur coming home sooner?
No. Still can’t cause of Chip. Moving to G&G’s house.
The back door opened, and Uncle Hayden trudged in. Their eyes met and he pressed his lips together, then crooked his finger.
Crap! Gotta go. TTYL. She closed her phone and slipped it into her pocket. Pretending she hadn’t noticed her uncle, she turned to watch her father work. He moved like a dancer in the kitchen, stirring, flipping, sliding things in and out of the ovens. She picked up her video camera and turned it on.
Uncle Hayden appeared in the frame. He leaned close to Finn, spoke so low she couldn’t hear what he said.
Her dad nodded.
Jordan’s throat closed, and the viewfinder got blurry.
Finn spun from the stove to the island, plating the dishes. He squirted sauces, arranged things precisely, then wiped the edges of the plates. As soon as he set them on the far end of the serving counter, Tracey, one of the waitresses, appeared through the swinging doors as though summoned by his thoughts. When she left, he looked up at her.
“Time to go, Jordan.”
She shut the camera, her bottom lip quivering. Tears started to run down her cheeks.
“Oh, hey, don’t do that.” He came around the island to where she perched on the stool. His own eyes shimmered suspiciously.
She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressed her face into his chest. He stroked her hair. “There’s no crying in the kitchen,” he said gently.
“I don’t want to go,” she choked out. “I want to stay with you.”
“I don’t want you to go, either.” He reached down, easing her away and lifting her chin, forcing her to look at him. “But I need you to take care of your mom.”
“She—she can take care of herself. She always has.”
“She can’t right now. She needs you.”
Jordan shook her head. “She needs you. I need you, Dad.”
His eyes widened. “Oh, sweetheart…” He stroked his thumb over her cheek, wiping away her tears. “Your mom made it very clear that I’m not the person she needs, or wants, in her life.”
“You love her?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. He nodded. “I do.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because she’s smart and funny. She’s independent and strong. She takes excellent care of you. She makes a plan, then makes it happen.” He shrugged. “Your mom’s an amazing woman.”
“And me? Do you love me?”
He pulled her tight against him, squeezing her. “With all my heart. Don’t you ever doubt that.”
Sobs shook her. She finally had a father, one who loved her. Had a real family, with aunts and uncles and cousins.
And she had to give it up.
“Hey, if not for your baby brother acting up, we wouldn’t have had this much time. Let’s be thankful for what we’ve had, right?”
“No. I don’t want to be thankful for what I’ve had. I want more.” Of everything. More love. More family. More life.
“So do I, sweetie. So do I.”
AMELIA STARED UP at the new ceiling. A popcorn ceiling. And while only a day ago a change of scenery had been most welcome, the popcorn ceiling with its thousands of little dots just annoyed her.
The twin bed pushed against the faded pink wall hemmed her in far more than Finn’s queen-size bed. A single night table between the two twin beds left little room for
all her junk, and she missed his hundred channels of nothing to watch.The two high rectangular windows were positioned over her head, leaving her with only the room to stare at. For all she knew, the world no longer existed outside this space.
Lydia Hawkins, Finn’s mother, appeared in the doorway. Amelia could only hope to look as good when she was Lydia’s age. Silver hair framed a face enhanced by well-earned wrinkles, around blue eyes that she’d passed to her children and grandchildren.
Blue eyes that nearly froze Amelia with their icy disdain.
She got the idea Lydia wasn’t entirely thrilled with her new houseguest. But then, if anyone hurt Jordan, Amelia wouldn’t be thrilled with having to care for them, either.
“Here’s your mother, dear. We weren’t sure if you’d want to stay right in here with her. There’s another twin bed.”
Jordan, at Lydia’s shoulder, scowled. “Is there someplace else I can stay?”
“Absolutely. You can have the bedroom that shares a bathroom with this one.” Lydia slid open the pocket door that led to the Jack-and-Jill bathroom. Jordan, backpack slung over one shoulder, followed her.
“There are two straps on that backpack for a reason,” Amelia called after her. “Whatever, Mom.”
Well, at least her daughter was still speaking to her.
The afternoon wore on. Lydia brought her a dinner tray with meat loaf, mashed potatoes and carrots. All extremely hard to eat while lying down. And though the food was tasty enough, it wasn’t Finn’s carefully prepared feasts. No frog carved from a green pepper staring up at her, no cauliflower-and-black-olive sheep grazing on her veggies.
She dozed after dinner, then updated her Facebook page, played another word in her Scrabble game with Sia, and surfed the net. Like an addict seeking a fix, she even tried to access Finn’s kitchen cam, with no luck. Around ten, she heard Jordan in the bathroom, brushing her teeth. “Jordan?”
Her daughter popped her head through the doorway, toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. “Yeah?”
“Come say good-night when you’re done.”
She grunted, then disappeared back into the bathroom.
A few minutes later, she once again stood in the opening of the pocket door. “Good night.” She turned away.
“Hey! That’s it? Come back here.”
The sliding door trundled shut. Amelia closed her eyes, sighing. Eventually Jordan would get over her anger. Then they could talk about it.
Chip began his nightly calisthenics, squirming, kicking. She tried talking to him, but he wouldn’t settle. Finally, she opened her laptop again, began playing the videos Jordan had downloaded for her. The ones with Finn narrating. As always, the sound of his father’s voice soothed Chip.
It had the opposite effect on Amelia.
When the beach scene with Jordan appeared, Amelia’s vision blurred. And when his ink-stained palm showed up, her tears spilled over.
Wish you were here…
FINN TOOK THE FRONT stairs that night after closing Fresh. He visited Jordan’s room first, as usual. Standing in the doorway, staring at her empty bed, he just shook his head.
One of her socks lay half under the bed. He picked it up and tucked it in his back pocket.He stood a lot longer in the opening to his bedroom. Without Amelia, it felt barren. Not at all the retreat it had been before her arrival. Not at all the welcoming place it had become with her in it.
Peeling down to his boxers, he tossed back the covers and slid between the sheets.
Her scent clung to them. He grabbed the second pillow, the one she’d used to prop herself up when she ate, and pressed his nose into it. Pomegranate body-wash.
Elke had brought different ones each week. But the pomegranate had been Amelia’s favorite.
He wrapped his arms around the pillow. A poor substitute for her. His heartbeat thudded in his ears.
Suddenly Hayden’s advice didn’t seem all that on-target. Give her space? What the hell had he been thinking? But Greg had agreed. Apparently you could lead an independent woman to water, but you couldn’t make her drink.
Downstairs in the kitchen, something creaked.
“Dammit.” He’d forgotten to lock the back door. He reluctantly released the pillow, flung off the covers. The stillness in the house folded around him like a smothering cloak. He started down.
Between the landings, he paused.
The empty wall haunted him. No family pictures hung there, and it appeared none ever would. He’d failed…again.
He cocked back his arm and let fly, fist passing through the sheetrock like a wet paper towel.
Nursing his bleeding knuckles, he stared in satisfaction at the hole left behind.
That was more like it.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
TWO WEEKS LATER, neither of them had blinked. Finn confronted his sister as Bethany blocked the doorway to Amelia’s LDRP room.
“You’re not supposed to be here! Don’t make me call security on my own brother.”“You do what you have to do. I’ll do what I have to do. And I have to see her.” He gently grasped her arms and moved her aside.
“Amelia?” she called into the room, smoothing the sleeves of her coat when he released her. “You okay with this visitor?”
Amelia, wearing a hospital gown and bathrobe, sank into a gliding rocking chair with the assistance of a short, blonde woman in a tie-dyed T-shirt.
Amelia glanced at him warily, then back at Bethany. “Five minutes. He can have five minutes.”
“Fair enough. I’ll be back to make sure he leaves.” Bethany wagged a finger at her. “And when I do, you’re getting your butt in that bed so I can put the fetal monitor on you again. And don’t give me any crap about being in bed for almost three months. I’m well aware.”
“Fetal monitor?” He grabbed for Bethany as she went to leave. “Is everything okay with the baby? I mean, Amelia’s only thirty-seven weeks…”
“Relax. It’s routine. Chip’s lungs will be fine because of the steroids Amelia’s been getting.” His sister glared at him. “Don’t say or do anything to upset her. I’m going to pop down the hall and check on Elke.”
Elke’s husband, Jeremy, had texted Finn several hours after reporting Elke in labor, to alert him that Amelia had also shown up at the hospital in labor.
“Marie, would you get me more ice chips?” Amelia smiled weakly at the tie-dyed woman.
“Of course.” Marie gave Finn a slow appraisal while she retrieved a little plastic bowl from a table by the bed.
“Who’s that?” he asked when she’d left the room. “Doesn’t dress like a nurse. Friend of yours?”
“She’s my doula.”
“Doula?”
“A professional labor companion.”
“What?” He knelt in front of the rocking chair, placing his hands on her knees. “You hired a stranger to take care of you while you have our baby? Amelia, I told you, anything you need, I want to be there for you. That includes now.”
“Yeah, just like you’ve been there for me the last two weeks, right?” The bitter edge to her voice knifed him in the gut. She didn’t sound like a woman who’d learned to miss him in his absence. “You threw up when I asked you to marry me. Man’s entitled to be a bit put out by that.”
“Maybe. But did it mean you had to put me out as well?”
“Does that mean you missed me?”
“The wound was just starting to heal, and here you are, ripping off the scab.”
“I’m sorry.” He stroked her leg. “I…had to see you. Make sure you and Chip are okay.” Finn laid both hands over her belly.
“You’ve seen me. Now get ou-oow. Damn!” She gasped, clenching her teeth so hard the muscle on the side of her face twitched. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the arms of the chair. She closed her eyes.
Beneath his palms, her abdomen tightened like a steel band. His stomach twisted in sympathy. “What should I do? How can I help?”
She cracked open one eye. Her lips barely moved as
she muttered, “Youcanshutup!”
“Just breathe.” That’s what people told women in labor, right?
Her other eye opened and she shot daggers at him. “I am breathing! Otherwise I’d be unconscious or dead.” She groaned. “Both sound good right now.”
The damn thing went on forever. Amelia’s struggle through the pain touched him. This was the length she would go to for Jordan. Months stuck in a bed, the process of labor and delivery. Once more his admiration for her ratcheted up a notch.
Finally, the tension beneath his hands eased. Amelia’s next exhale was longer, with a note of relief. Color flooded back into her knuckles and face; her whole body slumped deeper in the chair. “Okay?”
“Ducky.” She took another deep breath, followed by a slow release. “I only have hours more of this to look forward to. Spend months trying to keep him in, then work like hell to get him out.”
Finn inched closer. “Chip, it’s okay to come out now. Try to make this easy on your mother, will you?”
“Fat chance.” She placed her hands on Finn’s shoulders, shoved him backward. “You’re in my space and breathing all my air.”
“Sorry.” He climbed to his feet. “Did Bethany say anything about his size? I mean…he’s three weeks early. Is he going to be big enough for the transplant?”
“It’s not like we have options. I can’t cross my legs and keep him in there. Another match for Jordan isn’t going to miraculously appear in the registry. I have to believe that after all this, yes, he’s going to be big enough.”
“Yes. Of course he is.” Although Finn would like to back that conviction with some science. “How does this work? I mean, they’ll collect the umbilical blood tonight?” He’d been well into dinner service when Jeremy had texted him. He’d left Marco cooking after admonishing the waitstaff to take no orders for risotto.
“As soon as he’s born, yes. They’ll collect the blood from the umbilical cord right here. It’ll be processed and shipped to Portland, and then—”
