When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

Holy shit. This was where I lived now.

  I rose and used the bathroom, washing my face before I pulled on some worn jeans and a t-shirt. I wanted to make breakfast for everyone even though I was certain Nathan would protest the idea. I loved his kitchen and having everything I needed to cook anything my heart desired appealed to me. I considered telling him to fire his chef as I walked into the kitchen, smelling coffee as hushed voices came from the living room. I poured a cup and added some cream before stirring it, loving the sound of Ella talking over the sound of the TV. I walked in to see her cuddled up to Nathan as he talked softly to her, his own cup steaming on the table a few feet away. “Good morning,” I told them as he turned to look at me, her little face turning towards my voice as well. She smiled as I walked over to sit in the recliner across from them, taking a long sip from my coffee.

  “Good morning. Did you sleep well?” His voice was still sleepy, and I imagined waking up beside him for a fleeting moment to hear that voice.

  “It’s cozy in there. Different from my apartment so I’ll need to adjust but that bed is amazing. Thank you. I had this ratty double at the apartment that I was planning to replace.” I smiled at him, meeting his gaze as he held Ella securely on his lap.

  “Did you open the windows?” I smiled at the question, looking into his eyes before nodding.

  “I did. Of course, I did.” I looked towards the back of the house, wondering if I could sneak down for a walk before I remembered breakfast. “Can I cook breakfast? Your chef doesn’t prepare that in advance, does she?” Nathan gave me a sharp look as I shrugged. “It’s just eggs and some toast. Maybe some bacon and sausage, and I’ll mix it up other days. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

  “That or we can go out for a brunch of sorts,” he replied as I glanced at the tracker on my wrist.

  “When does she have to be at the airport?” I asked as footsteps sounded on the stairs.

  “Two. I always make him take me to this fabulous place to eat when I leave, but the baby will want to eat,” Carli said, walking in the room in jeans and a similar shirt to the pink one that I wore. She grinned at me and dropped to the couch beside Nathan and Ella. Carli leaned in to kiss the little girl as I watched, lost in the love between this family for a moment.

  “Do you want some eggs and toast?” I asked Ella as she looked at me with a wide smile. She nodded, and I laughed as I stood to cook it. “Does she have juice or milk?” I asked Nathan, pausing before I walked into the kitchen.

  “Milk,” he told me with a grateful smile as I nodded. I found pans and eggs, buttering the pan before I heated it. While I was waiting for that, I pulled out a piece of sourdough bread to toast, looking through the many kitchen windows into the yard. It was so beautiful and peaceful, and I smiled to myself as I glanced at the pan, seeing that it was ready. I cracked an egg into a bowl to scramble before pouring it in, popping the bread into the toaster as it cooked. This was an easy breakfast and something the little girl should love. I could easily switch things up and make sure she ate every morning.

  Once the food was done, I plated it and got it to the table. I poured some milk into a sippy cup and looked at the little family as they talked amongst themselves. For a moment, I felt like an outsider for a second before Nathan looked at me. “It’s ready.”

  “Let’s go eat, Ella,” he told her as she moved from his lap to run into my arms. I carried her to her seat with a giggle and got her settled in as Nathan went to get his coffee. He also brought mine, and we sat with Ella as she started eating. Nathan asked Carli if she wanted some coffee and she joined us once she had a cup in hand.

  “How come you’re leaving?” I asked Carli as she sighed.

  “One of my clients got into some hot water. I need to do some damage control. I wanted to stay, but they were already so generous to give me these two weeks off.” Carli shrugged before taking a sip. “We’ll make a good day of it.”

  I nodded and glanced at Ella grabbing egg in her hand and shoving it into her mouth. I laughed, and the others looked at her as Nathan shook his head. I let them watch her finish as I excused myself to shower for the day, looking around the space as water flowed down from three separate shower heads. Three people could fit in here, and my bathroom at the apartment could easily fit into this one. I washed my hair and body before conditioning, rinsing off so I could dry my hair. I only dried it halfway, leaving it down in loose curls over my shoulder. I put on a little makeup to make my face look a bit less pale and chose some fitted jeans and a button up green shirt with a black camisole underneath. I slipped my feet into some black sandals and walked back into the main part of the house.

  Carli was sitting with Ella on the couch and she looked up at me, smiling. “If you want to take a shower, I can hang with her.” I was looking forward to my time with Ella since she was so sweet and clearly intelligent.

  “That sounds great. Thanks for being here, Riley. I think it will be good for Nathan.” She stood, and I felt heat wash over my face. I could never tell her that I was fantasizing about her brother.

  “I think this will be great. He’s doing me a huge favor giving me this job.” Carli headed upstairs, and I sat beside Ella, where she was playing with a doll. “Hi, Ella.” We chatted, and she handed me a doll to play with, making me smile. We were making up stories about their lives when I felt something change in the room. I looked up to see Nathan, dressed in some jeans and a fitted deep green shirt that displayed his muscular torso beautifully. “Hey.”

  “She’s happy with you,” he observed, coming to sit in the recliner across from us as Ella waved at him.

  “It seems so,” I replied as he ran a hand through his hair.

  “Is Carli upstairs?” Nathan asked as I nodded. “Good. We’ll go grab some food and hit the beach before we take her to the airport.”

  “That sounds nice,” I told him as our eyes locked for a moment.

  “We’ll be on our own tonight,” he said as I pressed my lips together. I nodded slowly and felt my face flush as he watched closely.

  “I’ll start tomorrow morning waking up with her. What time do you go to work?” I asked as he shrugged.

  “All times. I spend time at the office every day and work from home. I promised myself that I would have breakfast with her and try to be home at night. That won’t always be possible, but these years are going to fly by. I want to remember watching her grow up.”

  “You’re a great father. She’s a lucky girl.” I told him as he nodded slowly.

  “I try. She only has me as a parent, so I need to make it count. Having you here every day will be good for her though. Regular.” Nathan looked into my eyes again and I smiled weakly. His eyes made me feel things deep inside as I fought the urge to shiver. This was going to be hard, ignoring my attraction to this man. I had no choice to keep my job, and I forced acceptance into my thoughts as I looked down at Ella. I was here for her, not to hook up with her father.

  Chapter 6: Nathan

  Once we were all ready, I got Ella dressed in one of the outfits that my mom sent. It was cute with pink ruffles on the skirt and Carli squealed as she helped her get her shoes on. Mom lived in Washington and saw Carli more than she did me and Ella. I made a point of visiting her and sending the jet to bring her here as much as I could since my father died six years ago. Mom volunteered for two animal shelters and stayed busy, so it was only every couple of months or so.

  “Let’s go,” I said as we all gathered in the living room. We walked out to the garage and Carli buckled Ella into her car seat, claiming the back seat so she could see as much as her niece as possible today. I watched as Riley slid into the passenger seat, mesmerized by her soft hair tumbling over her shoulders. She was beautiful. I started the car and pulled out of the garage, down the long driveway to the main road.

  I headed into Carlsbad to Carli’s favorite place for brunch. It was a place with equal amounts of seats outside as well as inside that served great breakfast and lunch. W
hen I parked, I noticed Riley looking around curiously. Carli waited until the car stopped before she got Ella out of the car and pointed towards the water. There was a small, picturesque beach several feet away, and I knew that we’d go there after we ate. We always did.

  I led the way inside, asking for a table outside as the hostess nodded. I came here a lot and tried to forget the fact that I’d kissed her one night when I was drunk at a bar. She turned into a bit of a stalker after that before I had to set her straight. I could see the want in her eyes now as she called out someone’s name to seat us.

  Fuck. I was such an asshole. It was a good thing that I didn’t sleep with her as well. I tried to ignore her dark eyes burning into me as I glanced at Riley to see if she’d noticed. She was talking with Carli as we made our way to the table outside and didn’t seem to be aware of anything.

  We ordered water and a juice for Ella before Riley picked up the menu. She looked over the choices with a pleased expression on her face and Carlie merely picked up hers and glanced at it. She always ordered the surf and turf plate while I chose the seafood salad and soup. “What do you think you’re going to get?”

  “The seafood salad. Is it good?” She asked as Carli stared at me.

  “I always order that with the French onion soup. It’s my weakness.” I confessed as she smiled. The waitress walked over and we all ordered, and I asked for kids plate of fish and chips for Ella. I knew that I would be eating most of it, but I always ordered for her. Riley pulled her hair into a band as the wind blew it around her face with a smile, staring at the ocean. The waitress walked away, and Riley sipped her water as she looked around.

  “This is a nice place. It’s so relaxing eating by the water.” I looked at her in surprise, wondering if she didn’t get to enjoy life this way too often. I know that I didn’t.

  “You don’t do this often, living here?” Carli asked as she stared at Riley.

  “I was always working. I didn’t have the time. This job is a dream,” Riley smiled shyly at me. “I get to see the sights along with Ella.”

  In that moment, I knew that I picked the right person to take care if my daughter.

  We enjoyed our lunch as we chatted, taking time to enjoy it. I noted that my sister and Riley got on well together and I hoped that she’d visit more. I didn’t see my family enough. Mom would like Riley as well. She’d try to play matchmaker just like Carli did and drive me crazy, but she’d love Riley.

  I carried a sleepy Ella to the car and secured her in the seat as Carli smiled and slipped into the back again. Riley slipped into the passenger seat and buckled her seat belt as she smiled over at me. I started the car and drove to the airport, watching the cars ahead of me as I thought over the next few days. Riley would be on her own with Ella, but I wasn’t worried. They would figure something out together and my house might feel like a family lived in it again. I liked that idea.

  We walked as far into the airport as they’d allow us and all hugged Carli goodbye. I was last, and my sister looked into my eyes with a smile.

  “She’s great, Than. She’s going to be good for you and Ella.” Carli hugged me tightly. “Don’t fuck this up when it turns into something.”

  “If,” I corrected her as she pulled away and shook her head at me. She called Ella over to her again who had woken up in the car in a bad mood. I didn’t like to wake her normally but today was special. She walked over to Carli and hugged her as my sister picked her up to hold her tight. I walked over to stand with Riley, who was just watching them.

  “It’s too bad that she doesn’t live here,” Riley told me as she leaned against a pole. “They’re so cute together.”

  “Carli makes it here a lot. I might be going back home to see them for Christmas this year as well.” I smiled and glanced at her. “You’ll be with your sister?”

  “I always am. The kids… you know how that goes.” He nodded.

  “Everything is about that little girl. She’s the reason that I wake up every day, go to work and everything else. I am so glad that I have you to be here for her now. I’ve wanted something stable for her since everything happened.” I felt Riley’s eyes on me and gazed at her for a moment.

  “Thank you. You’ve changed my life.” We both watched as Carli set Ella down and told her something before standing up. She blew me a kiss and waved at Riley before heading towards the escalator to catch her plane. I grabbed Emma’s hand as she walked over while Riley took the other.

  “I suppose we’re done here,” I said as I squeezed her tiny hand. “Let’s go home.” We walked back out to the car, and I buckled Ella into her car seat before taking the driver’s seat. “What do you want to do tonight?”

  “I guess we can just settle in. I can make something light for dinner.” Riley offered as I turned the car on.

  “You weren’t hired as a cook, Riley.”

  “You’re paying me enough for that. I love cooking so much and I don’t mind.” Her eyes were bright, and I shook my head. “We can figure something out.”

  “You’re up for grocery shopping and planning meals? You have a crazy kid to take care of.” I reminded her as she laughed.

  “Women do it every day.” Most women in my circle had nannies just like Riley and that was with a husband.

  “I’ll give you a few weeks with Ella. I can have Lana shop and cook half the meals that she does now. Let’s start slow here, Riley.” I urged as she rolled her eyes. I backed out and headed home. I suspected that Ella might fall asleep during the drive and settled into the seat.

  “I have gotten amazing things done taking care of kids. It’s not impossible,” Riley told me as I chuckled and shook my head. When I parked in the garage, I got out and went to the back to see that my daughter was indeed sleeping. I carried her inside and up the stairs, settling her into her bed before I rose to stare down at her. Ella was beautiful, and she did something to my heart that no woman had ever done. I smiled and turned to leave, glancing towards the stairs as I paused.

  Should I go downstairs? Riley might need some time to herself since Ella was sleeping. She was on a break.

  “Nathan? Would you mind if I took a walk on the beach? How long does she usually nap?” Riley asked up the stairs as I walked towards them.

  “Take your time. I’m here to handle things and I can work in my office while she’s sleeping.” She gazed up at me with uncertain eyes and I stared at her for a moment. “Go. You’ll have no time to yourself during the day soon enough.”

  “Thanks. I’ll be back soon.” She slipped on the sneakers that she was carrying and headed towards the back door with a smile on her face. I heard the door close and breathed in slowly. She had no idea what she did to me. I walked into my office and warmed up the laptop as I turned on her monitor. I bought a big pack of them when Brenda got sick, so I could hear the baby wherever I was in the house.

  I read some emails as I sat in the chair, enjoying working from home. I worked fewer hours this way and felt so much more present in my house. I’d go back to the normal routine tomorrow, going to work after breakfast and coming home for dinner. There were nights I’d work late and even travel for meetings, but I’d try to keep to a normal schedule as much as possible.

  I listened to the waves through the open window and returned some important messages. I could review some projects from home and even work on anything I was assisting on with the computer that I purchased for home. I had it all, and I grinned as I glanced around the spacious office. I had a great life.

  Chapter 7: Riley

  I headed down the steps and looked at the wide expanse of beach before me. There was nobody on it and I wondered if any of the people that lived here ever came out here. I would several times a day but looking around, I guessed they worked. I wouldn’t be free to pop outside starting tomorrow. I would bring Ella out here a lot to play though. It was perfect. When I was on the beach, I turned to look at the beach house and smiled. It fit in well here. I also noticed that I had a private deck
attached to my room and decided immediately that I’d be working outside at night as much as I could.

  I turned to the left and headed that way, taking in the scenery. This was a picturesque beach with rocks scattered around and maybe some tidepools, which I loved. I eased closer to the waves and breathed in the air as my shirt blew around my body with a strong gust of wind. I was going to love it here.

  I glanced to the left to see places on the cliffs that allowed some privacy and realized that it would be a great place to come and think. I kept going and climbed up a group of rocks to find a few pools with some creatures inside as I made a mental note to bring Ella here sometimes. It was a great lesson in life. I turned to look towards the house, feeling eyes on me as I searched the outside of the properties, but there was nobody there. I tried to determine who it was by the way I was feeling as I turned to look back at the ocean.

  It had to be Nathan. I didn’t feel scared out here even as I searched the beach for anyone else out of curiosity. Why was he watching me? I shivered at the idea, knowing that we’d be on our own soon. Would it be uncomfortable with this attraction that I had for him? I knew that I could keep it professional but there would be times that I didn’t want to.

  I needed to keep my senses about me for the sake of this job.

  I walked down towards the other grouping of rocks before turning around. I wanted to be back there for Ella, so Nathan could get some work done. He ran a successful business and that had to be from hard work, hence the need for a nanny. I moved towards the steps as I grew close and scurried up them before turning around to snap a picture of the beach. I grinned as I sent it to my sister and shoved the phone into my jeans.