When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “What if Ella comes in?” I asked as he laughed.

  “She won’t get anything yet. She’d probably love to sleep between us.” I nodded, realizing that he was right. She wouldn’t know a thing, but she’d be able to tell someone down the line. By then, it might not matter anymore for a few reasons. Ella might even forget if we ended. He shut off the one lamp and let the fire keep going before he pulled the covers over us. Nathan turned towards me and pulled me close, nuzzling my hair. I sensed something in this gesture and pressed against him.

  “Are you okay?” I asked him, stroking his skin.

  “I have fucked a few women after nights at the bar in the past few months. Not here. I did that before I got married as well but it was different then… just casual. Now it feels empty and makes me feel more off balance. When I met you, I wanted more but I couldn’t put it into words at first.” I looked into his eyes in the light of the moon.

  “It’s only been a few days.” I mentioned as he nodded.

  “I know that.” He dropped against the pillows and closed his eyes. “I think we should go to the beach every night. It’s good for everyone.”

  “I agree.” I let him pull me into his chest and I closed my eyes. This felt good. I gave in and allowed the exhaustion to take over if only for tonight.

  Chapter 10: Nathan

  I woke up before Ella, breathing in Riley’s scent. She was sleeping peacefully, and I looked at her as I played back last night. I’d never wanted a woman that way before and the speed at which it happened caught me off guard. I was going to hold it at bay, hoping that it passed but Riley was like a fucking magnet.

  It was the way she was with Ella that hit me the most. She was kinder to my daughter than her own mother had been. She was interested in how Ella grew up and that was what made me fall harder for her.

  I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling. Though I woke up early, I’d slept hard for the first time in a while. It felt good, and I stretched as I let it sink in. Things might be turning around for me.

  I knew that I was working all day and that the girls would be on their own. I wasn’t worried about it like I used to be with Brenda. I knew that Riley would only have Ella’s safety and happiness in mind today and every day thereafter. I could focus on my job in my time there and spend quality time at home. It was going to be great, and I stretched before rising to make some coffee.

  I checked on Ella on the way down, seeing her stirring. She’d be up soon. I headed down to get started and brewed the coffee while I took a long look outside. It was beautiful, and I wished that I could stay home again. I heard Ella upstairs, but she quieted down quickly as I frowned. I stared at the stairs, seeing Riley dressed in a robe that was at least two sizes too big, holding Ella in her arms.

  “I got her. She started stirring just as I was waking up.” Riley blushed as she looked at me and I smiled at her before reaching for Ella.

  “I’m making coffee.” Riley smiled and stretched. “I like the robe.”

  “It’s all I could find in a hurry. You left my clothes in the gym last night.” She laughed as I kissed Ella and told her good morning. She poured two cups of coffee for us and got Ella some milk before asking if she should make some breakfast. I brought the milk to the couch with me after I nodded and cuddled my daughter as I heard Riley working in the kitchen,

  Damn, this was nice.

  The eggs and sausage were done by the time Ella was fully awake and I took her to the table to get her in her seat. Riley served up food on two plates and brought them over before getting her own. She also brought my coffee, and I took a long sip of it. Ella put pieces of everything in her mouth, chewing slowly as we ate and stared at each other across the table.

  “I don’t usually wake up this hungry,” she noted as she smiled wickedly at me.

  “I wouldn’t mind you waking up that hungry every day,” I shot back as she blushed. “I slept great last night.”

  We finished breakfast, and I stood to shower and get dressed. I needed to head to the office and came down dressed to go. Riley and Ella were playing on the floor with her dolls and I smiled down at them as Riley glanced up. She’d changed into some leggings and a t-shirt and her hair was pulled back.

  “I have to head in. Take the car if you want to go anywhere. There’s a card in the glove compartment for gas and it had all the bells and whistles, including GPS. Otherwise, have a great day. Want me to bring anything home for dinner?”

  “I like Thai food. Is there a place near work?” She asked as I nodded. I wanted to lean down to kiss her, but Riley left to head into the kitchen as I kissed Ella. She walked back out, and I kissed her cheek, trying to read her face. “I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye.” I walked out to the garage and got into the car, starting the engine. I pulled out and drove into midtown San Diego to work. I was the man that worked the longest hours here as the owner, I had since I opened it, but I knew with Ella getting older, things needed to change.

  I was in the office drinking coffee and looking over emails when Mark stepped in. He led the most productive team here, and he grinned at me as he sat down.

  “Have you seen the latest on the vodka ad?” I glanced up at him, seeing how excited he was.

  “Not yet. Is it good?” I asked as he grinned.

  “Sila came up with a great idea for it. I think the print ads are going to be amazing. Take a look.” I closed the email and went into the folders that were constantly filled with current images and found the one for his account.

  “That looks great. It’s edgy.” I complimented him as he leaned back and smiled at me.

  “You look… rested. What’s changed?” Mark asked as I weighed my answer.

  “I have a full-time nanny now, so I can relax. I might have some stability for a change.” I replied as I kept looking at pictures.

  “That’s great. Are you going to hit the bars with us after work again?” Mark asked as I frowned.

  “I might here and there. I want to be home for Ella as much as I can, too. I didn’t hire someone to watch her so I could just leave all day.” In truth, I wanted to spend time with Ella and Riley.

  “Of course. I know that it’s been hard on you the last several months. I just want to see you have some fun again.” Mark stood and began to leave before I called his name.

  “Great campaign,” I told him as he grinned. Mark left, and I leaned back in my chair, thinking about Riley. She was enough to rush home to, but I told myself to slow down. I was likely vulnerable right now given my situation. I needed to take this one day at a time and focus on Ella. She was young, but she needed to know that she had a dad who loved her. There had to be some type of void from losing her mother that I wanted to fill. I got busy with projects throughout the morning, stopping in to visit with my teams and see how they were doing. I accepted a lunch offer from Brian and we left for the deli just after one. My phone chimed as we took our seats and I pulled it from my pocket to see a text from Riley. She sent a picture of Ella on the beach in front of a pile of sand and a huge smile on her face.

  “That sure made you happy,” he observed from across the table as I glanced up at him.

  “It’s a picture of my daughter. I have someone to watch her full-time now.” I kept the family talk light at the office. It was all business and apart from a few close friends there, no one needed to know anything about me.

  Brian made some non-committal sound across the table and I glanced at him. I was aware that people talked about me, particularly after Brenda’s death. The look on his face showed me that he was thinking about that and not sure how to address it. I understood and sipped my tea, letting it go. We weren’t close yet, at least not enough for that topic.

  We returned to business and ate, discussing a potential client that I was having dinner with in a couple of days. I reminded myself that I’d have to tell Riley and thought back to last night. It was impulsive to sleep with her, but I couldn’t stop myself once I started. I didn’t
want to risk anything involving her job and relationship with Ella but there was something about her that made it hard to stay away. She made me feel alive like no other woman had done in a while.

  I forced myself to the present and caught back up to Brian. We finished lunch and headed back to the office, where I took a moment to thank Riley for the picture with a text. It took a few minutes, but she replied by telling me how much fun Ella was having. She reminded me how much she loved that I lived on the beach. It made me smile , and I held off on asking too much about the night before, sensing that it was a little awkward for Riley.

  I got through the rest of the day and left with everyone else. They looked curiously at me, knowing that I stayed late nearly all the time. I just stayed in the back of the car and headed outside in the back of the group. I glanced around when I was outside, seeking a Thai place that was close since I wasn’t certain there was one. I grinned, seeing a bright sign across the street. I walked over there and entered, realizing that I wasn’t sure what she liked.

  I sent a text asking, and she gave me her favorites. I ordered those and a few more to try since it smelled so good in here. The woman behind the counter asked if I’d like a drink, pushing some tea that she claimed was so popular. I added it and paid, watching her make it and add something to the cup.

  Frowning, I took it from her and sipped it carefully. It was good; sweet and strong. There was something in the bottom that reminded me of tapioca and I swallowed one of the balls hesitantly. Not bad.

  I waited for the food and carried the bags to the car, hopping in and starting the engine. I was looking forward to being home and eating, hopefully keeping the beach tradition going. Ella was already there once today, but she loved it. It seemed to help her to sleep hard, and I wanted that again.

  I wanted Riley again.

  I walked in after the half hour drive and Ella was clean and playing in the corner as Riley watched from the recliner. She squealed and hurried over to jump into my arms, her little body wriggling against me. I adored my daughter, closing my eyes to take in the moment. She smelled like a little girl and I wished for a moment that she would stay that way.

  I let her get back to her toys and picked up the bags when I stood. I smiled at Riley as she moved to help me, glancing at Ella before she followed me. We unpacked the food, and she told me that I bought too much, laughing at the collection of containers in front of us. I told her that it smelled good and walked over to the cupboard to get Ella’s plate. I eyed the food and gave her spoonful’s of a few of the choices, adding some fruit as I did with every meal. I told Riley to get her plate and called Ella to the table as I set the food down. She came running, and I settled her in her seat and watched her taste the food with a bright smile on her face.

  Riley came over with her plate and Ella’s milk, smiling as she set it in front of the little girl. I grinned a thank you at her and went to make my plate, asking if she wanted wine with dinner. She waited a bit before telling me yes and I took two glasses and poured some wine into each one. I noted that the kitchen was clean from the night before and shook my head gently, knowing that the service didn’t come until tomorrow.

  I took the wine and then got my plate to sit down. I looked at Ella, enjoying her food as she shoved it into her mouth. Looking over my own heaping plate, I picked up a fork and stabbed a piece of chicken. It was fucking delicious.

  I asked how their day went and Riley said it was great. She had an idea of when Ella took her nap and planned around it. I had already told her that Ella slept well in the car, so being out beforehand wasn’t an issue. She told me what they did, and her smile was wide the entire time. I could tell that Ella wore her out from the slight circles under her eyes, or maybe that was because I kept her up last night. I liked the last idea.

  We finished dinner, and I looked outside.

  “Do you think that she got too much of the beach today?” I asked as Riley smiled.

  “I don’t think that could ever happen. She’s a natural down there.”

  “Want to watch the sunset with me?”

  We got ready and Riley got her phone to take a picture tonight. We walked down the stairs and watched Ella running across the sand as I smiled. It hit me that I’d been inside of her since the last time that we were down here. Things had changed even though we were dancing around that, and I touched her hand with mine briefly.

  Riley looked up and her face was beautiful in the light. I smiled at her before looking back at Ella, taking this moment in.

  Chapter 11: Riley

  I wasn’t sure how to act. I’d slept with men before, but it was different. I was in relationships with them at the time and it felt natural, but never explosive. It would eventually end, and I moved on without a lot of thought.

  I was living in Nathan’s house. I was his employee. Yet, I allowed him to fuck me in his bed last night, weakened by my desire for him. Was it the right decision? I’d been worrying about that the entire day. I didn’t know how to act in the morning with him since we weren’t together. I wasn’t his girlfriend that slept in his bed every night and didn’t know it we would ever be that way.

  I knew that he didn’t look at me as casual sex. This was tricky given our professional relationship.

  When he touched my hand on the beach, I felt the intense heat between us. It was undeniable.

  We walked along the sand and I caught him up further on the day. Ella was an incredible child. She was active in a curious way, always wanting to see more. I knew that it would be wearing on me to feed that, but I wanted to show her the world. I was falling for the girl as much as the father and a flicker of hope burned inside of me, hoping that we could all learn to be a family.

  Shit. I was jumping ahead of myself.

  I focused on the beach and sand, always watching Ella along with Nathan. The sky was changing again with a hint of purple this time and I stared at it in between glances at Ella. Nathan held her as the sun went down and I snapped a few pictures of the beautiful sight before we headed back up the steps.

  “Do you want me to give her a bath?” I asked him as he sipped from a bottle of water.

  “I missed her today. I’ll do it and give you a break.” I nodded. I longed to be around them, feeling his heat, and watching the way that she looked at him. I went to wash the plates from dinner as he murmured to Ella in the living room. I reminded myself of my place here and looked outside to remind myself how beautiful it was.

  When I was finished with the dishes, I made my way to my room. I didn’t even sleep in here last night and I blinked at the memory of being in his bed. I walked over to the chair by the window and looked out into the darkness as I considered finishing my current project. Ella wasn’t the kind of girl that I could work around, and I had a quick job. I was going to cut back on them given the demanding job I now had and the generous pay, but I needed to phase out some clients before then.

  I warmed up the computer and opened my spreadsheet. I had their information minimized and would pull it up as needed, humming along to the soft music playing from my speakers. I settled into the work, knowing that I appreciated these quiet moments to myself. They used to be constant when I was home but not now. They were precious even if I did miss the father and daughter combo just upstairs.

  I sensed movement and noticed that Ella was walking into the room, followed by her dad. He was smiling at me and I pushed down the urge to jump on him. I smiled at the toddler, clean and fresh in her pajamas.

  “Did you have a good bath?” I asked as she moved into my lap and snuggled against me.

  “She likes you,” Nathan spoke softly as I smiled.

  Ella started chattering at me and I got that she wanted me to read her a book. I laughed and saved my work to return to later, standing up with her in my arms. We all walked to her room, with Nathan securing the house before he followed us up the circular staircase. I settled Ella in her small bed and sat against the pillows, asking her what book she wanted. She picked a
fairy book, and I smiled, loving her innocence. I read it in my usual voice, making voices for different characters as she seemed to like me to do. When I was done, Nathan took his turn, and I kissed her cheek before leaving the room. I didn’t want to assume that anything was going to happen. I wouldn’t be that girl.

  I headed back downstairs to make some tea before I got started, going into my room to pull up the document as the water heated up. I sat on the chair, waiting for the sound of the tea kettle as I took in the next set of numbers.

  I was antsy as I waited, hating that I wanted Nathan the way that I did. When I heard the whistle, I stood and walked to the door to see him walking towards me with a hungry look in his beautiful eyes.

  “Is she asleep?” I asked as he stalked towards me.

  “Like a rock.” He paused before he reached me, glancing back at the tea kettle. “Did you need that?”

  “I was going to make some tea,” I replied as he nodded and stepped over to turn the stove off. I had my cup with the bag in it already and he poured the hot water into it, setting the red pot back down on the stove. He lifted it and carried it towards me as I turned with a small smile. I walked back to my chair, knowing that it would give us some space.

  Nathan raised an eyebrow as he set the cup on the coaster and took a seat across from me, leaning in close.

  “Working?” He asked as I quirked my brow at him.