When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “Sure, whatever,” Mom replies through gritted teeth. “Since no one cares what I say anymore.”

  Brandon comes into the kitchen, seemingly totally oblivious. He doesn’t even seem to feel the burning tension that’s flowing violently between me and Mom. He’s whistling to himself as if everything is fine.

  Zane is right behind him, looking much guiltier than my brother. Clearly, this isn’t a surprise that he planned on and he feels bad for it. I know for a fact that if he knew that he was going to see Brandon tonight, he would’ve told me. He’s had plenty of opportunities, so it seems they did just bump into one another randomly. Zane doesn’t even seem ready to meet my eye right about now, which is fine because I feel exactly the same way.

  “Everything okay?” Brandon asks. “I was thinking about making spaghetti for dinner…”

  “Leah is studying creative writing; did you know that?” It seems Mom can’t hold it in, even to be polite in the face of company. “And she’s left her job without telling any of us.” Brandon looks at me, horrified, which of course, makes me blush. What is it with all this scrutiny? How have I done anything to deserve it? All I’ve done is break out of the monotony of my life to make it better. “Do you think there’s something wrong with her? Is she having a breakdown? First Patrick and then all of this? What do we do?”

  I hate the fact that Zane is here, it’s so embarrassing, I want to scream and yell with anger and frustration. Yes, I know he’s got his own family issues so I’m sure he understands, but this makes me sound like I’m a child. I feel like I’m sixteen years old again, only not in a good way. This isn’t wonderful memories of that night, it’s sheer humiliation of being treated like I don’t know how to look after myself.

  “First off, I wouldn’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” I shoot back coldly. “That’s not really the way to treat someone who’s having a ‘breakdown’. Secondly, maybe you should take a moment to realize that this is my life and I can do what I want with it. Maybe creative writing isn’t the most stable choice, but it’s the one I want to make. Maybe I won’t make it and it’ll backfire, but I’m not asking you to pick up the pieces. I will deal with the consequences of my mistakes. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll create another path for myself.”

  “Leah, Mom doesn’t want to hurt you…” Brandon tries to defend her and get us to make up. Unfortunately, it only sounds to me like he’s taking her side again. Temper burns in my ears and makes me want to explode. “We all just want what’s best for you, that’s all. I think Mom is just concerned because it’s a lot of changes all at once. None of us knew that the break up with Patrick was coming, and none of us understand it, and now you’re changing jobs and starting college courses… is this something that you’ve thought through properly?”

  I get the impression that Zane is about to jump in to defend me, and much as it’ll be nice to have one person on my side, I can’t let him do it. Mom doesn’t like him, and that’ll make her worse. Also, I have a fear that Brandon might suspect about us and I really don’t want him to find out yet. What me and Zane have at the moment is perfect. I don’t want to do anything that might ruin it. I don’t want to give Zane any reason to run. At the moment, it really doesn’t seem like he’s going to, but too much pressure might set him off.

  “You know what?” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “Forget it, all of you. I know what I want to do and I’m going for it. If that’s too much for you then fine, I’ll leave. I’ll find somewhere of my own to live and I’ll make it by myself. I’ll prove to you all that you were wrong to doubt me.”

  “Leah, no…” Brandon calls after me, but it’s too late. My legs are pumping and I’m bounding up the stairs to gather up my stuff. I don’t know where I’m going to go, I haven’t planned that far ahead, but I can’t stay here any longer. I can’t be myself here, I’m being judged for trying to do something different for myself, better. Mandi has a couch, I’m sure she’ll let me crash on it for a couple of days until I find somewhere that I can afford. It won’t be easy, trying to do it all, but this has just shown me that I have to try.

  Chapter Twenty Six – Zane

  A thick, heavy silence clings to the air. There are so many things that I want to say to break it, but none of them will be helpful. Her mom hates me anyway, I don’t think that’s changed at all in the last five years, and Brandon won’t appreciate me sticking up for the one person that he’s explicitly told me to avoid. Maybe if there wasn’t anything to feel guilty about, I would defend Leah, but there definitely is, so I can’t.

  “Look, Mom, I don’t know what we can do about Leah without pushing her away completely,” Brandon eventually says in a cool and collected tone of voice. “It’s obvious that she’s going through something at the moment and I’m pretty sure that all we need to do is be there for her. We can’t make her change her mind.”

  “What? Even when she’s intent on throwing her life down the toilet? Shouldn’t we do something?”

  “She’s twenty one years old, Mom. I don’t think there’s anything we can do. The more we try, the worse…”

  “But Patrick, then the job, now this… she’s making herself unhappy. I can’t sit back and watch her do this.”

  I ball up my fists by my side, trying to keep my own emotions inside. If only they would see Leah, they’d be able to tell that she’s seriously doing well. All of these changes are finally making her content. I suppose it’s a bit like me and my own parents. They don’t get me either. It’s us against the world. We’re united strongly.

  Brandon gives me a look, almost as if he’s asking me for answers which is hard because I have them. My solution would be to leave her alone to make her own choices in life since she needs to live it. But I can’t have an outburst. It’ll be so very suspicious. I almost didn’t come here tonight for the very reason that it would be weird, but Brandon insisted and I didn’t have a valid reason why. I regret that now. I should’ve found an excuse.

  “I don’t know, Mom,” he finally sighs in utter defeat. “I don’t have all the answers right now. I guess we just have to wait and see. There’s no point in stressing about it. I’m going to start cooking dinner, if you want some?”

  His mom shakes her head and storms out the room without answering him. She’s pissed off, probably because he isn’t immediately taking her side, which seems crazy to me. I never pegged her for the controlling type. Maybe she’s a little bit like my dad, just in a different way, or maybe she just doesn’t want her kids to face issues and she isn’t going about it in the right way. To be honest, I’m done with trying to work people out anymore.

  Brandon grabs out the cooking equipment and he bangs it all on the side in temper. I want to say something to make it alright, but family arguments really aren’t my forte. I’m no good at solving my own stuff, never mind that of other people’s. I attempt to help him with the cooking a couple of times, but he keeps pushing me away.

  “Shall I go?” I ask him curiously. “I don’t want to be in the way when you have so much going on?”

  “No, please don’t. Sorry I’m being a dick, I just find all of this very frustrating.” He hangs his head low. “I feel responsible for everyone and I never know what to do when it’s all kicking off like this. I feel helpless.”

  “You’ve always taken on too much,” I reply with a pounding heart. “You have tried to fill in the man of the house role for far too long. Now, you have your own life to worry about. You have Jenny, your work, you know.”

  This isn’t just me being selfish and not wanting Brandon to be looming over Leah’s shoulders the entire time, I actually think him focusing on something else will be good for the both of them. I’m sure they could actually have a much closer relationship if he wasn’t like her father all the time. Brother and sister would be better.

  “I did take a step back,” he confesses. “When I thought that she was settled, I did, but now it’s all gone to pot and I can’t help but blame myself for
it. If I was more observant I might have known what was going on.”

  I guess it’s just lucky at that moment that Jenny walks through the door to take the heat off of me. I don’t know what I can say to Brandon’s suggestion that he intends to be even more involved in Leah’s life because that spells a lot of trouble for her. We’ll never be able to get some time to ourselves to just be.

  As Jenny hugs Brandon and they whisper intently to one another, I back away quietly. I’m sure that they’ll be wrapped up in each other for a while which gives me a moment to check on Leah. She looked so upset when she ran away from here, and I want to know what she’s planning to do. When my dad treated me like that, I had to get out. I ran away and made sure that I avoided home until I got my own place. If Leah is planning to do the same thing then I want her to know that she always has a place to stay with me. It won’t exactly be moving in together, there’s no way we can panic about things moving too quickly, it’ll just be me helping her out.

  Although, if I’m honest with myself, there’s a smile creeping up on my face at the idea. I like her in my space, she looks good in my little apartment and she brightens it up too. I don’t think that I’d totally hate the idea.

  “Leah,” I say quietly as I push the door open to her room, hoping her mom doesn’t hear. “Are you okay?”

  Leah spins as she hears me with a fire behind her gaze. Then, without saying even other word, she grabs me. She’s manic, like she doesn’t want to act like herself anymore, and I feel powerless to her. There isn’t any other woman in the world who I would ever give any of the control over to, but with Leah I don’t mind.

  She kisses me hard, allowing all the passion to flow through from her mouth, and I mold into the kiss. I know that it’s wrong, all the people that we don’t want to find out about us are in this very house, but she’s needy now. She’s desperate for me and damn it I can’t resist her. The taboo danger of the situation makes it even better.

  I grab Leah’s hips roughly and I slam her back against the wall, feeling reminiscent of the party all those years ago. My stomach swirls, the storm grows, I know that I need to feel her everywhere. We get caught up in one another, sweat slicks my skin as I hitch up that gorgeous pencil skirt of hers, and I can feel myself hardening.

  Shit, this is wrong, my brain growls. But fuck, it feels so damn good that it hurts.

  Leah’s fingers work the buttons on my trousers, she pulls my rock hard cock free and she gasps with sheer glee as she wraps her hand around me. Her head tosses back and her eyes fall closed with sheer bliss, which exposes the naked flesh of her neck. I can’t keep away from it, I lean in and I kiss her skin, nipping and biting the more excited I become. I think we’re both acutely aware of the lack of time that we have, so it isn’t a surprise when she pushes her panties to one side, taking all control, and she angles me into her.

  “Oh fuck,” I groan as her slick wet heat surrounds me. Her body is so familiar to me now, I know it almost as well as I know my own, but every single time I’m driving myself inside of her it feels fucking amazing. It’s familiar and new all at the same time, and I freaking love it. “Oh, Leah you feel so fucking good.”

  She lifts herself from the ground, wrapping her legs around me and squeezing me into her further. I’m strong enough to hold her with my neck as I thrust with my hands pressed against the wall. But it seems that Leah has other ideas, and she’s well and truly in control right now. Her wet, slick, contracting pussy has me under its spell.

  “Get on my bed,” she groans. “Lie down on you back.”

  I don’t need her to ask me twice, whatever she needs to get out of her system, I’ll help her. So, I tuck my hands under her firm round butt and I fall back onto the sheets. Leah remains on top of me and she pushes herself into a sitting position. She rests her hands on my chest and takes control of the thrusting, sending my brain spinning.

  It doesn’t matter that she’s still dressed, I can see her breasts bouncing up and down and it fucking gets my gears going. Watching Leah lose herself is the sexiest thing that I’ve ever seen, but I need to touch her as well. I can’t stand having no control at all. I push myself into a sitting position so I can hold her as we have sex.

  “Oh, Zane,” she moans deliciously against me, allowing her breath to tickle my ear. “Thank fuck you’re here.”

  I’m glad that I can be, even if I haven’t been very useful. I buck against her, trying to ensure that I can at least give her the pleasure that she so clearly needs. She wants a release of something, and this is what she’s gone with.

  “You know,” I gasp in between thrusts. “You can always come and live with me if you want to.”

  Oh… I don’t know if that’s how I meant to ask that. I was supposed to say it in a much more casual way, but I’m lost in her body. She’s confusing me, switching my brain off, I can hardly think at all.

  “You’re amazing,” she replies, as her walls contract around me. The bliss is claiming her and it feels fucking incredible. “I don’t know what I’d do without… oh, fuck!”

  I cling to her desperately while she bucks and collapses, the bliss getting her. I kiss her hard so that she doesn’t make too much noise. This is a whole lot of fun but I’m very aware of the consequences. I don’t want either of us to end up in trouble…

  “Oh God.” I need to kiss her again as the pleasure explodes from me too. That all happened so quickly, so unexpectedly that it has me a little bewildered. It feels fucking incredible though, this position with Leah is something else. I have to remember it so we can explore it again when we’re at my home and can enjoy it more.

  “We need to get dressed,” Leah gushes with her cheeks flushed. “I need to get out of here.”

  “Right, sure.” I push myself into a standing position and buckle up my trousers. “Are you coming to mine?”

  At that moment, the door swings open and I can see a very angry Brandon on the other side of the door. Me and Leah might be dressed, but it’s pretty obvious what’s been happening. Maybe it wasn’t so quick after all.

  “What the fuck is going on here?” he yells in temper. “I cannot believe this. You vanish, Zane, and I come looking for you, worried that you’ve gone home for being awkward. But no, you’re still here, with my sister.”

  I glance at Leah and she looks at me. We both realize that this is it. We’ve been caught and there isn’t any way out.

  Chapter Twenty Seven – Leah

  Shit, shit, shit! I wasn’t thinking, I was just so mad and I wanted to have fun with Zane, now it’s all blown up in my face. Brandon is looking at me like he one hundred percent knows what’s going on, and basically, we’re fucked. Me and Zane have been rumbled and now everything is going to come out. If my family was already mad at me for having a supposed breakdown, then this is going to send me over the edge. They’ll kill me.

  “Brandon,” I say in the calmest tone of voice that I can manage. “Please, let’s just talk about this.”

  “Talk about what?” he screams, not even caring if Mom hears or not. “How you’ve randomly just fucked my friend because you’re going through some sort of quarter life crisis and you’re angry at Mom?”

  Oh fuck. My eyes fall to the ground. This is so much more than that. How can I tell him?

  “Mate, please let’s just go somewhere and talk about this calmly…” Zane tries his hardest, but it’s no good.

  “I am not your fucking mate,” Brandon spits back. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been your mate. I mean, isn’t it guy code that sisters are off limits? I’m sure that exes are supposed to be as well, but that’s another rule that’s never really been adhered to. But this is my sister, this is Leah, the person I care about, the one who I warned you off not so long ago. I just can not believe this, it’s utterly fucking mental.”

  “Why did you warn Zane off me?” I demand angrily. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

  I fold my arms across my chest and give Brandon a defiant look. Yes, I might be
in the wrong here in some ways, but it isn’t like me and Zane have just had sex. There’s something between us, something real.

  “There’s nothing wrong with you, but Zane won’t commit. He doesn’t know how.”

  “Woah, Brandon, I do know how to commit. You can’t say that about me, you don’t know anymore.”

  “And I’m also old enough to make my own decisions. Didn’t you say that yourself down stairs?”

  Brandon is seething. He looks like he’s about to punch someone which is a nightmare. I need to get them all out of my bedroom quickly before things get insane. I’m already surprised that Mom hasn’t come over yet.

  “So, this isn’t just a one time thing then?” Brandon screams. “It’s been going on for a while.”

  A hand snakes over his shoulder, one that I’m sure belongs to Jenny who’s usually his calming influence, but he shakes her off not wanting any of it. This fury won’t be tamed which is a nightmare for me.

  “Yes, Brandon,” I insist quietly. “It’s been going on for a while but it isn’t just a sex thing. There’s something going on between me and Zane. There’s real feelings between us. If you’ll just take a moment to listen to us…”

  “Feelings,” Brandon scoffs. “Fucking hell, Leah, how thick are you? Feelings. Zane doesn’t do feelings. He just fucks around for fun. What the hell is wrong with you?” His eyes widen as a shock hits him. “Oh my God, is this why you broke up with Patrick? Please tell me you didn’t do it for Zane.”