When wrong feels so right

by Mia Ford

  “You… love me?” I don’t know what to say to that, it feels a bit much. I’m overwhelmed, my head is swimming. “You’re in love with me?”

  “I am,” he smiles warmly. “I knew the moment that you walked into my life that you were going to be different. Before you came along no one ever held my interest for long, and certainly not in any sort of meaningful way. But you… you were different. Right away I couldn’t get you off my mind, and that hasn’t changed since. You’re smart, sweet, generous, wonderful… and I love you. I know it sounds mad, I do, I am aware of how crazy I’m being, but I do. I love you.”

  I pause thoughtfully for a moment, trying to wrap my head around it. It isn’t every day that someone falls in love with me. And it’s even better that I feel the same way too. After all this is a man that I’m willing to change up everything for! I’m willing to open my heart, to set aside the life that I thought I wanted but as it turns out I don’t enjoy at all. Of course I feel the same way… now I just need to tell him.

  “I love you too, Evan,” I tell him with tears welling up in my eyes. “I love you so much.”

  As he embraces me, I can ignore the intense ache in my body because I have love on my side now. I don’t know where me and Evan will go from here but it feels good to know that we have one another. We’re locked in now, and that feels awesome. I’m the luckiest woman alive.

  Chapter Twenty Five – Evan

  “Right, Liam,” I say to my boy as he looks expectantly up at me. “Do you think you can take this drink through to Katy? Daddy just needs to make a work phone call?”

  He blanches at the word ‘work’, but not like he used to. When we first got back from the hospital, every single time I talked about the office I could see a panicked look cross his face, like he assumed things would go back to how they once were with me not around very much, which I suppose is understandable. I don’t much like seeing the negative affect that I’ve had on him over the years, but at least I know now that I can change it. The more that time passes, the more Liam is getting that I’m not going to go back to the workaholic I once was. I hope he’ll eventually learn to trust me.

  “I just need to speak to one of my colleagues, it won’t take long I promise you. Then we can read the book you like, the one about the knight if you want?”

  As he runs off cheering, it hits me once more how I’ve finally worked out a way to have it all. Now, I can have the business and continue on with my father’s legacy – in a way that’s much more like his original business model anyway – and I can have my family life too. I can be there for my son, just by taking a step back and letting things run for me. This is how I always should have done it, I can see that now. I’m just glad that it isn’t too late.

  With a smirk, I grab my cell phone from my pocket and I hit dial on Archie’s number. He’s the highly recommended consultant that I’ve called in to sort out the company restructure while I take care of Katy and my boy, and I have to say that I’m pleased about it. He’s done some great work so far. The two people that I’ve been forced to let go because there just wasn’t a new position in the company are now happily placed in a finance firm. I’m sure there will be more redundancies, but I’m much more confident now that I can make them work out for everyone.

  “Hey, Evan, how are you?” Archie sounds busy, I can hear it in his voice. “Just taking care of the marketing department at the moment. As always you’ll have a report by the end of the day.”

  “Oh, I know. I trust you, Archie,” I reassure him. “That isn’t why I’m calling…”

  “I know, I know, you’re a control freak,” he laughs back. “I’ve worked that out by now. That’s why my reports to you are much more detailed than I usually do for anyone else.”

  “Well I’m grateful to you for that, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be a pain. It’s just a little hard to let go when I’ve been so involved up until this point…”

  I can hear Ally giggling in the background which makes me smile. She’s already told me that she and Archie are slowly starting to become something real which is fine by me. Ironically, she also told me that nothing’s happening on work time so I don’t need to worry about it getting in the way of things. To be fair, I’m glad to know that, I’m well aware of how much time me and Ally wasted fucking around, but it wouldn’t be right of me to kick off about it. I’m glad that she’s found someone to make her happy though, she deserves it. Despite the fact that me and her were never going to become anything real and we both knew that, I’m glad she isn’t hurt.

  “I know it isn’t easy, but as I think I’ve shown by now you can trust me. Things are going really well. We’re getting things moving much faster than I even anticipated, and not just here but with the other offices too. The merger’s gone well, and the one we had to shut down is okay now… it’s all good. You can let the reigns loosen just a little bit.”

  I chuckle at his remarks knowing that he’s right. “Okay, well like I say every single time I call you, let me know if you need anything. I have my cell phone on me all the time so you can just give me a ring whenever. Any questions, any problems, any of it…”

  “I know, and I’ll speak to you later, okay?”

  “Yep, bye, Archie.”

  As I hang up the phone, I let out a little breath of relief. I am enjoying my time at home, and for me it’s been really good, but at the same time I do worry more than I should. I’m sure, that like with Liam, it’s just going to take some time for me to get more used to this brand new life. I will be fine, everything is going to be okay, I just need to take a moment.

  I glance towards the room where Katy is staying, at my insistence of course, I couldn’t let her do all of that for my boy then head back to her own home to recover alone, and I can hear her and Liam talking. They get along even better now than they did before, they have a deep bond that can only come from their shared experience, so I’m more than happy for them to have a bit more time to hang out together. Plus, it gives me the time that I need to check my emails.

  Email has been another good thing for me, especially when it comes to arranging meetings with potential investors. It isn’t easy for me to get a big chunk of time to myself to make all the arrangements over the phone, so emails have been great. I scan through them all quickly, firing off replies as I need to, and soon I can shut the phone down and return to ‘family mode’, the happiest place in the world for me. The place where I have always wanted to be.

  As I enter the living room and I see Katy lay on the couch where I’ve told her to remain for the time being, I can see that her and Liam have already started to read the book. I don’t mind though, they just look so damn cute together. With Liam climbed up onto her lap and snuggled into her my heart swells with love. I really do love Katy, that hasn’t changed since the hospital. If anything, it gets stronger every single day. I want her around all the damn time.

  “How’s the story?” I ask happily. “Is the knight on a kick ass adventure?”

  “Dad, you can’t say ‘ass’,” Liam whines. “It isn’t nice.”

  Well, it seems that Nancy and the other nannies have taught my son well in my absence, so that’s something. At least I still have them around if I need them, although I guess a lot of them will move on to other jobs now. It doesn’t matter, I’m here and I’m always going to be.

  “Sorry, Liam, you’re right. Sometimes you might have to just remind me of stuff like that.”

  “How is business?” Katy asks over the top of the book. “All sorted?”

  “Archie is on it,” I nod as I tell her. “And how are things with you? Did Harrison and Associates take your resignation well? They must have got the letter by now, right?”

  “Oh I would think so,” she nods enthusiastically. “I’ve had endless voice mails telling me that I’m making a mistake. Mostly from Grant though, so I don’t think it means anything. I just think he doesn’t want to lose his buddy in the trenches.”

  I don’t get that, it doesn’
t make any sense to me. While it would be much wiser for me to keep that opinion to myself I can’t seem to help it. “I thought Grant would get the partner job if you didn’t take it?” She nods in agreement. “So why is he so concerned for you to stay around? Do you think he likes you?” A bitter snake of jealousy coils through my body as I say those words. Of course, other people are going to notice Katy, she’s gorgeous, I don’t know what it is about him that gets to me. Maybe it’s because they have such a long shared history that I can’t compete with. “I think he does.”

  “Well it hardly matters even if he does,” Katy laughs. “It isn’t like I’m going to see him again. Plus, I’m really happy being here, with you two.”

  “Yeah, Dad, Katy wants to stay with me,” Liam insists, proving to me that he’s much too deep in this. I only have myself to blame for that one. “So, will you stop it? We’re trying to read?”

  “Of course, I’m sorry.” I lean back in my chair and silence myself. The bitter thoughts still race through my brain, but I can dull them for now. Katy’s right, she’s here with me. She isn’t with Grant. If she wanted to be I’m sure she could be. She’s chosen me, and it doesn’t seem like she’s going to leave me. “You carry on reading, I won’t interrupt again.”

  As Katy launches back into the story, only pausing to answer Liam’s questions, I watch her intently, loving every single second of looking at her. Is it just me or is she especially beautiful today? After I said the L word, I thought I might freak out and regret it, but I haven’t even once. It was right, the moment was the exact right one, and my feelings have only grown.

  Eventually, she senses my eyes upon her and she drags her eyes up to look at mine. While they connect, I feel a bolt all the way into my heart. She gets me, and I think that I get her too. I think I have an understanding with her that I’ve never experienced before. We have a deep connection that proves to me soul mates exist more than I ever thought possible.

  A lot still needs to happen before me and Katy can be fully settled into just being us. She needs to recover from her surgery, she needs to start her own business, I need to work out mine, but it’s a journey that I’m excited for. I can’t wait to go on it with her.

  “I have another book!” Liam jumps up excitedly. “Can I go and get it from my room? Can we read that one?”

  “Of course, we can buddy,” Katy agrees and smiles. “You go and get as many books as you like. Since your daddy has told me that I’m not allowed to get up from the couch you might as well bring all your books down to keep me amused.”

  “Don’t let Daddy boss you around,” Liam replies with an eye roll. “Just tell him no.”

  I burst into laughter as he runs from the room on that sweeping statement, leaving me completely stunned. It seems that my son has noticed me more than I thought.

  “He’s got your number,” Katy chuckles. “And the answer too, I need to learn to just say no.”

  I push myself off from my seat and scoot over to her. I place my hands on both her cheeks and dip my head down to kiss her. I love being able to do this in a much freer manner now, it’s great not having to worry so much about getting caught. Katy isn’t a lawyer at the moment and she’s not working for me either, so we can just be.

  “How come you never say no when I’m about to kiss you?” I murmur. “Now that is a mystery.”

  Katy doesn’t answer me, she just tilts her head up to press her lips to mine instead, making my heart explode gleefully. I’m so fucking lucky to have this woman, I am never going to let her go.

  Chapter Twenty Six – Katy

  I move sleepily through Evan’s home, still feeling a little lost through the endless maze of hallways. I’ve been here for over a week now and I still can’t get used to it. I just have one bedroom in my apartment, and three other rooms; a living room, a kitchen and diner room, and a bathroom. I can’t get lost in my home because I can see the front door wherever I turn. It hardly matters anyway because I’m never normally there. I already had my job at Harrison and Associates when I moved in which meant I’ve always been in the office from early in the morning until late at night.

  This seems like much too much house for anyone, but I suppose it’s lovely for Liam. He has plenty of places to run about and play. I’m sure he loves it. Even more now that his dad is around more. I can tell that’s something that he’s always wanted, although I doubt he’s ever said it, and now he’s getting it he seems much happier. It’s lovely to see his face light up when Evan wants to play with him, which luckily is a lot since they’re both making up for lost time.

  “Good morning.” Right away I spot Evan sitting at the dining table. Unlike me, who’s enjoying the new found lie ins in the morning, Evan cannot get out of the habit of being an early bird.

  “Morning,” he replies with a smile. “How are you doing? You look a lot better this morning.”

  “I know, I feel it too,” I admit as I take the seat opposite him. “In fact, I’m a lot better now, I probably should think about heading back to my apartment soon. I don’t want to outstay my welcome.”

  If I’m totally honest with myself then I don’t ever want to leave. It isn’t just the house and the luxuries within it that I like, although the large soft bed is incredible, it’s like sleeping on a cloud, I’m just happy spending so much time with Evan and Liam. They’re an awesome pair who light up my days in a way that I didn’t know I needed. I love Liam’s laughter and his thirst for knowledge, plus the way he makes everything so much fun. He’s an adorable boy who I’m going to miss once I leave. And Evan too. I know we’re moving at a crazy quick speed but I really do love him. I just know and that’s enough for me… but I don’t want to push things too rapidly so he gets bored of me. I don’t know if some space will be good for us, Evan might need it. He might want it but he just hasn’t asked for it.

  But then his face falls and I start to think that maybe the opposite is true. “You’re going?”

  “Well, I don’t know.” I shrug regretfully. My cheeks flame brightly as I talk because of my discomfort. “I suppose I have to eventually, right? I can’t just stay here forever. You invited me to stay until I’m better and now I am… I guess I just don’t want to become a problem.”

  “You aren’t a problem,” Evan shoots back in a hard voice. “Not at all. Me and Liam love having you around. It’s like a real home when you’re in it.”

  His words coil around my heart and squeeze. I didn’t used to have any respect for my apartment at all, I didn’t care about it because it wasn’t a home to me. It was just a place I came to sleep and occasionally eat take out in between work shifts which I thought was fine because I was a successful career woman who was going somewhere. Now, I know that there’s much more to life than that and it makes me yearn for a home. I wouldn’t need any fancy things or luxuries within it, that isn’t what makes a home to me, it’s the family inside of the walls. The people who love me.

  Thinking about having that one day makes my eyes fill with tears. I can’t help myself, I’m on the brink of weeping like a big baby already. “Sorry,” I stutter sadly. “I don’t want to upset anyone…”

  “Oh no. Evan reaches across the table to hold my arm. “I don’t want to upset you, if you need to go home, you go. I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay. I just don’t want you to feel like you need to leave either. Me and Liam love having you here and neither of us are in any rush for you to go, so if you want to remain then please do so.”

  His eyes are so filled with warmth and love, all I want to do is tumble into them. I just don’t want this moment to be a mistake, something that I look back on later with regret. I don’t want to think ‘oh if I hadn’t stayed and put too much pressure on us, then maybe we would still be together now’. I’m scared, and I think it’s my lack of experience in relationships, and in particular love, that’s holding me back. I want this, my heart wants this so damn badly, but my head is telling me to just be careful.

  “You aren’t g
oing!” Liam’s voice suddenly bursts through the moment, making me jump. “No, Katy, you can’t go! Me and Daddy love you here.”

  He races to my side and flings his arms around me, effectively making my decision for me. I can’t exactly turn my back on a weeping child now, can I? I can’t break his heart further. He’s already lost so much in his life, I don’t want to take myself away from him too. Yes, I could still come back and visit but I know it won’t be the same. Especially not to him.

  I guess I’m just looking for an excuse to remain as well, if I’m totally honest with myself. I don’t want to go when I’m having such a good time. Maybe for other people this would be too quick, but me and Evan have suffered through a lot of hard situations and we’ve come out of it stronger. It feels right for us at the moment and that’s all that matters. I’ll just have to ensure this isn’t something that goes wrong. If I’m conscious of it, then I don’t think it’ll become a moment that I regret.

  “Okay, okay,” I laugh. “I won’t go yet, but I might have to at some point, okay?”

  “Not today,” he insists, gushing into my arm pit. “Just don’t go today. I want you to stay.”

  “Let’s go out for the day,” Evan says as he stands up. “I think we could all use a day out, couldn’t we? Go and do something fun in the city. We’ve all been cooped up for far too long now.”

  “Can we go bowling?” Liam asks as he bounces up and down, all his upset long forgotten “And to see a movie? I want to see the new superhero one. I’ve wanted to see it for ages.”

  He looks at me with such expectant eyes that I join in too. “Yes, we have to go and see that movie. It’s supposed to be amazing. Really funny. Oscar winning, even,” I tease. “The best yet.”

  “Are you talking about the one where the characters are made out of blocks?” Evan asks, clearly not getting the appeal. “Are you serious? You can’t honestly want to go and see that you made that pair.”

  Maybe it wouldn’t be my first choice of movie either, but I’m more than happy to do whatever Liam wants. Evan is right, it’ll be fun to get out the house whatever we do or see. I’m easy to go along with absolutely anything. “Of course, we do,” I say loudly. “You’ll love it when you see it, honest!”