“I’m not going anywhere without you. I told you I’m never leaving you. I want you to go with me. It’s perfect. We can get a house on the beach. You can put your toes in the sand and draw all day in the California sun.”
“I…I can’t move to California, Dalt.” Her voice quivers.
“I can’t move without you, Nik.” If she thinks I’m moving three miles away from her let alone three-thousand, the multiple orgasms I gave her last night must have fried some brain cells.
“Listen. You can finish your degree out there. Some of the best art schools in the country are there. And if you want, Garrett can find you a job working for a studio on kid’s movies or something. Not at ours, of course. I don’t want my fucking father anywhere near you. I don’t know. Whatever you want. We can figure it out.”
“But the farm. I can’t leave my mom and the farm.” Her voice is soft and she’s trembling.
“I thought you said your mom has some new superman in her life who’s taking care of the farm now.”
“She does but—”
“Nik, honey. Even if you didn’t want to move to Cali, you’d have to move somewhere to do the kind of work you want to do, at least until you’re as famous as Seuss.” I sweep one braid back behind her shoulder. “Where are you going to show your work in Winter Harbor? The five and dime?”
Even though I know this is a major decision, not something to take lightly, I offer the glib comment to make her smile and relax. But truthfully, the comment isn’t too far off the mark. Winter Harbor is the size of a postage stamp. Nikki’s talents are way too special to be hidden away in a remote corner of the country.
“I know but…wait…how did you know the farm was in Winter Harbor?” Her sparkling eyes narrow and drill into me.
“Um…pretty sure you mentioned it.”
“No. Pretty sure I didn’t.”
Shit. What’s the big deal if I know her farm’s in Winter Harbor?
“What? I had Wolfe do a little cyberstalking for me. No big deal.” Her inquisitorial stare becomes wide-eyed and shocked. At least she doesn’t look like she’s going to bust out crying anymore.
“Nik, baby. You can’t blame me. I missed your sweet face. I wanted to know how far away you were.”
“The whole time I was out of school you knew where I was?” She’s bouncing one knee up and down in agitation now.
“Why are we even talking about this? What difference does it make now? Let’s get back to the moving out to L.A. topic.”
“You knew where I was but you never came there to find me, right?” Her leg is still bouncing and now she’s chewing on her lips. Uh oh. She’s pissed because I knew where she was but didn’t go there to try to get her back. She’s right. I was a complete asshole for not going to find her.
“Well…no. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you. I—”
“Okay. Good.” She blows out a big breath of air and stops fidgeting.
Okay, good? What the hell does that mean? Forget it. Get back to the important topic of conversation here.
“Right. Good.”
What the fuck?
It’s going to take me a lifetime to figure out what goes on inside her beautiful head.
“So, uh, what do you think about me signing with the Winds and us moving to Cali?”
“My family, school, the team, my scholarship. It’s not that simple, Dalt.”
“I realize it’s asking a lot from you, Nik. But…well…dammit, I love you and we both know what it’s like to be apart. I can’t go through that again, babe. Can you?” She gives a slight shake of her head, keeps chewing on her lips and letting out shallow sighs. But doesn’t say anything.
“You can play for another school out there. I’m sure any school would go crazy to have a striker like you. They’d be happy to offer you a scholarship. Or play for the college of your choice without a scholarship. I told you, money isn’t a problem. Anything you want, Nik.”
Still not a word.
“Nik, baby? This is one of those times you’re going to have to say something. I need to know what you’re thinking.”
“This is a lot to take in, Dalt. A couple of days ago I was trying to figure out how to live my life without you. Today? Let’s see. You made me come, what was it, about twenty times? Told me you’re a gazillionaire. Professed your love for me and said you want to be with me forever. And now you want me to drop everything here: school, team, family, and run away with you to California to lay on the sand while you play professional hockey. Is that about it? Do I have it all straight?”
“Everything but the coming thing. I think it was more like thirty times.”
“Real funny, hockey boy. Can you be serious, please?”
“I’m totally serious. You forgot to count the multiple times I used my tongue and fingers to get you screaming my name.” Teasing required to get her to relax. But I’m not wrong about her count being off.
“Dalt…” I love her cute admonishing whine.
“Okay. You want serious, soccer girl? Here goes. There’s only two things in this world I’ve ever really wanted. To play hockey was one of them. The other most important thing is sitting here right now giving me her best super-annoyed glare. You tell me what you want, baby girl. If you want to stay here to finish our degrees and take the next step when we get to it, I’m here with you. No pressure, no regrets. Because if I’ve learned anything in the last couple of years it’s that nothing means anything if you’re not in my life. I’m all in wherever or whenever you want. It’s your call, Nik.”
This may be the first time in our relationship I can’t read her expression or body language. She looks distantly contented by my words but I’m also sensing an edge…nervousness or a tinge of melancholy.
“I…can I think about it? I need a little time to…just think.”
“Sure, babe. Like I said, no pressure. But as I also said, I’m not going anywhere without you. If you say no, I’ll move to Winter Harbor and get a job at the five and dime.” I lean over and kiss her. The coffee tastes a lot better on her lips.
“I don’t think they’d hire you, hockey boy. You’re too much of a pain in the ass.” She smirks and picks up her cup of sludge.
“Nice.” Always the little smartass even when she’s conflicted. “Now what did you want to tell me?”
Am I disappointed she didn’t behave like the usual impulsive Nikki and throw herself into my arms saying of course I’ll move to California with you? Sure. But realistically, it’s a major decision and understandable why she needs some time.
“Tell you?” She pushes her eggs around her plate and she hasn’t touched her bacon. If Nikki isn’t gobbling down available bacon, you know something is weighing heavy on her mind. Could be my asking her to uproot her life and move with me at the drop of a hat, but I think there’s more to it than that. Something was bothering her even before she went to take a shower.
“Nik?” I’ve never seen her this reticent. She normally has no problem telling me what’s on her mind, giving me her opinion, telling me I’m a dumb fuck when I am one.
“Okay.” She blows out a breath. “Well…um…I have something…”
My cell phone begins vibrating on the countertop. Nikki stops mid-sentence and glances at it. I ignore it until it stops buzzing.
“Sorry. Go ahead.”
“Um…so…after you went…”
My fucking cell phone starts rattling on the countertop, interrupting her again.
“You better get that,” she says. “It could be important.”
“Sorry. Let me see who it is. I’ll get rid of them.” I hop up and scoop my phone off the counter to see Garrett’s number across the screen. I swipe the accept button.
“Hey, bro. ‘Sup?” I hold a give-me-a-second finger up to Nikki. “I’ll tell him I’ll call him back later.” I half mouth half whisper to her.
“What? Say that again.” I put a finger over the microphone while my brother keeps ranting things I can’t understand into my ea
r. “Sorry, babe. I have to take this. It might take a while. Can you hold that thought?”
“It’s fine. I’m going to head back to the farm. I’ll give you a call later.” She rinses her plate and cup in the sink. “Oh and hockey boy?’ She turns and places a kiss on my cheek. “I dammit love you too.” She repeats the fucked expression of love I gave her earlier.
“Hang on, Garrett. I can’t understand what you’re saying.” I drop the phone to my thigh and press it into my shorts to muffle the sound. “Wait, Nik. Don’t go. Give me a few—”
“It’s fine. It can wait a little longer. Talk to your brother. I’ll call you when I get to the farm. Just lock up before you leave.”
Garrett’s yelling is frantic and loud enough, I can feel the sound vibrating my thigh.
“Hey. I dammit love you too,” I call to her as she picks up her backpack and walks out the door. That gets me a sweet wave of her fingers and a forced smile. The melancholy semblance is back and it has me worried.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
Nikki
Yep. I chickened out. Hopeless chicken shit. When Dalt’s phone rang I almost sighed in relief.
I climb behind the wheel of my rusty pickup and speed out of the driveway before Dalt has a chance to finish his phone call. The bald tires, which needed to be replaced about a hundred miles ago, spew gravel everywhere.
I’m a horrible, awful person taking off like this, running from the opportunity to tell him about Chloe, I know. But everything is moving at lightning speed. Now he’s making plans to move to California to play hockey. It’s getting more and more complicated.
It’s not that I think Dalt will reject Chloe or be upset about her. Before my encounter with his meddling father, I pictured Dalt as someone who would be great with kids, a wonderful, loving father. When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t stress about telling him. I was certain he would be happy because I was sure we would be together forever. Starting a family a little earlier in our relationship would be tricky but we’d work it out.
The only reason I didn’t tell him the minute I found out was because I wanted it to be romantic. I wanted to tell him when we were camping alone under the moonlight and stars. Poetic mush, as Dalt would say. Of course, now I know it was a monumental mistake. Because what frightens me the most about telling him, is that he may reject me when he finds out how I’ve deceived him. I want to believe he’ll understand. But the more time I spend with him and remember what an amazing man he was and is, the more I can’t even convince myself I was justified in keeping him out of Chloe’s life.
When I get back to the farm, I’ll talk it over with my mom. She’ll be able to give me some advice on the best way to give Dalt the news which will change his life and the things he believes about me, forever. And when he hears it, will he want to move to L.A. and start his new life without me? How will this whole mess affect Chloe? Ugh. My head is swimming.
***
As I pull up to the driveway, the first thing I see is the wood sign my dad put up fifteen years ago. I remember him letting me ‘help’ him paint the big black letters on it, even though I didn’t know how to spell yet. The rustic plague couldn’t convey my dad’s personality better if it was a complete biography.
WARNING!!
Alpacas can cause
An overwhelming
Loving sensation
to your soul.
Anyone with a
weak heart enter
at your own
risk.
Walking in the front door, I drop my pack under the coat hooks. I take in a huge breath. It’s home: warm, comforting. Mom’s baking. My stomach rumbles at the recognizable delectable smell of her homemade chocolate chips coming from the kitchen. She’s the rock star of the biggest, gooiest chocolate chip cookies in Hancock County.
When I walk in the kitchen, she’s bending over the stove taking a fresh batch of cookies out of the oven. Chloe is playing with cookie dough at the child-size table Matt built for her out of leftover pieces of lumber he found in the barn.
Matt is my mom’s new farmhand. I keep saying new but he’s been here for a little over a year. In the past year, I’ve seen him and my mom grow close. I was hesitant at first after what she’d been through with Bert. But Matt is the polar opposite of Bert. Matt’s a good guy. He fawns over my mom like she’s a queen. And she deserves that kind of love and attention because she’s been taking care of everyone and everything else for so long, it’s about time someone takes care of her.
“Mama! Mama!” Chloe screeches when she sees me standing in the doorway watching the heartening scene in front of me. She’s a female mini-Dalt and if it’s possible, his black hair and those stunning blue eyes are even more gorgeous on a girl. She’s wearing her favorite outfit, pink leotards and tights, with a little tutu over them. I bought it for her after a weekend class trip to an art museum in Portland. It was a splurge, but I’ve haven’t been able to give her very much. I figured if I cut out a few lunches, I could budget it in. I don’t think she’s taken it off since. My poor mom has to wash it almost every night when Chloe is in bed. She’ll only take it off to get into her Cat in the Hat pajamas. Maybe there’s a little of me in her after all.
“There’s my little munchkin! How’s my sweet baby?” I hold my arms out and Chloe runs toward me. I scoop her up and squeeze her tight. She smells like cookie dough and sweet baby girl.
“Nikki!” My mom’s face lights up when she sees me.
I remember the day I told her about the mess with Dalt and had to add to the wreckage that I was pregnant. I was afraid I would never see the pride in her eyes again. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Her pride for me and the love she gives me has never wavered one iota. Not then, not now.
“Hey, honey. I didn’t expect you until dinner time.”
“I got an early start.” I move across the room to her, while still holding Chloe in my arms, and kiss her on the cheek. She wipes her hands down her apron and wraps one arm around my shoulder to give me a mama bear hug.
“Smells like heaven in here.” I take another big whiff.
“Chloe and I are making your favorite cookies. Aren’t we, baby girl?” She places a kiss on my cheek and then one on Chloe’s.
Chloe nods her head up and down in glee. “Tookie, Mama. Eat tookie.” She wiggles in my arms, reaching down toward the butcher block island in front of the sink. Evidence of a morning’s worth of baking is spread across it, racks of cooling cookies at one end. I check to make sure they’re cool enough and lean Chloe down to grab one. The giant five-inch cookie is almost too big for her tiny hand.
“Bite. Num.” She holds it to my mouth and repeats the words she’s heard my mom and I say when spoon feeding her.
I take a big chomp of the gooey deliciousness and do a cookie monster imitation. “Num, num, num. Cookie good.” Chloe giggles. I hug her tight in my arms, nearly crushing the rest of the cookie.
My eyes well with tears. For someone who hates crying, I’ve done more than my fair share lately. Squeezing my eyes closed, I attempt to push the tears back where they came from. When I open my eyes, the smile is gone from my mom’s face, replaced by a worried expression.
“Nikki? Is everything okay?” I know what she’s thinking. The last time she saw an expression like this on my face was when I was struggling to get over Dalt.
“Everything’s fine. I just…can we talk when you have a minute?”
“Of course, sweetheart.” She places one of my braids behind my shoulder.
“Hey! My three favorite girls, all in one room.” Matt walks in and makes a beeline to my mom. He plants a kiss on her lips and I note the way she blushes but leans into him.
I can’t deny I’m still a bit uncomfortable about their relationship. It’s not Matt. He couldn’t be more wonderful. Like I said, he dotes on my mom and couldn’t be sweeter to Chloe and me. He’s taken on the role of a grandfather to Chloe. She even calls him Papa, which is kind of why i
t’s a bit weird.
My mom was only nineteen when she had me, which means she’s only forty now and is still an incredibly beautiful woman. In fact, despite some of the tiny lines she acquired around the corners of her eyes from her years of worry and stress after Dad died, she could pass for my older sister rather than my mom. Matt is only thirty-three, hardly old enough to be anyone’s grandfather. And despite the fact he behaves fatherly to me and grandfatherly to Chloe, I don’t feel like he’s much older than me. Could be because he doesn’t appear to be much older than some of the guys I go to school with.
Mom met him when she was doing volunteer work for the firehouse my dad used to work out of. Matt is a volunteer fireman, which is the reason he’s built like a Redwood tree. He’s a little taller than Dalt and a bit wider across the shoulders. Where Dalt has the lean muscles of an athlete, Matt has solid but beefier muscles. He towers over my petite five-foot two mom and it’s still kind of weird to see her with him. I mean, my dad was a big burly fireman too but he looked like a dad, not like Mr. July on one of the infamous firefighter calendars.
But when I see Matt and Mom together, I couldn’t be happier for her. Matt gazes at her like she’s the moon, stars, and all the planets in one little package. And I haven’t seen Mom’s eyes twinkle like that since my dad was alive.
“I hear we have our girl home for a few days.” Matt smiles and drapes his arm around my mom’s shoulders, tucking her into the safety of his huge frame. His lips tighten. A concerned demeanor sweeps across his face when he sees my expression.
“How’s everything going, Nik. You okay? Anybody causing you any trouble at school?”
Since he has become such a big part of our lives, Mom asked me if it would be okay to share our story with Matt. When I was certain he only had our best interests at heart, I agreed. When he found out what Dalt had done, Matt threatened to come to Bernard and I quote, “ram that hockey stick up that pretty boy’s ass.” Thank goodness Mom was able to talk him off the ledge of fatherly retaliation. But she can’t do anything about the way he hates Dalt, even though he’s never met him. If he even hears his name mentioned, Matt growls. It might take him some time to get used to the new developments in my love-hate-love saga.
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