Testing the Limits

by Kira Sinclair

  And the entire time, Jace held her gaze, refusing to let her go. The connection was almost too much, and yet she couldn’t break it. Couldn’t look away from what he was giving her—a glimpse into a part of himself he rarely shared.

  With each passing moment his body cranked tighter. His building tension increased her own as they climbed together. Reaching between them, Jace found the tight bundle of nerves begging for his touch and rubbed. It was all she needed, her keening cry reverberating around them.

  Jace groaned, his eyes closing, as he finally let himself go. His jaw clamped tight, holding in the sounds she was desperate to hear. She wanted it, wanted the proof of his pleasure ringing through her ears. But she could feel the kick as he exploded deep inside.

  Wrapping her arms around his strong shoulders, Quinn held on tight. Her heels dug into the backs of his thighs, urging him closer. His ragged, uneven breaths burst against her damp skin, sending shivers through her already overloaded body.

  After several minutes, Jace shifted, putting space between them. Quinn forced back the urge to tighten her hold and keep him close. She wasn’t ready for the fantasy to end.

  But that one simple motion pulled the decision from her hands because reality crowded in anyway.

  They’d just had sex. Now what was she going to do?

  Looming over her, Jace stared down at her, piercing her with those damn blue eyes that saw way too much and gave nothing away.

  Anxiety and uncertainty flipped through her exhausted system. His next words did nothing to dispel the reaction.

  “Just how long have you wanted this?”

  8

  SHE TRIED TO squirm away, but Jace wouldn’t let her. Not even when she looked at him with such open vulnerability.

  It went far beyond what she’d just given him physically. He’d always known Quinn would be an amazing lover. She was the kind of person who gave everything, spent her life taking care of other people, and would do the same for anyone she let into her bed.

  She had so much love to give, which was one reason he’d been trying for months to convince her to find someone new. If anyone in this world deserved to be happy, it was Quinn.

  He could see she didn’t want to talk about the words she’d accidentally let free in the heat of a passionate moment. Tough.

  Jace used his leverage to keep her pinned beneath him and asked again, “How long have you wanted this?”

  She tried to turn her face away, but he needed the window into her thoughts. Cupping her chin, he applied gentle pressure until she didn’t have a choice but to look at him.

  His chest tightened when he saw the sheen of tears she was fighting. He almost caved, but that’s when she finally answered.

  “How long have I been physically attracted to you? From the very first time we met.”

  Heat suffused her skin and disgust clouded her eyes. It cut straight through him. He didn’t want her to regret what they’d just done, because he sure as hell didn’t.

  But how could she not? They’d both been overwhelmed by physical attraction. Sure, his feelings for her went much deeper, but her feelings for him probably didn’t. And now she was struggling with the guilt over what they’d done.

  Something he could understand, because he’d been fighting the same thing for so long—wanting her and knowing it was so, so wrong.

  He wanted to rail against fate. Why couldn’t he have met Quinn first? Why was the perfect woman put in front of him and then made completely unavailable?

  And then he’d been given a taste only to have reality shoved in his face.

  Fury mixed with impatience and frustration. He didn’t know how to handle this.

  But what he did know was that he wouldn’t let Quinn beat herself up over moving on. Maybe that was what he was supposed to give her—the first step toward a new life.

  And if that’s what she needed from him...

  “Don’t,” Jace growled, his fingers tightening their hold. “Don’t you dare feel guilty, Quinn. You didn’t do a damn thing wrong. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Then why does it feel like it?” she whispered, looking up at him through eyes awash with unshed tears. “This isn’t just about tonight. I was attracted to you, Jace, long before Michael was gone. Being in the same room...it was always difficult. No matter how hard I tried not to, I always found myself watching you. The way you move, all power and grace, was just...too much.”

  Her words rocked him. They were so unexpected. “I had no idea,” he breathed out.

  “Good,” she whispered. “Then maybe Michael didn’t, either.”

  Anguish clouded her eyes and she jerked her gaze away. Jace trailed a soothing finger along the ridge of her cheek.

  “You loved him, Quinn.”

  It wasn’t a question. He’d always known it was the truth. Wanted that for his brother. For her.

  “Yes.”

  This time instead of forcing her to meet his gaze, he chased hers, refusing to let her hide—from him or this.

  “You didn’t love me.”

  Her caramel eyes widened. “No, of course not.”

  “Quinn, you didn’t do anything wrong. What you felt for me—feel for me—is just chemistry. It’s physical. What you had with Michael was so much more. He knew that.”

  She shook her head, strands of her dark hair slipping across creamy pale skin.

  “You didn’t act on what you were feeling. Hell, you didn’t do a single thing to indicate it was even a possibility. You. Did. Nothing. Wrong.”

  A soft voice whispered through his head that he hadn’t, either. But the voice was mistaken.

  While Quinn had finally given in to her body’s natural needs, taking what was available, he had been lusting after her for years.

  And not just her body.

  He’d wanted what Michael had—her smiles, mornings in her arms, and even her emotional outbursts. He’d wanted to hold her and tease her and fight with her.

  He’d wanted more than he should, and he still did.

  But for the moment he was willing to take whatever she wanted to give him. And at the same time he’d help her heal so she could move on—from them both.

  Instead of making the guilt fade as he’d hoped, his words had the gold flecks in her eyes flashing. “I’m here now.”

  “And Michael is dead.”

  His words might have been harsh, but they were true. And apparently she needed the reminder.

  Michael was gone and he wasn’t coming back. “He wouldn’t want you to spend your life mourning him, Quinn. Hell, I heard him say that exact thing to you the last night in the hospital. He wanted you to be happy.”

  “I am happy,” she said, her words full of defiance neither of them believed.

  “No, you’re not. Not really.”

  Her sharp intake of breath surprised him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  His smile was grim. “Oh, but I do. You forget, I’ve listened to stories about your life for the past two years. You don’t see the friends you and Michael had before. You barely speak to your sister. You don’t even have a pet. Your life consists of work, work and more work. And while what you do is admirable, it isn’t enough.”

  The fire in her eyes flashed hotter. Her mouth thinned and her hands found his chest, pushing against him. But he didn’t budge. He wasn’t going to let her ignore what he was saying. Not anymore.

  Gentling his words, he narrowed the space between them, staring hard into her eyes and hoping she’d really listen to what he said. “You can’t use your work to hide from your own life, Quinn, not anymore.”

  “I’m not—” she began hotly, but he cut her off.

  “You are. Solving everyone else’s problems while you keep yourself locked inside a ster
ile, safe little world.”

  A choking sound erupted from her throat. At first, he thought it was temper. Until the tears she’d been holding at bay began to slip down her cheeks.

  “I don’t...” she said, tears clogging the words. “I don’t know how to stop. It hurts so bad, losing someone. I’ve done it so many times. Too many. I don’t think I can do it again, let myself care about someone and have them taken away.”

  God, he wanted to comfort her. Take her pain and just make it disappear. But that wasn’t possible.

  At least he could hold her, give her a safe, soft place to let it all out.

  His mouth buried against her temple, he murmured, “Let me help you.”

  “How?”

  Curling down to her, he took her mouth. This kiss was different, soft and sweet, easy and comfortable. “With this.”

  Continuing to see her, touch her, love her, was probably the stupidest thing he would ever do. Although it wasn’t as if he had the strength to walk away from her—not now.

  “We’re stuck together, Quinn, at least until this thing with Warren blows over. Neither of us seems capable of ignoring the physical attraction burning between us. Why should we try? We’re not doing anything wrong. And maybe when this is over you’ll be better prepared to let someone else into your life.”

  He’d be the bridge between Michael and the rest of her tomorrows.

  God, it was going to hurt when it was over.

  He already loved her. Falling in love with her was inevitable.

  But for the moment, he’d take what he could get and worry about the aftermath later. He had plenty of experience living with pain, guilt and regret.

  Pulling back, Jace smoothed his fingers over her face. “Just so there’s no confusion, you weren’t the only one struggling with inappropriate thoughts. I’ve wanted you from that first moment, too. It was hell trying to keep my hands off you, even before Michael got sick.”

  That struggle was one of the reasons he’d agreed so easily to give Michael a kidney, even though it cost him the career he loved and needed.

  Not that he wouldn’t have made the decision anyway, he would have. But the niggling guilt had spurred him to give his brother whatever he needed no matter the personal price.

  Because Michael deserved a long and happy life with a girl like Quinn. And Quinn deserved the easy, comfortable, content life she would have had with his brother.

  All Jace had to offer was a restless need that bubbled up inside him no matter how hard he fought against it. He was remote and difficult. He’d seen too much in the world to believe in things that were warm and fuzzy, not that he ever had.

  Instead of seeing the twisted, black mess of a soul he tried so hard to hide—and running, the way she probably should—Quinn moved closer. She reached for him, mirroring his hold on her face, running the soft pad of her finger across his temple and down his cheek.

  “Is that why you can’t let him go? Because you feel guilty—not that he died, but that you wanted me?”

  She saw way too much. And he was afraid eventually she was going to see it all—and realize she could do so much better than a broken, useless soldier.

  “No.” The word cracked so he tried again, but something different came out, a confession he hadn’t intended to make. “Yes.”

  Her arms wrapped around him tight and squeezed. Her cheek found his chest and rubbed. “Oh, Jace. You didn’t do anything wrong, either.”

  “Yes, I did. What if I’d refused? If I hadn’t been driven by guilt and had taken the selfish way out? If he’d gotten a kidney from someone else maybe he’d still be alive.”

  He couldn’t look at her, see the horror and pity that he knew must be filling her, because it utterly swamped him.

  Silence stretched between them, reinforcing the recriminations he’d been nursing deep inside for two long years.

  “You know that’s not true, Jace,” she finally whispered. “It wasn’t your fault. The doctors even said your kidney was perfect. It was just one of those things—not every transplant is successful.”

  God, he wanted to believe her, but he couldn’t shake the sensation that when Michael had needed him most, he’d failed.

  * * *

  HIS WORDS WERE still ringing in Quinn’s ears hours later when Jace dragged her to his gym for a quick self-defense lesson. The memory of his expression—so devastated and broken—when he’d claimed Michael’s death was his fault tore her apart a little more each time she replayed their conversation.

  She wanted to fix it. Fix him. But there was nothing she could do or say. She’d tried. Not just this morning, but for the past two years, and he wasn’t listening.

  Which only broke her heart that much more.

  She’d dealt with difficult cases over the years. It was usually the teenagers who got to her. She always wanted to break through their protective layers so they’d let her help. Maybe because that was the age she’d been when she’d struggled and needed someone to force through all the grief and confusion and pain.

  It was easy for her to identify with them, even if they were all fighting different demons.

  With Jace, she was at a loss. If one of her colleagues had come to her with the same situation, she knew exactly what she’d have said—they were too close to help. But her heart told her she couldn’t walk away from his pain.

  Unfortunately, she wasn’t going to solve the problem in a day, even if her body was full of restless energy, a constant buzzing that told her she should be doing something.

  Although the something she had in mind would hardly have looked like this.

  “Concentrate, Quinn.”

  She frowned, looking over at Jace. “I don’t want to do this.”

  “Duly noted.”

  “And ignored.”

  Jace sighed, tilting his head back so he could stare up at the dirty metal ceiling above them. It was almost painful to follow his gaze and take in the decrepit structure he’d brought her to. Especially when she knew he was entreating the heavens for strength in dealing with her.

  If he wasn’t careful, not even a deity would be able to protect him from her temper. She was holding on to it by a thin strand as it was.

  “We’ve already been over this. After last night, you need to know how to protect yourself.”

  Which was how she found herself standing in the middle of what had once been an industrial building but was now functioning as a gym. The kind with concrete floors and metal cages and torn punching bags held together by duct tape.

  Several paces away men were pounding on the bags, the grunts of their efforts exploding into the room. The links of rusty metal chains clanked together in a repeated rhythm that tore at her nerves.

  After the spectacle of Jace’s fight, she really didn’t want to be here. However, she did see the wisdom in what he was saying. And the thought of being able to defend herself if—when—Warren showed up again did hold merit.

  “Fine.” She sighed.

  Jace just grinned at her. Snagging her hand, he directed her to a corner of the room where several thick foam mats had been laid out across the floor.

  Positioning her in the center, he walked around behind her.

  “Okay, I’m going to come at you. Try to deflect my attack.”

  She could feel him. Hear him. The soft, even cadence of his breath. The dark, sinful scent of him wafting out to envelope her.

  She was distracted, unprepared when his arms wrapped around her chest, pinning her arms to her sides and pulling her back against his chest. Her feet left the floor.

  Her first instinct was to melt. Even after only one night with him, her body had taken over from her brain.

  Until his soft voice whispered into her ear. “Think, Quinn. How are you going to get out of this? What leverage
do you have?”

  Her arms were useless. But her feet dangled right at the perfect height to smash into his shins. Using every ounce of power, she attempted to kick his leg.

  Jace easily blocked her movements, stepping forward and tangling her leg between his own, taking her momentum away and making her heels useless.

  Frustration bubbled inside her until he rumbled, “Good. What else?” into her ear.

  Her ear. Her head. She was perfectly positioned to slam the back of it into his face. Even as the thought flitted across her brain, she hesitated.

  She didn’t want to hurt him.

  As if sensing her thoughts, Jace’s hold on her tightened. It didn’t hurt, but left her feeling trapped. Helpless. Memories from Warren’s visit the night before flooded her with fear and uncertainty.

  She’d grabbed that knife as if she knew what to do with it, but she didn’t have a clue. Sure, she could have drawn blood, but it probably wouldn’t have been enough to stop him.

  And even if he’d come at her, she wasn’t sure she’d have been able to hurt him with it. Her stomach turned at the thought of wounding another person or at the realization she was probably too weak to defend herself.

  Suddenly, Jace’s hold on her was too much. She couldn’t breathe. “Let me go,” she wheezed, even as she began struggling in earnest. Her body squirmed in the limited amount of space she had to maneuver. The single leg that was free flailed. And when she finally worked an arm free, she used it to slam repeatedly into the hands holding her.

  But he didn’t let her go.

  Instead, his calm, steady voice floated into her ear. “Use your elbow, it’s one of the hardest points on your body. And the back of your head. Find the softest, most vulnerable places you can and attack. Over and over again until you get free.”

  “I can’t,” she panted. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  His chuckle finally broke through the sheen of panic that had been muffling her reaction. It pissed her off.

  “You can’t hurt me, sweetheart. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

  Okay, he’d asked for it.