by Sandy James
“Afraid?”
His sigh lasted a good five seconds as I whirled around to face him. Perhaps telling me what was in his heart was easy, but telling me about his innermost thoughts came with more difficulty. “I liked you, so I wanted to be what you wanted. But, angel, you wanted some stupid stereotype—someone who probably doesn’t exist.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Stepping back, Scott ran his hand over his face in clear frustration. “For you, I had to be a biker, a badass, eye candy, a fantastic lover and a genius, all rolled into one. You actually think a guy that perfect exists?”
Yes. He’s you! I shrugged, hugged myself and turned my back again so he couldn’t see the feelings reflected on my face.
“I knew how important the reunion was to you. Now that I know about Craig and Eli, I understand why. I didn’t want to spoil it, especially after you told me about your brother’s death and all the hatred you still have because of it. Prejudices, especially one that old, are so hard to overcome.” I let him pull me into his arms, pressing his chest against my back. “I figured I could win you over, convince you my job didn’t matter. You know, nothing’s changed. Not really.”
I shook my head. “Everything’s changed.” My life wasn’t my life anymore. In the span of a couple of weeks, I’d gone from a single woman living in her quiet condo in Manhattan to someone’s girlfriend with a teenage son and living his mansion on Long Island. For a person who despised change, who fought it with every ounce of her being, those developments were nothing short of devastating.
Soft lips touched my ear. “I love you, angel.”
I love you too. But you’re not who I thought you were. “Don’t say that.”
“Maddie…don’t be like that.”
I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to turn and pummel that muscular chest with my fists. I wanted my Scott back.
Instead, I had a guy who helped criminals get back on the street. My brother’s face swam in my mind. “How many?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“How many trials have you won?”
“What do you mean?”
Swiping my sleeve under my runny nose, I tried to stop myself from saying something stupid simply because I was pissed and hurt and exhausted. I wasn’t successful. “How many guys did you get a walk for? How many crooks have you helped skip out of a courtroom instead of heading to jail where they belong?”
When he took a step back, it felt as though he’d moved a million miles away. “That’s what you think I do? That’s what you think of me? That I help crooks get away with their crimes?”
Scott’s profession became my lightning rod, and I lashed out at the stereotype I’d nurtured for most of my life. “Jack died. The guy who murdered him got away with it.”
“I didn’t represent the guy who killed Jack.”
“Doesn’t matter! You’re all the same.”
A deep, angry sigh. He put his hands on his slim hips and shook his head. “I’m not fighting with you over this right now. You’re exhausted. You’re upset. You won’t listen to a thing I have to say.”
“Damn right, I’m upset!” My voice sounded hoarse and strained. The time had come to shut the hell up. I’d lost control—somewhere tonight between Eli’s arrest, discovering my destroyed condo, and finding out the man I loved helped evil people, I’d totally lost control. “I…I can’t do this anymore. Not tonight.”
Several emotions crossed Scott’s face. Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. But the one that hurt the most was pity. “Let me show you where you can sleep.”
“Thanks.”
He grabbed my bag rather roughly, and I followed him down the hall like a person being led to the gallows. I shouldn’t stay here. I should go to a hotel.
“You’re not going anywhere. It’s after midnight. You need some sleep.”
What I needed to do was stop thinking aloud. I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to Scott and be comatose for the next twelve hours. I felt like someone had beaten the shit out of me—physically and mentally. My foolish pride and hurt wouldn’t let me ask him to sleep next to me, no matter how badly I wanted him to. Seemed I would bite off my own stupid nose to spite my stubborn face. “You got a guest room in this palace?”
“Maddie.” My name came out a low growl as his whole body stiffened. “I guess I was dumb enough to think you’d sleep in my bed. With me.”
“I would never sleep with a defense attorney.”
Despite my obstinacy, he chuckled, although it wasn’t a pleasant sound. “Too late.”
I followed him down a long hallway, past a couple of what appeared to be spare bedrooms and what looked like an office, to an enormous master suite.
An unmade king-sized bed sat against a far wall with a skylight above that let me catch the shimmer of stars. An oak bureau and dresser took up most of another wall. The last had a flat-screen television. Black and white photos of mountains dotted the walls. Such a neat, masculine hideaway.
Scott jerked the comforter up over the rumpled sheets, tossed my bag on the bed, and headed back toward the door.
“You’re leaving?”
“I’ve got work to do.”
“After midnight?”
“Eli’s hearing is at ten. I’ve got a ton of stuff to do to get ready. Gotta get that criminal a walk, after all.” He slammed the door shut.
The only thing I’d been able to find to sleep in was an old Colts jersey. I threw my clothes on the floor, donned the jersey and crawled into Scott’s bed. One of the pillows smelled like him, so I hugged it close and let my exhaustion lull me to sleep.
* * *
A nightmare woke me with a start as my heart slammed inside my chest. A light sheen of sweat coated my skin. I’d been dreaming that Eli was still a baby. While I cradled him in my arms, some dark, faceless stranger came and snatched him away. Panicked, I ran after the man, frantic to help my son, but the stranger kept pulling farther and farther away, until I became sure I’d lose Eli forever.
Waking up in a strange place after a terrifying dream made me so frightened, I trembled as if I’d been dunked in a cold bath. I looked up to see stars and wondered for a confused moment how I’d ended up camping outside. Then everything came rushing back to me.
Ah, the skylight in Scott’s bedroom.
I rolled over, reached for Scott and got nothing but cold sheets.
Heading down the hall, I shivered, still frightened by the dream and missing Scott’s warmth. Light peeked out from under one of the doors. I slowly turned the knob and opened the door.
Scott sat hunched over a desk made of black glass. Papers were scattered all over, and thick books lay open in front of him. His right hand rested on one while his left busily scratched out something on a yellow legal pad. I’d never noticed he was a leftie. Of course, I’d missed lots of other things too. “Scott?”
Blue eyes met mine. “Hi, angel.” Those eyes raked me from head to toe. “Love the outfit.”
“Are you coming to bed? You need your sleep.”
“Can’t sleep yet. Got lots to do for the hearing tomorrow.”
“It can’t wait ’til morning?”
He chuckled. “Afraid not. If I don’t have all this ready, Eli might have to stay in Bridges. I promised him I’d do everything I could to get him out.”
It had never dawned on me how hard lawyers had to work, nor did I realize that they put in something other than the normal office hours. Before I could ponder that revelation, a yawn shook my body. I was so sleepy, I didn’t even try to cover my mouth with my hand.
“You’re exhausted. Go back to bed, Maddie. I’ll come catch a few winks later.”
As Scott returned to slaving over his work, I turned to leave. Then I changed my mind. He glanced up and arched a dark eyebrow as I came to stand beside him. “Do you need some help?” I asked.
He put down his pen, pushed his chair back and, before I knew what he intended, pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me
soundly. My lethargy kept me from protesting. In honesty, I kissed him back. I might have been angry and disillusioned, but my body still recognized Scott as my lover.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’m good. Just lots of busywork.”
“What did you and Eli talk about?”
His head tilted. “At Bridges?”
I shook my head. “At Trixie’s. You know, after he smoked pot—when you played pool with him.” It probably wasn’t any of my business, but with everything that had happened, I really wanted to know. Maybe Scott could tell me something about Eli that could help me understand my son better.
“We talked about his life.”
I waited, figuring he’d expand on the story. He didn’t. Probably some attorney-client privilege cliché. My curiosity forced me to prod him. “Did he tell you why he was expelled from school?”
“He wasn’t expelled. Just got himself in trouble with the principal.”
“What did he do?”
Scott’s chuckle took me by surprise considering the seriousness of the subject.
I gave him a playful slap on the shoulder. “What’s so funny?”
“He rigged the bell and fire alarm so he could set it off with his cell phone. Which he did. Several times.”
My son, the genius.
“He also set up a Facebook page so that every time the principal sent out an email, it posted on that page. Needless to say, when they found out it was Eli, the principal encouraged Stephanie to find alternative educational opportunities for him.”
“He’s smart, isn’t he?”
“Is that maternal pride I’m hearing?”
I grinned before I was interrupted by another huge yawn.
Scott lifted me back to my feet and patted my ass. “Go get some sleep, angel.”
Was I still dreaming? Another exaggerated yawn slipped out. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”
“Oh, yes. We’ll definitely talk tomorrow.”
Chapter Eighteen
The courtroom seemed every bit as intimidating as the jail, even if it was only Family Court. I sat on a worn wooden bench, trying to keep myself from tapping my feet against the tile to get rid of my nervous energy. The smell of coffee hung in the air, mixed with a touch of musty that reminded me of grandma’s basement.
I’d slept fitfully after I returned to Scott’s bed, and I had a vague memory of him snuggled up against me for a short time before the bed turned cold again. His hand covered my breast when he first pressed against my back, a habit he’d developed that I found endearing. Now the memory made me sad.
By the time I’d stumbled through a shower with my eyes more closed than open, Scott was standing outside the shower stall, holding a mug of coffee for me. I never asked where he got a mug with Tigger on it. We choked down a quick breakfast of healthy crap like granola and some exotic fruit I’d never tasted before, then we jumped in the Mustang and drove to Manhattan. I couldn’t stop yawning the whole trip.
Since I’d been less than coherent the night before when I’d thrown a few clothes in a bag to bring from the condo, all I had to wear to court was a purple sweater and a pair of jeans with a hole in the right knee. The judge would find out I was Eli’s mother and tell the kid he was better off staying in Bridges Detention.
Scott took the whole thing with the aplomb of a seasoned lawyer, which only seemed to make my frayed emotions flare hotter. My son was in jail and might have to stay there for a long time. Scott should be falling apart. Like I was.
How many times had he waited just like this for a client to arrive from jail so he could spring him and get him right back on the streets? How many people had he represented since he’d become an attorney? How many times had he pled a case before a judge? How many times had he worked hard to try to free someone who’d killed someone, causing a family the kind of grief mine had been through?
That was what defense attorneys did—help people get away with crimes.
Right?
The “criminal” this time was my Eli, and things suddenly weren’t so black and white. For the first time since my brother Jack’s death, I saw the world in shades of gray. What would happen to Eli if Scott wasn’t here to help him through this? He’d probably be represented by some public defender right out of law school who had no idea what in the hell he was doing. He’d probably have to stay in Bridges Detention Center. He’d probably be royally screwed.
But Eli hadn’t killed anyone. He was just a kid. He’d already been punished enough.
I reached for Scott’s hand. Like always, it was there. “Eli will be here soon,” he said. “We’ll have a chance to talk to him before the hearing.”
Eli walked into the foyer with a small group of other boys. They were in street clothes, which came as a surprise. I guess I’d expected orange jumpsuits with something humiliating like “prisoner” stenciled across the shoulders. A shaky breath slipped out over the indignities my poor son must have suffered. We had to get him the hell out of there as soon as we could.
Scott went up, exchanged a few words with one of the corrections officers, and it wasn’t long before I found myself in a conference room with Scott and Eli.
I had no idea what to say to my son. His elbows rested on the table, but he fiddled with a pen that had been left there, twirling it like some miniature baton. Had there been paper, I had no doubt he’d be doodling. My own fingers were drumming against the table, typing out the words of my thoughts as if I had a keyboard in front of me.
“Okay, Eli.” Scott popped open his briefcase and starting pulling out files. “We need to get ready for the hearing.”
Eli’s response was a shrug.
Scott countered with a frown. “We’re getting Maddie appointed as temporary guardian. That way if you get released—”
The pen dropped to the table as his hands slapped the surface. “But you said you’d get me out!”
I reached out to cover one of my son’s hands and was surprised he didn’t pull away. “We’re getting you out, Eli. You’re coming home with us.”
“Eli.” Scott’s voice was calm and controlled with a touch of sympathy. “I promised you I’d do everything I could to get you out. But we talked this out last night. You know it’s ultimately up to the judge.”
“Scott’s a good lawyer,” I said, gripping Eli’s hand. “He’ll get you home. Then we’ll figure out how to get you some help so you’ll stop with the drugs.” Had I really said the words good and lawyer in the same sentence?
“I wasn’t buying weed!” He snatched his hand back. “Those fuckers—”
“You better watch that mouth,” Scott cautioned. “You blow up like that in court, you can kiss going home goodbye.”
Eli’s eyes narrowed, but he was more careful in his choice of words. “Those jerks planted it on me. Told you that last night.”
Probably looking as confused as I felt, I asked, “Can you tell me what happened? Scott didn’t have a chance last night. I thought the police caught you in a drug sweep, that you were buying marijuana again.”
His long, shuddering breath told me this wasn’t as cut and dry as I thought, and I wished I’d had more time to talk to Scott. After we’d gone to his house, he’d been busy preparing for this hearing, and I’d been alternating between feeling sorry for myself and trying to forget my sorrows in the oblivion of sleep.
“I went to get something to eat,” Eli replied. “Figured that pizza place might have some calzones or something.”
“And…?” God, that sounded impatient, so it came as no surprise when my son glared at me with those familiar eyes that always sent a shiver down my spine. “Sorry.”
“Right when I was walking inside, I saw Deuce and Watt.”
“Deuce and Watt?” I asked.
“You know, the guys from a couple of days ago, the ones I took back to your place. They were there with several other guys and they wanted to know if I had money again. Wanted to sell me some weed. I told them to fu—”
“Eli…” A ch
astising look and one word from Scott did the trick.
“I told them I didn’t have any money—that I wasn’t going to smoke with them anymore.”
“Really?”
“Really. I knew I’d screwed up last time. I was just so pissed. I mean, I was mad at Dad. I was mad at you too. I was just…mad.”
The poor kid had been through hell.
Eli raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke again. “They didn’t like that answer. Deuce grabbed my shirt. I think he was gonna hit me. But then…well, all hell suddenly broke loose.”
This story wasn’t coming out nearly fast enough to suit me. Patience simply wasn’t in my DNA. “And…?”
“Cops were everywhere, screaming for everyone to get down on the ground. One of them came running at Deuce and Watt. Deuce shoved something in my pocket, and those idiots picked me up and tossed me at the cop. We ended up in a pile on the sidewalk while they got away.”
He hadn’t violated my trust. He hadn’t gone out to use my money to buy dope again. He’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
“You’re innocent.” Scott’s conviction came through in his tone. “We’re going to get this dismissed, and we’re going to get you home.”
“What can I do to help?” Although I had no clue what to expect in the hearing, I had to do whatever I could to help Eli.
“Just answer the judge’s questions honestly,” Scott replied. “Let him know you’ll take good care of your son. I need you to sign a few things.”
“Absolutely.” I didn’t even take the time to read any of the documents. I trusted Scott. Completely.
Trust? A lawyer? Me? What the hell…?
I wasn’t even given time to ponder that contradiction because an officer stuck his head into the conference room and threw a nod at Scott. “Time.”
Time. That’s what I needed more than anything at that moment. Time.
Too much, too soon. My whole life had changed, and I hadn’t had a single moment to catch my breath and deal with any of those changes. They sat on me like dead weight piled upon my shoulders, and I suddenly felt like a swimmer who’d been trying to stay afloat for so long, she had nothing left to give. Going under for the third time.
