“What was that all about?”
“I heard you scream. The door was open. I thought you were in trouble,” he said.
She continued to glare at him, and he would have felt amusement that she had no fear of him even though he outweighed her by close to a hundred pounds, stood taller than her, and could snap a man’s neck without blinking an eye… He would have if he was not so humiliated by his uncustomary reaction.
“He’s my neighbor, Andrew,” she said tightly.
“I didn’t know that.”
“So you thought someone had broken in?”
“I didn’t know what to think. Like I said, I heard you scream and just reacted.”
She shook her head, but the tension in her shoulders eased away and her voice softened its cold edge. “What are you doing here anyway?”
As quickly as the protectiveness had filled him, he felt it ebb away too, leaving him feeling both guilty and slightly embarrassed. He was confused where Jamie was concerned. Feelings he could barely identify were making him act out of his carefully controlled character, and he felt helpless to stop them. But how did he explain that to her?
“You left so abruptly this evening. I wanted to check and make sure you were okay because Adam was... well… Linda told me you overheard.”
He could see that she was just as confused by his response. No matter how angry she wanted to be, the tension in her face was easing by his honest answers. “Why didn’t you just call? Isn’t it a bit late to be out?”
“My phone’s broken, remember?”
Frustration was evident on her clear face, and her hands came up to massage her temples. She looked down at the floor and closed her eyes. “I’m so confused, Andrew. I don’t know what’s going on.”
The low and forlorn tone of her voice tugged at his heart strings. He wanted to reach out and smooth the worry lines on her forehead but remained still and unsure before her. The fear that this evening had been the death knell for their relationship, that he had finally ruined their friendship beyond repair, rose in intensity. Disappointment and self-loathing filled his words. The single person that he respected the most was looking at him as though he was a stranger, and it pained him that the night had ended so poorly.
“I am sorry, Jamie… You’re right, I shouldn’t have come.” With a hesitant hand, he gave in to his previous urge and smoothed the furrows in her brow. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you.”
A heavy silence fell in the kitchen doorway, with Andrew standing tall but uncertain over her. She was just a breadth away, looking small and defeated in her robe and damp hair. Then slowly she took a deep breath. He watched her chest rise toward him and the material tighten against her breasts. Finally her eyelids fluttered, and she tipped her head to stare up at him once more. Her brown eyes were wide, though her natural warmth had been replaced with wary concern. “I don’t know what to say – or do, for that matter.”
Allowing his hand to fall back to his side, he nodded his head. “I understand. Maybe I should go and we can start over again in the morning?”
The hopeful tone of his voice was obvious even to his own ringing ears, but rather than weaken his case it seemed to strengthen it. Nodding her head slowly, she took a step back and gazed at the front door. “That’s probably a good idea. It’s been a crazy day for both of us.”
Though disappointed to leave without having the chance to speak with her, Andrew accepted the decision. At least she was not telling him to leave for good. Somehow Jamie had managed to integrate herself so deeply into his thoughts that the idea of ruining things between them terrified him more than his time in prison had.
Without another word, he strode back the way he came, this time without the violent urgency he had entered with. Aware that Jamie was following him, he stepped aside as he reached the front door. She reached past him to place her hand on the lock, but she hesitated to unlock it. “You really thought that George was hurting me?”
The question came from out of nowhere, and the incredulity in her tone once again brought color to his cheeks. “I heard you call out. I was going to help.”
Jamie’s lips suddenly twisted. “You certainly helped all right. I don’t think he’ll ever come back over here now.”
“I really am sorry.”
“I suppose I should be thanking you for having my back rather than kicking you out for the evening, but I just don’t know what else to do right now.”
He reached out and placed his hand over hers where it hovered on the lock. His voice was rough when he spoke. “It’s okay. I understand. A lot happened today… It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything at all and now suddenly all these emotions are coming back… It’s been hard to feel again.”
Her eyes widened as he spoke, and her gaze searched his earnestly as though looking for any sign of deception. Of all the things he could have said, he concluded that he had done the right thing at that moment in time. Her hand flipped over the lock to cup his palm, and she drew it slowly to the smooth skin of the gaping robe. One finger traced his knuckles, now red from the blow he had launched at his brother for insulting her. Mesmerized, he watched as she pressed his rough palm against her soft skin. She was as warm and silky smooth as he had expected, and beneath his frozen hand her heart was racing. His own heart leapt in excitement.
She held his hand trapped, and his fingers itched to spread away from her sternum toward the soft curve of her breasts so tantalizingly close. But he remained controlled. At the moment, their situation was too tenuous to push.
“I just don’t know what to do right now,” she murmured.
“So you’ve said,” he replied.
“But you understand?”
He nodded and his pinky finger twitched, grazing the top of her breast. His instinctive movement caused her heart to leap against his palm, and he struggled to keep himself in check. “I’m afraid that my past and my faults are too much for you to take. That’s the last thing I want.”
Still holding his hand to her heart, her free hand reached up and cupped his cheek. A small smile teased her lips, and the tip of her tongue snaked out to moisten them nervously. It was torture for him to watch her innocently seductive movements, and he began his rhythmic breathing as quietly as he could.
“How could you think you would scare me off, Andrew? I’m sorry, but that’s not possible.” She spoke with so much conviction and confidence that he could not help himself. A slow smile appeared, and her face lit up immediately.
“You’re smiling,” she exclaimed.
Maintaining the firm pressure against his cheek, she reached out with her thumb and traced the curve of his lips. Her touch was gentle and insistent at the same time.
“I haven’t smiled in so long I thought I forgot how, but then you came along,” he said softly.
Sympathy clouded her eyes. “I don’t blame you for not smiling, and I don’t blame you for denying your emotions.”
“It doesn’t help now. Too many things have happened too quickly.”
“I understand, and I’m scared too.”
She finished speaking with a single-minded nod and suddenly closed the gap between them, coming up on tiptoe and releasing her grip on his hand so she could clasp his cheeks and draw his head down. He did not resist; in fact, at that point he did not think he could refuse her anything. Lips parting willingly, his eyes fluttered closed just as she kissed him softly. Jamie held him in place, preferring to set the pace of the kiss on her own, and she took a step closer in a move that trapped his hand between them and brought her body against his. He was very much aware that only a skimpy robe stood between him and her silken skin, and the knowledge made every nerve in his body throb with excitement. The struggle within him was increasing with every light kiss, and it was costing him tremendously to remain perfectly still while she held him in her control.
Satisfied with her light kisses, Jamie suddenly grew bolder. Her flirty light kisses suddenly grew more demanding, becoming open-mouthed a
nd urgent. With eyes squeezed shut in denial of his rising urges, he allowed her to continue toying with him until she finally let out a soft murmur of desire. Though pulling away was the hardest thing he had ever done, he raised his head and took a deep, shuddering breath.
“I should go before we do something you regret later.”
Her eyes appeared dazed and unfocused when she looked at him. It took her a moment to comprehend what he said, but when she did she shook her head and pressed closer. “Andrew, I’d never regret being with you.”
His body hummed in response to her words, and all restraint disappeared in a rush of pure emotion. With a ragged groan, he lowered his lips to hers and showed her the extent of his longing. All the years of loneliness, loss, depression and hopelessness finally seemed to be a memory now. In his arms now was his future. Jamie was soft, willing, and even more beautiful than in his dreams. He clumsily drew her robe away from her silken skin and threw it to the ground before wrapping his arms tightly around her as his heart surged with joy. She wanted him. It took all of his strength and self-restraint to not throw her down to the floor then.
However, Jamie proved as urgent as he, and she roughly pulled his clothing off and drew him down to the soft carpet instead. She touched him with reverence and joy, tracing the outline of his tattoos with light fingers and smoothing the concern out of his muscles with her confident grip. It had been so long since he held a woman, and he grasped at every sensation holding her close brought him when he finally fulfilled his dream of being with Jamie. Though desperate to do things right, all too soon he lost himself in the warmth of a woman after years of isolation and solitude.
***
Jamie lay awake in the darkness, listening to the soft hum of the ceiling fan above her bed. It was as rhythmic as the sound of Andrew’s breathing, which had finally eased into the more regular pattern of sleep. Though not normal for her to stay awake so late on a work night, her mind was buzzing and made sleep impossible to achieve.
Though having been married and no stranger to intimate relations, the experience she had shared with Andrew had left her even more confused than before. Never had she felt so admired or treasured, and Andrew’s desire for her had almost frightened her with his intensity. Though she was certain that she was the only female of any consequence in his life, and though she understood how badly his baser instincts needed to be fulfilled, it was a carnal first meeting for both of them and something new and exciting for her. Afterwards, he had carried her to bed and covered her with a sheet, softly offering to let himself out, but she had surprised them both by drawing him back down to her. Again he had taken her, this time with less urgency, a more languid lovemaking where they began to learn each other’s likes and dislikes. Having experienced a magical moment incomparable to anything she had ever had before, now she had no idea where they were going or how things had changed between them. She wondered what morning would reveal.
As she lay in worry, Andrew made his first movements. It started as a twitch, a slight tightening of the arm around her shoulders that pressed her up against his side. The grip did not concern her initially, but when his legs began to jerk and his fists started to clench she became more alert to the fact that this was not just a dream.
A low moan, like an animal crying out in pain, rose in the back of his throat. She propped herself up on one elbow and reached up to stroke his cheek. “It’s okay, Andrew, I’m here,” she whispered into the dark.
His arm tightened, but he did not wake. The clenching of his muscles continued, so she moved her hand down his cheek and neck to his chest and then back up again. After a while, the stroking eased him somewhat, and she felt him slowly relax again.
A moment later his hand reached up and caught hers. The movement was fast, and his grip was firm. For a moment, Jamie hesitated in fear, but when she heard his voice it was thick with the remnants of sleep. “Everything okay?”
“You were dreaming,” she replied.
“I was?”
She felt his reluctant stiffening and realized that this was just one more attempt to deny what he called his faults. In an effort to promote his trust, she attempted to make light of it. “You were. You told me that you had the best night of your life.”
His stomach clenched in what appeared to be a snort. “I don’t think that’s what I said, but it sure is what I’ve been thinking.”
Placing a kiss on the warm skin of his chest where her cheek had rested, she smiled. “Me too.”
His arm tightened in response. “Good. That gives me hope for another go.”
Though he spoke matter-of-factly, she sensed his unspoken fear of her denial. Wiggling her hand out from under his, she trailed a finger down his chest and over his taut abdomen. His muscles clenched under her exploring finger, so she made small tantalizing circles.
“I was counting on it.”
“Are you free after work tomorrow?”
She chuckled. “Dinner will be ready at six.”
Growing more alert under her careful ministrations, Andrew rolled on his side to face her. “I’ll be here.”
Her playful tone grew serious as she stared up at him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Deftly turning the tables, he lowered his head and kissed her while his hand slid from her waist to her hip. He pulled her up against him, showing her exactly what he wanted at that moment.
“Maybe another time.”
Much later, Jamie finally drifted off to sleep wondering what demons haunted his dreams. As Linda had told her just that night, Andrew and Adam both suffered from sleep problems due to their time in combat. What had he seen and experienced in his short life that made something as simple as sleep so hard to achieve? The things that he had lived through could only be described as a nightmare to her, and she wondered if she alone was strong enough to help him heal. Was this a problem that could be overcome? If so, could she help him through it? Jamie was afraid of losing the man she had come to care for and respect so much. She wanted to help him in any way she could, but was that possible? More importantly, would he allow her to try?
Chapter 15
The bedroom was shadowed in darkness when Andrew slipped stealthily from the bed with only the grey light of dawn creeping through the cracks in the blinds to guide him. Jamie’s soft, regular breathing hitched as he left her side, but she remained asleep while he gathered up his clothing and dressed. When he returned to the bedroom she was still laying peacefully on her side, her dark lashes resting against her cheeks. Feeling content for the first time in years, he watched her for a moment, almost willing her to wake up so he could hear her voice. Though the room was still dark, he could make out the hand that had recently rested on his chest now cupped under her cheek. She appeared so tranquil that he felt guilty for wanting to disturb her and slipped out as quietly as possible instead.
Reluctant to be seen leaving Jamie’s house by her brother, he knew he could not linger any longer. He was still feeling the languid aftereffects of enjoying the night with a beautiful woman, and his footsteps were slow and heavy as he left through the garage. He drove away with the same lazy slowness, spending his day in a fog of memories and elation that he would see her again that evening.
He stopped at his grandmother’s house after work to shower and change, a move that was not lost to his grandmother’s astute eyes. When he reappeared with fresh clothing and freshly shaven, Grandma wheeled into the kitchen with pursed lips and dancing eyes.
“You’re showered, dressed up and smell like cologne... I take it you have plans this evening?”
Andrew gave her a sidelong glance. “I do.”
“Need a little distance from your brother?”
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” he said stiffly.
She shook her head. “He drove down to Tucson to visit a friend for the rest of the week. He left this morning. I guess your disagreement last night bothered him, too.”
“All right then. Maybe this weekend.”
&nb
sp; Grandma wheeled up close to him and reached for his hand. “I’m very worried about Adam. He’s even worse now than after his first deployment. You have to do something.”
Andrew knew that his grandmother spoke the truth. Adam was walking on a thin line from about which he was ready to fall. He had seen it before, and it did not bode well. Adam had turned into a man who did not look at the future. He no longer cared. Yet Andrew also knew that there was nothing he could say or do to influence Adam until his younger brother got over his anger toward him. After their interactions over the last two days, Andrew doubted that was going to happen anytime soon. Adam resented Andrew with an intensity that seemed to have gotten worse over the years. Even though Andrew’s record was now clear and had no bearing on Adam’s military career, the way Adam continued to lash out at him bespoke of deep-seated rage that had not yet been spent. Andrew felt that anything he said would just be ignored.
“I don’t know what to do, Grandma,” he said regretfully. “I think he needs to go to medical and have them do a complete evaluation.”
“You know he won’t. After all, you didn’t so why would he?”
All his life, Andrew had taken care of Adam. He had always done his best by his brother, but in this situation he felt as though he could only fail him. What Grandma did not realize was that Adam would see his offers to help as insulting. Nevertheless, he could not deny his grandmother anything. She had done so much for them over the years and even more for him during his difficulties. He would not let her know how ineffective he felt.
“I’ll talk to him this weekend and see if I can get it out of him.”
“I knew you would… So you’re off to see Jamie?”
He nodded. “She’s invited me over for dinner.”
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