“I need some time,” he said softly.
Even though she was not sure what she expected was troubling him, that was certainly not it. Drawn from her fantasies of picket fences and a houseful of children, Jamie’s hand stilled in her random exploration. Propping her chin where her cheek recently rested, Jamie tilted her face to meet Andrew’s gaze in the darkness. “Time?”
Though his hands tightened around her in a way that told her he never wanted to let her go, his voice was distant and lifeless. It was more like the old Andrew, and she felt a shiver of fear race down her spine.
“A few things have come up and I’m afraid I won’t be able to be there for you... I need some space.”
She stiffened slightly. “Have I done something out of line?”
“No!” He shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
“Then enlighten me.”
He exhaled heavily, his breath stirring her hair. “I can’t right now.”
“But you will?”
“When I’m able.”
“Ok… I guess.” Her voice broke slightly.
Andrew’s arm tightened instantly. “Jamie, this has nothing to do with you. I need you to believe that first and foremost. Please don’t be hurt.”
“Okay,” she said softly. “If you have things you need to deal with, that’s fine. I just wish you could share it with me.”
His hand left the curve of her waist and reached up to stroke her hair. The touch was as gentle as it had ever been, and again Jamie marveled at his restraint. So large, so strong, so familiar with death and violence, and yet his heart was still as gentle as an innocent’s. Leaning into his hand, she reached up and stroked his furrowed brow.
“Can you talk about it at all?”
He shook his head with regret. “Believe me, Jamie, I would if I could. I can’t even put my finger on it yet. I just have the feeling that things are going to go all to hell again, and I don’t want you involved.”
“I want to be there for you, Andrew,” she insisted. “I should be.”
“You are, more than you think. Just knowing that I can go through what’s coming and come home to you makes it possible for me to keep going.”
“These cryptic words are frightening,” she muttered unhappily.
“It may be nothing. Please don’t worry.”
She snorted. “How can I not worry when you’re being evasive and ominous?”
“Because everything I’m feeling is just a hunch or maybe a feeling. There’s nothing concrete to it.”
“Yet.”
“Possibly.”
Leaning up, Jamie followed her hand and pressed her lips against his. It was a brief kiss, but she put as much of the love that she felt in her heart into it. When she slowly pulled away his eyes were distant but his hands were still gripping her tightly.
“I love you, Andrew,” Jamie whispered. “And I’ll still be here when you’re ready.”
Speaking the words were not as difficult as she thought it would be, even though the response was not what she would have hoped. He nodded briefly and slid down until they were face to face.
“I’m sorry that you got mixed up with me.” She heard the misery in his voice and longed to shake some sense into him. “You deserve so much more than what I can offer.”
She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Sshh, don’t say that.”
“It’s true.”
“No it’s not. You’re perfect.”
A deep groan rose from his chest and he dipped his head to capture her lips. Though unable to say the words, she felt the tightly contained emotion emanating from him. He cared, and that was all that mattered at the moment. That was all she needed to know.
***
Jamie always felt a sense of loneliness when she awoke to an empty spot beside her. Whenever Andrew spent the night, she wanted to wake up with him beside her even though his sporadic sleep pattern had not eased completely yet. Despite the strides he was making, he still awoke several times in the night with a jerk or a shout. He settled once she moved to his side, snuggling up against her and holding onto her like a man drowning. Those were the mornings when Jamie knew that they were meant to be together. But then there were still mornings when she would wake and he would be gone. This was one of those mornings, and the empty feeling seemed even more pronounced following his cryptic comments in the night.
She lay in bed for several minutes, running their conversation over in her mind in a desperate search for clues. After their glorious weekend, his sudden change seemed out of sorts and even forced, but she threw back the duvet and turned on her shower with every intention of keeping her promise. She had agreed to wait until he was ready, and she intended to keep it that way.
Going through her morning ritual distractedly, she had just pulled on her cream colored sweater when the doorbell rang. Hurrying to the door in the hopes that Andrew returned, she pulled it open and spotted Adam on the other side of the screen. She was unable to hide the look of distaste and surprise as she faced the last person she expected to see at her door. With wrinkled clothes and tousled hair, Adam looked as though he had not slept at all the previous night. Glancing beyond him to the small rental car parked haphazardly in her driveway, she frowned in confusion.
“Adam?”
“I’m looking for Andrew. Is he here?”
“Andrew?” She shook her head. “Um, no… I imagine he’s at work.”
Adam’s eyes shifted quickly, looking beyond her into her great room and then back again. “I tried. He isn’t there.” As though pressing his point home, he reached for the locked screen door handle. “Jamie, I’m really worried about him. He was weird yesterday and then took off. I haven’t seen or heard from him since, and I’m a bit freaked out.”
That feeling of concern over Adam’s stressed appearance suddenly made sense. With Andrew’s cryptic words the evening before, she could completely understand his strain for she suddenly felt it, too. “He was here, but he left early.”
“I need to find him. Now.” His voice broke as he spoke with desperation that seemed to enhance his nervous behavior. “He’s my brother.”
Jamie swallowed hard. Had Andrew tried to tell her something the night before that she had missed? All she remembered was that he had a problem that he needed time to sort out, something that seemed to have to do with Adam. However, Adam was standing before her, running his hand down his face and around his neck in a move she had seen Andrew do countless times. Concern rising, Jamie could not help but call Adam back when he turned to leave. Despite her own misgivings, her memory of Andrew’s strange actions the night before only increased her worry.
“Wait! I’ll go with you.”
Adam paused and waited while Jamie unlocked the screen and pushed the door open. He scanned her from head to toe before shaking his head. “Where I think he went you can’t go dressed like that.”
She frowned. “Where’s that?”
“The mountain.” He sighed unhappily. “We were just talking about going up there again.”
She looked at her business casual, cream colored sweater and brown pencil skirt. “I’ll throw on some jeans. Come in for a minute.”
She noticed the conflicting emotions cross his face, but before she could plead with him he chanced one last glance at his car before entering the house. “Quick.”
She left him standing in the doorway and hurried back to her bedroom, unzipping her skirt as she made her way through the bathroom to her closet. Grabbing the first pair of jeans she spotted, she threw them on and reached for a battered pair of jogging sneakers and socks from her drawer before hurrying back out.
Adam remained where she had left him, his sharp gaze exploring the layout of her home. She followed his gaze, seeing Andrew’s jacket thrown across the sofa and her robe in a heap on the floor. Though color stained her cheeks, all that mattered at the moment was her concern for Andrew.
“Ready?”
Adam’s gaze returned to her. “You’
re quick. Good.”
He stood aside so she could pass and closed the door behind her. Together they hurried for the car with Adam slipping behind the wheel in a move that was so like Andrew’s that it made her heart ache.
Once he had pulled out of her development in the direction of the highway, Adam spoke. “We used to go up there when we were younger. Andrew’s said that going over one of the cliffs would be the best way to go.”
He spoke so ominously that Jamie spun in the seat. Reaching for his arm, she gripped him tightly, uncaring that her nails dug into his wrist. “Go?”
“I’m not saying that’s his plan, Jamie. You’ve gotta relax.”
“How can I relax when you’re throwing this at me all at once? I need to talk to him.” She looked down at her feet. “Damn. I forgot my purse. My phone is in there. I could be calling him now.”
Adam shook his head. “I’ve tried - several times.”
“What happened?” Jamie asked, feeling tears sting her eyes. “What happened that made him change so quickly?”
Adam maneuvered through the morning traffic with ease, and Jamie was thankful that most motorists were travelling toward Phoenix while they were heading east. Panic was heavy in her breast, and her breathing came in rapid and shallow gasps. All she could think was that Andrew needed her and she would not be there in time. Every minute was torture.
“He mentioned at dinner that he got a call yesterday. He seemed a little quiet and wouldn’t talk about it. I noticed he lied to Grandma about it, and then he just up and took off… I know my brother. Something was bothering him.”
She nodded. “Yes, he mentioned a little bit of trouble to me, too.”
With eyes so like Andrew’s, Adam turned to stare at her. “Did he say who it was or what it was about?”
“No. Just that he wasn’t sure what was going to happen but feared it wouldn’t be good.”
Adam continued to stare at her until she was afraid he would drive them off the road. Her gaze flickered back to the windshield, which seemed to draw Adam’s attention back to driving. With a quick nod, he accepted her response. “He’s always been the good one, Jamie. He’s always been the brave one.”
Jamie nodded, her lips parting as she thought of him. “He’s a good man.”
Adam was watching again, and his brows drew together as he ingested her faraway look. “You know what’s strange?”
“What?”
“Andrew gets that same look on his face when he thinks of you.”
“He does?”
Adam sent her a wry smile. “He does. He said that you’re good for him.”
She attempted to smile at Adam, but it felt more like a grimace than a true smile. “Adam, I just want him to be okay.”
Chapter 19
So engrossed in her rising anxiety, it wasn’t until Adam took a turn down a remote dirt road several miles from his grandmother’s that Jamie realized that they were in an unfamiliar area to her.
“Where are we going?”
She had been looking out the window, seeing the mountain loom closer with every minute that passed, but this road was one that she had never traveled down. In fact, it appeared as though not many people did. After a short drive, the dirt road became more like a rock road, and the rental car Adam drove bottomed out several times.
“This is a shortcut to the trail. We could’ve parked at the state park, but this will be faster.”
“But where are we going exactly?”
Adam hit the brakes hard again and maneuvered around another large rock, slowing the car to a crawl as he went over a large boulder poking up from below. When he was convinced that the danger had passed, he returned his attention to her. “Up there.”
He pointed straight ahead to the mountain. It was still in shadow, a dark purple behemoth rising from desert like a majestic and dangerous peak full of danger and superstitions. Though she had grown up viewing the peak and it was a familiar sight, today it appeared threatening and angry. She shivered.
“We’ll grab the trail to Siphon Draw and continue up to the Flatiron. My guess is that he’s up there – or at least still on his way. It’s a tough climb.”
“I only have sneakers.”
“You can make it. I’ll help you.”
“Water?”
“I always have a few gallons in the trunk… I’ve been in the desert all my life, if not this one then in the Middle East. I’m always prepared.”
They had reached the end of the road. Only one or two houses remained in this area, and across the street was virgin desert. It was eerily quiet and remote. Reaching for the jacket she had grabbed, Jamie gave Adam one last skeptical look. It would be colder up on the mountain. The elevation change sometimes brought snow to the peak even when the desert floor was relatively warm. Adam shrugged at her hesitation.
“You can take the car back to my grandmother’s if you want.”
She shook her head. “Not a chance. I’m scared for him.”
Giving her an appreciative look, he nodded. “Good. I think I still have my pack back there. I’ll carry as much as I can fit. You can handle the rest, okay?”
“Absolutely.”
Within moments, Andrew was leaning over the trunk. He pulled free a large camouflage backpack already bulging at the seams. As she stood to the side, he pulled out some spare clothing and tossed it on the floor of the trunk before stuffing in two gallons of water to take its place. The remaining items he left in the pack, and when he hefted it onto his shoulders she spotted a sleeping bag and the outline of what appeared to be a tent in the side pocket. She realized that he was not kidding when he said he was prepared.
“I got it all. Let’s get going,” he said abruptly. Before he closed the trunk, he reached back in and pulled out a thick sweatshirt. He thrust it in her direction. “You might want to take this in case it gets cold up there.”
She took the offered sweatshirt and was about to express her thanks when he turned brusquely and slammed the trunk shut. Without another glance at her, he strode off to a wire fence that separated the forest land from the residential area. Shrugging, she hurried after him, throwing the sweatshirt over her shoulders and tying the arms around her neck.
The trail started off wide, and Adam walked briskly over the uneven ground. Though Jamie stayed in good shape for the most part, she struggled to keep up with his long legged stride and well-developed stamina. The further they went the steeper the trail, and the open fields of creosote and jojoba bushes narrowed into steep cliffs and startling rock formations on either side. After the first mile she was huffing and puffing, but Adam continued his stride without seeming to notice her discomfort.
Determined to keep up and fueled with the urge to find Andrew, Jamie continued to push herself to her limit. Periodically, the sound of a train whistle echoed in the draw, reminding her of civilization just a short distance away despite the silence surrounding them. Though considered a popular hiking spot, the midweek, early morning hike left them alone on the trail. It was an eerie feeling.
At the doorway to the steeper hike up, Adam dropped down on a rock to wait for her. She finished her approach and took a seat across the trail from him with a heavy sigh. Unzipping his pack, he reached in and removed one of the gallons of water. After removing the plastic seal, he handed it to her. Though warm, the water felt good going down her parched throat, and she took several large gulps before handing it to him. He did the same before returning it to the pack and glancing back the way they had come. From this height, they could see the tall buildings of Phoenix off in the distance, as well as the city of Apache Junction in the foreground.
Finally catching her breath, Jamie followed his gaze. “It’s quite a view up here.”
He nodded distractedly. “So much has changed since I was here last. So many new houses… I remember when most of AJ was a campground for winter visitors. Now it’s filled with cookie cutter houses with swimming pools. Life goes on, huh?”
“It does,” s
he agreed.
His head swiveled back toward the Flatiron above. “Even here things have changed. The trail was never well maintained before. It’s a walking path most of the way up now. What’s up with that?”
She smiled. “The winter visitors come up here frequently.”
“It’s not a secret anymore.”
“No, I guess not.”
He exhaled sharply and came to his feet. “Well, more of an audience than I had hoped, but what the hell.”
Cocking her head to the side, she frowned. “What do you mean?”
Instead of answering, Adam glanced back up the trail. “The Basin is just up ahead. From there it’s another hour or two up to the Flatiron. Andrew and I used to camp up there. It’s pretty flat once we reach the top.”
He turned then and began walking again, but Jamie was a little slower to come to her feet. No matter how uneasy she felt in Adam’s presence, the fact that they were both looking for Andrew spurred her forward. Not for the first time she regretted not having her phone with her. She plodded onward and upward behind Adam, hoping with all her might that they would find Andrew safe and sound and share a laugh with him at the top.
Not that he ever laughed.
Ahead the jaggedness of the peaks around them sloped down into the smooth worn rocks of the Basin, a testimony to the power of the water that had eroded the top of the mountain. Several loose, large boulders warned her of the power of the funneled water and reminded her not to be anywhere close to the area during or directly after a storm. She glanced up at the gathering clouds and remembered the weather forecast threatening a winter storm. It brought some speed to her tired legs. They could not stay at the top for long. If they were caught in a storm, they would run the risk of being swept away when the rain started in earnest.
“What makes you think Andrew’s up here?” Jamie asked as they reached the Basin. She took a deep breath and sat on the worn rock, causing Adam to pause several feet above her.
If We Dare to Dream Page 28
