by M. Clarke
Isla closed her eyes, smacked her head, and muttered, “Shit.”
“Let’s get out of here. We need to talk.” When I pulled her up, I prepared for her to push me away, but instead she leaned toward me, her head on my shoulder.
“What are we doing, Josh?” she whispered wearily.
I nestled her in my arm and trudged toward a small pier created by boulders shortly up ahead.
“Over there.” I pointed.
Isla peeled away from me when we had to be careful with our steps, one boulder at a time to reach the end, overlooking the ocean where we wouldn’t get disturbed. When we reached the tip of the pier, I helped her to sit and then sat next to her.
I took that moment to inhale deep breaths, preparing myself for the worst and the best. Isla leaned back and kicked up her feet to touch the water crashing against the rocks. The comfortable silence reminded me how things used to be and how they should be. Isla and I were right for each other. I felt it to the depth of my existence. I felt it even more when I’d thought I’d lost her to Logan. Sometimes we don’t appreciate those we love until they’re gone. That wasn’t going to happen to me.
“I have something to tell you.” I rubbed the palm of my sticky hands on my wet trunks.
Isla set her eyes straight ahead, gathered her hair in a bunch, and squeezed out the water. “I’m listening.”
Where to start? From the beginning, idiot. Beginning where? The other part of my mind told me to start from Shelly and how we broke up. Too long. Fuck. Just say it. “I found out about a week ago that I have a child. I’m a father. I have a daughter.”
Isla let go of her bunched up hair and flashed her eyes at me in shock. “What? How? I mean, I know how? What?”
My lips twisted, and I shrugged. “It’s kind of a long story, but I want to tell you everything if you’ll listen.”
“Of course I’ll listen.” Her eyes beamed a glorious green hue from the sun’s reflection, and they set on mine with concern and comfort. “Does anyone else know?”
“Nathan knows, but I asked him not to tell Olivia. I didn’t want Olivia knowing before you. I’ll give him the green light when I see him.”
“Thank you for wanting to share this with me before the world found out, but it doesn’t explain what happened between you and me.” Hurt filled her expression, and then she craned her neck away from me.
My heart squeezed. I never meant to hurt her. I’m an asshole. I had to fix it. I leaned back, mimicking her position—hands planted behind her, legs dangling over the edge. And again, I didn’t know what to say next. “I care about you Isla, more than you think.”
“But?” she added.
“I have a child now. Her name is Emma, and her mother’s name is Shelly.”
“The mysterious Shelly,” she announced with a snort. Isla finally met my gaze. “How old is Emma?”
“Almost a year.”
Isla’s shoulder slackened. “Wow. She’s so young.”
I nodded. “I know,” I said softly.
“Are you sure she’s yours?” she asked hesitantly, cringing.
“Yes. Shelly confirmed it. If I had my phone, I could show you pictures of her.”
She smiled, shocking me. “I would love to see them. Does she look like you? If she has your eyes, I know she’ll grow up to be a beautiful girl, not that she isn’t beautiful now.”
My face heated, surprised at myself for feeling shy. “Thank you.” I swallowed and cleared my throat to continue. “I found Shelly the day you and I kissed on the couch, but I didn’t know Emma was mine until the day after.”
Isla titled her head, looking astounded. “You found Shelly? What do you mean found?”
“Long story. I’ll tell you later.” It was the truth, and I needed to get a few things straight before I dove into that part of my past. “I wanted to tell you about Emma, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know if you would be comfortable dating a guy who had a child. I really care about you, Isla, but I also value our friendship. I don’t have many trustworthy friends. When we crossed the line, I couldn’t help myself, and I got scared. I thought I lost you, and we hadn’t …” I paused. “Then it got complicated when I found out I had a daughter.” I raked my hair back, the breeze already pushing my hair away. “It wouldn’t have been fair to you. You wouldn’t be just dating me. Our relationship would be complicated with a child and an ex. I already have baggage, but this is huge.”
Isla narrowed her eyes, her lips spread into a tight line. “How about you let me make my own decisions? I respect that you needed time to digest it all. And you’re right. It’s huge. Having a child changes your life. I’ve experienced that firsthand with my nieces. But thinking I couldn’t handle the news is all on you. You didn’t give me enough credit, Josh. You’ve tagged me as a person who can’t deal with life. No situation will ever be perfect. I’m not perfect. You’re certainly not perfect. But together, we are perfect. Instead of asking me how I felt, you made the decision for me. How about what I want, Josh? Doesn’t that count?” Tears filled her eyes.
Shit! I couldn’t believe her words. I’d imagined her saying something remotely close to the words flowing out of her mouth, but I didn’t want to open my heart for fear of getting hurt. “I’m sorry, Isla. I messed up. I’m not good at communicating. This is all new to me. I want to fix this, fix us. I just don’t know how.” Then I realized I did to Isla what Shelly had done to me. The decision was made by one person alone.
Isla wiped her tears and kicked up her feet again. “Tell me first. What do you want from me?”
I didn’t have to think about it. The answer shot out of me. “I want us to be together. I’m the most perfect me when I’m with you.” I took her hand in mine. “I want you. I want us. But will you have me with a child?”
Her lips curled, taking my breath away as rays of sun fell around her like a gift from above. With a roll of her eyes, she smacked my arm. “Duh. What have I been trying to tell you?” Then her tone became serious. “I would love to be part of your family, and I would love to be yours.”
My heart burst with happiness and relief from her words. I’d hoped she would accept Emma and me, but hearing her say it felt better than I imagined. The woman sitting next to me cared about me to an extent I never expected. Lifting up our entwined fingers on my lap, I kissed the back of her hand. “I’ve wanted you to be mine since the minute we met.”
She arched her brow. “Just a minute?”
I played back. “No. Not minute. That second.”
“Much better.”
“You’re hard to please.”
She poked my chest and waggled her eyebrows. “I can make something else even harder.”
I liked her comment a lot. “You don’t need to try. I already am from just looking at you.”
Her mouth parted, stunned by my words. She flushed, and it was the sweetest expression I’ve ever seen her make. “So. When do I get to meet your daughter?”
“Very soon, but let’s talk about the other guy.” I frowned.
Isla looked confused, as if I spoke in a foreign language. “What other guy?”
“Logan. What’s going on with him?”
She bit her bottom lip. “I—we—he—”
“Dump him,” I interrupted her. I went all caveman or alpha male, or whatever you call a possessive guy, on her.
She drew back, furrowing her eyebrows. “Dump him? We’re not together. I mean … he wants to, but I told him I wanted to take things slow.”
I scowled, but then I smirked, recalling he was at the shoot and probably saw me carry Isla to the shore. “What are you going to tell him?”
Isla laced her fingers through my hair. “It depends on what you tell me about Shelly.”
I chuckled and ran my fingers through her wet hair, making a ball of auburn yarn in my hands. “Then you’ll be telling him to piss off.”
“Then we’re good.”
I gave her my signature goofy grin. “Oh, we’re more than
good.”
The sun dipped lower, casting the sky in pink and purple. And as the sun beamed at that precise position, reflecting across the water in silvery hues, I pulled her closer and kissed her. Perfect. She would never forget Hawaii. She would never forget that kiss.
Chapter 16
Isla
As soon as we got back, Josh walked me to my hotel room, and he went to his hotel room to take a shower. We had already planned to have dinner with Nathan and Olivia and decided we would stick with that plan, minus everyone else. When I checked my cellphone, I had multiple messages from Olivia and Logan.
Olivia: I know you don’t have your cell phone, but I hope everything is fine.
Ten minutes later.
Olivia: I can’t believe he whisked you away like that.
Twenty minutes later.
Olivia: I’m dying to know what happened.
Thirty minutes later.
Olivia: Where are you? Don’t forget about dinner unless you both decide to have dinner in bed.
Two hours later.
Olivia: Josh has a daughter?
Five minutes later.
Olivia: Text me back!
I finally did. She was the first person I replied to.
Me: Sorry. I don’t kiss and tell. LOL. Taking a shower. See you at dinner.
Then I hesitantly checked Logan’s text.
Logan: Not to sound like an ass, but I won’t be there for dinner. You should have let me know about Josh. I wouldn’t have crossed that friendship boundary, not that Josh and I are friends. I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us.
Reading Logan’s text made me feel like shit. I liked him, but my heart, attached to Josh like glue, pulled me away. Had we had more time, I could have built something special with Logan, but things happen for a reason. What could I say at that point, but I had to reply. I didn’t want to be the bitch who used him to get the guy she wanted and then dumped him. I would never have done that.
Me: I’m sorry, Logan. Josh and I, well, we’re complicated. You’re an amazing person. Thank you for understanding.
He never replied after that, not that I had expected him to. I would avoid doing a photo shoot with him for a while.
After I showered and got dressed, I texted my mom and sister-in-law. A soft knock pulled me out of my Josh daze. I couldn’t believe we were moving forward. Just a day before, I had thought we could never even be friends, much less more than friends. How things changed. And to top it off, Josh had a daughter. Last week I had joked to Kathy, “For all I know, he could have a child he’s hiding.” Lo and behold, my words came true. I would never joke like that again.
I loved babies, and I didn’t think it would affect our relationship, but I’d heard horror stories about exes. One day soon, I would meet Shelly. I hoped it wouldn’t be too soon. Maybe she would turn out to be the nice ex. After all, it’d been about two years. But days, weeks, months, years apart didn’t matter. The heart knows what it wants. Did I jump into this relationship too quickly? Should we have waited until I met Emma? No! Stop being ridiculous. I jumped to a conclusion, and I hadn’t even met his other life yet. But I was about to leap into that other life at full speed ahead.
“I’m coming.” I checked myself in front of the mirror. Wearing a strapless Hawaiian floral print dress and a matching flower pinned behind my left ear to indicate I was taken—a Hawaiian tradition—I opened the door.
Josh’s eyes twinkled, and his bright grin spread to my heart. “Hello, beautiful. I’ve come to take you to dinner.”
“Me, too.” Olivia tilted her head, appearing in my line of vision.
“Me, three.” Nathan appeared behind Olivia.
I waved. “Hey, guys.”
“Everyone looks so festive,” Nathan commented. He sported a similar button-up shirt to Josh’s white-and-blue one, but his was red and white to match Olivia’s dress.
“Shall we?” Josh offered his arm.
I grabbed my purse, closed the door behind me, and hooked my arm in his. As we walked down a white, polished marble floor, I admired the paintings of the island hung along the wall. The vast mountains with soft waterfalls and beaches with silky white sand made me appreciate the beauty of the island even more.
The dim lighting of the restaurant shone on fine dining tables and chairs. Candles glowing in the center created a romantic atmosphere, and the instrumental music soothed me and uplifted my spirit. All the hostesses and waiters wore black from head to toe, with the ladies’ hair tied back.
“Table for four under Nathan Cross,” Nathan said. “I made a reservation for seven.”
“Yes,” the hostess said. “I’ll seat you now.”
“Here you go.” She placed the long menus one by one in front of us as we sat. “A waiter will come by to take your drink and dinner order.”
“Thank you,” we said in accord.
I scanned down the menu, my appetite soaring to new heights. The choice of entrees sounded delicious. From meat to seafood, they all called to my stomach. An old adage entered my mind: You eat more when you’re happy. Being with Josh made me ecstatic. “Everything looks so good.”
Josh placed his arm around me. “You must be starving. You hardly had anything for lunch.”
My eyebrows pinched to the center. “How do you know?”
Nathan lowered his menu, his eyes peeking over. “Because he stared at you the whole time Logan flirted with you. I thought he was going to torch Logan with his eyes.” Nathan chuckled.
“I wasn’t staring. I was monitoring.” Josh smirked. “I wanted to make sure Logan kept his hands to himself.”
“He never tried anything. He’s a perfect gentleman.” As petty as it seemed, the fact that Josh felt jealous made me giddy. “Logan is a good guy. I feel bad.”
“I don’t,” Josh blurted, his eyes back to the menu.
“I’m disappointed you two got together so fast.”
I stopped reading the menu and gawked at Nathan. “Why?”
Olivia shoved him. “What are you talking about, Nate?”
“Olivia and I had a plan.” He scowled playfully. “You know, that plan called couple trap.” He made quotes with his fingers in the air. “Does that sound familiar?”
Josh and I laughed so long my belly hurt. “Of course it does.” I snorted, recalling how we practically locked Olivia and Nathan inside Josh’s parents’ cabin and forced them to talk. We were lucky things worked out, or their relationship might have tanked from our efforts.
“Couple Trap?” Josh’s shoulders bopped from his chuckle. “I would’ve smelled that trap long before it came into fruition. I invented it and even patented it.”
“I believe you.” Nathan placed the menu down. “I’m having steak.”
Josh rubbed his temple, glancing down the menu. “Maybe I should stop talking because I have no idea, and the waitress is coming.”
After the waitress took our drink and dinner order, another waiter brought a basket of warm bread. Olivia passed the bread to us and leaned closer, her eyes sparkling in the candlelight.
“So, Josh. You’re a father.” Olivia’s words came out half a question and half a statement. “Nathan told me last night.”
Josh broke his sourdough bread in half and buttered it. “I can’t believe it. It’s like a dream. It’s new to me, so I forget, but she’s constantly on my mind, if that makes any sense.”
“What’s the plan? Joint custody? Have you discussed that yet?” Nathan shoved a bite-sized piece of bread into his mouth.
Josh swallowed and took a sip of his wine. “We have. I saw Emma every day last week.”
So that’s where Josh was all week. I had thought he stayed out to avoid me. Things were adding up.
“Shelly has suggested we take things slow,” Josh continued, picking up another bread from the basket. “I’m a stranger to my own daughter. I’m supposed to take her the weekend after we come back. I’m excited, but at the same time, I’m nervous. I’ve never cared for a b
aby before.”
“You’ve got me,” I threw in, rubbing my fingers on the cloth white napkin on my lap to get the butter off. “I’ve taken care of my nieces before.”
Josh stopped his bread on his lips and dropped it on his dish. “You would be there for me? I mean, you would help me take care of Emma?” He paused when I arched my eyebrows in confusion. “Just because you’re my girl doesn’t mean you have to do things you don’t want to do.”
His girl. Josh called me his girl. I like the sound of that. “Of course I would help, Josh. I would be a lousy girlfriend …” I couldn’t believe I used that word. “I mean, a lousy me if I didn’t. Besides, I love babies. Call me a weirdo, but I love changing diapers, giving them baths, and especially feeding them.”
Josh looked at me with an awed expression. “Shelly taught me how to change Emma’s diaper. I’ve even given her a bath and fed her.” He grinned like a proud father. “But I don’t know how she’ll be once she’s in a completely new environment.”
I gnawed on my bottom lip. I didn’t want to increase Josh’s apprehension, but he had every right to be concerned. Even I felt concerned.
“It’ll take time.” I shoved the end piece of the bread in my mouth and swallowed. “Everyone needs to adjust. Emma will be fine. You just wait and see.”
Josh squeezed my hand resting on my lap and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”
“Nope. Sorry,” Nathan said, one arm coiled behind Olivia. “I am.”
“Now boys.” Olivia giggled. “You can both be.”
We had a good laugh, and dinner arrived shortly after.
Josh set his fork down and took out his cell phone. “Do you want to see a picture of Emma?”
“I was just about to ask you.” I was about to scoop up mashed potatoes with my spoon, so I eagerly placed it down.
I patiently waited for Josh to volunteer to show us, but when he didn’t, I figured he was still too occupied with worries about Emma spending the weekend. I understood his concerns. We would have to see how well she adjusted to a new environment. Even with my nieces, Hanna, the older one, adjusted easily when she spent the night with me, but the second child, Hailey, had cried all night until her mother came for her. Holding a crying baby for several hours turned me off wanting to have children of my own any time soon, but that had been years earlier.
