by S. J. Wright
Then I heard a sharp, jarring tap on my window. I jerked back in surprise and stared at the window. What if it were Alex? Or my mother? Tentatively, I pushed the covers off me and put my feet on the floor. Another louder tap sounded, rattling the windowpanes.
With an impulsive burst of courage, I stepped to the window and yanked on the strings that brought the blinds up. I stared outside, but saw nothing at first. Without thinking, I unlocked the window and pushed it open. A bitterly cold rush of air assailed me as I stood there in my worn pink striped pajamas. The night outside was grimly silent except for the whistling of the wind through the window, and I shivered in trepidation.
A large human form rose up from the roof under the window, and I jerked back in surprise with my heart slamming in my chest.
“You weren’t expecting me?”
A human form, perhaps. However, not human anymore. Alex had become something radically different from the easy-going, All-American guy that I had come to know. His golden hair was brighter, glistening like cold diamonds in the frigid night air, and his eyes were lit with emerald fire that seared every object he gazed upon. His powerful, stunning body balanced expertly on the balls of his bare feet and his hands settled firmly against the outside frame of the window with the lean angular muscles of his arms tensely bunched. He was barely dressed at all, only wearing a ragged pair of cut-off jean shorts.
I took another step back from the window and shook my head in denial, “Oh, God. Alex…”
Tears blurred the image of the creature before me. My friend was gone. An ache so profoundly painful struck me in the chest, pressed me back from the window and against the far wall of my bedroom.
“Let me in.” His voice was low and sweetly melodic.
A frantic sob escaped my throat in response. The wind continued to pour through the open window, rattling the edges of the upraised blinds against the window casing. The only source of illumination was a single nightlight plugged into the wall by my bed, but it was enough.
“Look at me, Sarah.” His voice was impossible to ignore, compelling in a way that even Michael’s had never been.
I dashed the tears away with a shaking fist and blinked at him.
“You will let me in. Now.”
The voice that answered was my own, but I felt completely separate from it. Any will of my own was lost to me, swept away by the unyielding force of his presence and the guilt that was ripping me into pieces.
“Come in.” It was barely a whisper of sound. Some tiny little nothing that had the power of everything behind it, because the moment those words came from me, I knew my fate was set in stone. With a growing sense of awe, I watched him step through the open window and come across the room to stand before me like some golden god returning to the scene of his demise.
His expression was infused with determination, but when he bent down towards me, I saw the briefest, sweetest cloud of doubt pass over him. I had to snatch at that before it faded away and left me completely helpless. It was all I had. It was a reminder that somewhere beneath the skin of this dark soul, a fragment of the man I had known still flickered.
Reaching out with desperate hands, I cupped his fierce face.
“Tell me you’re still there.” It was a sad plea, accentuated by the hot tears that trailed down my face without pause.
His fiery eyes widened in surprise. He had expected fear or anger, not quivering supplication. He had never witnessed that side of me. I had lost my father and nearly lost my sister. Having to say goodbye to anyone else, especially a friend like Alex would change me. It might just destroy me. Grasping my hands within his own, he drew them away from his face and turned his head to the side.
“Say something.” I whispered hoarsely, urgently, “Tell me you hate me.”
Again, our eyes locked. Desire shot through me unexpectedly. Without another thought, only a savage need to have him back in any capacity, I moved forward and fastened my mouth on his. For just a tiny instant, he froze. All I wanted was to hold onto him, to keep him with me. However, somewhere inside, I felt the tide turning and began to understand that there was something infinitely separate from our friendship that had begun to flower inside of me.
His hard-muscled, bare arms stole around me as we both knelt there on the floor, our knees bent against the chill of the hard wood. I could feel the heat of his chest through my pajama shirt. Breaking away with a whimper, I tried to unbutton it, but my fingers were trembling violently. Realizing my intent, Alex simply wrenched the front of the shirt apart in his hands, the buttons popping off and falling to the floor.
It was not enough. Having his warm flesh pressed so closely against me, having his lips searching and teasing my own. It was not nearly enough. Our tongues met in a silken dance and still, I ached. With a low groan, he jerked away and rose to his feet, pulling me with him. In a flash and without a single whispered word between us, he spread me out upon the turned down flannel sheets of my bed.
The pressure of his fingers was painful against my skin, but it only increased the whirlwind of need spreading through me. Every time we touched each other, it was like a frantic race to find something else, to explore another sensation that might give us both some way to hold onto something that seemed to be flashing into nothingness.
At some point, he drew off my pajama bottoms and panties and left his shorts on the floor. There was a moment when doubt tickled at the edges of my mind, but it was swept away so quickly by the sweet urgency in his kiss and the way his strong hands trembled as he pushed my hair back from my face.
We were both mad with desire, desperate for the connection to be made complete. And when the moment came, and our bodies became one, we were left drowning in our passion for each other and our faces were wet with tears. I watched, fascinated, as ruby drops fell onto my chest. His tears. I felt something break inside me at the sight. He moved hesitantly within me and I saw him close his eyes.
“Make it real,” He murmured, “Not another dream. It has to be real this time.”
I pumped my hips upwards sharply, feeling the length of him touch my core. And I fell apart all over again, splintering into a thousand scattered pieces. Everything I was and everything I thought I knew disappeared when Alex rolled his head back and growled in triumph.
His moment came and he gripped me with hands that felt like iron around my hips. Looking up at him, I could not collect my thoughts. His pure powerful release was animalistic and elemental, taking every emotion from the depths of him and sending it out into the universe. And it left him depleted.
When his eyes slid over me again, I saw some tiny warning in their glow. But I did not care. My own release had left me feeling languid, drugged. He could have jumped out of bed and done a jig at that point and I would not have batted an eye. Every muscle in my body was useless. So when he moved towards my neck with another kind of heated need lighting the emerald of his eyes, I did not move. I did not protest.
He could take what he wanted. My blood, my body, my soul. It seemed that I belonged to him in so many remarkable ways. I felt that, acknowledged it. And felt no need to stop him. To his benefit, he did press his feverish fingers against my face, forcing me to look at him directly in order to get an answer.
“Yes or no, sweet Sarah.”
I nodded slowly and opened myself completely to him. No matter what he wanted, it was his tonight. His mouth traced a path of scorching kisses from my ear, along my jaw and down to my neck, where he used his tongue and the heat of his warm wet mouth to ignite this newly discovered passion yet again.
By the time I felt those two tiny pinpricks against my skin; he had slid inside of me again and was quickly pushing me back up into the heights of delicious sensation. This time, I completely lost consciousness when I went over my peak.
I was aware of only a few things during that time. Alex pressing gentle kisses to the miniscule wounds in my neck. Alex cleaning both of us with a towel that he had retrieved from my dresser. Alex carefully cover
ing me with the sheets and quilt. Pressing a heart-wrenching kiss against my damp forehead, donning his shorts again, closing the window. And as he left, stopping at my bedroom door and whispering with a world of emotion in his compelling tone.
“You didn’t have to make me love you. I already did.”
Chapter 4
The next morning, before I even opened my eyes, I knew I had been altered. Recalling the poignant events of the night before, I curled myself into a fetal position under the warmth of my sheet and heavy quilt, wincing at the unusual aches and pain as I moved.
What had I done? He’d come here and before he could voice his hate for me or act on it as he had the right to do, I’d thrown myself at him like some bar-fly whore. Groaning, I glanced over at the bright red numbers on my nightstand alarm clock. It was already eleven a.m.
What had he said as he was leaving? It seemed imminently important. A crucial little whisper of words that meant something serious, but I could not grasp them in my sleepy head. So many things needed to be done. Feed Sadie, my recently neglected Golden Retriever, feed Whiskers, my arrogant black cat who thought she owned the world. I would bet money her litter box desperately needed cleaning as well. Then the horses. Muck out the stalls, throw down hay from the loft, fill up water buckets, and ration out grain. Check on the whereabouts of Messenger.
Dragging myself out of bed was an exercise in torture. And while the rest of my body protested, I was surprised to see that my ankle looked and felt much better. The swelling had almost completely disappeared. I gingerly put both feet on the floor and tested my weight on the bad ankle. There was still a little tenderness, but at least I would not have to use the crutches.
Then I looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror over my dresser. Bruises, strikingly dark against the pallid tone of my skin, were peppered along my arms and shoulders. Fingerprints of the undead. I drew my hair away from the left side of my neck. There were no bite marks. A vision of Alex’s face, as I remembered it from the night before, swam in my head. The desperation. The sorrow. Then I recalled my inevitable downfall. I had cast off my fear and anger and reached out to him with everything I could think to offer. He had taken it all and given in return. Confusion flooded me, as dark and glossy as the silk scarf lying across my dresser. I touched the scarf and then pulled it through my fingers slowly.
Alex. A little smile began to pull the corners of my mouth up. I may have felt battered on the outside, but inside I felt… happy. Content. Instinct made me want to question it, turn it over and look for the crack, read the manufacturer’s warranty. I shook my head, tossed the scarf back down on the dresser, and looked at myself again.
A tremulous smile was there in the mirror. My eyes were shining. Luminous.
While I stood under the often-unreliable showerhead in my little bathroom and let the warm water trail down over the bruises, I tried not to think about it too much. I went over the chores I had to do, thought about a shopping list, whether I should repaint my bedroom. Simple things. By the time I was done with my shower, I felt energized and ready to face the day.
When I came downstairs and stepped into the kitchen, I came to an immediate halt.
The coffee was made. Whiskers was lapping at her water bowl, which had been filled. Her food dish was half-full of food. Sadie pranced in from the den, her tail waving madly. I sank my fingers into the soft golden fur around her neck and scratched.
“Sorry I’ve been so busy, sweetie.” I gave her a quick hug and went to check her food bowl and Whiskers’ litter box. The bowl was full of kibble and the litter box was clean. Coming back into the kitchen, I heard Nelly’s familiar voice calling out.
“Good morning, honey.” She walked in from the den smiling, but when she got a good look at me, she lost the smile and shrieked.
“Sarah! What in the world happened to you?” Her gaping eyes darted over me as she held out one of my bruised arms, “Who did this to you?”
I could not look her in the eye. How could I possibly explain what had happened between Alex and I? There was no way to say it delicately, and I knew she would not relent until she knew. I took a deep breath.
“Alex.”
Her eyes grew wide and the expression on her face was one of stunned horror, “Oh, Sarah. No. How? Alex really did this?”
“He wasn’t trying to hurt me. It was… consensual.” It sounded so lame. And it did not come close to describing anything that had occurred. Only that he had not forced me. I shook my head and went to grab a coffee cup, “I know it looks bad, but it wasn’t his fault. Honestly.”
“He hurt you.”
I poured the coffee, still lacking the courage to meet her stare, “Something happened while you were gone. There was a problem with the new vampires. You were right about them.”
She moved to my side and gently grasped one arm, “But what about Alex? What happened to him?”
Finally, I raised my eyes to her face, “He was attacked, Nelly. It was horrible.”
I explained everything to her as best as I could. Keeping a grip on my emotions while I talked about the battle and Alex was a monumental task, and several times I felt like I was about to bust out into tears. She listened to me patiently, rubbing my arm softly when I described how Michael insisted that it was my decision whether to save him.
“Oh, sweetie.” She wrapped her arms around me and gripped me tightly for a few moments before pulling back and searching my face again, “Don’t you blame yourself for this, you hear? It’s natural to want to keep those you love close to you. Even if it means they have to change in order to stay.”
“He told me he hated it when he was a vampire.”
A sad little smile curved her lips, “Maybe he hated it because he felt alone. He has us now, doesn’t he?”
I stared pensively at my coffee cup, contemplating what she said. She could be absolutely right. He didn’t have to live the same kind of life he had before. Things could be different for him now. However, would my mother want to take him back with her to California? After what had happened the night before, I could not imagine him leaving.
“There’s something else you should know.” I said slowly, “My mother is back.”
Her face lost all hint of color. She went to the kitchen table and sat down, her head bent. Words of comfort might have been appropriate, but I could not think of anything that might reassure her. If I had enough courage, I could go out to the meadow and demand answers. I could look Selena in the face and ask the question that had been burning through me ever since I found out she was still alive. How could she leave her children?
But I was a coward. I was afraid that the answer would hurt so much more than the question itself. What if there really was something so wrong with me that even my own mother could not put up with me? It was childish to jump to such a conclusion. However, the idea stuck and I had been carrying it around with me for weeks.
“I’m going out to feed the horses and clean stalls.” I mumbled, grabbing my jacket from the peg by the back door. I did not want to see Nelly’s face. I did not want to see pity there in her eyes, reflecting back at me like a beacon.
Thirty minutes later, I was sitting in a rusty old lawn chair at the end of the barn aisle and sobbing with my face in my hands. Whether my mother was in Indiana or in California, the damage had been done. I felt like I did not know who I was anymore. Warm tears seeped through my fingers and ran down my hands and arms.
Had my father honestly thought that I could handle all of this? Where would he get that impression? I remembered the letter that he had written and put inside the journal that had been passed down to me from my grandfather. He had wanted me to keep the vampire thing a secret from Katie, so that had to mean something.
Though I still struggled inside, I jerked myself to my feet and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I could not let it break me. I just couldn’t. Dad had left me with something wonderful to take care of that had always been a part of my life. The Inn was not perfect. There
were repairs that needed to be made. Renovations could be done to modernize the bathrooms, if I could find the money somehow to make it happen. Changes could be made to it that would make it an even greater experience for those guests who chose to stay with us. And I was needed personally to keep it running.
Unfortunately, I was also the only one who could keep the Inn itself separate from the vampires that walked around the place at night. I could not let them ruin what we had going on here. Keeping a leash on Michael and the others was my job. Nobody else’s.
Raising my head to walk out of the barn, I decided I was not going to let anything prevent me from doing what I was meant to do. Not my mother. Not the vampires. Not the Council. This was mine.
Later, I made some calls to get some quotes on updating the bathrooms in the main house. I thoroughly cleaned the bedrooms upstairs with Nelly’s help. She put together a beef stew in the slow cooker for our dinner, which left the house with the mouth-watering aroma of simmering beef, onions and the secret recipe of spices she used for her famous stew.
She did not ask me anything more about Alex, and we did not talk about my mother. When the shadows began to grow longer, and the last rays of the sun sent slanting golden rays down upon the yellowing grass of the front yard, I decided to meet Michael on his own turf before he could approach the house.
I told Nelly I would be back as soon as I could and asked her not to leave the house. Then I wrapped myself in a thick red wool cardigan and walked down the darkening lane heading for the meadow and the creek.
He would know in an instant that Alex and I had been together, if he was not already aware of it. However, I was not going to apologize for it. The soles of my beloved hiking boots tread silently through the night, leaving dark grooved prints in the evening dew and mud along the lane. When I reached the edge of the meadow, I looked around.
