by Shandi Boyes
I may not be a man of many words, but I express myself in other ways. Although I now know why Gemma’s eyes are filled with mistrust, I’ll never stop trying to remove it. Every gentle touch of my hands on her skin is a silent promise that I too am working on piecing back the shards of her broken heart.
I’m going to be honest: when Gemma told me she was raped, it killed me. I knew from the mistrust in her eyes that she’d been badly hurt, but I never realized it would be something so horrific. Just the thought of anyone hurting such a beautiful, kindhearted person like Gemma cut me deep. I never wanted to kill a man as much as I did that day. I’d give anything to go back and stop Gemma from being hurt, but I can’t. All I can do is stand by her side and support her when she is having a rough day, and constantly remind her that the men who assaulted her never won. They will never win.
Although I'm mad at the way Brandon confronted Gemma two months ago, I understand he was trying to help Hugo. But what Brandon needs to recognize is, Hugo’s desire to protect Gemma outweighs his desire of clearing his name. That alone guarantees I will forever be in Hugo’s debt. Gemma is the most courageous woman I’ve ever met, but there are only so many knocks a fragile soul can take before it shatters beyond repair. I care about Gemma so much, I will do everything in my power to ensure that never happens.
Gemma and I would never wish what we’ve been through on our worst enemy, but something good came from our tragedies. No one can truly believe another’s pain until they have experienced it. That is why Gemma and I connect so well. One selfish heart can break another, but two broken hearts can only join to become one.
My body’s perception of Gemma’s closeness is proven on point when she enters the wings of the stage Rise Up is currently performing on. To the pleasure of both Cormack and myself, Gemma agreed to digitally document Rise Up’s first official tour. Although my request to have a minimum of three floor spaces between Nick and Jenni’s hotel room was not fulfilled, Cormack was gracious enough to grant my request to be roomed with Gemma.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been both a bumpy and joyous two months. Gemma is proof I didn’t need someone to complete me. I just needed someone to completely understand me. She does. She knows me better than anyone.
A smug grin curls on the corners of my lips when Gemma stops talking to her studio-assigned assistant and lifts her head. Her eyes don’t even wander around the room; they lock straight on me, proving I’m not the only one who can feel the earth shifting beneath my feet when we are together.
At times when the guilt attached to my grief becomes too great for me to ignore, I’d like to say my interest in Gemma is nothing but a sexual connection. But that isn’t true. Months ago, I woke up every day calculating the hours I had left until I could go back to bed. I lived my life as if I had a timer over my head counting down the seconds remaining until I got to see my family again. Now, I don’t even look at the clock on my bedside table when I wake. My time is better invested. I take a quiet moment each morning remembering those I loved and lost before I spend the rest of my day with a woman who shows me that you can care for someone without needing to forget your past.
Gemma not only breathes air into my life, she frees me. I’m not half the man I was when I lost my family, but I’m a better man when I am with her.
Gemma’s wild berry smell conjures up memories of our first night together when she leans in and places a kiss on the edge of my mouth. “You’re early,” she whispers like we are surrounded by hundreds of nosy onlookers.
Her reaction can’t be helped. Normally, that is exactly what happens. If it isn’t Emily and Jenni meddling in our affairs, it is Wesley. I never understood the bond Wesley and Gemma had until after Gemma revealed what happened to her. Although I will always be a little jealous of their close bond, I will never voice my concerns. This may hurt to admit, but Wesley is the reason Gemma is so strong today. If she didn’t have Wesley, I’d hate to think of the struggles she would have endured alone the past four years. I also have no reason to be jealous. Their bond is odd for a different sex couple, but when you look closely, you realize it is no different than the connection I have with Hugo.
A thankful smile graces Gemma’s lips when I remove her camera bag from her grasp. “What the hell have you got in here?” I ask. This bag is a lot heavier than it looks.
“Cameras, photo processing equipment. Standard work stuff,” she informs, shadowing me out of the stadium.
I cock my brow and peer into her pretty green eyes. “You’re supposed to be taking the weekend off.”
“I know,” she replies softly, her words tainted with guilt. “But you look so sweet when you’re sleeping, I can’t help but take a few sneaky snaps.”
Laughing, I pull her to my side and quicken my pace. There is only one thing better than watching Gemma sleep: watching her sleep while she is naked.
Gemma stiffens when we merge into the back alley of the stadium.
“Gemma.”
I don’t need to say any more than I did. That one word expressed everything. My relationship with Gemma is still fresh, which means we are treading through the muddy waters every new relationship goes through. The getting to know each other stage. This process has been a challenge for us both. I don’t like talking about my past—particularly the parts that include Jorgie and Malcolm. Gemma has no trouble sharing stories of her childhood, but the instant her timeline shifts to adulthood, she clams up, and the mistrust I’ve been fighting to clear from her eyes returns stronger than ever.
“I’m trying, Carey. Some habits are just hard to shake,” she whispers into my shirt while firming her grip around my waist.
I lock my eyes with hers. “Like biting toenails?”
A weird thudding noise comes out of the area my heart used to belong when the faintest giggle sneaks past Gemma’s lips. “Yes! That is disgusting. You should really stop that.”
We make the short four block walk to our hotel in silence. Silence never used to bother me, but tonight I can’t stand it. I thought silence was a way of solving problems. In reality, it only makes more.
“Pizza or Chinese?” I question when we hit the entrance of our hotel. I’ll say anything to break the uncomfortable silence.
Gemma shifts her eyes to me. They aren’t as haunted as they were in the alley. “Hmm. Depends. Are we eating in or out?”
I nudge my head to the hotel. “In.”
“Wine or beer?” she questions, her lips quirking into a sexy pout.
I arch my brow, allowing my actions to speak on my behalf. Wine is for pansies. Real men drink beer.
“No brainer. Pizza it is.” She drags her eyes slowly down my body. “That also means there’s more chance of me getting you a little tipsy.” She tilts toward me, connecting her massively dilated eyes with mine. “Are you a loved-up drunk, Carey?” She waggles her brows suggestively before she glides into the lobby of our hotel, stealing my chance to reply.
I chuckle. That is one thing I love about Gemma. She recognizes when she is struggling, but instead of letting it drag her down, she takes a few moments to absorb it before she pushes it to the side, deciding it isn’t worth wasting her precious time. She is the strongest and bravest woman I've ever met.
As I enter the elevator a hotel staff member named Ralph is holding open for us, the entirety of my statement crashes into me. My heart rate climbs as the words I just spoke ring on repeat in my mind. That is one thing I love about Gemma.
Love?
Gemma laughs when I stumble out of the elevator once it arrives on our floor. “Did someone start their weekend festivities early?” she jests, her brows waggling.
I try to formulate a response. I try to act like guilt isn’t clawing at my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. But all I manage to strangle out is, “I’m going to grab a quick shower.”
Gemma throws open our hotel room door. “Alright, I’ll order the pizza,” she responds, thankfully not noticing the erratic switch in my composure.
>
“Use the credit card in my wallet,” I mumble before charging for the bathroom.
“They don’t take credit.” I can hear the confusion in her voice.
“Then use cash,” I shout before slamming the bathroom door shut and ensuring the lock is in place.
After switching on the shower, I fill the vanity sink with cold water. I scrub and scrub my eyes, trying to rid the guilty look from them. I didn’t mean what I said. It was just a metaphor. Everyone does it.
“Look at those drapes. I love them.”
“I love what you’ve done with the place.”
“I’d love a few more hours of sleep.”
People toss the L word around so freely, it doesn’t mean anything anymore. Does it?
Clutching the vanity in a white-knuckled hold, I lift my eyes to the mirror. It takes me several moments staring at my reflection before reality dawns.
It isn’t guilt in my eyes.
It’s love.
Afterword
Please note suicide is never an option. If you're hurting or feeling anything like what Carey and Gemma experienced, please reach out for help. You are not alone. There are services that can help you rebuild your life. Just like Carey and Gemma’s story shows, no matter how dark it is, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Your life matters. It matters to me, and it should matter to you too.
Suicide prevention support numbers:
USA: 1-800-273-8255
Australia: 13 11 14
UK: 0800 58 58 58
The End. . .
The next story in the Enigma series is on Ryan:
Detective, best friend of Brax, and known associate of Isaac’s.
But for now - enjoy the intangible world of dominance with the BOUND Series - AVAILABLE NOW!
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Can Cleo ward off the attention of the man she has been assigned to investigate? Or will the world of dominance be too great for her to ignore?
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Also by Shandi Boyes
Perception Series - New Adult Romance
Perception of Life - (Noah & Emily)
Reality of Life - (Conclusion of Noah & Emily)
Fight of Life - (Jacob - standalone)
Player of Life - (Nick - standalone)
Beats of Life - (Slater - standalone)
Enigma Series - Steamy Contemporary Romance
Enigma of Life - (Isaac)
Unraveling an Enigma - (Isaac)
Enigma: The Mystery Unmasked - (Isaac)
Enigma: The Final Chapter - (Isaac)
Beneath the Secrets - (Hugo - Part 1)
Beneath the Sheets - (Hugo Conclusion)
Spy Thy Neighbor (Hunter - standalone)
The Opposite Effect - (Brax)
I Married a Mob Boss - (Enrique)
Second Shot (Hawke’s Story)
Bound Series - Steamy Romance & slight BDSM
Chains (Marcus and Cleo)
Links (Marcus and Cleo)
Bound (Marcus and Cleo)
COMING SOON:
The Way We Are (Ryan’s Story)
The Way We Were
Acknowledgments
Thank you to the following individuals who without their contributions and support this book would not have been written.
First to my husband Chris, when I said I wanted to write a book he simply replied with “Ok great.” No hesitation, not even a small amount of consideration, he just offered his full support. This is very much in tune with exactly how my husband has been our whole marriage. I have an idea, and he supports me 100%. I'm so grateful to have him in my life and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. He is my most valued gift in life.
Second to my darling mum Carolyn Wallace. She sits and reads the entire first drafts while attempting to assist in editing. I’ve never been good with anything grammatical related, but she assists me where she can.. For this, I will be eternally grateful.
My first book was originally written to be shared amongst my friends, in a hope that others may enjoy the story that I’ve created. But with the support of the people mentioned earlier, I decided to self-publish my story to share with others. I hope you enjoyed them!
Please remember to leave a review of my book.
Cheers
Shandi xx
