I smiled. Davis was a wise man, knowing exactly how to pull Lily out of a descending spiral of guilt and self-hatred: good, honest work. “Dreadful king never did come to the house, did he?” I asked.
“So much the better for us,” Colin said. “Fond as I am of Anglemore, I am not sure I could live happily in any house where Henry VIII had tarried. No, I much prefer things as they are.”
“The perfect situation,” I said. “Close enough to royalty to need State Rooms in case of a visit, but not so close to have to suffer through the visit itself.”
“Precisely,” he said, clasping my hand.
“I am afraid, however, nothing perfect can last forever,” I said.
“Whatever can you mean by that?” Colin asked.
“The queen wants to see the boys,” I said. “It is all my mother’s doing, of course, and she swears it was only because she thought it would do Her Majesty a world of good to get out of Windsor for a short while.”
“The queen is coming to Anglemore?” The look of abject horror on my husband’s face was priceless.
“Not until after Christmas,” I said. “There is plenty of time to prepare.”
“Madam, I—” Davis could hardly form a coherent word.
“Don’t worry, Davis,” I said. “You’ve got Lily on your side.”
“The queen?” Lily’s eyes looked as if they might pop out from her head.
“After Christmas,” I repeated, smiling. No one would be thinking much about Lily’s unfortunate experience now.
When we reached Anglemore, Mrs. Elliott and the other inside servants were lined up to greet us, along with Johnny. Colin had wired ahead with the good news about Lily, and her colleagues were pleased to see her return. Mrs. Elliott went so far as to embrace her. Prudence was already gone, on her way to school, where I hoped she would learn a better way to behave. Johnny could hardly meet Lily’s eyes as she walked past him. She stopped and stood directly in front of him.
“I forgive you, Johnny,” Lily said, “and I hope you can forgive what I’ve done.”
“You didn’t do nothing the rest of us wouldn’t had we known what was happening,” Johnny said. “You don’t need forgiveness, Lily.”
She gave him a weak smile and turned to make her way around the side of the house, presumably to the servants’ entrance.
“No, Lily.” Simon was standing in the shadows. I hadn’t noticed him until he spoke. “Come through the front door.”
Lily burst into tears and ran. I started after her, but Colin laid a hand on my arm.
“Let Simon go. It’s only right.”
Downstairs
xxii
Lily appreciated what everyone had done for her. Truly, she did, but that didn’t stop her feeling sick the whole train ride back from London, and now, at Anglemore, she only felt worse. She couldn’t bear to face Simon, not now that he knew the awful thing she had done. Even if he could forgive her that, she had lied, over and over. If only things had turned out differently at the abbey, if only her blow hadn’t been lethal, then she might have had a chance at real happiness. Now, though, she didn’t know what to do, so she ran away from everyone gathered at the front of the house and went around the back, past the French doors of the library and through the gardens until she reached the abbey. She hadn’t gone there since that awful night, but now she felt she must, and went straight back into the old church and knelt before its broken altar, praying for a forgiveness she did not feel she deserved.
She heard footsteps but did not turn to see who had followed her. It didn’t matter, did it?
“Lily, my dear, please, please, you must let me forgive you.” Simon’s voice came from the opening in the wall where once there would have been a magnificent door.
Lily did not move to look at him.
“I have done unspeakable things,” she said.
“You had no choice,” Simon said. “You did what you had to do to save yourself.” She could hear his footsteps, moving closer to her, and for the second time, a gentleman approached her from behind, unseen. Her heart pounded.
“I lied. That was a choice, and a bad one at that.”
“You were scared.”
“That’s no excuse,” Lily said.
“You’re human.” With gentle hands, Simon raised her from kneeling and turned her around to face him. “And I love you all the more for it.”
“You can’t possibly love me.” Lily swallowed a sob, and her shoulders started to shake. She loved Simon. She knew that beyond doubt, but she did not deserve his love.
“I do, Lily, in a way I didn’t know was possible for me. I love your strength. Most girls would have been too afraid to do anything but succumb to Scolfield’s wicked will. You stood up for yourself.”
“And murdered him.”
“It was not murder, Lily,” Simon said, touching her cheek very softly. “He brought it upon himself, and so far as I can tell, it was high time someone whacked him over the head.”
“He didn’t need to die.”
“He wouldn’t have if he had behaved like a gentleman. There’s no use in dwelling on what happened, Lily. He put you in a diabolical situation and has no one to blame but himself for the outcome.”
Lily looked away. “I should never have lied about what happened.”
“No, perhaps not, but it is an understandable mistake. You were scared, and rightly so. In the end, no one innocent was charged with the crime, so no further harm was done.”
“I despise myself for all of it.”
“In time you will learn to forgive. For now, though, I need to know something else. You may despise yourself, but do you love me?” Simon asked.
She looked into his eyes and was overwhelmed by their warmth. “I do,” she said. Her heart felt like it was melting.
“That makes this much easier,” Simon said. He took her hands. “I cannot imagine a life without you.”
“Now you’re talking nonsense, Simon. Not only am I a maid, I killed a man. None of your friends would ever accept me, and there is—”
He silenced her with a kiss, and Lily knew in that instant that she would never be able to deny Simon anything he wanted.
“Emily has written to Mrs. Hargreaves, her mother-in-law, who has offered to take you on as her companion when she sets up house in London. You won’t be a servant any longer, and I shall be able to call on you … and court you.”
“Court me?”
“How else do you expect me, eventually, to be able to convince you to marry me?”
“Marry you?”
“Surely you do not think me such a cad that I would have less than honorable intentions? The past must stay the past, Lily, and together we can build a future.” He kissed her again, and Lily pulled away, unsure of what to do. “Allow yourself this happiness, my dear,” Simon said, his voice full of such sincerity that Lily could do nothing but obey. She trembled, with fear and joy and relief and pain all rolled together, knowing she had no right to feel this happy, but unable to stop it all the same.
23
Colin and I let Simon go after Lily. The staff stood agape until Mrs. Elliott scolded them fiercely and ordered them back to work. We followed them inside and sought out Matilda and Rodney, who were waiting for us in the music room. Colin had wired them as well. I thought it best Lily not have to face Matilda straightaway, as I was uncertain how my friend would react to Sir James’s decision. Happily for us all, she took it better than any of us could have hoped.
“I am disgusted by what Archie did,” she said. “I would never have wished him dead—you know how I loved him, Emily—but I was also well aware of at least some of his faults. He was a complicated man, and, sadly, not complicated in a good way. He brought this violent death on himself. I feel more pity for that poor girl he attacked than I do for him. Perhaps that makes me a bad person…” Her voice trailed away.
“I won’t try to convince you you’re a good person,” Rodney said, “but the bad in you doesn’t ste
m from how you feel about this situation. Instead, I would suggest we think about some of your other qualities. You are extremely bossy, Boudica, and I cannot help but notice that your staff lives half in terror of you. I think—”
Matilda had gone bright red and looked as if she might explode. I turned to Colin, who nodded to the door. His hearing was sharper than mine. I hoped he had heard footsteps. The next instant Davis opened the door.
“Lord Flyte is in the white drawing room, sir, and would very much like to see you and her ladyship.”
“Thank you, Davis,” Colin said.
“I am not sure I have ever been more grateful for the opportunity to leave a room,” I said as we made our way through the great hall. “They are likely to throttle each other.” Davis opened the door to the drawing room, where we found not only Simon, but Lily as well, waiting for us.
“We’ve some news, Hargreaves,” Simon said. He was grinning like a schoolboy, but his face was pale and he was bouncing ever so slightly on his heels. “I do hope you’ll take it well.” Lily was biting her lip so hard I was afraid it would bleed, and the handkerchief wrenched in her hands was in danger of being rent into pieces.
“Lily is leaving service, is she?” Colin asked, slapping his friend on the back. “Well done, old boy.”
“You will accept the position with Mrs. Hargreaves?” I asked.
“If she’ll really have me, madam,” Lily said. “It’s too much, really, especially now—”
“You don’t worry about any of that,” Colin said. “My mother will take excellent care of you and mince anyone who dares bring up this incident.”
Unlike my mother, I thought, wondering what she would do at this news.
“I shall be traveling to London on a regular basis now,” Simon said, “and may even be forced to do the Season.”
“You are happy, aren’t you, Lily?” I asked, crossing to her and taking both of her hands in mine.
“Yes, madam, very, very happy,” she said, “although I don’t think I will ever believe I deserve it.”
“This is a wonderful thing. I am delighted for you both, as I am certain the future holds much happiness for you. We ought to celebrate.” I rang for Davis. “We need champagne—the Bollinger—and Alice sent up at once. Glasses for you and Alice as well, Davis.”
“Madam, I will of course gladly bring the champagne, but I do not know that it would be appropriate—”
“Do not argue with me, Davis. I can be quite fierce, you know.”
“I insist, Davis,” Colin said. “We both should know by now not to cross my wife.”
“Very good, madam, sir.” He nodded at each of us.
“And bring in Lady Matilda and Lord Montagu, Davis,” I said. I could see Lily tense.
“I don’t think Lady Matilda will much want to see me,” she said.
“I have already apprised her of the details of what happened,” I said. “You have nothing to fear.”
Matilda proved the point to Lily at once upon entering the room. She went directly to Lily. “I am so humbly sorry for what you suffered at my cousin’s hands,” she said. “Please believe I had no inkling as to that side of his character.”
“It is I who must apologize to you,” Lily said. “I did a terrible thing.”
“It is your intent that matters most to me, Lily,” Matilda said, “and I do not believe in the slightest that you meant to kill him.”
“I didn’t.” Tears were starting again. Simon passed her a handkerchief to replace the one she had all but shredded before.
“We will have none of that,” he said. “This is a celebration.”
“What are we celebrating?” Matilda asked.
“Love,” I said.
“Rodney, you beast,” Matilda said, smacking him soundly on the arm. “I very specifically told you I wanted to speak to Emily myself. This does not bode well in the least for our marriage. We’re engaged less than a day and you’re already ignoring my wishes?”
“You are engaged, Matilda?” I asked. “To Rodney? How is this possible? You despise each other.”
“I always despised him more than he despised me,” Matilda said. “Never, ever, forget that.”
“I realized that I have never before so enjoyed bickering with someone so much as I do my darling Boudica,” Rodney said. “She was dead set on leaving Montagu for London, so I realized the only way to make her stay was to marry her.”
“It will be a dreadful bore, of course,” Matilda said, “and I don’t want to have to spend the rest of my life reminding you my name is not Boudica.”
“Whatever you wish.” Rodney slipped his arm around her waist and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Emily, are you telling me Rodney said nothing to you about our engagement?” Matilda asked.
“Not a word,” I said.
“Then how did you know we had occasion to celebrate?”
“We didn’t know the two of you required celebrating. Lily is leaving service to become companion to an extremely great lady, which means, of course, that Simon will be able to court her.”
“Lily! What a delightful surprise,” Matilda said, hesitating for only the barest second before stepping over to kiss both her cheeks. “You deserve happiness, especially after all that happened to you.”
“I am delighted for you, Lily,” Rodney said. He slapped Simon on the back. “You must be awfully pleased.”
Davis returned with Alice and the champagne. Alice wrapped Lily in an embrace and then stood behind her, hanging back from the group, obviously feeling out of place. Colin went to her and started chatting with her about the weather, a topic near and dear—not to mention unthreatening—to the heart of every person in England. Davis had just popped the cork on the first bottle when my mother came into the room.
“This is unexpected,” she said. Her eyes fell on Lily, and then on Simon standing in such very close proximity to the girl. “What is going on here?”
“Lady Bromley.” Colin crossed to her and took her by the arm. “I should like to have a private discussion with you. Would you come with me?”
A nervous silence fell over our happy group during their absence. They returned no more than a quarter of an hour later, but every minute had seemed like an hour.
“I understand you will be leaving service,” my mother said, standing directly in front of Lily.
“I am indeed, Lady Bromley,” she said.
“I wish you much luck in your next endeavor, and do hope you always remember from whence you came.” I scowled at her as she gave Lily a strained smile and shook her hand, but did not address her any further. “I am informed congratulations are in order, Lord Montagu.”
“I’m a lucky man to land Boudica,” he said and kissed his bride-to-be full on the lips.
“Lord Montagu!” My mother stepped back, horror on her face. “Such behavior does not behoove a peer of the realm. Perhaps you have spent too many years in the New World. I shall have to take you under my wing. You will come to me first thing tomorrow morning and we shall have a little chat.”
“Yes, Lady Bromley.” Rodney grinned. “I look forward to it.”
“And you, dear Matilda.” My mother gave her a little hug. “I am so pleased you will not have to leave Montagu. A very wise decision on your part, and a mature one. Affection may come with time.” She lowered her voice to a whisper with the last sentence.
Matilda did her best to hide her laughter behind her hand.
Davis poured the champagne, and we toasted. The first bottle was quickly drained. Once he had opened the second bottle, I pulled my husband aside.
“Whatever did you say to make my mother behave so well?” I asked. “She cannot be even remotely prepared to accept Lily as your mother’s companion, especially as she must have figured out the girl will eventually marry Simon.”
“She was onto that at once,” Colin said, “and quite upset until I told her that when the aristocracy proved themselves capable of embracing the social cha
nges sure to come I might—just might—be prepared to reconsider the queen’s offer of a dukedom. Particularly if she made sure that no one—no one—heard about Lily’s involvement in Montagu’s death.”
“You did no such thing!”
“I did.”
“And she believed you?” I asked.
“My dear, I have never seen her look happier.”
“You’re in a spot of trouble now,” I said. “You tell her this and the queen’s coming to visit? You’ll be a duke before you know it.”
“Not at all, my darling girl,” he said. “I said might. No promise was made.”
“My mother has got her way in situations where she had far less than a ‘might’ going for her. Prepare yourself, Your Grace. I fear your future as a commoner is very much at stake.”
“Not to mention our marriage,” he said. “I remember once, years ago, your mother was bent on seeing you a duchess, and you told her in no uncertain terms you would never be the wife of a duke.”
“Quite right. I remember it well. Now here you are, about to become a duke. I suppose I shall have to divorce you.” I sighed. “What a pity. I have grown awfully fond of you, you know.”
“If you feel that way, there is only one way for me to proceed,” he said.
“What is that?” I asked.
“I cannot allow you to divorce me, so you shall have to brace yourself, my dear, as I am once again on the verge of refusing a generous offer from the queen. Her visit to Anglemore is bound to be deeply unpleasant for everyone involved.”
“Particularly now that we have lost the one member of the household capable of adequately preparing the State Rooms,” I said. “I don’t suppose we could disappear to the villa in Greece for the foreseeable future and pretend we had forgot the visit altogether?”
“All we can hope, my dear, is that my work sends us abroad before the queen is ready to travel.”
Behind the Shattered Glass Page 28
