by KC Burn
Jeremy held his arm, gently guiding him as though they were going to dinner in a fancy Regency romance. Raven wasn’t a fan, but it was Jeremy’s dime, and if he wanted to treat Raven like some helpless historical maiden, well, Raven only had to endure it until after brunch tomorrow.
Waiting for the elevator was interminable, but after eons, they were at his door.
“Thank you, Jeremy. It was a lovely evening.” Raven managed to grit out the words.
“It’s our last evening together, Raven.” Jeremy’s smile was laden with meaning that Raven had no intention of fulfilling.
“Uh, yes.” Raven tapped his key card in his palm. He wasn’t about to open the door with Jeremy standing so close.
Jeremy’s smile widened into a leer, and he grabbed at Raven, working one hand under his kilt, grabbing his shoulder with the other in an attempt to keep Raven still enough to kiss him.
No longer as dexterous and nimble as he used to be, Raven got an open mouth and tongue trying to french his cheek while he twisted away.
A sharp pain zinged through his hip, yet another reminder he was no longer the man he used to be.
“What the fuck is the matter with you?”
“I knew it.” Jeremy sneered.
“Knew what?” Raven didn’t really want to make a scene, and he hoped to defuse this situation before escaping to his room. After all, he didn’t really want to air the situation for the hotel’s security personnel.
“All those cigarettes. You were off fucking someone else, weren’t you?”
Raven’s eyes widened. “Uh, no, although it wouldn’t be any of your business if I was.”
“I paid for you, the least you could do is give me a piece.”
“My terms were clear upfront. No sex.”
“Oh, whatever. Porn stars don’t get to say no.” Jeremy sent his hands wandering under Raven’s kilt again. Grabbing Jeremy’s wrists, Raven dug his fingers into the tendons.
Jeremy squealed and tried to pull away, but Raven was sick of dealing with this shit.
“Contrary to your misguided notions, porn stars do get to say no. So do rent boys, escorts, prostitutes, and guys you bought dinner for. And this porn star is saying hell no. Got it?”
This time, when Jeremy tugged, Raven let him go, swiped his key card, and escaped into his room.
Heart pounding, he leaned back against the door, mentally preparing himself for some sort of tantrum on the other side.
God. He didn’t need that. He didn’t need any of this. Raven lifted a hand to run through his hair, glad he didn’t have to hide the adrenaline tremble from anyone.
Chapter FOUR
RAVEN STOOD in the shadow of a potted palm, the epitome of a cowering wallflower. He’d been too tired and stressed the previous night to rub one out to thoughts of that strong, handsome handyman, but he’d slept surprisingly well, which did wonders for his headache. He’d even gotten up early enough to run out and replace his smokes. But a good night’s sleep didn’t change how intensely he dreaded this one last meal.
A couple of the ladies from the reunion saw him standing off to the side as they approached the door to the ballroom. He smiled and nodded, but he felt like he’d been slapped in the face by the expression of disgust as they looked away. Their noses weren’t in the air, exactly, but they acted as though Raven was nothing more than shit they’d stepped in. His stomach roiled unpleasantly. He was in no mood to deal with any overt homophobia or some snotty women haranguing him about going to hell. With all the time he’d spent in the somewhat insular world of shooting movies and hanging out with the other models, it was sometimes a shock to the system when he had to censor himself.
Not even the smell of bacon tempted him this morning; he’d be lucky if he could choke down a cup of coffee. No, wait, scratch that. Getting through the morning without coffee might just kill him, even if his stomach was still tied in knots. How was he going to get through the last few hours with Jeremy?
Some of the other people he’d met over the weekend gave him a wave or smile as they went about denuding the breakfast buffet. Surely Jeremy wasn’t expecting him to go up to the room to find out what was keeping him. Not after last night. But that didn’t stop him from staring at the door. The last thing he wanted was to be surprised by another “underwear check” by Jeremy. As tense as he was right now, that might earn Jeremy a fist in the face, which would destroy any chance of Raven seeing any money for this weekend. As it was, he was pretty sure Jeremy was going to stiff him… and not in a way Raven was interested in. At least he’d gotten a quarter of the fee upfront as a booking deposit.
“Hey there.”
Raven manfully suppressed a scream and whirled. The sight of Amanda, looking painfully hungover and proffering a cup of coffee, allowed him to release a breath. This reunion gig wasn’t doing any favors for his stress levels, that was for sure.
“Hi, Amanda. Sad to see the end of the weekend?”
Amanda rolled her eyes. “More like I’m ready to get back to my real life. High school mostly sucked, and I don’t know why we insist on romanticizing it.”
Raven had no response, because he agreed, a thousand percent. But he was also here for a job, and he was going to do his best to act professionally. He took the steaming cup from Amanda and inhaled the heady aroma.
“You are a savior.”
“Yeah, I don’t blame you for avoiding the line. Some of these people can be such assholes. Including your date.”
Tilting his head to the side, he wrinkled his nose. Amanda’s assertion was certainly true, but her vehemence was a little surprising.
“What did Jeremy do?” Couldn’t be worse than trying to get up his kilt uninvited. Could it?
Amanda rolled her eyes and winced. “He was down here last night, talking shit about you.”
A filament of anger threaded its way through his chest, but he did his best to tamp it down. Be professional, dammit.
“Like what?”
“It was obviously sour grapes. Dude thought he was going to get laid, and I can only assume you turned him down—because you’re way out of his league. Some men are just assholes about it.”
“Don’t I know it. He tried to force his way into my hotel room, and he was already pretty drunk by then. If he came back down and drank more… maybe he’ll be too hungover to make it to breakfast.” The thought of finishing out the scheduled reunion events without having to keep Jeremy company was so pleasant it extinguished any lingering anger like a wash of cool water.
“Idiot.” Amanda grimaced and took a sip of her coffee. Raven copied her. “I guess that’s why he was telling everyone you were a porn star. Misguided way to make people look down on you or something.”
Raven swallowed his mouthful of coffee with much sputtering. What the fuck was wrong with Jeremy? The anger rushed back, flaring into a blaze.
“He had no fucking right.” Raven’s words came out low and broken, his vocal cords unable to function properly while he was trying so hard not to scream out his fury.
Amanda opened her mouth but paused, what little color she’d had in her cheeks disappearing. “Oh my God. He was telling the truth, wasn’t he?”
“I’m not ashamed. I used to be in porn. But I don’t generally announce it from the rooftops.” His cheeks heated as even he could hear the defensiveness in his voice. He’d spoken the truth, but he forgot sometimes that a job that had proved lucrative and fun could label him deviant even in the minds of those who were otherwise accepting of the whole gay thing.
“Of course not. The narrow-minded are everywhere.” Amanda squinted at him, and Raven considered flight, but with his hip, the best he’d be able to manage would be a brisk trot. And he really didn’t want to run and hide, although he had a rather strong urge to run and find Jeremy. Beat some sense into him.
“I bet you were crazy popular. Gay porn?”
The interested speculation in her gaze surprised a laugh out of him as his cheeks warmed even hotter.
Amanda wasn’t judging him… at least, not in the way he’d first suspected.
“Yes.” But his anger at Jeremy didn’t abate, because him shooting his mouth off was probably the source of the weird expressions Raven had received all morning.
“So tell me… what production company?” Amanda’s prurient and flattering interest coaxed another chuckle out of Raven.
“Idyll Fling.”
She nodded. “And what name should I search for?”
“Raven.” It was the name he’d chosen for himself, and one he liked far more than the one he’d been born with.
“Good to know.” She smiled at him, but the pleasant sensation, similar to the ones he had following his interaction with Mick and Travis, wasn’t enough to save Jeremy from Raven’s wrath.
“If you’ll excuse me?”
“Go get him, tiger. He deserves a kick in the balls for being a giant dick.”
Raven wasn’t going to go that far, but yelling? Yeah, that would happen, and if Jeremy wasn’t suitably apologetic, Raven had other methods of retribution available.
With a swish of his black canvas kilt, Raven sped out of the ballroom.
At the elevator, Raven tapped his foot in irritation. He also hoped he remembered the right room number because that would be rather deflating. Unlikely, though, given the number of times Jeremy had dropped a broad hint about going up to his room, with all the subtlety and grace of a falling anvil.
On the sixth floor, he strode out, shoulders squared, and made for room 614, so caught up in his ire he almost passed it and rocked to a stop. Raising his fist, he hesitated for a moment. This probably wasn’t wise, but where the fuck did this guy get off, treating him like a sex slave not worthy of the tiniest bit of respect. Jeremy was a valued client of Idyll Fling, ever since he bought one of the priciest and most elite membership packages, and it shouldn’t be a stretch to believe he’d be fucking nice to a model he was spending time with.
Then again, Jeremy was paying. Didn’t mean Raven had to spread his legs, but putting up with Jeremy being an asshole might have been the whole reason for the generous stipend. He huffed out a bitter laugh. That should have given him his first clue. Raven didn’t much want to let his temper screw him out of the rest of his fee. It wasn’t like he’d ever see these reunion attendees ever again. He shouldn’t care what they thought of him, and it wasn’t like Jeremy had lied.
Raven inhaled a deep breath as he talked himself out of his upset, and he checked his watch. Three hours left, and if he was lucky—and smart enough not to knock on the door—Jeremy might sleep through the last of Raven’s contracted time. All Raven had to do was wait unobtrusively near the elevator downstairs. If Jeremy showed his face, Raven would put on a grudging smile and join him until eleven. If eleven came and went with no sign of Jeremy, he’d return to his room and relax. Hide out for a couple of hours, order room service. There was no reason he had to wait inside the ballroom, worrying about acceptance and judgment, when he didn’t give a damn about any of those people, even if a few of them had been nice.
Decision made, he dropped his fist, but before he could head back to the elevators, the door to 614 opened with a bang, making Raven flinch.
Jeremy stood in the doorway, surprised eyes framed in an unhealthy, pasty-white complexion. Exactly how much booze had Jeremy drank last night?
Nevertheless, Jeremy recovered first. “Oh, it’s you. Couldn’t get enough of me, could you?” Jeremy leered. “I’ve got the room until noon. Plenty of time for you to make up for last night.”
Anger came roaring back, consuming Raven’s good intentions into white-hot ash.
“Me?” Raven clenched his fist, not even considering that Jeremy outweighed him by at least thirty pounds and had fully functioning hips. “I’m not the one who needs to make up for last night. What the hell were you trying to prove? How big an asshole you could be?”
This time it was Jeremy’s turn to wince, but that could have been Raven’s decibel level dragging nails down the chalkboard of Jeremy’s hangover.
“What do you mean? So my moves were a little heavy-handed. Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
Yes, he sure as fuck could, but no matter what he did, men like Jeremy would never respect him, and he didn’t think it was worth the effort to change his mind. “You know what? I don’t fucking need this. Good-bye, Jeremy. Don’t contact me again.”
He was going to block Jeremy from contacting him via text, phone, Facebook, anywhere, the second he got to his room. Without another word, he turned and started for the elevator. Behind him, Jeremy’s door slammed, and for a moment, Raven thought Jeremy had retreated into his room. The hard grip on his bicep as he was pulled to a stop informed him of his error, and the unexpected halt sent a spike of pain through his hip.
“What the fuck?” Even if Raven was at a physical disadvantage, he’d been in fights before, and if Jeremy didn’t stop manhandling him, he was going to find out just how dirty Raven fought.
“Look, I’m sorry.” Jeremy looked like he’d swallowed a handful of live goldfish. “Please don’t leave yet. Just a few more hours. It would be too embarrassing to explain that you’d left already. Everyone already thinks you’re out of my league.”
Raven’s nostrils flared. The truth and the hint of vulnerability tugged at him. “Oh? Everyone thinks a porn model is out of your league? I guess, given your comments last night, people will think you didn’t have what it took to satisfy my needs. Because obviously all I need is big cock and a hard fucking by… just about anyone… and I’d be happy as a unicorn farting rainbows.”
A flush mottled the skin of Jeremy’s cheeks and throat. He coughed. “Oh. Uh. Yeah… I might have mentioned that last night. About your, uh, career.”
“You think? Might have?” Raven’s eyebrows lifted and he pressed his lips together. The last thing he wanted was to start screaming in the middle of a hotel hallway.
“I’m sorry. I am. Please stay. I’ll add another 10… no, 20 percent onto your fee. And I’ll be good.”
“No more underwear checks?” God. Raven had never felt more sordid in his life, bargaining his time for a dollar figure like this, and he’d spent years having sex on screen for money. Everything about Jeremy just rubbed him wrong, but that didn’t change the fact he could use the money, and more money was better than forfeiting the lion’s share of the amount Jeremy had promised him. The booking deposit Jeremy had already paid wasn’t enough to keep him from having to dip into his savings when the mortgage was due.
“No more. I promise.”
Raven let his head fall back. He couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a big fucking mistake, but it really was only a couple hours now. “Fine. Twenty percent and no more touching.” And Jeremy would still get blocked—after he paid up.
Jeremy smiled, and it only reinforced Raven’s misgivings, once more counting down the minutes until he could get the fuck out of this uncomfortable situation.
At least he had his trusty cigarettes to get him a few breaks.
LETTING HIS cigarette burn on its own, Raven sipped at his mimosa. He’d drawn out this break long enough, and if he waited much longer, Jeremy was going to come looking for him. After all, he was still on the clock, and there wasn’t much time left for the farewell brunch. Jeremy had been grudgingly apologetic, but Raven had no reason to believe he wouldn’t go back to his old tricks. That apology had come because it was a means to an end, not because Jeremy regretted his actions.
Entering the ballroom wasn’t as horrific as he’d expected, but it still made him feel sick. Many more people eyed him, judged him, and even if some people had heard about his former profession and didn’t care, the ones who knew and did care? They were as obvious as if they’d stood up on their chairs and denounced him as a sinner, even if they were a significant minority.
He’d never really had to deal with this. The majority of his time had been spent with other models, except when he was at college, but since he was a littl
e older and in a different place in life than many of the other students, he hadn’t socialized much with them. If anyone at his college was aware he was gay or of how he paid the bills, they sure as shit never let him know they cared. After the accident, the medical staff hadn’t much cared either, once they’d done all the tests to make sure he wasn’t carrying any STDs.
This was new. He should have expected it, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t been prepared for derision-filled glances, the hate and disgust directed his way. But if he was going to make his way in a nonporn career, then he was going to have to figure out how to deal with it. Or do his best to bury the information for as long as he could.
Still, he had to congratulate himself. He’d stuck it out through breakfast, merely picking at his plateful. Once Jeremy began circulating through the room, speaking to people one last time before the reunion dispersed, Raven escaped, claiming the need for a nicotine fix.
The patter of feet heading toward his smokers’ haven made Raven cringe. Faster than he’d expect Jeremy to move, but who else would be that eager to get to the smoking area, for God’s sake.
An older gentleman wearing a suit jacket burst into the smoking area, heaved in a breath, and let it out in a sigh. “Oh, good. You’re still here.”
Raven didn’t recognize the newcomer, and a quick glance confirmed he was alone in the smoking area.
“Is there a problem?” Raven asked.
The man breathed heavily. “Sort of. I’m in a bit of a bind, and…. Are you local? Or are you just visiting for this event?”
The guy’s words didn’t diminish Raven’s confusion any, but at least it didn’t sound like he was going to be kicked out for his online work. Not that he’d seriously expected that, but porn actors made some people uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted was another hotel guest complaining about him just breathing the same air. Raven might not be interested in getting naked with anyone again, but he wasn’t exactly shy or he’d never have ended up in porn in the first place, and getting kicked out for his movies would guarantee a loud exit scene, filled with embarrassment for all in involved.
