“Hey,” she repeated, taking a tentative step closer. “Did I just…” She could barely get the words out, it seemed so ludicrous. “Did I just hurt your feelings?”
“Wasn’t that your intention?” he said, his tone clipped.
“I didn’t…” She bit her bottom lip, unable to finish her sentence a second time. She’d been about to say no, but he was right. Of course she had; it was just, she hadn’t really thought it would work. For the first time she actually wondered how many times she’d hurt his feelings without even realizing.
Part of her was sickly glad, because after everything he’d put her and her friends through, didn’t he deserve a little punishment in return? Another part of her, however, felt a little crappy.
“You deserve every mean thing I’ve said to you and more,” she voiced, even knowing that doing so was more to convince herself than him. “You have done horrible things.”
His gaze remained glued to a spot on the floor some feet away. He didn’t react to her words at all, which only made her feel worse. She’d never seen him forlorn before, and this, now, was proving to be too much. It couldn’t be guilt she was feeling, and yet, there was no other explanation for the tightness in her chest.
She cursed, loudly, dropping his arm so that she could cross hers over her chest. “Bearing in mind everything I just said is true”—she took a deep breath—“I’m sorry I indicated you were a robot. Okay? We good?”
“I do have feelings,” he said quietly, only his lips moving.
“I know that.” Had she? Of course. She’d just come from a meeting with his father. “But reacting to other people, having feelings for them, isn’t the same as having feelings for me.”
When he frowned, it was obvious she wasn’t doing a good job of explaining herself. Rubbing at the growing migraine, she tried again.
“I know you need me, Trystan…,” she began tentatively. “Or at least that you think you do, in order to get what you want. To be king of it all. You need me to get you the Vakar crown, and once you have it, you won’t need me anymore. Knowing this, can you blame me for assuming my words wouldn’t affect you?
“I know we’re always taking verbal jabs at each other,” she continued, “but aside from getting angry, you usually don’t react to any insults I throw. I agreed to do this in exchange for my friends’ safety, so in the name of keeping the peace, I’m apologizing for hitting a nerve back there.”
He was back to staring at her, and after a moment she heaved a frustrated sigh.
“Feel free to stop me anytime,” she stated. “Otherwise, I’ll keep rambling forever, and neither of us is going to enjoy that much.”
Trystan took a step closer, an almost dazed look in his eyes that had her instinctively retreating a step. When he came to an abrupt stop at her movement, she saw his jaw clench and his vision clear.
Before she could be relieved that the familiar version of him was back—even if that did mean he was, yet again, pissed at her—he spun on his heel and left. The door didn’t slam at his back, but that somehow made it worse.
Left standing there, completely unsure where to go or even really what had just happened, Delaney tightened her arms around herself. She stood there, watching the door, waiting for him to come back, but after a while she gave up. She turned toward the table and began sorting through the files again.
It was unclear how much time had passed, but when Sanzie arrived later, Delaney had three piles organized and sorted before her. She finished placing the last file and then slowly got up from the table and walked toward the Teller.
“Let him know the first stack are rejects, the middle are possibilities, and the last are my favorites,” she told Sanzie, passing by her and into the hall, waiting for her to show her to her room.
CHAPTER 17
“Is there a problem, Lissa?”
Delaney, who’d been watching the door over her shoulder, turned back around in her seat and met the curious eyes of the coordinator.
“No, sorry.” She sat on her hands to keep from fidgeting, and cleared her throat. This morning Sanzie had come to escort her to the next coordinator meeting. Delaney had assumed Trystan would already be here, but they’d been seated now for at least five minutes and there was still no sign of him.
“He isn’t coming.” The other woman wore a knowing smile. “We’ll be doing this exercise on our own. After this one, in a few days, is when we would traditionally do the Tuning ceremony, where the couple have their fittings adjusted.”
“Do you mean one of the steps is getting our fitting frequencies linked?” Because if that was the case, whoops. Had Trystan broken a rule?
She smiled sweetly. “I’m aware the Zane rushed this step—don’t worry. That’s why we’re keeping you separate for the Choosing, which is the name of this exercise. It’s to keep the two of you from cheating.”
“I’m sorry, Co Gailie. I don’t know what you mean.”
“It’s just Gailie,” she corrected. “Co is my title, much like Lissa is yours. When it’s just the two of us, feel free to address me informally. Now, let me explain.” She reached beneath the table and brought up a silver tray. “The purpose of the Choosing is to see how compatible you two are.”
“I see.” Delaney totally didn’t.
At least a dozen brightly packaged gifts were on the tray, all different sizes and colors. They were wrapped in an assortment of metallic, patterned, and solid-colored paper. Even their shapes varied, some square or rectangular, others shaped like circles.
Gailie set the tray on the table between them and linked her fingers in front of her.
“Between you and me,” she said, leaning slightly forward as if sharing a secret with a friend, “it’s sort of bullshit.”
“Excuse me?” Delaney’s eyes widened.
“Apologies.” She frowned and pulled back slightly. “Was that not the proper wording? I mean to say, it’s superstition. Tradition that’s been passed down for so long, people aren’t willing to let it go despite knowing it has no real merit.”
“Bullshit.” Delaney nodded. “You had it right.”
“Perfect.” She lifted one of the smaller boxes, one that couldn’t be bigger than a golf ball. “You are each presented with seventeen gifts, the contents of which are a mystery to you. You’ll select three that you think Trystan will find the most enjoyable. Without opening them.”
“That sounds complicated.” How was she supposed to know what he’d like? She wasn’t so sure she’d be able to do it even if she could see what was inside.
“It’s not meant to be,” Gailie told her, and Delaney feared she’d slipped up. “But some couples do find it more taxing than others. Those are usually the ones who put more stock in superstition. The gifts you pick are supposed to signify an aspect of your upcoming bond. Depending on what you select for each other, the items can be interpreted to mean you’ll have a long and happy life, or that you’ll have financial problems. Or jealousy issues. You understand?”
“I’m beginning to.” She rubbed her hands together and looked over the pile of gifts. Not once did her gaze pause on anything and immediately tell her that was the one. Briefly she wondered if this would be fun if she were doing it for Ruckus, but she forced the thought away before it could get her down.
Reality was, this was for Trystan. She needed to start thinking like someone who was in love with him. At least until the end of this meeting.
“All right. So I just … choose at random?” She winced, already realizing her mistake and quickly corrected herself. “I didn’t mean random, random. Stuff Trystan would like. I just pick?”
“That’s correct.” Gailie reached over and rested a hand on her forearm. “Relax, Lissa. This is meant to be fun.”
“It’s fake anyway,” she said. “Right?”
“In the same way that you mortals read the stars for your horoscopes.” At Delaney’s look, she laughed. “Oh no. Don’t tell me you believe in that?”
“I�
�m a Libra,” Delaney told her. “My ruling planet is Venus.”
Gailie opened her mouth, clearly about to apologize, but Delaney stopped her.
“I’m kidding.”
Mariana was really into that stuff, though, and Delaney had to admit sometimes it was pretty accurate. She certainly wouldn’t judge anyone for their beliefs, especially not after this experience. She understood better than anyone the need to find hope in even the most impossible-seeming outlets.
Delaney strummed her fingers against the table and returned her gaze to the wrapped gifts. She selected one at random, inspecting the purple box from all sides before placing it back. If this really wasn’t taken seriously, maybe she could have fun with it. All she had to do was pick out three of them, after all. It wasn’t a hard task.
She moved a circular box the size of her palm and paused when the one beneath it was revealed. It had shiny reddish-orange paper, the color sort of reminding her of her hair, and was rectangular.
Trystan did always seem fascinated by her hair.… All Xenithians did, actually. There was no way this could be a bad choice.
“Two more to go,” Gailie said kindly when Delaney placed the first box off to the side. “Between you and me, good choice.”
She was a little suspicious of the coordinator’s friendliness, but at the first meeting the woman had tried so hard to suck up to Trystan. More than likely, that was all she was doing now, seeing as how getting on Delaney’s good side in her mind meant staying on the Zane’s.
Choosing to take that theory as a sign she was doing something right, Delaney selected another present. This one was in the shape of a diamond, and a rich warm brown that reminded her of Trystan’s favorite drink. As she was thinking about how obsessed with squa he was, the corner of her mouth tipped up in a half smile. The box was heavier than any of the others she’d picked up, and she set it next to her first choice.
One left. This really wasn’t difficult at all. She could choose things for Trystan without having to like him.
“He has to do this, too?” she asked, mostly to get Gailie to stop watching her so closely.
“Yes,” she confirmed. “He’ll be stopping by as soon as we’re done. Truly, though, don’t rush.”
Normally she’d revel at the idea of keeping the Zane waiting, hoping that doing so would aggravate him. Thinking back on last night, however, she wanted to do the opposite.
She’d spent the whole night tossing and turning, worrying that he was going to take his anger at her out on her friends. Then she’d convinced herself it hadn’t been anger in his eyes when he’d left, reminded that she’d hurt his feelings, only for the doubts to trickle back in.
“Are you all right?” Gailie was frowning at her from across the table. “You’ve gone pale.”
“I’m fine.” She forced herself to smile. “Just don’t want to choose the wrong one, that’s all.”
“Go with your gut,” was her suggestion, and it wasn’t a bad one.
Wherever he’d gone yesterday, it hadn’t been to torture her friends. That was what her gut was telling her. Trystan wouldn’t do that, partially because he wouldn’t want to risk upsetting her—she could then refuse to continue playing along—but also because he’d given her his word. They wouldn’t be harmed so long as she did what she was told, and she was doing that.
She’d never have guessed she’d be willing to bet anything on trusting Trystan, let alone Ruckus’s safety, and yet making that choice now was even less difficult than choosing these three gifts were.
A fact that was unsettling. After everything he’d done, how could she trust him to keep his promises? Sure, he’d always been honest with her, but that was a far cry from being fair.
One of the presents was covered in vibrant yellow paper, sunny and bright. She immediately pictured Ruckus’s eyes when she saw it, the iris yellow with a rim of dark green. Even though she knew she shouldn’t, guilt over her passive thoughts toward Trystan had her choosing this one as her final gift.
Carefully, she placed it with the other two and then looked to Co Gailie.
“Are you certain?” the coordinator asked, and Delaney took a moment to think it over before nodding. “Very well. Thank you for your cooperation and your time, Lissa. Your selections will be held for you, in secret and under strict guard, until the Unveiling ceremony.”
Great. Another ceremony. She almost rolled her eyes.
Gailie took the three chosen and placed them in a bag at her feet, then began collecting the others onto the tray.
The sound of the door opening at her back had her swiveling in that direction. Trystan walked in, and when he looked at her, it was the same way he had on the ship when she’d woken up. Like she was a curiosity he was preparing to manipulate.
At his approach, she stood, waiting to see what he intended to do before making any other moves.
“Zane,” Gailie greeted him warmly. “We’ve just finished.”
“Brilliant.” The way he said it made it obvious he didn’t really care. He stopped at Delaney’s left and then turned, sweeping his arm out toward the door he’d just entered. “Teller Sanzie is waiting for you outside. She’ll escort you to lunch.”
Delaney would have replied, but he abruptly turned again, dismissing her. She risked a glance at the coordinator, who didn’t seem like she’d seen the exchange, because she was busy removing the tray of gifts.
Sanzie bowed as soon as Delaney exited the room, and the Teller left standing guard shut the door lightly at her back.
“If you’ll follow me, Lissa.” Sanzie canted her head down the right side of the hall, then paused when Delaney made no move after her.
“I’d rather wait here for the Zane,” she said, biting the inside of her cheek at the Teller’s shocked look. “It shouldn’t take him long, and there are a few things we need to discuss.”
“The Zane has a full day,” Sanzie told her apologetically. “Unfortunately, I don’t believe he’ll have the time right now. Perhaps I can let him know you wish to speak with him, and he can clear his schedule for early evening.”
“I’m his betrothed,” she argued. “He’ll make time for me. Now.”
Sanzie hesitated, but only for a split second before bowing again. “Of course, Lissa.”
It was her first time admitting out loud that she was his betrothed, and as soon as the Teller looked away, she shivered. She hadn’t really thought about it, so focused on finding a solution to get Ruckus and the others out of this, but the plan still required her to do one thing. The thing she swore from the start while pretending to be Olena, she would never do.
Marry Trystan.
* * *
IF SHE THOUGHT Sanzie had been surprised by her decision to stay, the look on the Zane’s face was absolutely priceless.
He stepped out of the room quickly, lost in thought, and came to a sudden halt the moment his eyes caught hers. She was standing across from him, back propped against the wall while she waited, and he ran his gaze over her once to check for injuries.
The fact that she knew that was what he was doing, that his concern went instantly to making sure she wasn’t still here because she was hurt, annoyed her. Being annoyed made this easier, so she welcomed it, lifting her chin defiantly at him for good measure.
“Delaney,” he said, but set his questioning look on Sanzie. “What are you doing here? Weren’t you hungry?”
“Starved, actually.” And she was. She’d almost given up five minutes ago, her stomach was growling so loudly, but stubbornness had won out. “I thought it’d be better if we ate together.”
His eyes clouded and cleared so fast, she wasn’t sure she’d actually seen it happen. Then he was straightening his spine and stepping to the left. “I, unfortunately, don’t have the time right now.”
“That’s what Sanzie said.” It was Delaney’s turn to glance at the Teller. “Almost exactly.”
He tilted his head at her. “And what did you say?”
“That
you’d make time.” She stared him down, silently daring him to walk away.
It seemed like he still might, but when he turned his body, it was toward her. His physical appearance was better than it had been as of late, healthier. There were no longer any splotches beneath his eyes, and his complexion was back to a light golden hue. While she was wide-awake, freaking out, it seemed he’d managed to get his beauty rest.
“If this boldness is about yesterday, Delaney,” he began, “there’s no need. I’ve moved past our misunderstanding.”
He couldn’t be serious, could he? Not after storming off like he had, and how did he explain this morning? He’d sent Sanzie in his place! That was not the type of thing one did if they were no longer upset with someone.
Seeing that she wasn’t so easily convinced, he gave a pointed sigh and addressed both Sanzie and the Teller guarding the door. “Dismissed.”
They didn’t have to be told twice.
“What’s the matter now?” he said as soon as it was just the two of them in the hallway.
“You’re asking me?”
“There’s no one else here to ask.” He pointedly glanced down both ends of the hallway.
She knew how stupid she looked, standing there, silently staring at him. But it took her a moment to come up with something to say. “You’re not exactly known for being understanding.”
“I said I moved past it,” he told her, “not that I understood.”
“Then where do we go from here?” Asking was even stupider than starting this conversation had been. She should have let it go, the same way he was claiming he’d done. Why did she care what he was currently feeling anyway? She didn’t.
She couldn’t.
Trystan thought it over, tilting his head so that he was forced to run his hand through the blond strands of his hair a second later to put them back in place. He slid the clear device that reminded her of a phone from his back pocket and tapped away on it, the images and words on the screen moving too quickly for her to catch anything, not that she could understand any of it even if she were able.
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