by Linda Kage
“Oh, my God.” Was he serious? “Todd! I didn’t even know your last name was Stangman until just now.”
“So…you’re not interested in me because my last name’s Stangman?”
“No. I’m not interested because…because… Actually, I have no idea if I’m interested or not. I only met you yesterday. That’s not enough time to make this kind of decision.”
He snorted a disgusted kind of scoff that sounded downright indignant when he muttered, “Yeah, well, it didn’t take you that long to know if you were interested in Yates or not.”
I gasped and jerked a step back. I wanted to be mad but, dear Lord, he was right. I’d known immediately I was definitely interested in Ryder, even if I’d told him I wasn’t.
I could almost hear Ryder’s voice in my head, the very words he’d written in our chat. If you liked it, you’d know. He’d been talking about the kiss. But I thought this situation fit as well. If I thought I could ever be interested in Todd as a boyfriend, I wouldn’t need more time; I’d already know. And then I could get to know him from there to see if the interest bloomed into something deeper.
But even as I thought that, Todd sent me puppy-dog eyes. “If time’s the problem, then give me some time to get to know you.”
I started to shake my head no, all too ready to wash my hands of him, and his best friend, and their entire group of phony friends, but he grasped my fingers and looked deep into my eyes with a desperate kind of pleading.
“I really like you, Grace. And I’ll do anything…anything to get one more chance.”
I gawked down at our clasped hands. He liked me? Really liked me? No boy had ever admitted such a thing to me. It was flattering. Majorly flattering.
But even as my cheeks flushed with pleasure and embarrassment, a trickle of guilt wormed through me because I knew I didn’t really like him in return. And probably never would. There was no tingle surging through my limbs just from looking at him, no buzzing energy coming from our clasped hands like there had been with—
Ugh. I so was not going to think about him again.
“We can slow down,” Todd assured, his voice soft and coaxing and his thumb moving over the backs of my knuckles in a hypnotic fashion.
I squinted at his thumb, not certain if I liked the feel of it or not. He was being gentle, not applying any pressure, but his assumption that he had every right to touch me still jarred a jittery sense of unease through me.
With a father dead for thirteen years, and no brothers, no close uncles or grandfathers, I was not used to touching boys, or men, or anyone from the male persuasion for that matter. Besides Adam, I don’t think I even talked to boys my age, except maybe Bridget’s older brother, Joel, but he was always so annoying in an older-brother kind of way, I had pretty much grown too irritated just looking at him to get antsy and uncomfortable.
My internal warning radar bleeped and I fought the sensation to yank my hand away. But his hazel eyes were so begging, an innocent kind of begging that told me he had no idea how uncomfortable he was making me; I caved.
“How slow?” I asked.
Eyes lighting with a triumph I wasn’t willing to give him yet, Todd grinned. “As slow as you want. Turtle slow. In fact, we can all go out as a group again. This Friday. Bowling for real. The bowling alley in town is a great place to hang.”
I wrinkled my face with doubt. I was an awful real-life bowler. Plus the idea of hanging out with his group again—Ryder included—was exactly what I wanted to avoid. “I don’t know.”
“Please, please, please. I want to chance to get to know you better too.”
I sighed. This was ridiculous. I—Grace Indigo—was being begged to accept a date with a good-looking boy and I was hesitating. What was wrong with me? Honestly.
“Okay,” I gave in on a reluctant sigh, “we can get to know each other. But I don’t want anyone else calling me Stangman’s woman. We’re not dating. We’re just—”
He lifted his hands, cutting me off. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of all the gossip.” His smile was wide and—dang it—gloating.
Grr. Curse Ryder Yates for highlighting that word in my vocabulary.
“Leave everything to me.” Todd slapped a quick, happy kiss to my cheek. “You won’t regret it, Grace.”
Then he swept away, leaving me alone in the short, empty hall, already regretting it. I wiped at the wetness he’d left on my cheek, wondering what the heck I’d just gotten myself into.
“I cannot believe you just let him talk you into that.”
I lifted my face to find a scowling Ryder barreling around the corner to glare at me. He jarred to a halt and set his hands on his hips, looking like some disappointed father who’d found out his child had broken curfew.
I frowned right back. “Were you eavesdropping?”
He snorted. “Well, yeah. It was a little hard not to while you were yelling.”
Straightening my back into a stiff, self-righteous gesture, I ground my teeth, just begging for braces. If Ryder wanted to fight, fine, I was in the mood to fight.
“Oh, I’m sorry, would you like me to yell at you too? Great. Mind your own business, nosey.” Storming into action, I barreled past him and marched off.
Back in senior hall, I veered left and down toward the back corridor that had been fairly traffic-free yesterday between classes. Besides, I could drop by art class and ask Miss Abernathy a question about an idea I had for my big art project.
But I heard the distinct sound of footsteps following me. Ryder’s gaze bore into the back of my neck, causing it to sizzle with awareness. As I turned the corner, he kept steady pace on my heels.
“Grace,” he said.
Tired of having him for a shadow or maybe tired of being so aware of him back there, I stopped and spun around. “What?”
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Then his shoulders slumped as he exhaled. He looked tired and worn as he met my gaze. “If you’re seriously going to date Stangman, I think you need a little warning.”
I lifted an eyebrow and folded my arms over my chest. “Oh, really? Please do enlighten me. I’d just love to hear what kind of warning you have for me about your best friend.”
He let another draining breath out of his lungs. “Look, I don’t want to offend you or anything.”
My back stiffened, and I tensed, bracing for the offending to start.
“But Todd is…” When his voice trailed off, he shifted uncomfortably and looked away.
I lifted my eyebrows. “Todd is…what?”
“He’s…he’s very competitive, okay,” Ryder said, eyeing me intently. “With me especially.”
I shook my head, totally lost. “I’m not following you.”
He growled quietly as if he was irritated he had to explain. “He just loves the fact that you—the only girl to ever totally blow me off—didn’t blow him off. He’s going to keep hanging around you for as long as he thinks it’ll bother me. I’m sorry I put you in this position, but you certainly don’t have to lie down and let him use you, you know.”
My mouth dropped open. Offended? He thought I’d be offended? Well, I wasn’t. I was downright humiliated, because a small part of me actually believed his answer really was the only reason a boy would act interested in me.
“So, you’re saying he doesn’t like me at all and is only giving me attention to get your goat?” I cracked out a dry, sarcastic laugh. “Gee, thanks a lot. That makes me feel so much better. Why, I’m not offended at all.”
“Grace, I’m not trying to insult you.”
“Well, oops. You failed.”
“I’m serious here. He’s not some nice, shy geek boy you’re used to at Hillsburg. He expects you to…” Lifting both hands as if surrendering, he muttered, “Look, just be careful, all right. Don’t let him pressure you where you don’t want to be pressured.”
I had no intention of letting anyone pressure me. Ever. Except, oh, boy, I had just let Todd totally talk me into
giving him a chance; I had even agreed to see him again on Friday.
Ugh.
Ryder sent me a knowing look, as if he could read every thought in my head. “He’s a player.” His quiet voice echoed through my head. “He knows how to talk his way into making people do what they normally would never do. He knows how to find weaknesses, especially in kind-hearted people, and use their own compassion against them.”
Feeling doomed, like I’d fallen into a hole I couldn’t climb out of, I had a bad sense Ryder was right. I could see Todd being a sneaky, conniving worker exactly as he described.
But just as soon as the dread filled me, so did the anger.
“You know what I think?” I growled. “I think you’re the competitive one. I think you’re going behind his back and planting seeds of doubts in my head, so I’ll believe he doesn’t really like me. You already told me you hate the idea of me kissing your best friend. You probably think if you can’t have me, then neither should he. Well, you know what? I think you’re a total jerk, playing him like this.”
Determined to flounce off and end the conversation for good, I turned away.
But the louse called after me, “You’re not the kind of girl he usually dates.”
Unable to let that go, I spun back. “So, what kind of girl am I? The kind you usually date?”
Where this boldness came from, I’m not sure. I’ve been known to have occasional spurts of bravery, but this plucky gust was lasting especially long for me. Maybe that was because I felt like I could totally be myself around Ryder, even though he turned all my sensory glands to hypersensitive whenever he was near.
Who knows, really? I simply went with it and stepped closer, my eyes daring him to contradict me.
He didn’t respond except to give me a look that had my heart doing somersaults. I wanted to escape. But dear Lord, was Ryder Yates trying to tell me I really was the type of girl he liked?
No way.
Up to that point, all his attention toward me had felt like one big spoof. Someone had to be playing a joke. No way deep inside me did I honestly believe he was truly that interested. But from the way he looked into my eyes at that very moment, I began to wonder—really wonder. Was I wrong?
Every follicle of hair on my head stood at attention, excited about the very prospect. Crazy. This was absolutely insane.
I’d left Hillsburg to move to the Twilight Zone. I mean, honestly. Two boys—two very popular, well-dressed, nice-looking, easy-to-talk-to boys—were expressing interest in me in the space of one day.
Unreal.
Something fishy had to be going on. A girl didn’t live through sixteen years of life without any boy ever asking her out to suddenly having two best friends fighting over her. Okay, fine, Todd and Ryder weren’t fighting. But there was definite tension oozing off Ryder in waves.
Though inside I was flipping out with excitement, outwardly I stepped back and snorted, glancing away. “So, what? That puts me in the same category as Kiera. I’ll pass.”
“Hey,” he muttered, clearly insulted even though he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away with a guilty frown. Then he admitted, “Kiera’s not my usual type.”
Well, at least that was something. Kiera was selfish, vindictive, and two-faced; I was relieved he didn’t classify me in the same category.
So why was he with her?
As if he’d read my mind—or maybe I’d asked aloud—he glanced down at the toe of his shoe and muttered, “I was feeling insecure about some photographer from Hillsburg blowing me off. When she…when Kiera flirted with me after that game, telling me what I good job I’d done, I really needed a good dose of confidence, so…” He shrugged, letting me know the rest was history.
I’d rebuffed him and he’d turned to Evil Cheerleader Barbie for an ego boost. I felt sick about being partly responsible for fixing them up.
He lifted his face and sent me a half smile. “But you know what? I’m glad I’m with her. She is fun and peppy and makes me happy. And she’s interested.” He gave a nonchalant shrug that didn’t look so nonchalant. “It’s not like you’d actually go out with me if I dumped her and tried with you again anyway.”
“No,” I agreed quietly, because, well, wow. I had no idea what to say. His words totally blew me away. “I wouldn’t.”
Was he asking me out? Was Ryder Yates offering to dump his fun, perky, she-makes-me-happy cheerleader? For me?
“Of course not,” he agreed, nodding. He turned and started off, only to stop a few steps later. Slowly, he turned back, looking pained as he winced. “For the sake of curiosity, though, why?”
“Why?” I repeated in a small voice.
He nodded, his eyes intent. “Why would you reject me? Why did you? What did I do that turned you off so much?”
Oh, boy. How was I supposed to answer that question? I had no idea what the answer was. Actually, I knew I’d be thrilled to boot Kiera out the way and take her place. Something inside me knew him, knew he was everything I would ever want in a boyfriend. But the things I’d learned about him in the past twenty-four hours kept me hesitant.
Wanting to avoid the true issue, I scowled and set my hands on my hips. “You know, technically, you never asked me out, so actually, I never turned you down.”
He laughed. “Oh, come on. We all know I was working my way into asking you out.”
Inwardly, I groaned. He just had to go and shoot down my crafty attempt at avoidance.
“I didn’t know you,” I grumbled, hoping I could use the same line on him that I’d used on Todd. “You were from the opposing team?”
Hadn’t worked on Todd; I should’ve known it wouldn’t work on Ryder either.
He arched a brow. “You didn’t know you’d be moving to Southeast at that point?”
My face heated with color.
His features fell with disappointment. “Oh. I see.”
“I didn’t know you,” I repeated a little more desperately this time.
“Okay, then. You said no because you didn’t know me at the time. But you’ve been to my house, played on my Wii, talked to me on Facebook. Geez, we even took a picture of a glove together. And you’d still say no? What’s so wrong with me?”
His green eyes filled with such vulnerability, I choked. I’d hurt his feelings. It made me want to hug him and tell him I still thought he was the most beautiful boy I’d ever met.
“N—Nothing’s wrong with you. I…I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
“Oh, my God, Grace,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “How pathetic do I have to get? I’m asking why you don’t like me.”
“I never said I didn’t like you.”
“But you certainly don’t like me enough to ever go out with me.”
“I-I…you’re with Kiera,” I sputtered. “And what about Todd?”
He gave an impatient sigh. “I’m not actually asking you out. This is a hypothetical question. If there were no Todd and no Kiera, why would you turn me down?”
I took a step backward. “I don’t want to play what-if anymore.”
Countering me with a step forward, he growled, “Just answer the question. What about my personality offends you so much?”
“I can’t answer that question. Your personality is fine. I’d just…I think the only reason I’d turn you down now is because you’ve been with Kiera.”
Caught off guard, he pulled back and blinked. “Wow. I knew you two didn’t exactly get along, but I didn’t realize you hated her that much.”
I colored. “I don’t hate her. And it’s not her specifically. And it’s not that you just went out with her.”
His brows crinkled and I watched him think hard, looking confounded. When the light clicked on, he sucked in a breath, his gaze flashing to me. “Sex,” he said. “This is about sex. You wouldn’t go out with me because you think I’ve...”
I looked away, blushing furiously.
“Grace,” he said softly. “I…” He ran both hands through
his hair, then let out a laugh, or maybe it was a snort. Either way, the sound was full of bitter amusement.
“What?” I couldn’t help but ask, even though I knew I shouldn’t. This conversation had already gone way beyond the limits of propriety.
He shook his head. “It’s just ironic. You say you’d never date me now because you’d have a problem assuming I’ve been sexually active with someone else and worrying I wouldn’t be able to stop being that way for you. But the thing is—” He broke off suddenly and shook his head as if he wasn’t going to continue.
“What?” I demanded again; I had to know what he was going to say.
“If you think I’m so sexually active, why don’t you ask your boyfriend how many girls he’s been with.”
I gawked after him as he turned his back to me and stormed down the hall. The tense set of his shoulders showed his agitation. Agitation I’d given him.
Unease boiled inside me because I had a bad feeling the answer to his question was a lot, and an even worse feeling that Todd Stangman wanted to add me to the notch on his bedpost. Like a rabbit realizing it’d been caught in the sights of a mighty lion, I felt panicked and trapped.
Chapter 14
I float in a confused purple haze. Hot red mixed with cold blue, leaving me swirling somewhere in the mystical in-between. Too much uncertainty. Too much doubt. They say purple is supposed to be all about good judgment and spiritual satisfaction. Therefore, I seriously doubt I’m purple.
* * * *
The rest of the week progressed in a blur of new classes and adjusting schedules. Glad it went much faster than my first day, I jumped when the bell to end last period rang, ending school. And beginning the weekend.
Todd had not kept his promise to stop the rumors about me being Stangman’s woman. When I asked him about it on Wednesday as people I didn’t know kept calling me that dreaded moniker, he shrugged with a guilty little smile and said, “Hey, I told them to stop.”
I had my doubts he’d done any such thing. But I’d lost some of the nerve I’d had Tuesday morning. My daring only came in short bursts, and my backbone had wilted back into a limp noodle.
