GEORGE WASHINGTON
Ranking just a notch below Lincoln on the presidential chart, Washington was amazingly brave and always put his country before his own self-glorification.
For eight years, Washington fought a guerilla-like campaign against the powerful British army and navy. He had little going for him since supplies were scant and his forces were constantly on the run. But the man remained steadfast; he alone inspired the colonial forces to stick it out despite their intense physical sufferings. At his Valley Forge winter headquarters, Washington lost a quarter of his men to disease in a matter of months.
George Washington, the man, was a quiet guy, a bit distant, with few close friends. But his troops and, later, his presidential cabinet loved him—primarily because of his basic decency. So how do I know that? Well, that’s an excellent question. Most history books glamorize men like Washington and Lincoln, making it very hard to get a true read on them, no pun intended. But, as I mentioned, I have some excellent primary source historical material in my possession and one letter proves my contention about Washington.
Written shortly after the Battle of Bunker (Breed’s) Hill by General Horatio Gates, Washington’s second-in-command, the letter orders Colonel Artemus Ward and other colonial officers not to abuse captured British prisoners. Gates wrote this on August 1, 1775:
His Excellency General Washington is very desirous that you give very particular directions to the principal surgeons in your department to take the greatest care of the poor unhappy [British] Marines who were wounded in the late attack upon the lighthouse; if no other good consequence should arise from a particular tenderness and attention to them at this time, we have our reward in the consciousness of doing and performing that humanity to conquered enemies, which, it is a shameful reproach and an everlasting stigma to General Gage, he has not shown to the poor and distressed inhabitants of Boston.
This is an extraordinary piece of history that clearly demonstrates a vital fact: the father of our country was a humane man even in the face of intense provocation. As the Gates letter tells us, the British “Redcoats” under the command of Thomas Gage were brutal to the people who lived in and around Boston. Yet Washington went out of his way to establish strict humanitarian rules for those captured by his forces. At the time, that kind of order was extremely rare because feelings of revenge were running high on both sides.
The nation’s first President was one of the original human rights activists, as this missive from General Gates on Washington’s behalf indicates.
Author’s Collection
Photographed by Ryan Eanes
By his perspicacity, George Washington established the U.S. government as an entity that seeks justice and extends mercy. His actions defined the newly formed United States as a noble nation. His brilliant performance during the Revolutionary War and subsequent leadership as President set an example that all American politicians should seek to emulate. Too bad many of them don’t.
My admiration for George Washington is total. He is the gold standard as far as Patriotism is concerned.
ANDREW JACKSON
Quick quiz question: What does Old Hickory have in common with Barack Obama? Well, both he and Obama won presidential elections with more than 50 percent of the vote. Only four Democrats in history have done that, Lyndon Johnson and FDR being the other two. But that is where the Jackson comparisons with our current President end.
Andrew Jackson was a guy who essentially hated Washington, both the town and the federal government. He thought the political establishment was rife with crooks, and he was correct, although, perhaps hypocritically, as he himself rewarded all kinds of cronies upon being elected.
Of this I’m sure: if he were alive today, ol’ Andy would be horrified by Mr. Obama’s expansion of the federal apparatus and would trust none of it. A 13-trillion-dollar deficit? Jackson would call out the militia.
Andrew Jackson was a brutal guy. As a boy in South Carolina, he watched the British commit atrocities during the Revolutionary War. Young Andy himself was scarred after being beaten by an English soldier. But then as a man, he turned around and committed horrifying war crimes himself. To this day, some Native Americans, especially those from the Cherokee tribe, refuse to carry $20 bills because they don’t want to see Jackson’s face. Indians well remember what Jackson did to the tribes living in the Southeast. For example, he forced the largely peaceful Cherokee Nation off their land, marching them west of the Mississippi River in the infamous Trail of Tears atrocity. It is estimated that more than four thousand Cherokees perished during that ordeal, many of them women, children, and elderly. There is no excuse for such treatment. Brutality is brutality whether it is 1830 or 2010.
Many working-class white folks, however, loved Jackson. To them, he was the man who both hammered the British at the Battle of New Orleans and proved his mettle as a courageous Indian fighter. Once he got to Washington, Jackson attacked corruption in the banking industry and dealt harshly with the states’ rights issues that threatened to divide the country. It is quite likely that some Southern states would have seceded from the Union during Jackson’s presidency had he not been such a tough guy. In fact, I have a letter written by Harry Truman assessing Jackson and President James Buchanan:
History will tell you, however, that old Buch was short on decision, and had he acted with the firmness of Andrew Jackson, for instance, in his dealing with the problems of the South, the War Between the States might well have been averted.
Nevertheless, human lives trump policy, so Andrew Jackson has to be held responsible for his brutal nature. Unlike Washington and Lincoln, who were inherently merciful, Jackson was hard-hearted. On balance, he did some good things for the nation, but overall, I have to designate him a Pinhead.
You gotta love it. In this letter from my personal collection, Harry Truman is stopping just short of calling James Buchanan a Pinhead (probably because I hadn’t popularized the word yet!).
Author’s Collection
Photographed by Ryan Eanes
TEDDY ROOSEVELT
Here is the original no-spin guy. Want straight talk? T. R. is your man. After William McKinley was assassinated in September 1901, Roosevelt became President at age forty-three, the youngest man ever to sit in the White House. He probably said to himself What took so long?
Loud, fast-talking, and sometimes manic, T. R. drove some of his assistants crazy; more than a few even fled the room. He himself had no room for BS. I have a letter written by him in which he absolutely lays out President Woodrow Wilson:
Wilson is in no sense of the word an idealist, but he is a doctrinaire. We probably have never had a President so devoid of regard for real ethics, based on conduct and deeds.
Here Teddy Roosevelt speaks his mind about Woodrow Wilson. He would have made a great guest on the Factor if he were alive today, addressing everything from Wall Street to the environment like he did back in the day!
Author’s Collection
Photographed by Ryan Eanes
Roosevelt thought Wilson was a weak-willed academic who lacked the cojones to control the world’s bad guys, something Roosevelt relished doing perhaps too much. For example, the Rough Rider deal was overplayed. To say the Spanish opposition in Cuba was hapless is to insult haps everywhere.
But Teddy R. did a number of very impressive things, two of which have stood the test of time. First, he took on big corporations who were subverting capitalism by ruthlessly imposing monopolies on a largely unsophisticated public. Roosevelt busted some of the so-called trusts, and did it with efficiency and determination. Like Andrew Jackson, if Teddy were alive today, he would bitterly oppose government bailouts of fat-cat companies and Wall Street corruption in general.
Second, Teddy was green, setting aside millions of acres of land for public use. His environmental policies, particularly in the West, are still benefiting the nation today. Ironically, T. R. was an avid game hunter. Perhaps he protected nature to benefit himself. But he
did protect the land and loved nature in its pristine state.
On balance, I say, “bully!” Certainly, Teddy Roosevelt was not the second-best President of all time, but he was definitely a Patriot and you gotta love him!
U. S. GRANT
Whenever I travel to Washington, I try to stay at the Willard Hotel near the White House. It was here that Abraham Lincoln lived before his inauguration, and it was in this hotel that the term lobbyist was first coined.
Here’s the story: most days after a tough time in the White House, President U. S. Grant would repair to the Willard Hotel for a few cocktails to, um, unwind. Knowing this, folks wanting favors from Grant would wait in the hotel’s lobby, adjacent to the bar. When old Ulysses eventually wobbled out of said bar, these favor seekers would walk up and petition him, knowing that he would be a bit mellower after a few libations. Thus, the word lobbyist came into usage.
There is no question that U. S. Grant liked his booze, or that his drinking cost him dearly. His administration was full of crooks, including his own brother, but Grant, as most historians submit, had no idea of the graft going on around him. Ironically, he was able to cut through the fog of war to defeat Robert E. Lee and the Confederate forces, but he never did cut through the fog of inebriation to deal effectively with government corruption as President.
So regretfully, U. S. Grant is a hybrid: a Patriot as a general, a Pinhead as a President.
JAMES BUCHANAN
Old Buch was hands down the worst President of all time, with apologies to the aforementioned Andrew Johnson as well as Franklin Pierce, both of whom tried hard for the title. Buchanan did absolutely nothing during his four years in office. As the country was aflame with controversy over slavery and the intense states’ rights debate, Buchanan upheld the legality of slavery, while at the same time saying he was personally opposed to it. To confuse matters more, he also opposed the abolitionist movement, calling its members extremists. Since nobody ever knew what this guy was talking about, South Carolina basically told him to go f—himself. Buchanan then sent a federal warship to scare South Carolina out of seceding from the Union, but as soon as the ship was fired upon it hastily left the harbor.
Buchanan’s response to an attack on a federal warship was to do nothing. From the time he was elected in 1856 to the time he was booted out in favor of Abraham Lincoln in 1860, James Buchanan slept in the White House but did little else. Barney Fife could have done a better job.
Buchanan’s most famous quote as President was to Mr. Lincoln: “My dear, sir, if you are as happy on entering the White House as I on leaving, you are a very happy man indeed.”
To which I hope Lincoln replied, “Hey, Jim, don’t let the door hit you in the…Pinhead.”
DWIGHT EISENHOWER
My parents loved this guy. As a little boy in 1956, I remember my mother singing his presidential campaign song:
I like Ike.
I’ll say it again and again.
I like Ike.
Let him finish the job he began!
I thought the song was kind of dopey, not nearly as catchy as the Davy Crockett song I sang all day long. But my parent’s appreciation for the man is understandable.
General Eisenhower emerged as America’s top hero after World War II; he fully deserved the label. Keeping the Allied Forces in Europe united and fighting hard was no easy task when you had eccentrics like Charles de Gaulle, Winston Churchill, and General Bernard Law Montgomery in your face. But Eisenhower held it together and, like Washington and Lincoln, did not exact revenge on the enemy, even though that enemy, Nazi Germany, was among the most savage in history.
As President, Eisenhower was cautious and kind of dull, perfectly reflecting the decade he dominated, the 1950s. After the Great Depression, World War II, and the Korean War, Americans needed a break. Ike gave it to them. Hot dogs, baseball, and apple pie. Father Knows Best, and so did Ed Sullivan, Lawrence Welk, Perry Como, and Frank Sinatra. One of the few disruptions to the placid culture was Elvis. But even the “Hound Dog” guy was polite and nice to his mother.
There is something to be said for a calming influence, especially after terrible turmoil. Eisenhower provided that. But privately, the man had a temper and held strong opinions.
Here I can reveal for the first time publically that the general was not a big fan of the Kennedy family. In 1968 he wrote a letter to his close friend General Robert Cutler in which he excoriated Robert Kennedy, who was campaigning for the Democratic presidential nomination:
Two or three things are bothering me very much about the political situation these days. First, I am disgusted at the newspaper accounts of Kennedy’s receptions throughout the country, at least in Kansas and California. It is difficult for me to see a single qualification that the man has for the presidency. I think he is shallow, vain, and untrustworthy—on top of which he is indecisive. Yet, his attraction for so many people is extraordinary. In my opinion what he would do to this country, if elected, would be nothing at all to what has happened to it over these past seven years!
While everyone “liked Ike,” clearly Ike didn’t like everyone in return. What was it about RFK that made him write these harsh words?
Author’s Collection
Photographed by Ryan Eanes
Eisenhower, of course, was referring to the Vietnam debacle and the shocking cultural changes brought about by the Woodstock generation. As with many people his age, the old general must have been reeling as he watched the images of protest and social change on the nightly news. Somehow I can’t picture him smoking weed and saying “far out.”
I will deal with Robert Kennedy shortly and believe Ike’s assessment of him is misguided, to say the least. But, for his time, Dwight Eisenhower was the right man for the presidency, as far as most Americans were concerned. He was a Patriot.
JIMMY CARTER
I lost faith in the man from Plains, Georgia, when I saw him and his wife, Rosalynn, sitting next to Michael Moore at the Democratic National Convention in 2004. The three were happily chatting away and seemed to be having a grand old time.
Now, I have nothing against Moore personally. He’s an ideological nut who can be entertaining. But, please, a former President of the United States yukking it up in front of the nation with a guy who admires Fidel Castro? No. As my mom told me, you will be evaluated by the quality of your companions.
If Carter had the poor judgment to sit next to Far Right radio fanatic Michael Savage, I’d say the same thing.
Jimmy Carter tried hard in the Oval Office and has done some good charitable work throughout his life. No question about that. He is not a bad man. After the turmoil of the Nixon years, Carter, somewhat like Barack Obama, was seen as a refreshing outsider who might put the country back on track. That was 1976. Disco also exploded in 1976. You get the connection, I’m sure.
Anyway, Jimmy Carter got his small-town butt kicked in Washington. The economy was very bad, and even worse, Iran humiliated the United States by holding fifty-two Americans hostage for more than a year (prompting Walter Cronkite to remind the nation daily of exactly how many days the Americans had been held captive). Also, because of Carter’s chaotic energy and foreign policies, there were enormous gas shortages throughout the United States. People waited on line for hours just to fill up their tanks. I was one of those people. It was awful.
Carter surrounded himself with cronies from Georgia and quickly was labeled a “rube” by the Washington establishment. I mean, it was bloody. When the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan, Carter tried to scold them, but he looked weak doing so. On Saturday Night Live, Dan Aykroyd portrayed the President as a grinning bumpkin. After two years in office, the Carter presidency was in deep trouble. He came across as the mayor of Mayberry, not as an authoritative President.
After fighting off a brutal primary challenge by Ted Kennedy, Carter ran against Ronald Reagan in 1980 and lost big-time. In fact, Reagan never broke a sweat, swatting the beleaguered President in a debate by simply
saying, “There you go again.”
It is almost eerie that today we may be experiencing a giant flashback to the Carter era. President Obama’s job approval rating is descending because of the economy, the oil spill, and overseas chaos, some of it generated by Iran. Will Obama be a Carter redux?
Jimmy Carter tried hard to be a Patriot; his service to America proves that. But he was also a terrible President, and that qualifies him as a Pinhead. So on balance, what’s your verdict? I am betting you’ll say Pinhead.
GERALD FORD
This man’s life was also changed by the chaos Richard Nixon bequeathed the country. First, President Nixon appointed Ford, who was the Speaker of the House, to be vice President after the feds busted Spiro Agnew on a variety of corruption charges. By the way, “Ted” Agnew’s dealings make Governor Rod Blagojevich look like a Patriot; he was that crooked.
Anyway, Gerald Ford was a decent guy who found himself in circumstances way beyond his control. Ten months after replacing Agnew, the man from Michigan was sworn in as President after Richard Nixon was forced to resign over the Watergate scandal. A month later, Ford pardoned Nixon, ending what he called “our long national nightmare.” The pardon would come back to haunt him.
Pinheads and Patriots Page 12
