He looked up as Derek tapped the tankard with a finger.
He shook his head. “Just one.”
Derek rose up and looked in, then sat back down heavily. “It’s still full.”
“Wait… you’re not drunk?” Colin asked in surprise.
Geoff shook his head slowly, back and forth, then back and forth again.
“Someone go check on that,” Nathan muttered, leaning down a bit to try and catch Geoff’s eye.
A chair scraped against the stone floor sharply and heavy footfalls left. No one said a word; there was no sound except for the ones coming from Geoff’s tankard against the table as it slowly spun in his hand.
The footsteps came back. “No, he’s right,” Duncan announced as he sat. “He’s only been served the drink before him, and that was two hours ago.”
Colin gave a low whistle. “Well, that’s uncomfortable. He looks like that and he’s still got all of his faculties.”
Four pairs of eyes looked at him, waiting for him to say or do something. But he had nothing to say or do. He was simply numb, frozen inside, so exhausted that blinking was painful.
No one spoke, no one even moved.
Then Colin twitched a finger.
Geoff stopped spinning his tankard.
There was silence.
“Are you positive he’s not drunk?” Colin asked at last, sounding more than a little terrified.
A longsuffering sigh came from someone and then a hand fell hard on Geoff’s shoulder.
“Geoff, are you all right?” Nathan asked with surprising gentleness.
“It’s been over a week since any of us have seen you,” Derek said, sounding like the future duke that he was. “Not a word to indicate if you were alive or dead, no responses to any messages, and you refused to see anybody when we called.”
“Even your brother is worried,” Duncan added, “and says he’s never seen anybody look like this.”
“Start talking, or I swear, I will write your mother, and we all know what that means,” Colin threatened, his voice sounding more serious than it had ever been.
It would have been comical to an outsider to hear a table of grown men gasp at such a threat, but an outsider did not know Martha Harris. The very thought was enough to make wars cease and plagues depart. Geoff looked up at Colin slowly, his eyes wide, his brain sliding back into place.
“You wouldn’t dare,” he rasped, his throat dry and raw.
Relief splashed across Colin’s blue eyes, and he nodded. “I would and I do dare.”
Knowing Colin, he really would, too.
Slowly, painfully, Geoff sat back against his chair, one hand still on the tankard. “I…” He sighed and shook his head. “I have been… an idiot.”
Silence met his ears, and he blearily looked around at his friends, who still stared at him.
“Go on…” Colin prodded at last, trying not to smile.
Geoff swallowed and told them everything that had transpired that awful night just over a week ago. All the horrible things he said, how Mary had responded to his actions and his words, and the complete and utter shame that had been tearing him apart ever since.
He told them how every day he seemed to be reliving his past, remembering how much Mary had meant to him over the years, and cursing himself for treating her so abominably after all they had been through together. He told them that he didn’t see any point in remaining in London if he was going to sink himself so low that he was losing friends over it.
He spoke until his voice hurt, and then it faded altogether as he ran out of words.
No one said anything for a while, and he couldn’t even bring himself to look them in the eye. These were great men before him, even Colin. They were respected and their opinions held in high regard. They had known him for years, for most of his life, in some cases, and they knew him well. He couldn’t bear to see their opinion of him tarnished because of what he had done.
“Well,” Derek said, after a long moment, “that was…”
“It certainly was,” Nathan agreed softly.
Geoff nodded. He knew he was beyond words.
“What are you going to do?” Duncan asked in his low rumble.
Geoff barked a humorless laugh and looked up at his friend, whose face was full of concern. “Do? There’s nothing to do! No apology is going to wipe away what I said.”
“Have you tried to apologize?” Derek queried, folding his arms. “It really does go a long way, I know from experience.”
Geoff swung his head in that direction. “And how would that go, hmm? How do you phrase that? Anyway, she wouldn’t read anything I sent over, I know her. She’d burn it.”
Colin sighed and gave him a hard look. “All right, why don’t you just go over there and tell her you are sorry you made a complete arse of yourself?”
Geoff stared at him in confusion. He spread out his hands. “She’s forbidden me from setting foot in the house.”
Colin shrugged as if that made no difference. “Shout it from the street. She’ll love it.”
Geoff shook his head at him, and saw that he was not the only one doing so.
“Hopeless,” Nathan muttered with a disbelieving laugh. “Absolutely hopeless. No more ideas from Colin.”
“Amen,” Duncan said, leaning back in his chair. He trained his ice-blue eyes on Geoff. “She’ll come around, Geoffrey. She’s a sensible girl, in spite of her current behavior, and she has a good heart and intentions.”
That drew a snort from him and he raised a brow. “Has she?”
He received a brow raise in return. “You don’t know that?”
Geoff groaned and put his face in his hands. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.” He rubbed his face in agitation, then looked back at Duncan. “Why did you call on her the other day?”
Now both of Duncan’s brows shot up to his hairline. “How did you know about that?”
An unbidden glare appeared on Geoff’s features and his voice came out as a growl. “Mary threw it in my face when I said she had no time for anyone but flatterers and fools. She laughed when I had no idea you’d been to see her.”
Duncan grunted and frowned at him in return. “Don’t look at me like that, Geoffrey Harris, not when you are the one who has made a complete mess of his life by his own jealous hand.”
“I’m not…” Geoff started in outrage, only to be silenced by a vicious glare from his most intimidating friend.
Duncan expelled a hefty breath and rubbed his jaw. “I wasn’t going to mention anything to any of you simply because my reason for going turned out not to involve me at all. But as it is all taken care of now, and since you seem to require more things to feel guilty for, I’ll tell you exactly what happened.”
In low quick tones, Duncan told them everything that had been related to him regarding what had transpired between Mr. Townsend, Marianne, and Mary. He had the story first from Mary, and then had checked with his sister for any additional details. That part of the story alone had made each of his friends look murderous in turn, and Geoff put his head back into his hands with a groan.
Mary had been watching out for her friends. She had defended Marianne aggressively and swiftly, without even knowing the details of the situation. And she wasn’t even that close with the girl. And then to tell Duncan about it? Mr. Townsend couldn’t have had a more vicious punishment.
“What has happened to Townsend, then?” Nathan asked with a wicked grin.
Duncan quirked a half-smile. “He will have some trouble garnering invitations anywhere until his swelling goes down, but I think he received the impression that he is to keep his mouth shut concerning any behaviors of my sister. Or that of Kit,” he added with a nod in Colin’s direction.
Colin nodded once, his eyes blazing with fury.
Geoff looked between them briefly, wondering what had passed between them. Before he could ask about it, Duncan turned back to him.
“So, yes, I can say that Mary has a good
heart,” he told him firmly, “because I have seen it for myself, and I will be forever grateful that she didn’t hesitate to defend my sister.”
“And so fiercely at that,” Derek murmured thoughtfully. “That was well done.”
Geoff winced and looked at him. “I didn’t know,” he said, his words feeling like ash in his mouth.
“She defended her own sister no less fiercely.”
“She what?” Geoff cried, his voice cracking. “When?”
“Some time after you left that night,” Derek told him. “She completely shunned Wofford for the rest of the evening, and then as everyone was beginning to depart he approached her. Kate and I could only make out bits and pieces, but what we heard gave us a good idea of what went on. That and the fact that when Wofford left he was pale and shaking.” Derek grinned at the lot of them in delight.
Geoff groaned and rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I am such a fool.”
Duncan laid a hand on his shoulder. “Just give her some time, Geoff. She will come around, you’ll see.”
“No,” he said, grinding his hands in further, “no, she won’t. I don’t deserve anything from her. I just… I have to tell her that I… just how wrong I was.” He removed his hands and slumped back in his chair. “How wrong I have been. I just… I have no idea how to make up for what I have done.”
“You could start with an apology,” Nathan prodded gently, “when she’s ready.”
“Then, I am afraid, you will just have to prove that you are,” Derek added, looking grim. “We all know how badly I treated Kate all those years, and look at us now.”
Geoff nodded slowly, having momentarily forgotten that. If Derek and Kate could become friends after the seething hatred that had always existed between them, maybe there was a chance for him to make amends as well.
Colin sighed and leaned forward. “But you really should bathe first, Geoff. And shave.” His nose wrinkled up and he grimaced. “No woman will listen to anything you say looking and smelling like that.”
For the first time in what seemed ages, Geoff’s mouth stretched into a smile, and the rest of his friends chuckled, which he took to be an agreement.
Mary had always loved the smell of a fire. There was something very soothing about the aroma, something warm and comforting, something intangible that tickled her senses in a way that transported her from wherever she was and whatever she was feeling.
She inhaled slowly, letting the scent wash through her, evaporating the darkness that had been invading her mind of late. She could feel the warmth of the flames on her skin, sitting as she was in the chair nearest to it. She knew that sitting this close, particularly with her hair loose and unbound as it was, meant that the scent would linger upon her nightgown and her hair for quite some time.
She did not mind one bit.
It was worth it for a few moments of peace. To not feel the anguish in her heart, or hear the echoes of arguments past, or reek of self-loathing. For a little while, at least, she would be free of every memory of late, none of which she was particularly pleased with.
A knock came at her door, bringing her out of her reverie. She cleared her throat and called, “Come in.”
Cassandra entered, ready for the day, her expression severe. “Ah, so you are awake. That is reassuring.”
Mary frowned and tucked her shawl more securely around her. “What do you want, Cassandra?”
“You are not receiving this morning,” her sister said, folding her arms.
“No.” There was no need to elaborate, in her estimation.
“This is the third morning you have not received in a week, not counting Sunday.”
“This is true,” Mary said simply, giving her a searching look. “Do you have an opinion on the subject?”
“I have.”
She was not surprised.
“And…?” she drew out slowly.
“You will lose all of the success you have gained if you continue to shut yourself up like this,” Cassandra scolded.
Gained? What had she gained at all with this venture? The attention of men she would never have sought out? The envy of women she had never cared about? The knowledge that she could act with greater success and credulity than anybody had ever expected? What value was there in any of that? She had lost much more than she had ever gained.
“You cannot expect to maintain your popularity if you are not seen,” Cassie continued. “I have not heard anything, as I never do anymore, but more than a week without being seen will make them quite forget you.”
Mary frowned and opened her mouth to retort.
“Going to church service on Sunday does not count,” Cassandra said quickly.
Mary closed her mouth, then muttered, “I was seen by a great many people then.”
Cassie rolled her eyes. “Yes, yes, and you looked very pretty, everybody agreed. Though to tell you the truth, you looked so forlorn it might as well have been a funeral service.”
“I was merely being solemn and reverent,” Mary replied with a sniff.
Her sister snorted at this and shook her head.
“I went to see Marianne on Wednesday,” she reminded her.
Cassie sighed and uncrossed her arms. “Mary, you know what I mean.”
“I have not turned down any invitations.”
“That is not the point. You have not been seen. Not really. Was your fight with Geoffrey really so terrible?”
Mary stilled and her eyes widened. “Who said I fought with Geoffrey?” she asked in a shaky, would-be obstinate voice that would convince no one.
Cassandra gave her a hard look. “Aside from the fact that we have not seen him since your party and the pair of you have been bickering like spoiled children for weeks?” She snorted and shrugged. “I drew my own conclusions, but I am fairly confident in them, particularly with you looking so ill.”
Confident indeed, Mary thought. And very astute.
“It was very bad,” Mary confessed, not wanting to relive a single moment, but knowing she had to give some answer. “I… behaved very badly. As did he.” It did not seem right to blame him, not when she had fanned the flames herself. She ducked her head a touch with her residual shame. “Then I ordered him from the house.”
She heard her sister gasp in horror. “Mary…”
“I know,” she moaned with a wince, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I was a complete shrew, and I deserve his neglect.” She sighed and looked up at her sister, whose expression had softened greatly. “It is done now, and I cannot take it back. I wouldn’t even know how to begin an apology. I suppose I shall have to wait until I see him again. A note would not be good enough.”
For a moment, she thought her sister would argue, but then, Cassie smiled with determination. “Well, you need not receive this morning if you wish it, but we are going out.”
Mary laughed. “Are we, indeed?”
There was a fervent nod. “We are. I’ll send Josephine up. Get dressed in something fetching. We are going to walk about so that people can see you are indeed alive and well, and all you will have to do is smile, make polite conversation, and bat those lovely long eyelashes of yours at the attractive men.”
A hoard of giggles escaped Mary’s mouth, and she covered it. Then she tilted her head. “You never told me I had long eyelashes.”
Her sister grinned mischievously. “Well, I could not very well compliment you myself. Not when you’ve already been so puffed up by everyone else.” She quirked her brows impishly and turned from the room.
“Wretch,” Mary muttered with a fond smile. She looked towards the fire once more, allowing a small sigh to escape her. Cassandra was right; she would not do herself any good staying cooped up in her house in misery. Not that it had been her intention to do so, she simply had no desire to do anything. Colors ceased to be vibrant, sleep had ceased to be restful, and going out seemed wrong.
But a walk with her sister, with no expectations or plans, with fresh air and abun
dant sunshine, might do her good, and sufficiently distract her mind from other topics.
For while, at least.
The corridor was the same with its crumbling walls and echoing floor stones, with the same people in their finery blocking his path needlessly. The same sconces with flames alight guided his frantic steps around corners and straightaways. His friends, their faces shining with the same worry, all said the same words of warning.
“You’re going to be late.”
“Geoff, are you coming?”
“It’s almost time.”
He ignored them all, as he always had, and kept running. His clothes had the same rumples, his necktie flew in exactly the same directions, and his shoes skidded around the same corner. His chest ached in the same places from the run, and his heart raced with the same horrific anxiety. He couldn’t breathe for the panic he felt.
At long last, the door was in sight. A brief flare of hope flashed within him and he ran harder.
His fingers grasped the wrought iron handle and shoved with all of his might, hardly hearing the horrible screeching such a heavy door was bound to make. It moved with him, and then he was in.
His breath caught in his chest at the sight before him.
She was loveliness itself. Her back was to him, but it made no difference. Her figure was divine from every aspect. Her gown was the color of clouds on a summer day, and her veil shimmered like the stars.
“You look beautiful…” he breathed, his chest heaving with his emotion.
He could not see her face, but he sensed a smile as she said, “Thank you.” She adjusted her lace gloves and her bonnet. “What are you doing here?”
He swallowed with difficulty, his lungs remembering their exhaustion and panting with his previous exercise. “I had to see you. I couldn’t… I cannot let you go through with this without telling you…”
“Tell me what?” she asked with a light laugh.
She never so much as turned in his direction. “Will you look at me?” he softly pleaded.
“Tell me,” she said as she shook her head slightly, still adjusting.
He took a deep breath. “I love you.”
Secrets of a Spinster Page 18
