by Sondra Grey
When Nicholas saw the tears swim into her eyes, he let go quickly. God, what was he doing? The girl had had formal training in medicine. Asking her to forget it was like asking a horse not to gallop. Why was he being so unreasonable?
And why did he have this primitive urge to hurt and to possess her? But he knew the answer to that one. When he had selected an orphan from Cleveland he had imagined her to be ugly, neglected and a dimwitted woman. One who would save him from the marriage trap, do all the household work and expect nothing in return.
Instead, he had gotten a pretty little vixen who also had a sharp intellect. She attracted him and threatened his resolve of lifelong celibacy.
“Don’t worry sweetheart. I was actually going out to the barn to get some work done before turning in. This cup of coffee is exactly what I needed.”
He saw the disappointment on her face and groaned inside. He did not want to be so accommodating towards her feelings. He was going down a path he had already traveled once before and knew would find only deceit and pain there.
“Actually, I had just a few minutes of work out there. Would you like to walk down with me Liz?” A man could have killed for the smile of delight that spread across her face. As they walked out and into the yard Nicholas said.
“The dinner was delicious. You cook really well.”
“My bible group back home did a lot of work for the orphans. I was terrible at knitting and sewing. And I absolutely cannot sing. I had no knowledge of either grammar or literature. And though I was good at math I had no patience to teach. So, the responsibility of cooking fell to me. I would make delicious Sunday lunches for the children, and they loved it.”
“The coffee is good too.” He said taking his first sip and looking at her with surprise. “You learn fast.”
“Thank you. I had a good teacher. Caroline taught me. She came visiting this afternoon.”
“And how do you find her?” he asked, and Lizzie knew that he was fond of the girl.
“She is such a sweet girl. We had a nice talk.”
“What did you talk about?” he asked trying to sound casual, but she did not miss the note of slight concern in his voice. It terrified and excited Elizabeth that she was so finely tuned to his mood changes.
What are you worried of that she would have told me? She wanted to ask, remembering the look of concern that had come into Caroline’s eyes earlier. She also remembered him talking in his sleep and thought that there was something he was not telling her. But she let it pass.
“We spoke of girl things, her…er…condition you know. Look here Nic I know you disapprove of me playing doctor. But I observed she is very weak. So, I made up a meal chart for her.” She had expected a reprimand, but he suddenly stopped in his tracks and put the coffee mug on the ledge near the barn door
“Do you think she is in serious trouble?” the concern in his voice told her she really mattered to him.
“She might be. Why do you ask?”
“Because Caroline’s mother had become very weak during her first pregnancy. She never recovered enough after Vincent was born. Then after she had Caroline, she died in just a couple of weeks’ time. Vincent loves his sister, and she is his only family. I love her like a little sister too. We grew up together. Besides Vincent is my best buddy. Do you think these things can be in the blood?”
“It is possible. I will wait for a few weeks and see her progress after the meal chart. If she does not improve, I will do a checkup.” She looked at him waiting for his reaction. A fight of emotions raged in his eyes, his opposition to her profession against his love for his dear ones. Then he nodded in agreement.
They had come to the barn now, and Nic took her to a stall. A handsome mare stood behind the booth.
“Elizabeth meet Star. Star Elizabeth.” He said introducing Elizabeth to the horse. The horse moved her snout as if in acknowledgment and Elizabeth giggled. She found it endearing that Nic should treat a horse as if she was a person. Nic scratched Star’s mane then picked up a brush and gave her rump a thorough brush.
“You came all the way here to give this dumb beast a brush?”
“She is not a dumb beast. She is my Star.” Nic said with pride. It made Elizabeth all the more aware of his kind nature.
For a moment, they both stood looking at each other. Then suddenly he pulled her closer and crushed his lips over hers. The sensations that coursed through Elizabeth’s body were exhilarating. She bunched her fists into his shirt front, as his hands splayed over her back.
Her softness, her curves, her scent were all driving him crazy. One of his hands slid slowly down her back and clutched at the base of her hips drawing her nearer. His hard-swollen erection pushed into her soft belly through the fabric of her dress. And Elizabeth was thrilled to know that she had had that effect on him.
She whimpered as he withdrew his lips momentarily. He shoved his fingers roughly through her mob cap and holding on to a fist full of hair pulled her head back. Then put his lips to the exposed arc of her neck. At first, he went torturously slow then he could not get enough of her neck, her shoulders and her lips and kissed her with a feverish passion.
He had pulled up her skirts with his other hand and was drawing his palm from her knee upward when suddenly the barn door opened and Vincent walked out.
“Goodness boss.” He stopped in his tracks for a second not knowing what to do then recovering quickly he walked away from the barn muttering.
“You have a perfectly good room inside a perfectly good house. Why do you have to roll in the hay?”
Though he had walked away the magic of the moment was lost, and the two pulled apart. Nicholas held on to her for a few more seconds when he realized she was shaking.
“God Liz, you drive me crazy. I married you because my father’s will stated that I had to marry before I turned thirty, to own his ranch. I chose you in particular because I expected an orphan from the east to be a plain daft woman who would cook and clean and leave me alone. Instead, I get a fiery witch like you. Stay away from me, Liz. I will destroy you. I have nothing inside me to give you. I am like a black hole. I will suck out your happiness. Stay away from me. Do you understand me?” The last of his words were said harshly while he shook her hard and Elizabeth was terrified by the change in his countenance.
She took one last look at him then fled back into the direction of the house.
Chapter Thirteen
W eeks passed, and Elizabeth settled into a comfortable routine at the ranch. She cooked three meals a day for Nic and his men, and they all loved her cooking. Lydia was always at her side helping and working like a soldier ant.
After Nic’s initial warning none of the men ever tried to seduce Lydia or vice versa. But they all made fun of her and teased her. She had become everybody’s little sister. They brought her little trinkets, flowers, wild fruits stones from the river, and she took care of their laundry, mending, and other trivial chores.
Molly stayed in a small cottage on the northern border of the ranch. She worked with the men all day out on the ranch. Sometimes she came in for a meal. And though she was always perfectly friendly with all her son’s men she was always sarcastic towards Nic and at best, cold towards Elizabeth.
On Sundays, they would hold a little service in a large empty room behind the barn. Gregory would don his cassock and wear his cross and his collar. Apart from the people of the Rhymer ranch, a few others would show up for service regularly. Among them were Joe and Caroline, Molly and Martha.
After their little encounter near the barn, Nicholas kept his distance from his wife. The only time he held and kissed her was at mealtimes in front of his men for show. They even slept in the same bed in the same room. Nic said it was important so as not to fuel gossip and Elizabeth agreed. However, they laid there night after night on two sides of the same bed, never so much as touching one another.
Nictalked in his sleep twice more. The first time, Elizabeth let him be. She was sure he would not appreciat
e if she pried into his personal space. But she did listen to him carefully this time and understood what it was that he was saying. It was not Yessss. What he actually said was Jessss.
The second time it happened was early one morning. Elizabeth had already gone down to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Xavier and Vincent were in early and were sitting at the table discussing how they had spotted Franco, Juan Alvarez’s lackey lurking around the fence near the north border. They suspected that he had been cutting their fences and were discussing what they could do when Lydia put in quickly.
“I was down by the brook and saw him there too. I asked him what he was doing near our fences, and he said his Ma’s buried under that cherry tree near the brook and he came there often to visit her.”
The two men stopped talking and looked at her in astonishment.
“What have you been doing near the brook Lydia?” Xavier scolded. Xavier and Martha had nearly accepted Lydia as their daughter, and she respected them greatly.
“I was just looking for some herbs.” She said looking furtively around.
“Haven't I told you a sufficient number of times that it's not safe to roam around the ranch till you are familiar with the terrain? The brook goes down to the river, and the river changes course often.” Xavier admonished.
“Besides there are snakes and all sorts of other creatures in the prairies.” Vincent put in, but less severely.
Lydia was shocked by the reprimand, and her shoulders shook. She suddenly let out a sob and ran out of the kitchen door into the yard. Elizabeth started after her when Xavier got up from his place.
“I’ll look after her Mrs. Rhymer. Don’t worry, I will be more kind. It's just that we worry about her.” He said, going after her.
Elizabeth turned to a smiling Vincent, placed a mug of coffee in front of him and turned to the stove.
That was when they heard it. It was a low, anguished moan. At first, Elizabeth thought it must be some animal outside. There were cats and coyotes around, and they did keenly in the wee hours of the morning. When the noise came again, she turned to look at Vincent.
But he was already out of his chair and halfway up the stairs. Elizabeth took one look at the kitchen door from where Lydia and Xavier had gone out, the hurriedly followed Vincent up.
In the dim light of the candle that Vincent had carried up with him and placed on the sideboard, she saw Nicholas thrashing among the sheets. He was wheezing and moaning and saying the same she had heard him say before Jesssss.
Vincent put his hand gently on his shoulder and said.
“Nic, buddy wake up.” As Elizabeth watched them from behind the door frame, the tenderness in Vincent’s voice overwhelmed her. Once again, she witnessed the brotherly love the two friends shared. Suddenly she was jealous of Vincent, for having shared a past with Nic, a past of which she was not a part, and of which she knew nothing.
When Nic did not wake, once again, Vincent shook him gently by the shoulder.
“Nicholas, hey buddy, it's over, it's over.” He said firmly as Nic finally opened his eyes and looked around unfocused. Then the two men looked at her and Elizabeth felt like an intruder. Before either of them could say anything to her, she turned her back on the scene and hurried downstairs.
Xavier and Lydia were not yet back, and she quickly went to the sink at the kitchen island and splashed water on her tear-filled face. When she heard them coming in, she quickly wiped her face on her apron and went to stir the steaming pot on the stove. It now looked like the redness in her eyes was nothing but the steam coming from the boiling eggs.
“Dr. Lizzie” Lydia came to her at once and said in a small voice.
“Don’t call me that Lydia. You know your master doesn't like it.”
“Oh, I am sorry, Mrs. Rhymer. You and the master and Xavier and Martha have been so good to me. I will not do anything to bring trouble to you.” She said meekly. Elizabeth nodded and simply handed her the loaf of bread indicating that she rather Lydia begin her work than stand around apologizing.
“Where’s Vince?” Xavier asked
“Oh, I sent him up to call Nic. He had told me last night that he wanted to get an early start. I thought I should send Vince to wake him up in case he was getting late.” She explained busying herself with her work and not looking the old man in the eye. Jim and the others were just entering the kitchen then, and Xavier who did not seem at all convinced with her explanation dropped the issue anyway.
Nic and Vincent came down the stairs right then. Nic looked like he had taken a wash and was dressed for work as usual. While Vincent went to the table, Nic came straight to her and drew her to him for his usual kiss. She tried to infuse as much compassion into hers, and he lingered a little.
Then he too joined his men. The small storm had passed, and everything was back to a neat picture of normalcy. The men were teasing Jim about getting up late not because he had a girlfriend to keep him up late but because he had been reading a book till midnight. And Jim retorted saying he was soon going to start applying to universities. Everybody laughed out loud, and no one took him seriously save for Elizabeth. She recognized the determined look on the young man’s face and knew it only too well to be pure ambition.
As Elizabeth turned to put the first serving of breakfast on the table, she noticed Nic regarding her intently. What was it that she saw there that was tugging at her heart? Was it pleading or was it an apology?
As they all filed out of the kitchen, Vincent lingered back. Nic turned in the doorway and silently beckoned to him. Vincent nodded reassuringly at him, and Nic stepped out leaving his friend alone with his wife. Once again Elizabeth was amazed by the trust they shared, and she sorely missed Elinore.
“Don’t berate him for what happened Elizabeth,” Vince said using her given name. He was the only one among the lot who did it all the time and never got a reprimand.
“He is my husband, Vincent. I can never berate him for something that is obviously beyond his control. I only worry about him.”
“It has happened before?” he enquired.
“Never so severe like today. Generally, he just mumbles.”
“What does he say?”
“Something like yes or maybe Jes. Do you know what it means Vincent?”
“He had a terrible accident a few years back. Escaped by the skin of his teeth. He has not recovered sufficiently. He has these nightmares sometimes.”
“I can help to stop them if I know their cause.” She offered.
Vincent only nodded and tipped his hat at her then left to catch up with Nic.
Elizabeth stood at the window and looked out wistfully. Nic and Vincent had just stepped out and did not know she was just behind the window. They were standing just outside, under the large kitchen window, strapping on their tools. They were headed towards the fences to make repairs.
“What did you say to her?” She heard Nic ask
“I didn’t lie, I told her that you had an accident a few years back and the bad memories give you nightmares.” Nic nodded
“Vince, what would I do without you.”
“Don’t worry bud, But I think you need to tell her.”
“Soon.”
“I think you need to tell her Nic. She is a doctor, and she might be able to help you.”
“I don’t want to hide anything from her Vince. It's just that I want her to settle down a bit.” Saying that he walked away with Vince in tow.
Elizabeth turned from the window, her eyes once again filled with tears. Alone in the privacy of the kitchen that was now her whole world, she sat down and let them flow. She wondered what demons were troubling her husband and when would he see it fit to let her help. Somewhere deep inside of her she felt as if she had failed, that she was not enough. And that brought along a fresh flow of tears.
Chapter Fourteen
L ate in March one day, Elizabeth decided to pay a visit to Molly. Nic had mentioned in passing that she had not been in for work for a week and Xavier sa
id that he remembered Martha saying that she had her usual joint pains due to the snow. When she did not come for the service on Sunday, Elizabeth finally decided to pay her a visit.
She asked Nic permission to carry over some medicine for her joints and once again torn between his irrational aversion of her profession and care for his mother, he agreed.
Nic kissed her on the cheek as he left for work.
“Lydia will serve you lunch. I have prepared everything.”
“Take some for Ma. And don’t worry about us.” He said, downing his last sip of coffee and handing the cup to Elizabeth. He how he had ever managed without her before. He stepped out onto the back porch and craned his neck towards the sky, cupping his hand over his eyes.
“Looks like a storm today, be back in time.”
Elizabeth Filled her basket with food and medicine and set out. The snow had not yet melted, and the sky did look cloudy and dark. As she walked for a quarter of an hour. The wind picked up speed, and a chill seeped in. Elizabeth was thankful to finally see Molly’s cottage, and she knocked fervently.
The door opened, and Molly stood in the door with a frown.
“What are you doing here in the gale?”
Elizabeth pushed past her and into the house.
“I came to see you.” She said, pulling off her scarf, her hat and her gloves then went straight to the fire. She was eager to start treatment on Molly’s arthritis, or what she suspected to be arthritis. But with Molly, it was better to show herself as wanting and vulnerable first.
“Besides Nic mentioned he wanted to eat meat pies and that nobody made them like you. I wanted to please him, so I came to ask you how to make them.”
Molly seemed pleased with her explanation but tried not to show it. Though she did put the kettle on and joined Elizabeth on the small bench in front of the fire.
“Don’t play games with me girl. I know you hate me.” She said looking Elizabeth straight in the eye. Elizabeth stopped suddenly in her act of rubbing her hands against one another and looked up at her with shock.
