by Maya Banks
He hadn’t gone and done something stupid like driving off a cliff. He was still alive; she didn’t have his death on her conscience. Now she could be angry without worrying.
She pulled her nose out of the suitcase she was packing and turned.
Alekos was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, looking like someone who had just dragged himself from the wreckage of a car accident.
Alarmed, she scanned him for signs of injury. Maybe he had driven his car off a cliff.
She was the one who had bumped her head, but he was obviously in a far worse state. The moment she’d delivered the news that she was pregnant, he’d sprang from the bed like a competitor in an Olympic sprint, and he’d been out of the starting gates before anyone had said ‘go’.
But now he was back. And in a complete state, if his appearance was anything to go by.
His usually sleek hair was ruffled and his shirt was crumpled, but the resulting effect was one of such potent masculinity that the frantic crashing of her heart threatened to fracture her ribs.
If anything, Alekos was even more spectacularly attractive when he was feeling vulnerable than when he was strong and in control.
Kelly fought back an impulse to comfort him, reminding herself that this situation was already more than complicated.
This whole thing would have been easier if he hadn’t come back.
She hated the way he made her feel. This was a man who had walked out on their wedding day. A man who had just told her he didn’t want children.
So why did she just want to hug him?
‘I wasn’t expecting you back so soon. Normally it takes you four years to reappear after one of your avoidance sessions.’ Not trusting herself not to cry again, Kelly turned her back on him and stuffed the final items of clothing into her suitcase. It didn’t seem to matter what he said or what he did, he was still the most gorgeous man she’d ever seen, and just being in the same room as him was enough to send her pulse into overdrive. ‘Jannis said you’d taken the Ferrari.’ She snapped her mouth shut, remembering too late that she’d been determined not to let him know she’d been worried enough to check on him. Recalling the desperation in her tone when she’d asked Jannis if there were any steep cliffs close by, she blushed. ‘What are you doing back here?’
‘I live here.’ He sounded impossibly Greek. He kicked the door shut with his foot and strode across the bedroom towards her. ‘About the baby...’
‘My baby, not the baby.’ Her heart tumbled and Kelly tried to ram a shoe into her case. ‘Why won’t this stuff fit?’
‘Because you haven’t packed neatly.’
‘Life is too short to fold stuff neatly!’ Incredibly stressed, Kelly took her frustration out on the suitcase by ramming it shut. ‘Life is too short for a lot of things, and being with you is one of them. I wish I’d never sold your stupid ring, I wish I’d never come to Corfu in my gap year and I wish I’d never walked across your stupid floor!’’
Alekos looked at her in confusion. ‘That was all in the wrong order.’
‘I don’t care if it was all the wrong order. Having your baby after we’ve split up is the wrong order, too! Everything in my life seems to happen in the wrong order. Most people think then act.’ Planting her bottom on the lid, she managed to snap the case shut. ‘I act then think, and if that’s not the wrong order I don’t know what is.’ Numb with misery, horrified with herself for losing it, Kelly flopped onto the edge of the bed, aware that Alekos was watching her with the same degree of caution he might show an unexploded bomb.
‘You are very upset, and I can understand that, but you are forgetting that when I said those things to you I did not know you were pregnant.’
‘What difference does that make?’
‘I was not trying to hurt you.’
‘That makes it worse. That shows you truly meant what you said, which puts us in a bit of a fix.’ Kelly stood up and hauled the little case off the bed, closing her eyes as a sudden attack of dizziness assailed her. ‘Get out of here, Alekos, before I kill you and hide your body under an olive tree.’
‘You should not be lifting heavy weights.’
‘Fine—I’ll drag your body there. I won’t lift it.’
‘I meant the suitcase.’ He breathed, and she pushed her hair out of her eyes, feeling foolish.
‘Oh; right. I knew that. Obviously. But the suitcase is on wheels. I can push it all the way to Little Molting if I have to.’ Grabbing the suitcase, she vowed never, ever to get involved with any man again—especially not a fiercely bright Greek man whose superior intellect made her feel the size of a grain of sand. Why hadn’t it occurred to her that he didn’t want children? Why hadn’t she spotted that?
And what was she supposed to do now?
She was having a child he didn’t want. She should have nothing more to do with him. His declaration should have killed her feelings stone dead.
But it hadn’t.
She was still crazy about him. She loved him as much now as she had four years ago.
Wishing that love could be switched on and off as easily as her iPod, Kelly wondered what he was going to have to do to her before she fell out of love with him.
Had she no self-respect?
Was this how her mother had felt when she’d realised that she was having the baby of a man who had no interest in being a father?
Alekos said something in Greek and jabbed his fingers through his hair. ‘I blame myself for not even thinking that you might be pregnant.’ His voice was hoarse as he struggled with the word. ‘But it didn’t occur to me. We didn’t—I mean, we did, but it was just the once. That time on your kitchen table.’
Kelly flinched. ‘Romantic, wasn’t it?’ Her sarcasm was met by taut silence and then he cleared his throat.
‘I made you pregnant on that one occasion?’
‘So it would seem. Let’s hope our child never asks how, or where, he was conceived.’
He dragged his hand over the back of his neck. ‘I assumed you were using contraception.’
‘Well, I wasn’t. Pass me those shoes, please.’
‘Shoes?’ Distracted, Alekos followed the direction of her finger and retrieved a pair of abandoned fuchsia-pink stilettos from under the bed. ‘You shouldn’t wear those with your problem with walking.’
‘I don’t have a problem with walking.’ Kelly opened the case gingerly and fed the shoes in one by one, trying not to let any of the contents escape. ‘I have a problem with your floor.’
‘Why weren’t you using contraception?’ Dark lashes lowered over his eyes as he focused on the part of the conversation that interested him.
‘Because I didn’t need it. It seems I’m genetically programmed to give myself only to the lower forms of life. If there’s a decent, honest, family-loving man around, I go blind. Now you can go and beat your chest and do all the other things you cave-dweller, alpha males do.’ Kelly was about to reach for her case again when a strong, brown hand covered hers. She stared at his hand and swallowed. ‘Don’t touch me. What do you think you’re doing?’
‘I’m doing the things we cave-dweller, alpha males do,’ he drawled. ‘Like lifting heavy weights. If you want it lifted, I’ll lift it.’
‘It’s a suitcase, not a piece of fallen masonry. I can manage.’
‘I don’t want you to do anything which will harm the baby.’
‘My baby. My baby, Alekos! Stop calling it the baby. What if it can hear you?’ The tension exploded inside her, punctured by fears she’d been afraid to express even to herself. ‘What if it knows you don’t want it?’
There was a long silence during which he watched her with an intensity that made her heart race.
‘Don’t ever say that,’ he said thickly. ‘All right, I’m the first to admit that this wasn’t what I
wanted—I wouldn’t have chosen this to happen—but it’s happened and it’s my responsibility. I’m not walking away from that.’
‘Forget it. I don’t want to drag you along behind the pram like some sort of prisoner of war. I’d rather do this by myself.’
‘Theé mou, I’m being honest, Kelly! That is what you wanted, isn’t it? If I said to you, yes, I’m thrilled about this baby, would you believe me?’
Choking back tears, Kelly bit her lip. ‘No.’
‘Exactly. I am telling you how I’m truly feeling. This has been a shock.’ The disordered mess of his usually smooth hair was an indication of how much of a shock. ‘But I will sort myself out. There is no way I would ever leave the baby without a father.’
‘My baby!’ Kelly yelled, putting her hands over her stomach protectively. ‘If you call it the baby again, I’ll punch you.’
Alekos drew in an unsteady breath. ‘How about our baby?’ he said hoarsely, and something unfamiliar glittered in his eyes as he stared down at her flat stomach. ‘How does our baby sound to you?’
‘It sounds like a particularly tasteless joke.’ Not even allowing herself to go there, Kelly reached for the phone. ‘How do I buy a ticket on a plane? I need basic Greek.’
Alekos’s response to that was to gently prise the phone out of her fingers. ‘You have a basic Greek,’ he said dryly. ‘Me. And I have no idea how to buy a ticket on a plane. I’ve never bought one. And neither will you. You’re going to stay here until we work this out. And stop talking about leaving. If the baby can hear you, then he will be feeling really unsettled by now.’
‘What is there to work out? I’m pregnant and you don’t want children, no matter how much you kid yourself you’ll do the right thing. Why don’t you want children, anyway?’ Exhausted by the dilemma in which she found herself, Kelly shot him an exasperated look. ‘Is your ego really that fragile? What sort of selfish, self-absorbed, playboy billionaire are you that you can’t even bring yourself to be out of the limelight long enough to have a child?’
Alekos looked at her, his face surprisingly pale, his magnificent bone structure highlighted by the sudden tension that gripped him. ‘The sort who knows exactly how it feels to come second to a selfish, self-absorbed father,’ he said flatly. ‘The sort who vowed never, ever to mess up a child’s life. The sort who lived through hell.’
* * *
Breathe, breathe, Kelly said to herself, wishing Vivien were here waving a paper bag at her.
Still stunned by Alekos’s confession, she was now completely torn, her plan to get on a plane and fly home blown to the wind by his totally unexpected revelation about his own childhood.
Yet staying didn’t make sense, did it?
If ever a relationship was doomed, it was theirs.
But the memory of his strained features was stuck in her head. And those words: the sort who vowed never, ever to mess up a child’s life.
Torn, she sat for a minute, telling herself that all that mattered was the baby. She had to put the baby first. And yet...
‘Oh, for crying out loud.’ Kelly removed her shoes and walked barefoot across the tiled floor, where she’d slipped, and out on to the terrace. He’d said that if she wanted to talk he’d be outside.
Fine, they could talk—for five minutes. She’d just check he was all right and then she’d leave.
Her feet made no sound on the terrace and Kelly stood for a moment, puzzled, because there was no sign of him.
Then she heard a splash from the pool.
Glancing in that direction, she watched as Alekos powered his way across the pool, water streaming off his muscular shoulders as he swam, clearly trying to work off his frustration as he cut through the water with explosive force.
His body pulsated with strength and power, and Kelly gave a little shiver, remembering how it felt when all that power and passion was focused on her. Refusing to join him in the pool, she gritted her teeth and sat down on the edge of a sun lounger to wait.
The view was stunning, stretching across the gardens and down to the perfect blue sea. Normally the peace and tranquillity of her surroundings would have calmed her, but she was incapable of feeling calm in the current situation, with Alekos still within her line of vision.
Having swum endless punishing lengths, Alekos sprang from the pool, swept water from his face with his hand and prowled over to her.
Kelly slid back on the seat. ‘That’s close enough. I—I just came to check you’re OK.’
‘Why wouldn’t I be OK?’
‘Because you—you talked about stuff you don’t usually talk about.’ Out of her depth, she looked at him warily. ‘I just wanted to make sure you’re all right.’
He gave a wry smile and reached for a towel. ‘Typical Kelly,’ he said softly. ‘You hate me, but you think I might be upset so you have to check I’m all right.’
‘I just don’t want your death on my conscience.’ Finding it impossible to concentrate with all that gleaming male muscle on display, Kelly averted her eyes. ‘So, let me just check I’ve understood this correctly: you’re basically saying that you don’t want children because you’re afraid you’ll hurt them, is that right?’
‘Yes.’
Kelly chewed her lip, waiting for a full confession to spill out. When he was silent, she prompted him. ‘Your dad was selfish? He hurt you?’
‘Yes.’
Kelly stared at him in exasperation. ‘Can’t you say more than “yes”? “Yes” doesn’t tell me anything about your feelings. Oh, forget it,’ she mumbled. ‘You don’t want to talk about it, I get that. Whatever it is, you’ve blocked it out. I heard what you said to the doctor, although I didn’t realise at the time what it meant. You’d rather just plough on, pretending it didn’t happen, because that’s what works for you. The trouble is, that doesn’t work for me. I played guessing games last time and I guessed all wrong. I assumed you’d just decided you didn’t want me—that I was too inexperienced or something.’
‘I loved the fact you were inexperienced.’ He knotted the towel around his hips and Kelly swallowed, trying to focus on a different part of him.
‘Right. Which just goes to show I’m rubbish at reading your mind. And you won’t tell me what’s on your mind, so we might as well give up.’
‘We are not giving up. But you’re right—it is a subject I find hard to talk about.’ He poured himself a glass of water from the jug that had been left on the table. ‘What is it you want to know?’
‘Well, all of it! I want to understand.’
Alekos stared into the glass in his hand. ‘My parents had a disastrous marriage. My mother had an affair, my father left her, I was made to choose who I wanted to live with.’ He lifted the glass to his lips and drank while Kelly stared at him, absorbing that information slowly, slotting the pieces together in her brain.
‘Y-you were made to choose between the two of them?’ Shaken, she rubbed her hand over her forehead. ‘But—how old were you?’
‘I was six. They stood me in a room and asked me who I wanted to live with. I knew that whichever decision I made, it would be the wrong one for them.’ His tone grim, Alekos thumped the glass down on the table. ‘I chose to live with my mother. I was worried about what she might do if I went to live with my father. She was the more vulnerable of the two of them. She told me that if she lost me she’d die. No six-year-old boy wants his mother to die.’
Six? They’d forced a six-year-old to choose who he wanted to live with? Kelly was appalled. ‘That’s completely shocking. What about your dad? Didn’t he understand what a hideous position you were in?’
His mouth twisted. ‘A son is a Greek man’s most precious possession. To him, I made the wrong choice. He never forgave me.’
‘But—’
‘I ceased to exist. I never saw him again.’ A
lekos looked at her and for once there was no mockery in his eyes, no hint of humour. Just a hard, steely determination. ‘I never, ever want any action of mine to hurt a child. And it happens. All too easily. So now you understand why I overreacted to the revelation that you want at least four children. It came as a shock.’
Kelly licked her lips. ‘I wish you’d told me.’
‘We weren’t doing that much talking, were we? Most of our communication was physical.’ He gave a cynical laugh. ‘To call our relationship a whirlwind would be like calling Mount Everest a molehill.’
‘I did plenty of talking,’ Kelly muttered, feeling a sudden stab of guilt. She’d never asked him that much about himself, had she? She’d never pushed him to talk about his family or his hopes. She’d been thinking about her dreams, not his. ‘It didn’t occur to me you were thinking that way. You just seemed so confident about everything. You seemed to know exactly what you wanted.’
‘I did know what I wanted. Or, at least, I thought I did.’ Alekos pulled her to her feet and drew her towards him. ‘Things change. Life throws things at you that you weren’t expecting.’
Without her shoes, she barely reached his shoulder. For a brief, indulgent moment Kelly leaned her forehead against smooth, bronzed skin, breathing in the tantalising scent of him. ‘Yes, life does throw the unexpected. This doesn’t feel like the fairy tale.’
He gave a cynical laugh. ‘Some of those fairy tales were pretty nasty, agape mou. How about the wicked witch and the fairy godmother?’
‘The fairy godmother was good. You mean the wicked stepmother.’
‘Her too. I told you I’d make a terrible father; I don’t even know the right stories,’ Alekos lifted her chin with strong fingers. ‘How is your poor head?’
‘Aching. Like the rest of me. I feel as though I’ve been trampled by a herd of cows. I’m never wearing shoes in your house again.’ But the thing that ached most was her heart—for him. For the small child who had been forced to make an impossible choice by parents too selfishly absorbed by their own problems to put him first. And for herself, who now had to make an equally impossible choice.
