“Colonel Fitzwilliam, you shall have to continue with these lessons in order that I am quite prepared to face the Darcy family. Otherwise, I fear I shall be quite undone by such a daunting task!”
“My dear, Miss Bennet. Darcy should be arming you with all the gossip you need to face them! Although, of course, I am bound to say they are not that bad, and I hope they hold no fear for you. Our aunt Lady Catherine—well—she is an acquired taste to be sure, but my parents and my brother—they are not so terrifying, would you not agree, Darcy?”
“I wonder that anyone could terrify Miss Bennet, Fitzwilliam, but certainly not your parents.”
“In any case, you will be bound to meet them very soon, for Matlock is only thirty miles from Pemberley.”
“Does your family live in Matlock, sir?”
He smiled and seemed to stifle a laugh. “My parents are the Earl and Countess of Matlock, Miss Bennet,” he said, looking more at Mr Darcy than at me. I seemed to ignite from the shame that my betrothed had not told me this himself.
And so it was that my marriage was a strange, hurried, and patched together affair that nobody seemed to enjoy. Although they knew it to be advantageous, my family struggled to cope with Mr Darcy’s stern nature and willed the event to be over. I felt little different myself. The matter concluded, I kissed my parents and my sisters and boarded Mr Darcy’s carriage, knowing not when I should return.
Chapter Three
When the carriage arrived, evening was settling in, and Pemberley was blanketed in snow. We had spent one further night on the road and had travelled hard all day to arrive before nightfall. He had woken me on our approach that I might view the house. I feared I had mistakenly fallen asleep against his chest since, after our first night at the inn, he had sat alongside me in the carriage. Thus, we had travelled for many miles, the wool of our sleeves brushing, our bodies close, and my mind disturbed by his proximity.
To say Pemberley is beautiful hardly credits it with the praise it deserves. It is a place for which neither God nor man could have done more, and I had never seen its equal. It is also vast. Its halls and walls spin out in all directions, covering huge swathes of ground and reaching great heights. When Mr Darcy handed me out of the carriage and I beheld the house from its threshold, I fancied it so large that I should be overwhelmed for the rest of my life. My neck would not crane far enough to see the roof, and my feet were too small for the mountain of steps before me. In a daze and on my husband’s rigid arm, I was marched through the main rooms of the house. Oak panels and oil paintings seemed to close in upon me as I moved. A phalanx of faces, all bowing, curtseying, and making way for us, surrounded me. As we moved through them, I fought to regain my composure. It was not in my nature to be intimidated, and I was quite determined I would not be on this occasion.
Mr Darcy showed me to my chambers, which adjoined his. The bedchamber was quite four times the size of that which Jane and I shared at Longbourn, and the bed so large, I fancied it looked like a ship.
“You will of course make any changes you deem appropriate.”
“I am sure that will not be necessary, sir. The rooms are very elegant, and I am hardly a lady of fashion.” I had not intended to sound sour but, knowing I had, decided not to regret it.
“Well, you may please yourself, Elizabeth. You may change what you wish to change and leave what you do not. You are the mistress of the house now, and it is your choice. I have only one request; I think we are rather beyond ‘sir’ now, do you not?” He raised his eyebrows. “Would you be willing to call me by my given name?”
“Yes, of course,” I said, still shy of actually speaking it.
“Thank you.” He gave me a look so strange and fixed that I felt compelled to turn away.
“Will you be ready to dine in an hour? I will see you in the small dining room.”
With that, he left me to my muddled thoughts. Before too long a young woman appeared and introduced herself to me as Hannah, my lady’s maid. She was small and neat, and her green eyes were framed by a barely concealed fringe of ginger curls. I immediately knew that we should be friends, and I allowed her to dress my hair slightly more extravagantly than was my wont and select a splendid but unknown blue gown from the wardrobe.
“Hannah, this gown is lovely, but it is not mine.”
“It belongs to Miss Georgiana, madam. The master sent an express that a number of Miss Georgiana’s gowns were to be given to you until you have obtained new. I had to guess at how much to take it up, but I see that it is about right. This colour favours you greatly, madam.”
I studied the fine fabric and beautiful stitch work. It was a lovely gown, lovelier than any I had ever owned. It also looked as though it would fit me, and I wondered whether Miss Darcy and I were alike in size.
“Thank you. You have done an excellent job, but I am rather embarrassed. It would never do to meet Miss Darcy wearing her clothes!”
“I am sure that will not happen, madam. Miss Georgiana is staying with Lord and Lady Matlock and will not return yet awhile. The master has said I am to accompany you into Lambton to obtain new this week, so there is no need to fret. In any case, Miss Georgiana is a lovely person, and I am sure you have nothing to fear in her.”
More opinions on the famous Miss Darcy! I recalled again Mr. Wickham’s description of her as “excessively proud” and wondered what the truth of the matter may be. It occurred to me that I had yet to call in Mr Darcy’s promise to explain his dislike of Mr Wickham, but there seemed to be so many matters crowding my thoughts, that I was no longer eager to hear it.
When Hannah had finished, I looked into the glass and, seeing I looked quite creditable, joined Mr Darcy for supper. I will not say our meal passed easily, but it passed reasonably. When we retired to the music room and he asked me to play for him, I did so with some pleasure. I played pieces I knew well, and when he asked me to sing, I did that, too. I had to acknowledge it was a handsome instrument, and it had always been a joy to me to lose myself in music. While my fingers danced across the keys, I need not think too much on the manner in which Mr Darcy and I had been forced to accept one another. It became an article of faith for me to make the situation between us work as well as possible, and so when he came to my bed that night, I welcomed him as I had welcomed him the previous two nights. I noticed he was freer with his kisses, and he held me longer after it was over. In the darkness, he unplaited my hair himself and asked if I would keep it free for him in the future. It stunned me to feel his fingers shaking loose my curls, but I did not protest. To my astonishment, he did not return to his bed but remained beside me, asleep. For reasons I could not fathom, this did not trouble me.
Chapter Four
My first days at Pemberley set the tone for the whole of December. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, I became acquainted with the house and its inhabitants. Hannah and I travelled to Lambton where I obtained several new gowns, and her sweet disposition made me forget the shame of having arrived with no trousseau. Mr Darcy made great efforts with me. Knowing my love of walking, he accompanied me on a number of rambles around the grounds although the snow kept us to the paths. I challenged him that he must miss his horse, and he replied that he did, but it did not signify since, as soon as the weather improved, he intended to teach me to ride. We ate our meals together, and when he worked in his study, I sat by the fire in the adjoining library and read. If he was at leisure, he joined me, and we would discuss poetry and novels we had both read. We did not discuss anything more personal, but we found common ground enough, and it was agreeable. I watched his face, lit by the orange of the fire and animated by discussion. It was hard to believe he was the same Mr Darcy who had sat in the drawing room at Netherfield and said that pride could be regulated by a “superiority of mind.” I began to feel myself relax and grow comfortable. I was astonished that, on a couple of occasions, I even fell asleep in the
library.
A week before Christmas, Miss Darcy returned home, accompanied by her aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Matlock. My heart thundered as I stood with Mr Darcy watching their carriage approach, but I was determined to appear calm, and I believe I did so. I was quick to realise Hannah had been correct, and nobody had anything to fear in Miss Darcy, who, although shy, was also kind and sweet.
“Mrs Darcy.” She looked flustered as her eyes met mine. “How I have longed to meet you sooner, but brother ordered me away! I have heard so much about you; I feel that it cannot be right for me to welcome you to your own house…but…it is wonderful to see you here.”
“Thank you, Miss Darcy, I have longed to meet you, too, and we shall not allow your brother to keep us apart!” It did not escape me that Miss Darcy was significantly larger than I am in stature and build, and I pondered what Mr Darcy had written when he instructed Hannah to take in her gowns for me. I shot a playful look at him, which he acknowledged with a nod before continuing the introductions.
“Aunt and Uncle, Mrs Darcy. Elizabeth, Lord and Lady Matlock.”
Nervous as I was, I curtseyed, smiled, and extended my hand to these august strangers who were now my family. They, in turn, were polite and affable, and I had no complaints about their company. When I went upstairs to dress for dinner, I found at my vanity a small cream box containing as fine a string of pearls as I had ever seen. Hannah informed me my husband had placed them there himself earlier in the afternoon, and he intended me to wear them that evening. I was told they were Darcy family jewels, several generations old and, if I cared to look, featured in several of the grand portraits of my predecessors that hung in the gallery. Their beauty and heaviness hung about my neck in a most unfamiliar manner, and I could hardly stop my hand from reaching up to touch them from time to time. After dinner, Mr Darcy and Lord Matlock remained in the dining room while we ladies retired to the drawing room. As soon as I was alone with Lady Matlock, I learned she, too, was a friend, not a foe.
“Well, Mrs Darcy, we have all been desperate to meet you, but you do not disappoint. I can see you are quite a match for Fitzwilliam, my dear.”
“Thank you, Lady Matlock. I fear we must have shocked you all with the speed of our nuptials.” I did not say what we all knew; the most stunning fact of all was that the new Mrs Darcy was a young woman with neither connections nor fortune. I knew I could not be what they had expected or hoped for.
“A little, a little, but it is in the manner of Fitzwilliam to be impulsive, to give us all as little warning as possible, and frankly, to do as he pleases. So, I am not vexed. Once Lord Matlock had got over his surprise, the same was true of him, and we have been greatly enjoying the time with Georgiana.”
“Oh yes, Aunt, I have had a wonderful stay with you…but it is lovely to be home as well, of course, Mrs Darcy.”
“It is wonderful to have you here, Miss Darcy, but you really must call me ‘Elizabeth’ now that we are sisters or even ‘Lizzy.’ That is what my own family call me although it may be a little too informal for your brother.”
“Lizzy. I think it suits you greatly, and you must call me ‘Georgiana.’”
Not to be left out, Lady Matlock insisted I join my husband and new sister in calling her “Aunt Mary,” and so it was settled, and we were a happy party. When the men joined us, both Georgiana and I played and sang. I, however, was much embarrassed by her superior skills. The evening drifted into night, and I was well pleased with my first foray into the world of my new family.
When Mr Darcy joined me in my chamber that night, I was still at my vanity in my nightgown whilst Hannah brushed my hair. Seeing him in the mirror, she stilled her hand, curtseyed, and was gone. “Poor Hannah, you have quite frightened her away.”
“I am sorry. I did not mean to disturb you. Are you ready to retire now, Elizabeth?” He touched my neck and shoulders as he said this, and his eyes seemed to bore holes into me.
“Yes, I am. Thank you, Fitzwilliam.” I spoke his name naturally for the first time, and I knew he was grateful. “Thank you for allowing me to wear the pearls. They are beautiful.”
“You are Mrs Darcy, Elizabeth. They are yours,” he replied, turning away and drawing a deep breath. I almost gasped that he would say no more than this. Hannah had suggested to me that they had a history, and I wondered he did not wish to relate it to me or to indicate any pleasure in my wearing them as commanded. I considered, not for the first time, how different I was from my husband and how my old talkative self must be shut up and kept away from him. My lips tightened, and I looked at my reflection in the half-light.
“You have impressed my family tonight, Elizabeth. Thank you.” With this, he turned, stroked my unplaited hair, led me to the bed, and said no more.
***
My sister Jane was my most constant correspondent, but Mama, Mary, and my friend Charlotte Lucas were only a little way behind her. My Papa did not write even after these many weeks, and I cannot say I was not a little disappointed. I pictured him sitting in his library, smiling at his book, and recalled he had never been a great letter writer. Perhaps, I had been expecting too much that he would make an exception for me. Kitty and Lydia, I assumed to be too busy chasing officers of the regiment to write to me, but otherwise, I must say I was quite flooded with letters from home. Mama wished to know about Pemberley and whether I was with child, and I feared for our poor neighbours to think how she must be showing off about my position. Mr Bingley, I was told, had not returned, and it was not known that he would. It was clear to me my poor Jane was downcast, and Christmas and the midwinter had passed in boredom and frustration for her. It was no great surprise when my sister Mary wrote to me of her engagement to Mr Collins. They were to be married from Longbourn in four weeks and then to travel to Hunsford where Mr Collins was the rector of a parish within the gift of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. I did not lament Mary’s position, for I knew she was happy with it and raced to inform my husband. I found him in his study, his hand poised over some papers.
“Fitzwilliam, such news from Longbourn! Mary writes that she is engaged to Mr Collins!”
“Then I am sorry for her.”
“I do not think that she requires your sympathy, Fitzwilliam. I rather think that she is happy at this turn of events. Mary takes our cousin seriously, more seriously than he is accustomed to being taken by others, and well, he could scarcely find a better wife.”
“Well, in that case, I am pleased for them.” His tone bespoke a man who was not at all pleased.
“The wedding is to be in Meryton in four weeks. I would think that the weather will be quite passable by then.”
“I dare say.”
“The journey to Hertfordshire at that time of year would probably be easier than the journey here after our…after we were married. I understand you would not wish to stay at Longbourn, but perchance we could lodge at the inn as you did before. What say you?”
“I think not, Elizabeth. It is a long journey, and we have not been back at Pemberley for two months. Your cousin has the living at Hunsford, and so, no doubt we will be unable to avoid him on our visit to Rosings at Easter. I see no call to travel all the way to Hertfordshire so soon.”
“I see,” I said confounded. “But I shall miss my sister’s wedding!”
“You will see her soon enough, and a country wedding to a rector is hardly reason to go parading around the country, even for your sister.”
The heat of his words prickled against my face, and my fingernails dug crescents into my palms. “She is our sister, is she not, Mr Darcy? I rather think that, were Georgiana to marry, we would not stay away.”
“When Georgiana marries, she will be married from Pemberley, and she will hardly marry a man like Mr Collins.”
I turned away, boiling with rage but also wounded by his having said what I knew already: that my family was a degr
adation to him. My mind flew to the barefaced deceit that had been used by Mama to entrap him into our marriage, and I wondered he was not less restrained in his disdain. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that I had spurned Mr Collins when he was available to me and I, too, had thought him ridiculous. I saw clearly now how Mr Darcy saw me, and I hated the way my feelings towards him had softened. The thought of the liberties I had allowed him, night after night, was mortifying. I missed my family so much in that moment that I could not speak. Choosing not to try, I fled the room without looking back at him.
He found me some hours later, playing duets with Georgiana, and although it was not his habit to sit in the music room during the day, he did on this occasion. My new sister and I had built up quite a repertoire, and the afternoon became an impromptu concert, however disinclined I felt to exhibit before Mr Darcy.
“Oh, Lizzy, what a wonderful partner you are! I never found such joy in playing duets before you came to Pemberley. I fancy you must have played with all your sisters.”
I smiled at the thought and tried to reassure her. “I dread to think of my sisters and me in musical collaboration. No, only Mary plays, and she and I have quite different tastes.” I threw a look at my husband that I hoped was not lost upon him. “You are my most favoured partner, I assure you.”
The discipline of playing and turning the pages for Georgiana when she played on her own calmed me, and I came to realise that, in the first flush of unexpected happiness at Pemberley, I had been living in a dream. I had allowed myself to forget how his connection to me had been forced upon my husband and how he must lament it. Just as I had looked at Pemberley and been overwhelmed by its grandness, so he must have looked at Longbourn and found it wanting. I determined from that moment on that I would be more realistic in my attitudes.
Suddenly Mrs. Darcy Page 3
