by Jenna Kernan
Michaela looked at Bess, really looked for the first time. Her dark hair and strong features made her beauty radiant and ageless. “How old are you?”
“Me? Oh, old. Nearly two centuries now.”
“And Inanoka live three?”
“Usually. Though there have been those who have lived as long as half a millennium. But that is very rare. Sebastian is young, too.”
“Young? I heard him say he was more than a hundred.”
“This is so, but he was only fourteen when his powers came and already married. We are not like Niyanoka, whose powers are always with them and must be trained. Ours come in a rush like a butterfly bursting from a cocoon. Sebastian’s mother had been converted from the old ways by the missionaries. It is why she named him after a Christian saint. Back then, we were not allowed to even speak our language. She witnessed his change and believed he was possessed. She called him the son of the devil. His tribe had been decimated by alcohol and disease. Those that were left lived on reservations a soulless life back then. Few even remembered that the legends were all based on truth, so Sebastian was cast out by the one woman who should have loved him unconditionally.”
Michaela found herself trying to imagine a fourteen-year-old Lakota boy at what…the turn of the last century? The whole thing made her so sad her chest hurt.
“What did he do?”
“Oh, can’t you guess?” Bess waited, keeping her gaze fixed on her. “He did what any bear would do. He hibernated that first winter and then his mentor found him. After his training he moved north and west by the season until he found the place he still lives today. He has been a bear most of his life. All his attempts to blend with humans have failed, until he no longer tries. Now he changes when he meets another Inanoka or to conduct business. He has led a lonely life.
“I migrate, so I have known many of our kind. Sebastian, very few. He has never found anyone that made him stay in human form for long—until you.”
Michaela did not know what to say to that, but she could not stop the rush of joy and hope that flooded her.
“That is why I say he is young, though you will not find a man with a bigger heart or more desire to please, even if his heart is half-animal. He cares for you very much.”
“He told you that?”
Bess shook her head. “But it is true, just the same.”
Michaela felt her hopes deflate. She recalled his rejection and curled in around herself to absorb the hurt of Sebastian’s words.
“You’re wrong, Bess. He doesn’t want me. He’s told me so.”
“Don’t believe it.”
“He said we cannot be together. That Inanoka and Niyanoka do not mate.”
Bess sipped her tea, lifting her head just a fraction before swallowing. Then her bright eyes pinned Michaela. “I have never heard it done. But I believe you two will find a new path.”
Michaela wanted to believe it, but she feared more heartbreak. Then she recalled something.
She repeated the words that had made no sense until this moment. “Never been, don’t mean never will be.”
“What?” asked Bess.
“It was something Kanka said to me. I didn’t understand it, but…could she have been talking about us?”
Bess’s gaze roved about, and Michaela wondered if she read her aura, saw something there.
“She could. As for myself, I have two very good reasons to believe Sebastian will accept you.”
She could not keep her voice from relaying her desperation. “What are they? My love for him? Is that what you mean? But then what is the other?”
“I would say your love for him is both reasons. Have faith that your love will make him believe that what is impossible is possible.”
Michaela clasped Bess’s hand. “Thank you. I’m so happy we met.”
“You are the first Niyanoka to ever say that. May I give you some advice?”
Michaela nodded, certain that she would speak of Nagi. But instead she gave her these cryptic words.
“Don’t keep secrets, not from those you love.”
“Secrets?”
Bess smiled and nodded, squeezing her hand before releasing it. “Yes. Simple but important.”
Sebastian returned. “There is nothing living here but us.”
“Spiders, wasps or anything else that can kill?”
“Nothing.”
Bess sighed. “Then we must go.”
Michaela felt her knees go watery. She did not want to be alone.
Bess rose from the table and swept to the door in her long graceful strides. Sebastian hesitated.
Michaela wanted to beg Sebastian to stay with her, but more than her fear of Nagi was her fear that he would discover her to be a coward and therefore unworthy of his love. She looked in his eyes and realized her terror was tearing him apart. He could not leave unless she sent him.
She mustered herself, drawing back her shoulders and leveling her chin.
“I’ll be fine,” she lied. Her voice didn’t sound fine. It creaked like an old spring.
Bess hugged Michaela. “We will not go far and we will return with the dawn.”
Michaela longed to go with them, but stood stiffly as a soldier on watch.
“Lock the doors and windows.” With that, Bess stepped onto the porch, raised one leg to the rail and transformed into a raven lifting into the darkening sky. Her caw signaled her farewell.
Michaela stared in astonishment for a moment before turning to Sebastian. One look at the concern in his worried face and the tears came.
He held her tight. “I wish I could do this thing for you.”
So did she, but to say so would be weak, and this man deserved a woman with steel inside her. “I have fought Nagi before I knew what he was. I always woke to escape him. If I cannot find my father, I will do that again.”
“Yes. Do.”
He stroked her hair and gazed down at her with an expression that looked like love. Bess believed he would accept her and that gave her hope.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“Perhaps the man,” he said.
Just the man, as if she could not love the beast. Was that the two reasons Bess mentioned? Did he need to know she loved both sides of him?
“The man is a very good kisser. But the bear is better for home defense.”
He cocked his head, as if uncertain what to make of her. “Are you teasing me?”
“Trying.”
“I will be back before first light, waiting there.” He pointed to the center of her yard.
She held him for a moment more and then stepped away. “See you then.”
He stepped off the porch and then reached forward, growing into the mighty bear. He turned to stare at her. She descended the steps, her heart hammering in her chest at what she was about to do.
She walked slowly, overcoming her natural fear with each step, determined to show him that she trusted the bear.
Michaela paused at his mighty head. It was wider than her entire rib cage. Her hand trembled, but she lifted it and rested it gently on the thick fur between his ears. He leaned toward her and groaned as she stroked him, his eyes drifting shut. She leaned forward to whisper in his ear.
“I hope I dream of you.”
He shook his mighty head slowly, and then rubbed it against her once before lumbering off. He halted at the tree line and lifted a paw in salute. An instant later he was gone.
Michaela turned back to face her mother’s cabin and the longest night of her life.
Chapter 25
M ichaela paced, tossed and finally read a book that did not hold her interest. The clock beside her bed ticked away in endless motion, reaching 3:00 a.m. by last check. Soon it would be dawn and her friends would arrive. She could stay awake, had done so on many nights to avoid Nagi. But to do so was just to postpone the inevitable and to disappoint her new friends.
She yawned. She had to do this.
The words began to blur and the book wobbled as she wrestled
with consciousness. Her hold on the book slackened as she dozed.
The next moment she walked in an unfamiliar house of menacing, shadowy corners and gray wallpaper. As she entered one room, she realized she carried the pink blanket she dragged everywhere with her as a child. Her mother called it “rags” for obvious reasons, but now it was restored to its former glory—the only bright and hopeful object in this grim reality. She lifted her old friend to her nose, inhaling the comforting scent of fabric softener and detergent.
The tug came unexpectedly as the blanket was ripped from her hand and pulled through the solid door before her. Away went any security she had. She stared at the door, certain a ghost lay behind it.
She thought about the blanket: fuzzy, soft, pink and impossibly new. It was gone long ago, which meant…this was a dream. Bess said she could control her dreams.
Her hand shook as she reached for the door, and she had to stop to clench her fist once before she could find the courage to turn the knob.
She pictured what lay on the other side, and then twisted the handle, throwing open the door.
There before her lay all the stars in the heavens stretched out to infinity, and at the center, connected to her murky door, lay the Milky Way.
She had found the path to the Spirit World. Her gaze traveled up the glittering trail of silver light. Ahead she saw a figure…her father?
It turned. There stood a hunched crone who stared down at her with eyes as black as tar. Hihankara, the guardian of the Spirit Road. She would not let Michaela pass.
She must try. Michaela lifted a foot to take her first step, and then recalled what had happened to her father when he had found this road. She stopped. No, he must come to her. She cupped her hands to her mouth and called into the night sky.
“Father! It is Michaela. Come here.”
She did not know what she expected, some silvery vapor of glimmering light, perhaps.
But instead there came a voice from behind her.
“I am here, sweet pea.”
She gasped as she recalled the voice and endearment, though she did not even remember that she knew. She whirled and found him there, not much older than she was, definitely less than thirty. Or was he three hundred?
“Daddy!”
She threw herself into his arms and he hugged her, kissing the middle of her forehead in a gesture sweet and hauntingly familiar.
“How is my Dreamchild?”
She glanced up at him with a puzzled look.
“You always had the most power in your dreams. I never suppressed that. I visited you here, when I still had a body. I am glad to see you are…” He paused as he noticed the circular scar on her arm, now a vibrant burgundy color. “He has marked you.”
“Yes.” She glanced from the scar back to her father. “I need the knowledge of a Seer.”
Her father’s eyes rounded. “Bess found you.”
Michaela nodded. “She sent me.”
“Nagi is a formidable foe. We are not strong enough to survive attacks of a Spirit. When facing a superior enemy, it is best to mimic the methods of the weaker creatures of the earth.”
“What methods?”
“Concealment. Nagi cannot attack what he cannot see.”
“But I have to beat him.”
“No, sweet pea. You have to escape him.”
“But he keeps finding me.”
Her father nodded. “Because of the Spirit Wound. Nagi can only track one whose soul has left their body. That makes it easy to collect the evil ghosts that seek to avoid Hihankara’s judgment on the Sky Road.”
Michaela glanced back at the open door and saw the old hag creeping closer, as if to eavesdrop. Her face was rough and brown as the thick bark of a redwood, but still Michaela made out the swirling blue tattoos that covered her face and leathery neck.
Michaela looked away, hoping she would not face judgment for many, many years.
“As he killed me, he told me I left a nice trail for him. You leave a trail as well, daughter. If you repair this break, your trail will vanish. Then he will only see you if your paths cross, and I hope you will note him first and go the other way.”
“Camouflage,” she whispered. “Can you fix the tear?”
He shook his head. “Only you can do so. The power to draw together mind, body and spirit is in every living soul.”
“How?”
“All three must all want one thing above all others. It is rare for them to share the same aim. The soul wants enlightenment, while the mind remains mired in minutia and the body, ever ravenous, calls for sustenance and stimulation. But you’ll know when you succeed.”
“What will happen?”
“You’ll feel your soul and body realign.” Her father lifted his brow.
“How do I do that?”
“I know only what you must do, not how you must do it.”
Her father glanced around as if hearing something she could not. His agitation made her anxious.
“Is there anything else I must know?”
“Much. Once you fix this break, we will visit again. I will be grateful to teach you to use your power and be indebted to your Inanoka, as well, for he gives me grandchildren.”
Michaela stared at him. “What?”
“You carry his children—two. A boy and a girl. They will be great Seers, but more than this, I think. Did you know your mother was of the Bear Clan?”
“I’m pregnant?”
He nodded.
“You’re sure?”
“I can see these souls as surely as I can see yours.”
Michaela glanced down at her stomach in astonishment. The need to survive this ordeal now pulsed in her veins. She had to find the way to protect herself, for that was the only way to protect her children.
She rested a hand on her flat belly as acceptance settled. “Twins.”
In that moment, she remembered Bess’s prediction. The raven woman said there were two reasons Sebastian would accept her and that both were love. Their children. Michaela’s heart ached with the overwhelming joy.
“Your mother will be so pleased.”
Her father smiled at her and she felt guilty for all the anger she had held for him, all the years she thought he had abandoned her, when he had only done what she would do to protect her child.
“I’m sorry, Daddy, for not trusting you.”
He waved a hand in dismissal. Then the smile dropped from his face and his features grew alert. He placed a hand on her back, ushering her away from the door.
“You must go back now. He is coming and he has more strength in this world than yours.”
“Nagi?”
Her father nodded, and she felt a chill cross her heart. She clutched at her belly, fearing now for her life and those she carried.
Her father gave her a hasty kiss and stepped through the open door. He turned to Hihankara. “This is my daughter.”
The crone stared. “I sent her back. She doesn’t have the proper tattoos.”
“Because she is still alive.”
“Ah,” said the woman.
Her father held the edge of the cracked and peeling door. “Wake up now, sweet pea. Hurry. He’s coming.”
The door slammed in her face.
The sound of the door banging the frame brought Michaela awake. Was it in her dreams or was someone trying to get in? Sweat beaded on her brow and made the hair at her temples and neck damp. She clutched the sheets to her chest and listened to the silence that filled her room.
She did not question if her dream was real, for she now had complete confidence in the dream world.
Her father’s message rang in her mind. Nagi could find her unless she could heal her Spirit.
Cold fear washed her body as she sat up. What had he said, that her mind, soul and body must want something in unison?
Survival—that was what she wanted, but she felt no different than she had since the attack. Her father said she would know if she succeeded, would feel it, so she k
new she had not repaired the tear.
She threw off the tangled sheets and stepped from the bed. The moisture on her body cooled, making her shiver. She exchanged her thin cotton nightie for slacks and a lilac-colored turtleneck sweater. She dug a favorite pair of polar fleece socks from beneath the bed and slipped them onto her cold feet before peering out the window at the gray gloom. The overcast skies seemed to keep the dawn at bay. She glanced at her clock. Only five in the morning.
She flipped back the curtain and peered out at the trees’ dark silhouettes against the deep blue predawn sky and then located a favorite pair of backless sneakers and slid into them on her way out the door. Nagi had been close, but she had evaded him by waking.
How long until dawn? It embarrassed her how much she longed for Sebastian to be here with her. She did not feel safe without him. No, it was not fear she felt but loneliness—the ache that comes from missing one you love. She knew the difference between need and love, even if Sebastian though she confused the two. She would have to make him believe her.
Another thought stole into her mind. She was to be a mother.
She cradled her stomach in wonder. “Shall we get some breakfast?”
Hunger now held her occupied as she made her way to the kitchen. The dawn now made it possible to see the yard, but the window turned black as soon as she flipped on the light. She pressed down her anticipation. Sebastian would be here soon. In the meantime, she drew out the makings for pancakes.
“No blueberries this time!” She stood with her back to the window as she stirred the batter, trying to pretend that the reflective surface did not disconcert her.
Would their babies have their father’s gifts?
The sound of loose gravel crunching under tires reached her, and she placed the bowl aside so she could peer out the window. Outside, she spied a familiar rusty red pickup truck, recognizing it immediately.
Ron—her mother’s boyfriend, who had been there to help her with her mother’s things and the countless other details that follow the death of a loved one. No, wait, her aunt’s boyfriend. This was so confusing.
She rinsed her hands as the brake lights flared in the drive and the truck came to a halt.
Ron was as white as Wonderbread, without a speck of native blood, but it hadn’t stopped him from loving his Maggie. The cowboy and the Indian, he’d called them.
