by Ally Blake
‘I don’t always get that same feeling from Felicia.’
Meg raised an eyebrow. ‘Do tell.’
He baulked. Then convinced himself that while keeping Ruby a step removed was one thing, sharing pieces of his experiences was fine. In fact, so far it had done him nothing but good. ‘She seemed to think I ought to keep Ruby home from Clarissa’s because a) she did have a sore throat, or b) she’d been hamming it up. Either way she should be spending the weekend in bed.’
‘You overrode the nanny?’ Her eyes widened. ‘Brave man.’
Zach laughed. ‘Letting Ruby have some fun felt right.’ He scooped up a handful of sand and let it run slowly through his fingers as he remembered. ‘Then after it was settled, for some reason I winked at her. I’ve never, not once in my entire life, winked. Didn’t even know I knew how. And you know what the rascal did?’
‘What?’
‘She giggled. No more amazing a sound have I heard in my entire life.’
Meg pulled her knees back to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. ‘I knew it,’ she said on a sigh. ‘You’ve so-o-o read the book.’
Zach brushed the sand from his hand and glanced at her from the corner of his eye. In the semi-darkness the angle of her body was outlined in gold from the dying fire—all curled into itself like a ball of shimmering red fabric. It wouldn’t matter who her father was, or the size of her trust fund, she would draw the eyes of those who knew quality when they saw it wherever she went.
He took in a deep breath, wood smoke tickling the back of his throat. ‘I may be faking it well enough to fool you, and perhaps even Felicia and Ruby. But the grim truth is I know next to nothing about kids, and less about girls.’
‘Many, many eons ago little Zach was seven.’
‘That is so. Yet my hope is that Zach at seven and Ruby at seven have very different experiences.’
‘Why’s that?’
The night was so quiet, the fire so mellow, the air so warm, Meg’s voice and presence in the darkness so reassuring. The uncomfortable truth of his childhood balanced on the tip of his tongue for a moment before he swallowed it down. He didn’t talk about it. Didn’t even like thinking about it. If having stopped flying to the ends of the earth and back meant all that purposely lost baggage might yet catch up with him…
He said, ‘She’s a girl, for one thing.’
Meg laughed and it echoed through him hollowly. All that virgin trust between them had been built for nought if he could still feign his feelings so easily. But it was too late to tell her now. The moment had passed.
‘To tell you the truth,’ she said, ‘what girls think, what we like, what annoys us, what we want isn’t really all that different at Ruby’s age or mine.’
‘And that is?’
She laughed again. This time he was quick enough to close down the exposed parts of himself so, instead of it making him feel so cool and alone inside, her laughter skittered hot and fast across his skin like sparks from the fire.
Her knees fell towards him, her hand reached out to give her balance and he could see more of her face in the firelight. ‘Better I don’t say. The more you think you know about womankind, the more you realise you don’t know. I’m not being any help to you at all, am I?’
‘You are. More than you know.’
‘Really?’ The flicker of surprise in her voice caught him off guard.
‘Really,’ he said, infusing the word with as much gravity as he could.
She watched him for a few long, hot moments before finding the fingernails of her right hand unexpectedly intriguing. ‘Well, of course I’m helping. I was a seven-year-old girl a lot more recently than you were a seven-year-old boy.’
‘That’ll be why.’
She smiled. He caught it at the fire-lit edge of her profile. A sexy curve of her mouth, a softening of her wide blue eyes. Heaven help him, he could have kissed her then and there. In front of the lingering fire-douser and anyone else who’d cared to hang about once the food and drinks were gone.
Then she had to go and ask, ‘Did you always want kids?’ and it was as good as a cold shower.
‘Never.’ The all too illuminating answer shot from his mouth like some kind of penance for his earlier cowardice. But it was out there now. So he went the only way he knew—forward.
‘My lifestyle was not conducive to kids. Or a family of any sort. I was on a plane twice a week. I’ve lived in hotel suites my whole adult life. The only real-estate I’ve ever owned was commercial. Any relationships I’ve had had to fit into that way of life, period.’
‘And when you first found out about Ruby?’
‘When my lawyer rang with the news I thought it was some kind of cruel joke. But when I hung up the phone it felt as though I’d been waiting for that call all my life.’
‘Simple as that, she changed your mind?’ she asked, her voice gentle.
‘In a heartbeat. It’s the strangest thing, but now I can barely remember my life without her.’
The fire crackled as a log split and those above spilt into the gap. Zach came to from far, far away, a whole other lifetime. He glanced across at Meg. Her face tilted to watch the sparks that fluttered up into the darkness. Without the play of expressions that continuously gave her away, he had no idea what she was thinking.
‘How about you?’ he asked on a whim.
She licked her lips and her brow furrowed for a moment before she turned to him with a breezy smile. ‘Kids? Gosh, no. Wherever would I find the time?’
‘You’re just saying that to make me feel better for admitting I felt that way.’
‘Not at all. I promise.’ Again he thought he caught a hint of a frown, but it was too dark to really tell. Whatever it was it was soon swallowed by the kind of overbright smile he knew better than to trust. ‘Don’t get me wrong—my nieces are two of my favourite people in the entire word. I love them to distraction. But it’s not on the cards for me.’
‘Why?’
He could tell she was really looking at him, and he wished there were some way of turning on a light. Of looking into those bright eyes and knowing what she was thinking before she said it. Being a step behind felt…disquieting somehow.
She eventually said, ‘Even apart from the whole cameras-outside-your-front-door thing, the life of a Kelly kid is not an easy one. The pressure to be the best, the brightest, every day a winner is immense. And that’s not changing any day soon.’
‘Your nieces are going through this now?’
Again she paused. Come on, he thought, I could do it, so can you. ‘I find myself quietly sabotaging the process wherever I possibly can. I sneak them junk food when their dad’s not watching. I teach them swear words in French, which my father doesn’t speak. If I babysit I let them wear pyjamas all day. I let them be kids.’
‘Talk about maternal instincts,’ he said with two raised eyebrows.
She stared at him as if he had grown horns. As if he was missing the point entirely. Then her hand moved to rest on her belly. She scrunched her hand into a fist before looking away and reaching out to grab her toes.
‘Instincts or no, unlike you I’m hardly going to have one appear out of the woodwork so that’s the end of that.’ She shook it off. Literally, her whole body gave one great shiver, before she said, ‘Okay. Moving on. Here’s something you can take to the bank. You ready?’
‘Always.’
‘Meg’s crash course on Raising a Girl 101. Ruby will make friends you don’t like, she’ll see movies that’ll make your eyes pop out of your head, listen to music that makes your ears ache, she’ll diet when she doesn’t need to, and eat ice cream for breakfast, and she’ll meet boys you wish had never been born. Roll with the punches for your own sake. And for hers, let her know no matter what happens she always has a safe place to go home to.’
He nodded, though his head was reeling with points one and two, much less the rest. ‘That’s why I took on the house here. To give her somewhere near her familiar haunts
to come home to.’
‘Nu-uh, Mr Jones. By home, I mean you. This is the clincher, the one thing you should get tattooed to your arm. No matter what happens, no matter what she does, always, always, make sure she knows you love her. That’s what will keep her coming home.’
Zach realised he was holding his breath. But he didn’t let it go until his lungs began to burn from inaction.
Love. Love. Love? The more times he said the word, the less sense it made.
What did he know about love? He’d fed Ruby, clothed her, given her shelter, filled her room with trinkets, let her have her little rebellions as some kind of compensation for not having a mother. But love?
If his own childhood had taught him anything it was that love was a sham. A fickle fairy tale. If loving someone as much as he’d loved some of his foster parents didn’t ensure they loved him back, what was the point?
He breathed deep and buried his face in his palms. What a hypocrite. He’d been busy convincing himself he was all about the fatherly care, when all the while he was actually dolling out the same kind of veiled neglect of his childhood without even realising it.
That poor, poor kid. Baking him pancakes, picking him wildflowers. At least she was trying to show him she loved him. While he hadn’t given her a single clue that he loved her too.
He loved her. Of course he damned well loved her. He’d have been some kind of fool to have changed his life so completely had he not.
He blinked into the fire. Stunned. Apparently never being shown how did not make him as incapable as he’d always believed.
He glanced at Meg. Their gazes tangled a moment longer than could ever be considered merely friendly.
Meg raised her eyebrows. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Terrified,’ he said before he could censor himself.
She laughed softly. Sadly even. ‘Then you know you’re not perfect. You know you have limitations. That’s a good thing. Believe me. What happened to Ruby’s mum?’
The last part came so out of the blue it shocked Zach right out of his funk. ‘Cancer. It was quick. Ruby didn’t even know till it was all over.’
‘No! Oh, the poor pet. And Isabel had really never told you about Ruby?’
He shook his head. ‘Our relationship had been casual. It ended as easily as it had begun. Still she was very clear in her will that she wanted me to have custody. For that one fact I have to forgive her the rest.’
‘Was it really that easy? I know I’m speaking out of turn, but even I don’t feel like I’m ready to forgive her and I didn’t even know the woman.’
She hadn’t even had to tell him so. He’d seen the fight in her eyes. Like a lioness protecting her cub. When had this fireside flirtation suddenly become so intense?
He said, ‘Over something that important, it was either forgive or let it burn for ever. The choice was simple.’
One dark curl draped over her pale shoulder as she wrapped her arms tight about her knees again. And there they sat, in loaded silence for a good couple of minutes before she finally said: ‘My father’s sick. You’ve probably heard.’
He didn’t nod. He didn’t need to. A person would have to be a hermit, a far more dedicated one than he was, not to know Quinn Kelly had heart problems. ‘How’s he doing?’
She nodded vigorously. ‘Exceptionally well, the old warhorse. So far as I know. He’s retired. Plays golf a lot. Eats the kind of food your chef would applaud.’
‘That’s good news, then.’
She nodded, but it wasn’t as effusive. She was a million miles away. ‘It gets a girl to thinking.’
‘About?’
She scrunched up her nose. ‘Things far too blah to go into on such a beautiful night. I’m sorry. Where were we? Ruby.’
Back to Ruby. Always Ruby. It occurred to him then that she might be using his daughter as a shield as much as he had been. He couldn’t help but wonder why.
‘Meg.’
‘Zach,’ she said in a mock-sombre voice.
‘Tell me.’
She focused on the flowers around his neck. ‘It’s just all this stuff that I haven’t thought about in years that has shuffled up to the surface in the last little while. And then you sit there all noble, making forgiveness sound so easy when I just don’t think I could—’
‘Tell me,’ he said again.
She blinked at him. All big blue eyes and down-turned mouth. ‘I can’t believe I’m about to…God, where do I begin?’
His voice felt unusually tight as he said, ‘Wherever you see fit.’
‘Okay,’ she said with a hearty sigh. ‘There’s this one memory that’s been playing on my mind. Years ago my father was given an Honorary Doctorate of Commerce by a university in Melbourne. He’d never gone to uni, never even finished high school, so it was a matter of immense pride. One of my brothers had scraped his knee or something equally boyish, so Mum waited at the hotel to be taken with them in the town car and my father drove himself, with me there, at my mother’s insistence, to keep him company. This was years before GPS.’
She looked to him. Her eyes narrowed, almost pleading he get her to stop. He just nodded. Go on.
‘Anyway, when he finally admitted he was lost he gave me the street directory and told me to show him how to get there. I’d never used one before, couldn’t pronounce half the street names, so I read the map wrong and we were late. Less than five minutes, but late is late.’
She stopped again. Licked her lips. Her hands were shaking. The tension streaming off her was palpable. He could feel his pulse beating in his temples.
‘What did he do?’ Zach asked, half not wanting to know, half needing her to trust him enough to tell him.
‘Before the engine had even come to a halt he turned on me. With such venom.’ She shook her ponytail off her shoulder to hide the flinch as the memory came at her. ‘I was careless, ridiculous, stupid and I had to find my own way back to the hotel to teach me to take heed of where I was and who I was with. By the time I made it to the hotel it was after dark, my mother was beside herself and my father had holed himself up in his room. His doctorate thrown onto the front table of the suite as though it was rubbish.’
Her eyes flickered to his—dark, grave, wounded. Eyes so beautiful they should never be made to look that way. His fingers curled into fists and adrenalin like he’d never felt shot through him.
‘How old were you?’
‘About Ruby’s age. Maybe a little younger.’
He’d known it the moment she’d started telling the story. Hearing her admit as much still made him want to hit something. Or more particularly someone.
‘It wasn’t the first time,’ he said matter-of-factly.
She shrugged and seemed to disappear even further inside her ample skirt. ‘Ever since I can remember he’d always been distant. Working a lot. But the first time he took it out on me was the time I told my nanny I was adopted. I thought it was because I’d dare think not being one of them was a more attractive option.’
‘And now?’
She let out a long, shaky breath. ‘Now I wonder if I had it all backwards. There have always been rumours…’ She swallowed, and looked at him, her big, blue eyes begging him to say the things she couldn’t.
Zach said, ‘You mean his affairs?’
‘Not the kind of thing a parent can keep from their kid when even rumours make the papers.’ Her mouth twisted, but a gleam had lit her eyes, as though her strength was returning now she wasn’t the only one bearing the load. ‘I’ve often wondered if I was an afterthought. A way to keep their marriage together. If so, it worked. But while my mother never gave a hint of it, the only way I could make sense of my father’s behaviour was that I was a reminder of the worst time of his life. That he regretted it. And regretted me.’
‘Even if that’s true it’s not your fault.’
She shrugged. ‘I know. I do. And I don’t even care any more. At least I thought I didn’t. I don’t even know why I brought it up.’
> Zach understood all too well. ‘You’ve made it very clear exactly why I need to always put Ruby first.’
‘I did? I guess I did. And don’t you forget it!’
Her soft mouth turned up into the echo of a familiar smile. As they looked into one another’s eyes the night stretched and contracted, and once again they communicated more in the silence than mere words could ever say.
Ruby’s card began to burn a hole in his top pocket. If ever there was a moment for him to take a risk and give it to her…
And then she yawned. ‘And on that note now seems like a good time to escort me back to my room.’
She flapped her hands at him. He pulled himself to his feet before pulling her after him. As they stood face to face her perfumed scent washed over him, delicate and delicious.
All he’d have to do was slide a hand around her neck and pull her to him and that mouth would be all his. The urge to kiss her, to take away the hurt, to give her something warm and wonderful to think about instead was overwhelming.
But she wasn’t some gorgeous young thing putting her hand up for a one-night stand. She’d had an intense night. Her thoughts were so obviously still scrambled. He’d be taking complete advantage.
‘One last question,’ he said, his voice low and rough.
She raised one sexy eyebrow.
‘It’s about Ruby. I know, I know, I’m getting predictable.’
The corner of her mouth twitched as though she knew exactly what he was doing. ‘Shoot.’
‘Should I get her a pet? A rabbit maybe?’
She let go of his hands and backed away from the beach towards the resort, towards the end of the night. ‘You can’t get her a rabbit! They’re a pest in Queensland. Start with a goldfish. Let her choose it. Let her name it whatever she wants. She’ll be putty in your hands.’
He caught up in three long strides. ‘You had a fish?’
‘I was a terrible pet owner. I always forgot to feed them, and they had a habit of leaping from the tank in desperation to leave me. But Mum just kept on replacing them. A dozen fish must have died to save the poor woman from having to tell me what was happening.’
