Now that the moment was upon her, she wasn’t sure if she could do it. She’d had the help of adrenaline and protectiveness on her side when the bear form freed itself before. Now, once everything had long since worn away, she was sure that the pain was going to be unbearable.
“It’s okay, Lucy,” Savannah encouraged. “I know you’re afraid of the pain, but it’s temporary, I promise. You’ll feel much better in human form than you do now, I’m sure.”
Lucy agreed, whimpering softly as she feared what was to come. She hated this form. Hated it. This was yet another reason why.
Gritting her teeth, Lucy began to force the bear back. It struggled and fought, having only just tasted its freedom, but Lucy pressed on. Her bones snapped loudly, the muscles tearing and rending. Blood poured liberally from the gash in her head that hadn’t quite healed, and as her bear’s snout retracted into the face she knew best, the roar she hadn’t known she’d been baying morphed into a ragged scream. After what felt like an eternity, she lay crumpled in the fetal position, her breath coming in gasps as Jo hastily wrapped a blanked around her.
Savannah sat in the dirt beside her, pulling Lucy’s head onto her lap.
“Are you okay,” Savannah asked gently. “The first change back after a while can be a bit… rough.”
Lucy only swallowed, tears pooling freely in her eyes.
“There’s Dan,” Jo spoke, relief evident in her voice. “He’ll look after you.” Jo gave her a kind smile, even though concern filled her eyes. When Dan came into view from where she lay on Savannah’s lap, even he had a similar look on his face, and it only made Lucy want to cry even more.
“Lucy,” he murmured softly, slipping strong arms around her as he hoisted her into the air. “Let’s go inside.”
She let him carry her, not even caring how helpless it made her look. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the bed and cry until there was nothing left.
Chapter Nineteen
Nick had given everyone the remainder of the day to recuperate from the battle, announcing that a meeting would be held the next day and they all had to attend. Dan was grateful for the break, using the free time to be there for Lucy in a time when she really needed a shoulder to cry on.
She’d spent the night alternating between anger and tears, never speaking or asking for help. As much as he wanted to, Dan knew saying anything about her shift would only make her feel worse. All he could do was hold her as she cried, helpless when faced with her immense sadness.
Her eyes were puffy and dull as she sat in the office, waiting for the meeting to begin. Dan wanted to pull her close, embracing her as he kissed all her sorrow away, but he refrained. Last night, she’d been much too preoccupied by her sadness to push away his consoling, but now she just looked like she’d rather be left alone.
“How are we all feeling?” Nick began, looking at his pack.
Murmurs sounded around the room as people assessed the damage they’d sustained the day before. Dan shrugged, wincing as his sore muscles pulled taut and the cuts that hadn’t quite healed yet stung from being jostled. He glanced gratefully at his mate, knowing that had it not been for her, things could have certainly turned out worse for him. He’d never be able to truly express how much her sacrifice meant to him.
Nick gave them a sad smile. “Could be better, huh?” he quipped. “At least we’re alive,” he continued, his face falling serious once more, “which is a good thing because if what we’re to believe it is true, we’ll need everyone to make it past this once and for all.”
“What do you mean?” Dan asked, noticing the confused looks on the others’ faces.
Nick and Tom exchanged weary glances before Tom met Dan’s gaze. “Last night, a bit after everyone got settled in for the evening, Nick and I tracked the Northern Wind back to where they holed up.”
“It was risky,” Nick chimed in, “but we figured after that night they’d likely be on high alert, so it was our best chance to gather some last minute information before their next attack.” He chewed his inner cheek, glancing quickly at Lucy before continuing. “And yeah, we heard some things.”
Lucy caught the glance, her dull eyes sharpening with anger. “It has something to do with Dominic?” There was a rawness in her voice that could only be achieved by hours of crying, and it broke Dan’s heart all over again.
Nick paused a moment, contemplating speaking on it further before sighing in resignation. “Yeah, at least we think it does.”
“He was chatting with a bear we hadn’t seen before, saying some pretty harsh things about the Northern Wind leader, Lucas,” Tom took over, face dark. “His voice didn’t carry well on the wing, but from what we could make out, he’s planning something. Something big, and we’re not entirely sure that Lucas is in on it.”
“What do you mean, ‘something big’?” Savannah asked, voice heavy with concern.
Dan thought back to the day before, before Lucas and Dominic had changed and were bantering back and forth. He remembered how Lucas’s voice had sounded off, not quite like himself. “Did anyone else notice something… different about Lucas yesterday?” he asked, looking from face to face.
Savannah shuddered. “Still seemed like a bloodthirsty tyrant from where I was standing,” she glowered.
Dan shook it head. “I don’t disagree, but what I mean is, he sounded different. His voice was off.” He racked his brain to explain what he’d noticed then, but he’d also been so overcome with anger that the words wouldn’t come freely. “He didn’t have any of his signature… creepiness.”
“I think I understand what you’re getting at,” Tom said. “Now that I think about it, he didn’t sound like the calculating bear we know him to be.” He frowned at Nick. “I thought that it was just because Dominic was so much worse, but maybe there’s also an underlying power struggle at work here that they didn’t want to make known?”
“Maybe,” Nick agreed, and now he was frowning as well. “That could prove problematic in the future.”
Savannah shook her head. “What also doesn’t make sense is… what exactly was yesterday?” she asked. “Besides Lucas, I’d never seen a single bear that showed up in the forest.” She looked to Lucy, a bit of sympathy in her gaze. “Besides your brother, did you recognize any of the other bears?”
Lucy gave one curt shake of her head. “No. We never allied with anyone else.”
Savannah nodded, turning back to Nick. “Twelve bears were in that clearing, thirteen if you count Lucy. Five were us, and of us all, we only noticed two of the remaining eight. Who were the other six?” she asked, looking from face to face and settling on Dan. “And what’s more, where were the bears we know? Where’s Flood and Jake, or anyone else from the Northern Wind we left behind?”
“And why did it almost seem too easy?” Jo murmured. Every eye turned to her. “From what I could see in the truck, the bears were small, and even though almost all of you were outnumbered, it was easy for you to keep them at bay.” She looked to Nick. “Even against Lucas himself and another two bears, you seemed to be holding them back easily. That doesn’t seem right.”
“Jo’s right,” Tom confirmed with a grimace. “As most of you know, I fought Lucas myself not too long ago. Ask Dan and Savannah; it wasn’t an easy fight, even one-on-one, and I came home with some pretty nasty wounds to show for it.” He turned to his brother, looking him over. “And here you are after fighting him and two others by yourself, virtually unscathed.”
Dan remembered how Dominic tore into Lucy with his words before stalking off into the woods. Dread settled in his stomach, as he could clearly see the other bears backing off almost immediately after he’d faded into darkness past the underbrush. Jo and Savannah were right, something wasn’t right about that battle. Pairing it with what the alphas had found on their scout, Dan could only assume that something terrible was brewing.
“Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out,” Nick announced, pulling the attention back to him. �
�We always do, and we always come out ahead.
Lucy scoffed. “If only it were so easy.”
Nick turned to her, eyes wary but not upset. “What do you mean?”
She glared up at Nick, her hands balling to fists as she tucked them under her arms. “You’re not dealing with the pack you once were anymore. See, this is what Dominic does. He waltzes into wherever he pleases, and fucks it all up beyond all recognition.”
She stood quickly nearly toppling her chair in the process. “It’s foolish to go into this thinking that whatever comes after yesterday will be the same as what you know.” She shook her head, frustration mottling her features. “You’re not facing Lucas anymore, Nick. You’re facing Dominic, now. So take everything you think you know about the Northern Wind pack and throw it out the window. You’ll be better off for it.” She stalked off without another word, stepping outside into the cold air.
Silence fell in the office behind her departure. “Should I go after her?” Dan asked helplessly. “I don’t know what to do.”
Savannah placed a compassionate hand on his arm. “Give her some space for a while. We all know she’s been through a lot.”
Jo nodded, empathetic. “She did finally shift, at least,” she added. “That’s at least a step in the right direction.”
Dan chose not to respond. Seeing the state she was in post shift had devastated him to his core. Jo may have hope for Lucy’s future as a shifter, but from the way she’d stormed out of the office, Dan honestly couldn’t say the same.
***
The chill of the wind hit Lucy’s cheeks as she stepped outside, but she could hardly feel it. The memories of the battle ran endlessly through her mind, torturing her with replays of the harsh words her brother had speared her with the day before. She couldn’t eat, she couldn’t sleep; she’d cried so much that it exhausted her, and even then, all she would be able to do was stare blankly at the walls as Dan held her. Eventually she’d regained a bit of her lost energy and started crying again.
Thoughts of her shift only brought more pain. Encouraging words from everyone in Mountain Haven had her thinking that maybe, just maybe, the past could be rewritten with something brighter and more hopeful. The harsh reality proved all that truly awaited her was agony. She didn’t want to deal with the torture that shifting brought ever again.
She knew as long as she stayed here, there would be an unspoken pressure against her to shift. She saw the hope and excitement in Dan’s eyes as he took in her bear, the relief on Jo’s face when she finally gave in to the bear’s influence. It would never go away, even though Lucy so desperately wanted it to.
What were her options? A huge part of her just wanted to run away, leave the pack behind and start over somewhere else, be someone else without the expectations of loving a side of her she never wanted to see again. She wanted to just disappear… but her heart told her she couldn’t. Mountain Haven had given her so much and asked for so little. They’d welcomed her with open arms and trusted her even though everything about her life urged them not to. And then, there was Dan…
Lucy loved him. There was no denying it. She loved him so fully and completely that the thought of wandering off and never seeing him again pained her heart almost immediately. He’d done his best to keep her safe against Dominic the day before, and nearly lost his life in the process. She knew that if it were anyone else, she wouldn’t have given up her to her bear as easily as she did. Dan was worth breaking boundaries for.
Thoughts meandered to what could have been had she decided to hold onto her fear, but she waved the possibilities away. Holding her head in her hands, she strolled deeper into the cover of the woods. Her mind didn’t need that kind of pain right now.
***
Lucy didn’t know how long she’d been walking for, but lost in her thoughts, she’d managed to wander listlessly into a part of the forest that she’d never been before. The woods were dark, the tall trees blotting out most of the early morning sunshine.
Looking franticly for a familiar landmark, the first frisson of fear shivered up her spine. Dominic had found her deep in the woods once before, what if he did again? Would Dan be around to save her gain? Would Dominic even give him a chance this time?
Her bear shifted uneasily within her, growing wary. It urged her to give in to the shift, to let it out so it could use heightened senses to guide her back home. Lucy couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do less. Ultimately refusing to let it have its way with her body once more, she dropped to her knees and began to weep.
“Lucy?”
Dan approached cautiously through the trees, his arms outstretched. He’d followed her. He hadn’t left her alone.
The tears began falling quicker, Lucy sobbed uncontrollably as he pulled her into his arms, settling down on the forest floor beside her.
“Whatever you’re going through, I’m here,” Dan whispered in her ear, holding her tightly. “I’ll always be here for you. I’ll never leave.”
Lucy wept into his chest, her heart breaking and healing at the same time. Dan wouldn’t leave her; she felt it in the strength of his embrace and the love in his words. He’d proved it time and time again, but she’d always held out doubt. Not anymore. He was truly there for all of her. She understood that now.
“I’m here, Lucy,” Dan murmured softly, over and over again, becoming a chant that would heal Lucy into the best form of herself, with time. She let herself rest against him, letting out all of the emotions she had swirling inside of her until there was nothing left.
And still, Dan held her.
Chapter Twenty
“How is she?”
Dan shook his head at Jo. It had been a week since the battle against Dominic and the Northern Wind, and though Lucy no longer shot daggers at anyone who dared to look at her, she was still far from the kind, sassy woman that he’d fallen in love with. She spent most of the day quiet and sad, staring off into the distance and thinking of things he couldn’t imagine.
“I couldn’t say,” he replied, seeing Jo’s eyes grow sad. “And I don’t know how to fix it.” He gazed listlessly at the walls as they dried with their latest undercoat of paint. “Has she been any better at work?”
Jo shook her head solemnly. “She works hard, same as always, but she’s more reserved. Nothing like the Lucy we’ve come to know.”
Rubbing a hand over his face, Dan’s shoulders slumped. “I wish I could help her.”
“You are helping,” Jo reassured. “All you can do is be there for her. I’m sure your efforts aren’t going unnoticed.” She tried to smile. “When Lucy’s ready to talk, she’ll come to you.”
“What if she never does?” Dan asked with a frown. “What if she’s never ready? I feel like… I feel like there’s something else. Like she’s holding something back from me, but I don’t know what it is.”
Jo tilted her head in contemplation. “Have you tried asking her outright?”
“No,” Dan replied quickly. “The last thing she needs is for me to pry.”
Jo shrugged. “I don’t think you would be,” she replied, gently. “You’re closer to her than anyone else, Dan. If anyone can get through to her and snap her out of this funk, it’s you.” She placed a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “I think you should at least try before she starts thinking that there’s nothing left for her here in Mountain Haven.”
Dan gave Jo a doubtful look, but didn’t refuse. Maybe she was right; maybe asking the difficult questions was the only viable option he had left.
He gazed out the window to where Lucy was standing, outside basking in a gentle breeze that tousled her dark hair. Dan tossed Jo a small thank you before stepping outside to his mate.
Plastering a big fake smile on his face, he walked up next to her and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. “Hey,” he murmured. “Feeling any better today?”
She shrugged noncommittally, her face remaining blank. “I’m okay,” she replied. “Took a walk to get some air. Didn’t get f
ar, though.”
Hearing her voice fall so flat and bland broke his heart all over again, but he pressed on. “How about we take a picnic up to our spot tonight?” he asked, hopefully. “I can get takeout, or maybe even make us something from scratch if you want?
She didn’t respond immediately, leaving a terse moment of silence between then that only the wind could fill. Finally, she gave a small nod and Dan breathed out a large sigh of relief.
“Great,” he replied, a bit of his smile becoming genuine. “I’ll come get you as soon as I wrap things up.”
“Okay, thanks,” Lucy replied, voice solemn. Dan tried not to feel hurt by her lack of excitement.
Watching her walk lifelessly back into the shop, Dan ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He had to get through to her, somehow. If he didn’t he feared she wouldn’t give him another chance.
***
Lucy climbed the hill with fervor, breath coming in pants as she attacked the steep climb. Her mind hung on the way Dan had looked at her earlier in the day, making her heart heavy. He was trying so hard but she still couldn’t bring herself to be honest with him, to let him into her mind. Most of her knew that Mountain Haven only wished to protect her and be there for her. They were kind and loyal, worthy of her trust… but she still couldn’t stop the tiny thought in the back of her mind that they wouldn’t depart down the same road of insanity that Dominic did. She wanted so badly to ignore that worry and let them in, but she couldn’t. It was like a mental block that she couldn’t get past; no matter how hard she tried.
As she climbed, she wondered if now was her chance to finally break the cycle. Could she talk things out with Dan and finally have her happiness back? Something in her mind screamed no, that coming up here was a terrible idea, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t nervous about the conversation that was to come. She’d never had someone to cope with before, this was entirely new to her, and she was worried that things could go south very quickly.
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