by Liz Talley
Bonnie approached and propped a hand on her hip. “Well, that looked intense. You need a drink, hon?”
Jake shook his head. “I need something stronger than whiskey right now.”
“Well, we don’t sell that, but if you go up to Hook Road, you can probably score something. Take a gun, though,” Bonnie teased, sashaying off with more energy than she’d shown in years.
Jake felt close to tears, the heavy brick of guilt, doubt and disappointment culling a home in his soul. Across the room, he caught sight of Jenny, who gave him a sympathetic look. How many people had heard Clint’s accusations? How many now knew that he and Eva had messed around?
Jenny offered him a partial smile and a shrug.
He managed to crook half of his lips into either a grimace or an acknowledging smile. He wasn’t sure which.
Matt pulled up a stool and sank onto it. “Well, I told you this would happen.”
“That Clint would call me out about Eva?”
“No, that nothing good could come of you pursuing Eva. I didn’t hear everything Clint said, and I don’t agree with most of it, but he was right about some things.”
“So what? Do I just pretend I feel nothing? Ignore her? What do you suggest? Since your own relationship seems peachy keen at the moment.”
Matt’s mouth turned down, and a coldness descended over his face. “You can learn from my mistakes. Women are complex creatures. You can’t pretend to understand them. Just stay behind the line and refuse to cross the field full of land mines.”
“Bullshit,” Jake scoffed, eyeing the watery whiskey Clint had left behind. From the corner of his eye, he noted his former best friend pushing out the door of Ray-Ray’s. He wondered if Clint was okay to drive…and then he remembered the last time he’d begged a tipsy Clint not to climb behind the wheel. None of his business. He wasn’t a cop or Clint’s keeper.
“That’s your response? Bullshit?”
“It’s all I got,” Jake said, pushing away from the table. He didn’t know what to do at that moment. Tell everyone to jump off a cliff…or back off Eva.
He wanted her.
He thought he loved her.
But could he risk her heart?
Not having the answer, he gave his brother a slap on the back. “I gotta get out of here.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t think in here. This place is…it’s not the place for me right now.”
“I get it,” Matt said, calling Bonnie over to order another drink. “Think hard about this thing with Eva. She’s part of this community, our family, not to mention she’s raising a kid. This ain’t Kate, a gal who knows the score. This is Eva. Be judicious.”
And on those words of wisdom, Jake left Ray-Ray’s.
*
SATURDAY CAME LIKE a ray of sunshine in a sea of darkness. Turned out nursing a child through the flu was no cakewalk. And doing back-to-back shifts at the station wasn’t much better. Especially when Jake wasn’t there.
That afternoon when she arrived back at her house, paying Birdie for babysitting a suddenly very energetic Charlie for the morning, she set out to give herself a much-needed spa day.
With Charlie napping to old-school Bugs Bunny videos, Eva planned to sink into a bubble bath and read a raunchy erotic novel on her Kindle. She’d been daydreaming about Jake and making love to him for the past few days…well, when she wasn’t changing bedding, making chicken noodle soup and spraying everything she owned with Lysol. She would be happy if she never smelled “clean cotton” spray again.
Usually she didn’t fuss with painting her nails or waxing her bikini area, but she had promised Jake she’d cook dinner, assuring him the place was decontaminated, and wanted to feel pretty rather than like a flu survivor. Last night when she’d texted him from the station, he’d been a bit terse, but she figured he’d felt a little ignored by her. They’d essentially made love, declared a sort of undefined commitment to one another and then…crickets.
Okay, a sick kid and a job were good reasons for those crickets, but tonight she’d show Jake exactly how much she’d missed him. As soon as her nail polish dried and the steaks finished marinating.
Her phone rang and she saw it was her friend Jenny.
She let it go to voice mail because the Pink Sensation still hadn’t dried. Jenny probably wanted to go out, forgetting that Eva had Charlie now.
The voice mail dinged.
Eva padded into her bedroom and slipped on a robe.
“Charlie,” she called.
“I’m watching the Road Runner,” he called back.
“Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. I feel like a million bucks. You can stop asking me that now.” He sounded a bit peevish, but it made Eva smile. Getting Charlie through a scary sickness and 104-degree fever had not only stretched her mothering abilities but had also challenged her emotions. Guess there was just something about nurturing a kid when he had his defenses down. She could still feel the way he clung to her, still ache at his little cries when they’d drawn blood at the clinic. Luckily, the Tamiflu they’d given him had helped him get better much faster. The only upside to the whole crazy Monday morning had been Melba Gunter seeing her true parenting skills in action…and ignoring the dirty socks on the living room floor and the empty pizza box in the kitchen. Nails finally dry, Eva padded back into the bathroom, dropped her robe and climbed into her soaker tub full of bubbles.
Leaning back, Eva closed her eyes. She was doing okay. No, better than okay. The man she’d loved for years had told her he was falling for her. A position was up for grabs at the station, which could result in a much-needed raise.
Kids were sorta expensive. And with Charlie finally getting settled in and Claren, who had sent her an apology via email, admitting she needed help and had to stay at the facility a while longer, things were on the upswing. Life was good.
Her phone on the counter buzzed again. Another voice mail.
Maybe she should check it. Maybe something was going on. Water sluiced off her body as she stood and grabbed a towel, drying her hands.
This message was from Jake.
Can’t make it tonight. Sorry.
Eva lowered the phone. What the hell kind of message was that?
Disappointment struck hard. Damn it. She wanted to curl up next to him on the couch and watch a movie, like she was his girlfriend. And then once Charlie was asleep, take him to her bed and show him how much she’d missed him. But this was a weird message. No teasing. No flirting. Maybe Jake had already changed his mind.
No. Something had to have come up.
She texted:
Everything okay?
Yeah. Will talk later.
Dripping on the carpet, she stood there naked, wondering if she should text back or let it go.
She did neither. Instead, she called him…the old-fashioned way. It took him a long time before he answered, and when he said hello it sounded empty.
“Hey, what’s going on? I thought we had a date with two rib eyes tonight?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that, but I have something I have to do. Can’t wait.”
Eva didn’t know what to say to that. Pry? Or…
“Look, Eva,” Jake said, clearing his throat, “uh, I think I was a bit premature in saying—”
“Wait. Are you joking?” she interrupted, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her. She shut the toilet lid and sank down. “You’re really doing this? A blow-off before we even start?”
“No, we, ah, it’s complicated, E.”
“No shit. That’s exactly what I told you, but you said a lot of things Sunday that erased my reservations about sleeping with you.” She growled the last part because at that moment she felt like one of those cartoon characters that turned into a blinking dumb-ass. “Did you lie to me?”
“At that moment I sorta felt those things,” he said, his voice so dry, so emotionless, so not like the Jake she’d always known. He sounded…bored?
She pulled the phone away and looked down at it.
He had to be joking. He couldn’t have faked all that. She would have known, wouldn’t she? “I can’t believe this. I really can’t. So me having to take care of my brother, who was running a 104-degree fever by the way, put you off? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Um, maybe the distance gave me perspective,” he said, clearing his throat again. Like a guilty man. “You suggested going in that direction could ruin things, and the more I thought about it, the more I think you’re right.”
“Too late. We went that direction. Anytime you snap a condom off after being with someone, you’ve gone in a direction, Jake. I can’t believe you’re pulling this shit.” She was yelling at him and didn’t care. He’d lost his mind. He acted as if he was…lying. “Wait, are you scared or something? Did someone say something?”
A long silence.
“No. I’m sorry, Eva. I never meant to hurt you.”
“So don’t. I believed you. I still believe in us. Don’t do this.”
“But you were right all along,” he said, robotically. Like he’d rehearsed it. “We should just be friends.”
“You’re lying to yourself…and to me. I’m so disappointed in you.”
“I’m sor—”
She hung up on him. She couldn’t deal with the stabbing pain that had pierced her, blooming inside her like a disease, taking over her body. She tossed the phone onto the counter, clutched her stomach and leaned over, trying not to scream.
He’d dumped her. And, sweet Lord Almighty, he’d barely even picked her up.
“Oh, oh, oh,” she said, rocking herself, squeezing her eyes closed as tightly as possible. As if she could will it away. As if—
“Eva?” Charlie said behind the closed bathroom door. “Who are you yelling at?”
Damn. “Uh, no one.”
“Your voice sounds funny. Like you’re choking on water. You’re not drownded, are you?”
“No, honey. Go watch your movie. I’ll be out in a minute,” she said, pressing a trembling hand over her mouth. Her body shook with unshed tears, and tremendous pressure bloomed in her head, threatening to explode.
Eva pressed her fingers into dry eyes. Well, there you have it, sister. You did this to yourself.
And she had. She’d known Jake’s MO. Being with him, admitting her feelings, had been a huge risk and she’d crapped out, losing the entire bank. Yeah, Jake was a bastard extraordinaire, but she had known this could happen. But like every little girl in the world, she had believed a man could love her forever.
She blamed it on Cinderella and that Prince Charming crap spoon-fed to her as a child. Happily-ever-after, her ass.
Only one thing to do. Put one foot in front of the other. No time for pints of Ben and Jerry or crying jags or buying new shoes to alleviate the pain of a broken heart. She had Charlie to think of, and that meant pasting on a happy face, ignoring the steaks marinating, and going out for pizza.
She stood up, tossed the towel into the dirty clothes bin and wiped the smudges from under her eyes. She didn’t have the luxury of tears at that moment.
Instead, anger grew…and determination…and a hurt that would never go away.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
JAKE WAS DRUNK.
And he’d been drunk pretty much the whole weekend.
Seemed lying to Eva, breaking her heart and being thought of as a no-good rat-bastard made a man crave bourbon.
And scotch.
And Andy Gator beer.
“You know you’re too drunk to mow the yard,” Matt said from the rocking chair on the porch of the Beauchamp family camp. Matt came here on the weekends, when his wife came back to Magnolia Bend to visit their boys and stayed at the house they’d bought fifteen years ago. Sometimes she took them to New Orleans and her tiny apartment in the Vieux Carre, but most of the time she spared them the exposure to vomit, piss and tourists taking pictures with tired old mules tied to festive carriages. They’d been split up for eight months, and Matt had indicated that though he still loved his wife, he didn’t know how to mend what was broken between them.
Which made Jake even more depressed, so he took another swig of beer.
“I’m not too drunk. I’ve driven that tractor way drunker than this.”
“Sure, but the cutting job you did looked like you were hammered. Dad never forgave you for running over that confederate jasmine he’d planted by the boathouse.”
Jake gave a bitter laugh.
“So you gonna talk about why you’ve been the most morose bastard I’ve encountered in a decade?” Matt asked, sipping his coffee and staring out at the cypress trees draped with lacy Spanish moss. The lake was rough today, and not far from the camp lay the spot where Jake had taken Eva…where he’d said words he had to take back.
He hated himself for that.
“Nah, got nothing to say. Pretty much the way you feel about MJ.”
“I’m assuming this is about Eva.”
“And I’m assuming you should stay the hell out of my business. You had your say about me and her. I got the message.”
For a few minutes the only sound Jake heard was the creak of the rocker on the wooden slants of the porch. A mockingbird flew onto the porch and then immediately took flight again.
“I remember what I said,” Matt said with a grunt as he stood, “but also remember the advice came from a man who has no clue about women. Mary Jane was my first love, the first woman I ever slept with. Hell, the only woman I’ve ever slept with, so my knowledge of the fairer sex is shit. Just consider that.”
Matt passed him, snatching the keys to the old John Deere, heading to the metal building that housed all their dad’s toys—pirogues, an old Jet Ski and a multitude of tools.
Jake followed him because he was tired of wallowing in his own misery, tired of thinking about what he shoulda, coulda done. He’d done what Clint suggested. He’d unburdened Eva with the heartbreak that was sure to come from loving him. Everyone was right about him. He didn’t have the balls or the gumption to go after love.
Love hurt. And life had shown him as much. John’s wife had died, Abigail’s husband had cheated and Matt’s wife had left him.
The flipside to love was pain.
So why would he want to saddle himself with that particular emotion? He already had enough self-loathing rolling inside him. He’d already broken one man years ago and so the solution was quite easy—never feel anything more than casual concern. Well, at least for anyone outside his family. He couldn’t fake love for his family—that was as real as the sun every morning and the moon every night. But everyone else? Yeah, if he didn’t love and commit to people, he couldn’t let them down.
Like he had Clint.
Like he had Angela.
And like he had Eva.
He had so wanted Eva to be his. And when she’d said those things about believing in him…believing in them…he’d almost told her about Clint and his accusations. Her pain had broken his heart. And now he’d have to make his way through life missing the most important piece of himself.
“I can do the weed eating,” Jake said to Matt, grabbing the goggles and earplugs off the hook.
“No, you need to go sleep this off. I’ve been where you are. I’ve been sick over love. Booze ain’t gonna cure it. You’ve had your bender, you’ve probably examined what you’ve done—which I’m assuming is deny yourself Eva—and now it’s time to rest, shower and don the mask you’ll present to the rest of the world. And that’s no piece of cake, bro.” Matt sat a hand on his shoulder.
Jake nodded, handing the safety tools over to his older brother. Thank God he had someone to talk to, someone who understood. Not like he could go
to Abigail or John. They were so stinkin’ in love one could barely tolerate being around them. So not the people he needed at this moment.
“Thanks, Matt.”
Matt snapped the headphones on his ears and climbed onto the tractor.
Jake headed back to the cabin, knowing that tomorrow he’d have to face Eva. Their shift would be murder, but he had to do it…unless he called one of the other guys and talked about a permanent switch.
God, he’d hate not being on shift with Eva. He’d grown so accustomed to her face, to the smell of her lotion and the way she ate all the red loops out of her cereal first.
But if he were truly putting her first, as he’d convinced himself he’d done, then he had to finish it. No sense in subjecting her to his presence.
I’m disappointed by you.
Yeah, a woman who said that would likely be glad not to share toothpaste and couch time with him at the station.
Jake pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Cooper Platt. The younger firefighter had asked about switching shifts with him before because he didn’t like one of the guys on his shift. Ernie was a bit of a blowhard, but Jake could deal with the older know-it-all. Coop, Eva and Dutch would do fine together on C shift.
And he could think seriously about another job…or getting out of Magnolia Bend. After the blowup with Clint and with Eva no doubt hating him, he finally had the catalyst to make a change. Well, a different change.
And it started with switching shifts.
For Eva’s sake.
*
EVA WALKED INTO PattyAnn’s bakery and spied Jenny in the corner. When Eva had finally got around to checking her messages after an unprecedented crying jag into her pillow that night, she discovered that Jenny had seen or heard something that Eva had to hear about. Jenny had begged to meet her for lunch, and with Charlie over at Abigail’s helping Birdie make globe cookies for Columbus Day, she had enough time to slip away.
Of course she looked like crap. After a much-needed cry, the hope of sleep had fled from her like a toddler in a mall, hiding in the circular rack of Never Gonna Be the Same Again, an imaginary store full of tear-streaked tissues, white wine and faded promises. But damn if her pink nails didn’t look nice.
