Tara squirted shampoo into her hands and lathered her hair, smiling wryly. They’d done the dating thing more than five years ago. Mike had run away screaming. She shook her head, determined not to think about that. If she thought about it, there was a fairly good chance that she would snatch Madelynn up and skip town for good. Tara had always believed that history repeated itself, and initially that thought had kept her hesitations firmly rooted. But it hadn’t taken long to figure out that unless she and Mike worked out their feelings, both past and present, they were going to have a very difficult time with Mike’s new role as daddy.
This, Tara thought in amusement, is why the warm water felt so good to aching muscles that hadn’t been used in years. It’s why she had just a touch of soreness between her legs and why little love bruises covered her breasts and thighs. It was impossible to be upset about her spontaneity yesterday, though. After all, that same spontaneity had given her Madelynn, and it had gotten her here for Christmas.
Tara scrubbed her hair absently, the faint giggles from the next room making her grin and then sputter as shampoo suds slid into her mouth.
Mike and Maddie raised their voices together and yelled, “Aye, aye, captain!” A few seconds went by, and Mike’s deep, booming voice combined with Maddie’s again in another, “Aye, aye, Captain!”
Tara giggled. They must be watching SpongeBob.
She finished her shower, dressed in the freshly washed clothes, and walked out, drying her hair with a towel.
Mike and Maddie were reclined on the bed, his arm around her, and her tiny face nestled against his powerful bicep. His cheek rested on top of her head, and despite his closed eyes, Mike’s expression betrayed more emotion than she would have ever thought possible. A final cord of tension Tara hadn’t been aware of somewhere inside her broke, and she felt lighter and freer than she had since that pregnancy test had shown two pink bars. Madelynn had a father.
Mike opened his eyes and met hers, and the fine mist of tears in them nearly brought Tara to her knees. This is what I’ve been missing. He held his hand out to her, and she dropped the towel and moved into his arms. They lay curled there, watching two entire episodes of SpongeBob before Madelynn lost interest.
* * * *
They were leaving the next day. They were leaving, and he couldn’t stand it. What would he do without Madelynn to charm him into playing games and coloring? What would he do without a few precious stolen minutes with Tara?
The day had flown by. One minute Mike was combing the tangles out of Madelynn’s wet hair, the next they were eating take-out Mexican food for dinner, getting ready to say good-bye. He tried to eat the enchiladas, but each bite tasted like sawdust. After Tara picked up take-out, they’d spent the day inside despite Madelynn’s repeated requests to play in the snow. They’d played games and colored and talked about school. When Madelynn took her nap curled under his blanket, Mike sat and watched her, content to stroke her hair and murmur his love while she was asleep.
He was aware of Tara’s eyes on him the entire time, though she remained silent and allowed him his moment. Mike was grateful for that, for her quiet understanding. And when Madelynn woke from her nap and begged to go play with the other children, he told her she could go despite how much he wanted to keep her there.
When Tara returned from dropping Madelynn off at daycare, they watched each other in silence for a long moment. Finally, when Mike thought the tension was more than he could bear, she took a tentative step toward him.
“Come here,” Mike commanded and then extended his hand to her from his position sitting upright on the bed.
Tara hesitated again, and he muffled a frustrated moan. “Please, Tara,” he said through tears he would not let spill. He’d cried enough in front of her, for God’s sake. This time she seemed to sense his desperation and moved toward him and took his hand.
Mike didn’t pull her down to the bed as he knew she’d expected. Instead he held her hand in his, savoring her nearness, stroking his thumb across her palm.
Tara wrapped the other hand around his neck and pulled him into her. Mike buried his head between her breasts and filled his lungs with her scent. She smelled so good! God knew when he’d get to smell her, touch her, love her again.
“Mike, I…”
“Shh,” he whispered against her softness. He pulled his head away and looked up at her. Unable to stop himself any longer, Mike pulled her into his lap and leaned back. His bed was in an upright position, so they were both still essentially sitting up. Tara straddled his lap immediately and rose above him.
“No, I need to say this, Mike.”
“Later,” he muttered, desperate to postpone whatever Tara was going to say because it was probably going to suck. Mike pulled her head down to him and set his lips against hers.
Tara pulled away, and in a soft voice said, “No, now.”
Mike sighed and dropped his head. “Okay.” He just wanted to make love to her, just once more, before she went home and remembered all the reasons why she should never speak to him again.
Tara took his face between her hands and forced him to look at her. His stomach knotted.
“You are going to be a wonderful father to Madelynn.” She took a deep breath, and his heart dropped in nervous anticipation of her next words. “And you and I are going to figure this out as soon as you get home.” She kissed him gently and said, “So hurry up and come home.”
“Okay,” Mike whispered, unable to give voice to all the words circling inside him. Instead he met her lips, gently at first and then with increasing pressure. Her tongue stroked against his, touching and caressing, while her hands tested the firmness of his chest.
Mike pulled away, needing to defend himself, explain why he’d let his body go soft. “I’m a little out of shape. I don’t get as much time in the gym as I need to here.”
Tara rolled her eyes and then laughed. “Mike, you are not out of shape. You’re so…so…” She pressed her fingertips into his chest and then his abs and arms. “Hard,” she finished.
Mike couldn’t stop the smile from stretching his lips as he said, “If you’re looking for hard, check a little lower.” He tugged her hands down to where his erection pushed against the fabric of his jeans. “There,” he said, leaning back to enjoy it as her fingers explored him. “That’s where you need to look if you want something hard.”
Tara gave him an exasperated smile, and he laughed. She had always called him out when Mike was being cocky. Being cocky was just part of who he was, part of being a SEAL. Even when Tara hadn’t been around, it had always been her voice in his head telling Mike that he was being an over-the-top ass.
His laughter cut off with a groan when she rubbed the sensitive head. Tara’s smile changed then from mocking to one full of promises. Mike watched her soft, small hands as she pulled away the denim and freed him from his boxers.
Tara stroked him several times until she’d drawn forth a steady stream of precum. When she moved down his body to take him in her mouth, Mike stopped her.
“No,” he said at her inquiring look. “Ride me.”
Tara bit her lip and looked back at the door before getting to her feet to lock it. On the way back to the bed, she unsnapped her own jeans and slid them to the floor along with her underwear.
“Shirt and bra too,” Mike demanded roughly. Tara fingered the fabric of her shirt for a few moments, and he held his breath while she debated. She couldn’t deny him this, not now. He needed it. Needed to see her rising above him, her heavy breasts swaying as she sank onto his throbbing cock.
Mike’s breath hissed out when she complied and pulled her shirt over her head before slipping her arms out of the bra. It struck Mike suddenly that Tara was standing stark naked in the hospital room of what was, essentially, a dangerous mental patient. It was a sobering—and somewhat humorous—realization, but not one that could stop him.
He shook his head to dispel the thought and held his hand out to her. “Say something,�
�� he whispered.
“What do you want me to say?” Tara whispered back.
That you love me. That you’ll stay with me. That you’ll just let me be near you for the rest of my life.
Mike remained silent, though, and pulled her toward him until she’d settled herself on his lap, his cock straining toward the moist curls that hid her from his sight. Instead of urging her to lift so he could slide himself inside of her, he trailed his fingers along her collarbone and down to her breasts. Mike watched Tara as he touched her nipples, keeping the touch so light he could barely feel the ridges of the hardened points. Her breath swooshed from her lungs, and he looked up at her face. Her eyes were closed, and her head was tilted back.
He licked his thumb and nestled it amidst the curls between her legs, searching for the little nub that would make her cry out, make her remember that it was him, it was Mike that could make her feel so good. He found it and massaged and then inhaled a sharp breath when he felt the trickle of moisture that seeped from her body.
He rubbed until Tara was arching her hips into his fingers and then urged her to rise. Mike positioned himself at her entrance and put his hands on her hips and pulled her onto him. He watched his cock disappear inside of her; his hands shook with the hunger that swelled in him because of it.
Mike watched as she rose and fell on him, his body trembling with a violent need to grab her hips and slam himself deep. Tara was so lush, so sensual, he wasn’t going to last long despite how much he wanted this to continue. He searched in her curls again, the lips parted and wet from sliding onto his thick erection. He’d barely touched her, just a slight caress, when she cried out and ground her hips against his.
Tara rode him hard then, her eyes closed and her head thrown back. Her lips parted, emitting breathy little sighs and groans that drove him harder, faster. He circled the nub in a firm touch, hoping, praying that she would come before he did or at least at the same time.
When the contractions of her body started to squeeze him, rhythmically tugging on his throbbing erection, his body tensed and jerked into hers a split second before he came in hard pulses, unable to keep from crying out her name.
Chapter 19
Tara drove home in a daze the next morning, struggling in vain to keep up with Madelynn’s excited chatter. Mike’s parting words echoed unrelenting in her mind.
“Stay, just one more day.”
“Michael, we can’t.”
Silence. Then a choked, “Then go. Just go. Before I start to beg.”
“Mike…”
“Please Tara. I can’t say good-bye to Madelynn. I can’t watch you walk out not knowing the next time I’ll see you. So just…go. Don’t unman me even more than I already am.”
She’d fled. Like a coward. Instead of staying one more day, which was entirely possible, Tara left.
She didn’t call him when she got home. She pulled into the tiny house she’d so painstakingly saved for and made into a home. Will Mike like it? Tara shook her head and went through the process of unloading the car and making lunch for herself and Maddie.
Every action made her wonder what Mike was doing, what Mike would think. Every giggle or smile from Madelynn broke her heart. She knew it was ridiculous; she had to come home. School was going to start back just after the New Year, and Tara couldn’t miss that. She couldn’t stay until he could come home. From a financial standpoint alone, it was impossible, even with the money from him.
When Madelynn went to bed, Tara finally worked up the nerve to call him.
“Tara?” Mike answered, his voice low and rasping. Tara squeezed her eyes closed in despair. He sounded like he’d been crying, and it made her feel like crap.
“Hi, Mike. We made it home. I got busy when we got here.” She paused, hoping he would understand. “I just put Maddie to bed.”
“Good.” He cleared his throat and said, “I’m, uh, glad you made it home okay.” A pause and then a deep breath before he said huskily, “I miss you guys.”
“We miss you too,” Tara responded, trying in vain to stop the tears welling in her eyes. “Come home, okay?”
“I will.” He remained silent for a moment and then whispered, “Tell Madelynn I…I miss her. I can’t wait to see her again.”
“Okay.” she whispered, but Mike had already hung up. Why was this so hard? She hadn’t heard from him or seen him in five freaking years—six in February—and now she’d been away from him for a day and missed him already. He’s different now. That was undeniable. Tara had to believe she’d seen the beginnings of a good man in Mike six years ago and that was why she’d fallen for him. In five years he’d reshaped himself into everything Tara had believed he could be, and it was Earth-shattering. Her heart was fully engaged, broken, and stitched back together by the kindness and goodness that had become an inherent part of his character sometime in their years apart. Mike had turned into the man she’d once believed he could be. Tara steeled herself, remembering that Dr. Walters had hinted that he could be released soon. The next few weeks were going to be difficult. But she’d make it through, and when he got home, she’d tell him…everything. One thing. The thing. And then she’d tell Madelynn.
* * * *
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Lt. Paulson had come to pick Mike up, waiting an extra three days so he could take him home instead of just visiting. They had just merged onto the interstate when the question came out of nowhere, LT’s voice quiet and serious. The tone sent chills down Mike’s back. He’d heard that voice many times over the past few years on the SEAL team, but only once had it been directed at him. Just as it had all those years ago, that tone sent a shudder of unease down Mike’s spine.
Mike was a badass, he knew it. You couldn’t be a SEAL and not be a badass. But Chris Paulson was…something else, something more. Captured and held for nine months, the man had survived intact, rescuing himself and another soldier by escaping a terrorist compound and walking for two weeks with a goddamn gunshot wound to the knee before finding civilization. He was practically a superhero. Anyone in his right mind would be scared of him, badass or not.
Mike squirmed in his seat like a troublesome toddler and muttered, “Yes, sir.”
LT remained silent. Mike squirmed some more.
“What should I be telling you about, sir?” The sir was unnecessary since Mike was technically a civilian. But he couldn’t fathom a world where this man wasn’t “sir” to him.
Lt. Paulson glanced over, his eyes hard. “Why don’t you take a guess?”
Mike watched him nervously, trying to think of why he would be on the LT’s shit list. Suddenly it hit him, and Mike rubbed his eyes, wariness creeping into his bones. “How did you find out?”
“Don’t you fucking worry about how I found out. Worry about why I didn’t know before now. Then worry about what the hell you’re gonna do about it.” Lt. Paulson’s voice was still quiet, which was much, much worse than if he’d been yelling.
“I didn’t tell you, sir, because I was ashamed of it. And I’m giving her child support. I sent back child support.” Mike hesitated, unsure if he should inject the personal aspect. Shrugging internally, he said, “I’m trying to…fix it. Be part of their lives.”
“Ashamed of the woman or ashamed of the child?” LT’s eyes didn’t leave the road. His voice no longer held that deadly quality, and Mike relaxed for a moment and then tensed again as the question sank in.
“Neither!” Mike answered in horror, his hands clenching the seat. “Tara is…amazing. And Madelynn is the biggest victim in all of this. I was ashamed of myself.” His voice lowered, and he murmured, “I still am.” Mike looked out the window at the light dusting of snow on the evergreens lining the interstate, trying to get his embarrassment under control. “But I’m trying to make it right.”
He kept his eyes averted but saw LT nod out of the corner of his eye.
The LT cleared his throat and said, “Well, uh, she’s friends with my fiancée. When one of he
r friends is unhappy, Callie gets upset.” He looked over at Michael meaningfully. “And when Callie is upset, that makes me really grumpy.” He refocused on the road and said in short, clipped syllables, “Fix it. I don’t want to hear anything else about it.”
“Understood, sir.” Mike looked back out the window. It went without saying that Lt. Paulson would make sure he did the right thing. But the LT would never bring it up again. He’d find out in other ways. If he’d known five years ago that Mike had gotten a girl pregnant and left her, LT would have kicked his ass into the next century. It wouldn’t have been a shotgun wedding, but Mike absolutely would have been paying child support. He wished someone had known so Tara wouldn’t have struggled so much. They might have had a chance before his leg got blown off.
Mike shook his head and admitted that his commanding officer shouldn’t have had to make him do the right thing by Tara and Maddie. Mike the badass should have swallowed his pride and done it anyway.
But Mike was a different man now and could see clearly the stupidity and selfishness of his actions. Deep down, he’d always known but had covered it up with nonchalance.
When they took the exit off the interstate to head into Virginia Beach, LT shifted in his seat and asked, “You got somewhere to go? I can set you up in my apartment for a couple of days if you want. Or I can put you in the barracks.”
Mike frowned, almost startled at the prospect of rejoining the world outside of a hospital. “I’m not sure, sir.” He wanted to see Tara, but he didn’t have a phone to call her on. Besides that, she was back at school and most likely would not welcome a houseguest. “I guess I’d like to go get a cell phone first so I can make some phone calls. Then just put me in the barracks for a couple of days.” Mike glanced down at his leg where the prosthetic was latched on. “First floor if you can swing it, sir.”
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