by Rye Brewer
My teeth ground together as I imagined this. I knew I shouldn’t, it would get me nowhere, but there was no stopping once I’d started. The image of their lifeless bodies, lying side by side… It made me sick, sent my pulse racing and turned my stomach.
My heart ached.
What was there for us? Gregor and me? Sitting together in his chambers for the rest of our lives, waiting for our loves to come back to us? We’d grow old there, decaying as time spun on, keeping a silent vigil for those who would never return.
There was another possibility, too, one which didn’t please me much more than the thought of Allonic dying, the idea that he’d never loved me. That I had been nothing more than a pleasant diversion to him. Why else would he stay away for so long?
Gregor’s tired voice broke through the stillness. “I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel as though we’ve exhausted every possibility. There’s no chance of finding someone to explore ShadesRealm for us—not without risking Garan’s ire.”
“Garan,” I muttered. The short meeting with him hadn’t instilled much faith. “He didn’t seem to care at all, did he?”
Gregor shrugged. “It’s not easy, ruling as we do. On the one hand, I understand. He has many concerns which need his time and attention. Let’s not forget that he just lost his father, too. There was a lot on his mind during our visit. The condition of a single person—not even a shade, on top of everything else—was rather low on his list of priorities.”
“Right, which means it’s up to us to do something about this.”
“Felicity.” He turned a tired eye to me, shaking his head. “What else is there to do? There are certain lines which a leader cannot cross without taking the consequences not only on his shoulders, but upon the shoulders of those he protects. If I were to incur Garan’s ire, the result would not only be mine to shoulder. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”
“Fine,” I said, leaning forward. My blood stirred, my mind spun. “If you don’t want to do it, I will.”
“I don’t agree with this.”
“And I understand that. You don’t have anything to do with my decision. And should the worst happen, should I be discovered, you can claim to know nothing about my presence in ShadesRealm.”
“He’ll never believe that.”
“He’ll have to, once you deny knowledge of my movements.”
He winced as though this was unthinkable. “You want me to deny you? I don’t know that I could do that, Felicity. It would feel as though I were denying part of my family.”
He’d never spoken of me that way, and my heart warmed at his words. It didn’t matter, though, not when there was something larger at stake.
“You’ll simply have to try,” I decided, standing. “I’m going to go. We shouldn’t speak of it again. You can answer with some degree of honesty that you don’t know when I went or what my plans were.”
He stood, too, coming to me with his hands extended. “I could forbid this, you know.”
“You don’t truly want to do that, do you?” I asked, barely holding back a smile.
He wanted me to go, even against his better judgment. He wanted to know what happened to Tabitha as much as I did.
What he didn’t know was how determined I was to find Allonic while I was there. It would sound too selfish if I were to announce my full intentions, so I kept them to myself. Dishonest, perhaps, but he would only worry even more if he knew.
The fact that he hadn’t deduced this on his own betrayed the true depth of his grief. He never would’ve let me get away with a half-truth before. He was too sharp, his mind too probing. He would’ve raked me over the coals until I’d admitted the truth of my plans.
Now, after losing his love for the second time, he was a shadow of that sharp, infuriating man.
“I’ll get my things together and leave shortly,” I announced.
His jaw worked as he decided the most diplomatic choice of words. I’d seen that expression many times over the years.
Finally, all he said was, “Please. Be careful.”
“I won’t let Avellane down.”
“I’m not referring only to Avellane,” he informed me in his gruff voice, blustering his way through the warmth of his emotions as always. “I’m concerned about you. Be careful for your own sake, more than anything else. I can take care of Avellane.”
“Of course you can.” We left it at that, with me hurrying from his chambers moments later.
My pulse raced. There were too many thoughts racing through my head all at once for me to focus on one at a time. I was going to ShadesRealm. Was taking a bigger chance than I’d ever taken in my entire life. Never had I ever put myself or anyone else at such risk.
Was I up to the challenge?
I locked myself in my chambers and immediately went to the chest where I kept my tonics and healing tinctures. It had been a long time since I’d needed to use any of them, and there was no guarantee that I’d need any of them on my journey. I hoped not. I would rather not run into trouble, and I certainly didn’t want to treat my own injuries.
Still, it was best to be prepared.
My skin tingled in anticipation, every muscle tensed and ready. What would I find there? Where should I even start? At the tower, I supposed. There had to be some clue there as to who had visited the tower while Tabitha was there.
As unlikely as I knew it to be, I couldn’t shake the hope that Allonic would be waiting there. He might be in hiding, with information as to who killed Tabitha. It could’ve been one of the shades, perhaps one of Garan’s own men.
Was there a correlation between Ressenden’s death and Tabitha’s? Had Garan only been allowing her to live in ShadesRealm while his father was in power?
If that was the case, it meant if Allonic was alive, he might be in danger as well. Garan might have plans for him. It would’ve made sense for him to stay hidden.
Hope bloomed in my chest. Dangerous hope. I wondered if I should even allow it—hadn’t Gregor had hope, after finding Tabitha again? Hadn’t he planned out an entire life for the two of them? I knew he had, even if he hadn’t admitted it. He didn’t need to admit it.
The voice of reason in my head chided me. You’re kidding yourself. Stop grasping at straws.
I sat back on my heels, on the floor in front of my chest. Was I? Was I behaving as irrationally as Gregor had? Allowing myself to believe pretty fantasies so long as it meant not having to believe Allonic had never cared about me?
Was it really better to imagine Allonic being in danger than it was to imagine him never caring for me?
Darkness settled over my thoughts. If he were in hiding, why would he stay in ShadesRealm? Would he flee somewhere safer? The human world, where his sister would likely be?
My heart sank. Yes. That was far more likely.
Which led me back to the two possibilities I’d wrestled with for endless hours in Gregor’s chambers.
Either something terrible had happened to Allonic, or he’d never cared for me and had no intention of coming back from ShadesRealm.
Regardless of which was true, I wondered if I would ever get over the pain. Would I face the rest of my days the way Gregor would, always wondering what might have been?
I closed the chest with a sigh and rose, sliding my arms into the cloak which held vials and bottles in the pockets sewn inside. I was as ready as I’d ever be.
I hoped.
7
Scott
What I wished more than anything was to understand when things had changed.
Where was I when it happened? What was I thinking, what was I doing? How long had it taken? There I was, worrying about Sara and asking anyone who would listen if they knew where she’d gone. Like a fool. Like her lapdog, running around after her, wanting nothing more than to be with her.
And what was she doing all along? Betraying me. Lying about who she truly was. Letting me go on with the belief that she was like me, that she wanted me. That she wanted us
.
All the while, training with another man. All the while, making a fool out of me. Letting me want her and long for her and worry about her.
A witch. Nothing but a witch. That’s what she was. A damned elemental witch.
I wished I knew when it happened. I had never known such embarrassment—but then again, I had never loved before. There had never been anyone in my life but her. And look where it got me, finally offering myself to someone.
I glared at her from beneath lowered brows as she whispered with that warlock of hers.
Stark.
Just the thought of his name made my lip curl in a snarl. Who did he think he was, sealing me in ice, making an even bigger fool out of me?
And she didn’t try to stop him. She never even told him he shouldn’t have done it. She let it happen, the treacherous…
What went wrong?
And how did I ever think the sight of her made me happy? All she did was turn my stomach.
Where was Fane? I couldn’t get off the island without him—I’d be damned before I’d ask Sara or Stark for a portal. I didn’t even know if either of them were capable of creating one. Fane hadn’t even bothered to tell me where he was going before he disappeared.
Not that I should’ve been surprised. He’d been doing that for a long time. Including, letting us think he was dead.
Stark looked over at me, our eyes meeting for one rage-inducing second, before he looked away again. He thought I was intimidated, I guessed. He didn’t know I felt sorry for him.
Has she told you she loves you? Has she told you how safe you make her feel? That she doesn’t know what she’d do without you in her life? How lost she was before you met?
Does she make you feel like a king, like there’s nothing you can’t do with her at your side? Like you’re the entire world, just you? Like there’s nothing that matters other than you two? Have you thought about starting a life with her?
Did you nearly start a war over her? Does sheltering her mean danger for you? And are you willing to face that danger because you love her, and she needs you so much? Would you do it without a second’s thought because you’re the only person who can protect her?
Do you know how good she is at using people?
It was the only way I could explain it—and when I looked at it that way, it was all so clear. Crystal. How could I have ever been so blind? She’d used me. I was her protector. I made it possible for her to live comfortably after the ordeal she’d suffered through.
And then, something better came along.
I wanted to warn him, but wasn’t foolish enough to think he’d believe me. Too love-struck to listen to reason. I’d been there, under her spell.
What if she had been a witch all along? It wouldn’t surprise me a bit. She had sure fooled me.
I turned away from them, finally leaving the castle—not a prison anymore, I guessed, unless Elewyn wanted to keep it that way. Was it only her brother she had wanted to free? She had changed the weather. An improvement. I could breathe more freely outside.
Without having to look at Sara.
What was taking Fane so long? Would he forget I was there, waiting for him?
My bitter chuckle rang out in the otherwise quiet courtyard. Par for the course, at that point. I couldn’t think of worse torture than being stuck on Shadowsbane Island with Sara and Stark.
Would Elewyn help me? Only if there was something in it for her, I was willing to bet. Just like her brother.
My skin crawled at the thought of him. Filthy, lying, evil. He was in there somewhere, probably plotting with his sister. Scheming over how to lure yet another unsuspecting victim into a trap.
The sound of Fane’s boots slapping against the stones was the closest thing to music I could imagine. He turned the corner, coming from around the side of the castle.
“What’s wrong?” he immediately asked, his eyes shifting in the direction of the open door.
“Nothing.”
“You look as though something’s wrong.”
I barked out a humorless laugh. “I can’t imagine why.”
He folded his arms, looking me up and down. “Everyone we care about is alive and well. Sometimes, that’s all we can ask for.”
“Everyone we care about?” I asked. “You don’t know. You have no idea what I went through before you decided to come back into our lives. My history with…” I pointed into the castle.
“You’re right. I don’t know. But I know that you’re all right, and Anissa is as well. That could’ve gone a lot worse than it did, you might be in a cell at this very moment. And it would’ve been no one’s fault but your own.”
I snarled at him, stopping just short of baring my fangs, but he didn’t blink. His way of telling me he wasn’t intimidated. “You can send me home whenever you want. A simple portal will do. I’m sure it’s even easier for you to create those now,” I couldn’t help adding.
He only flashed a tight smile before striding away. “Yes. It is.”
I followed him inside, hanging back a bit, watching as he looked around.
“Where is Elazar?” he asked Sara.
“I’m here.” The necromancer stood at the top of the stairs, looking down at all of us with his typical sneer. “Just waiting on you, Fane. I trust you’ve settled your affairs.”
“I have no affairs,” Fane replied with a shake of his head. “But I did see to Anissa’s safety.”
“She’s home?” Sara asked.
Her fake sincerity turned my stomach. As if she were capable of caring for anyone, even her sister. The sister she’d led into becoming Marcus’s assassin. How many times had she sworn to me that it broke her heart, knowing what Anissa had been forced to do for her sake?
“She is,” Fane confirmed. “You can rest easy.”
“Thank you so much. And good luck with whatever it is you have to do now.” Her eyes strayed over to where I stood, near the door.
I thought I loved her. Up until the moment I saw her with him, out in that courtyard, I was sure I did. And I was sure she loved me, too. Why would I doubt it? She had told me so many times. Had sworn she’d never leave me.
Hadn’t even bothered to tell me when she found somebody else.
I couldn’t remember everything that happened out there. I’d seen red, I knew that, and the only thing I could think about in those first horrible moments was wanting to kill him for touching her. I had never lost myself to rage before.
Stupid me, thinking she was worth becoming enraged over.
The next thing I knew, I was trapped in ice. It wasn’t cold, strangely enough. I’d been perfectly comfortable, other than the way everyone in the prison and standing around me had a prime view of my shame. They all knew I had lost my heart to her, that she had used and discarded me.
I didn’t know what was worse: her betrayal or their knowledge of it.
Fane turned to me, blocking my view of Sara and Stark. “Are you ready?”
“I’ve never been more ready. I want to get home.”
“I didn’t say you were going home.”
I stared at him.
He returned the stare. Challenging me in front of everyone.
I wouldn’t make a fool of myself again. I couldn’t. “Where am I going?”
“To Duskwood, with Elazar and myself. I need to find a caster, and I can’t travel through there with him alongside me. He wouldn’t make it a full minute, if seen. No offense,” he added, shooting a look Elazar’s way.
He shrugged as he walked down the stairs, as though he accepted his fate. He even seemed good-natured about it. “None taken. You only speak the truth.”
“I need you to guard him while I’m looking,” Fane explained. “I can’t risk him running off—or being discovered.”
“I’m certain I’ll feel much safer, knowing you’re there with me,” Elazar smiled, hands clasped behind his back.
I bit my tongue, determined not to let emotion get the better of me again. Any emotion.
/>
“Fine. Let’s go, then. I’d rather forget I ever visited this place.” I strode outside without so much as a backward glance.
What was she thinking? Did she regret what she’d done? Doubtful. Well, it was better for her to rot on that wretched island.
I wished she would.
Fane took his time following, and I saw why when he came out carrying my mother’s body.
A lump formed in my throat.
His face was a mask, completely blank, but his eyes were hard. They seemed to burn.
At least he knew she had loved him.
8
Jonah
It was difficult to say how much time had passed, the blackout curtains hanging over the windows blocked out every last bit of light. Was it morning yet?
It could’ve been the following evening, for all I knew. It felt that way, as though an entire day had passed. A day of utter agony for the woman on the bed, sweating and bleeding and almost constantly groaning, grunting, or weeping.
No, it couldn’t have been that long. No way she would survive for that long. Hours, maybe, and that was more likely the amount of time we’d spent. It may as well have been forever for her, I was sure.
Guilt wracked me as I searched my thoughts for something I could do to help her.
I wondered in some deep, dark corner of my mind if it wouldn’t better for her to die sooner rather than later. She surely would, regardless of when. No one could sustain the amount of pain and strain she’d been under and survive. It seemed cruel for her to endure much longer.
That was stupid, of course, and I berated myself for it. I wanted her to live for her sake, for the child’s sake. For Fane’s sake. I just wished her suffering would end.
“All right. The contractions are less than two minutes apart.” Anissa looked at me, eyes wide and circled with dark smudges. Sheer fear had done that to her. She looked drawn and frail, but she was acting as though she were anything but.
