Marvin didn't answer. He stood up instead. "Look, if you want me out of here, I'll leave, but I'm not going back home."
Nate waved him back to his seat. "Nobody's putting you out. Yet. But the time is going to come when you're going to have to deal with Shay. You don't want to go where I've been, Marvin. If you love Shay, if you want to keep the vows you made to her before God, you're going to have to face her and deal with this."
Marvin sat down again. "Is that what you're doing with CeCe?" he challenged.
Again Nate sighed. "I'm trying, man. CeCe and I made a promise early on that we wouldn't run away from each other. I think we can face anything together. We're going to have our problems—like the one we're facing now—but together we can work through them. I'm not so sure what would happen, though, if one of us walked away. The only experience I've had with that is Naomi, and you both know how that turned out."
After those words, Nate got up from the couch and headed for his room. He'd said what he had to say, and he was glad he had. In supporting Marvin, he had found encouragement for himself and the situation he faced. He did believe he and CeCe could weather this storm they were facing. He loved her too much to believe anything else.
When he reached his bedroom, he went directly to the cedar chest and opened the top drawer. The small box he sought was easy to find. He flipped open its top and stared at the diamond engagement ring he'd bought for CeCe soon after pledging his love to her. When he'd bought it, he'd thought the only thing keeping him from giving it to her were the formalities of talking to her parents and their pastors. As he closed the box and the drawer, he prayed he'd been right.
* * *
CeCe knew she was going to spend another restless night in bed. What should have been the happiest time in her life had now been marred. Eric and his family had somehow reached into her life to bestow even more pain on her. Why couldn't they leave her alone? She and David had done all right without them. More than all right, even if she had to say so herself.
But Eric was always there in the back of her mind, CeCe admitted. That day on the back porch when she'd threatened to tell his precious Yolanda their little secret always hovered over her, poised to destroy any chance she had for happiness. If she could take that day back, she would gladly do it. She'd hurt so much then that all she'd wanted to do was hurt back.
She'd told herself that her reasons were practical. After all, she was going to be a single mother and she'd had needs. But she knew now—had known a long time—that had been only part of it. No, her primary goal at the time had been to inflict pain on Eric, with no consideration of the price she'd have to pay for her actions down the road.
She'd asked the Lord to forgive her for what she'd done, and sometimes she was able to go for days—weeks even—without thinking about it. Then the letters had started coming. And with the letters, the reminder of what she'd done. Now those reminders were infringing on the future she wanted with Nate, the man she loved and who loved her in return.
How could this be possible? she asked herself. She didn't want much out of life. Why did it sometimes seem that she was destined not even to have that? She turned over, and her eyes found the Bible on her nightstand. Open it and take comfort in the words, she told herself. She kept staring at the Bible, then flipped over on her other side. She wasn't ready to be comforted, at least not in that way, not tonight.
Chapter 13
Nate stared at his bedroom ceiling. It was only four o'clock in the morning, but he was wide awake. This was becoming a regular occurrence. He found himself waking up in the middle of the night thinking about his relationship with CeCe. He usually prayed during those times and was able to fall back to sleep. Tonight was different. He couldn't get back to sleep.
Since that day at Stone Mountain a little over three weeks ago, he and CeCe had reached a kind of truce concerning Eric's parents. Nevertheless, the question of how she was going to deal with them hung over their relationship like a dark shadow. He loved her, but he knew it took more than love to make a marriage work. He considered CeCe his and he still wanted her, but how could they begin a life together when she still carried so much pain from the past? If only she could let it go and forgive Eric and his parents, Nate and she could move forward. As it was, they hung in limbo, and he wasn't sure how long they'd be able to continue that way.
Nate thought too much time had passed already, but what was he to do? He had promised himself and God that he would follow CeCe's lead and not pressure her to move faster than she was ready to move. Well, CeCe seemed to be dragging her feet big-time on this one. He wasn't quite sure what to make of it. She loved him and wanted a life with him, didn't she? He had to face the facts. CeCe hadn't made any moves to get them closer to a formal engagement. He'd told her that he wanted to meet her parents first, and she'd made no move in that direction at all. He didn't feel it was his place to push the issue, though he was sorely tempted to do so. He didn't like dragging things out like this.
Was he going too fast for her? he wondered. Maybe he'd had her meet his parents too soon. Maybe he should have waited until after he'd met her parents and they'd gotten formally engaged. Nate didn't know anymore. He knew the engagement ring he'd bought for her was still in his cedar chest. He knew he wanted to move forward with CeCe, but he was no longer sure that was what she wanted. Lord, he prayed silently, show me what to do.
The ringing telephone interrupted his thoughts and caused his pulse to race. Who could be calling at this hour? He turned and picked up the handset from the nightstand. "Hello," he said.
"It's me," came CeCe's voice, soft and tense.
He sat up in the bed and began praying for her. Please let everything be all right, Lord. "What's the matter?"
"It's my grandfather. He's sick. Really sick."
This was the first Nate had heard about a grandfather. CeCe didn't talk about her family, which, if he allowed himself to think about it, was yet another concern he had about their relationship these days. "Are you going to see him?" he asked.
"I think I should, don't you? They think he's dying, Nate," she said, the weariness in her voice obvious.
He nodded, wishing he was there to offer her physical comfort. "Of course you should go, sweetheart. You need to say your good-byes."
"That's what I was thinking, too," she said, as if in a trance. "OK, well, I'll go to Alabama today. Do you think I should take David? I'm not sure if I should take him."
Nate responded to her controlled panic. She needed him to make the decisions for her. He was the man in her life, and he welcomed the challenge. "Yes, you should take him. Look, CeCe, I can take off a couple of days and go with you if you think that'll help. I can take care of David while you do what you need to do. How does that sound?"
"Could you, Nate?" she asked. The anxiety in her voice let him know that she wanted him—needed him—to go with her. When all this was over, he'd have to tell her how much her needing him meant to him. He'd started to doubt that she did.
"CeCe, I love you, and I want to go with you. Now when do you want to leave?"
She gave what sounded like a relieved sigh. "I think we should leave soon, but I don't want to wake David."
Nate considered their options. "How long a drive is it?" he asked.
"About two hours."
"OK, why don't we do this? You get up, get dressed, and throw some things in a bag. Then wake B.B. and tell her what's happening. I'll call Shay and tell her you're going to be gone and ask her to stand in for you on Saturday with Anna Mae. I'll ask Marvin to step in for me. It just might do him good. Then when I get to your house, we'll wake David and get him in the car. He can sleep all the way there. Do you think you can do that?"
"I'll do it. How long before you get here?"
He glanced at his clock and considered everything he needed to do. "Give me about forty-five minutes, OK?"
"OK."
"I'm hanging up," he said.
"Nate?"
"Yes?"
/> "I love you, and thanks. I really needed you this morning. You were the first person I thought of when my mother called. I just wanted you to know that."
Nate's heart soared. He'd needed the confirmation of her love. "Thanks for telling me, sweetheart. I'm glad that you thought of me first. I'll see you in about forty-five minutes."
Nate hung up the phone with a smile on his face. This was not a happy occasion, but he felt renewed. He dressed, threw a couple of days' worth of clothes in a bag, and then trotted down to Marvin's room. He quickly told his friend the situation and asked him to step in for him at Genesis House.
"I don't know" was Marvin's first response.
"Look, man," Nate said, not bothering to keep the irritation out of his voice, "I wouldn't ask you if there was anybody else, but CeCe needs to get on the road now, and there's nobody else I can call at this hour or on such short notice."
"How about Stuart?" he asked.
Nate shook his head. "You know he has court. You're my only option. If you don't agree, I'll have to try to get in touch with somebody after I get to Alabama, and I have no idea how we're going to find things when we get there."
Marvin looked at his friend, and then allowed his gaze to skitter away. "I'll do it."
Nate sighed with relief and prayed that something good would come out of Marvin's return to Genesis House. His friend had done little of anything in the last eighteen months. Maybe this return to Genesis House would have a positive impact on him. Turning his thoughts back to CeCe, Nate left Marvin's room, grabbed his bags, and headed for the door. He was downstairs before he remembered he needed to call Shay. Using the phone in the family room, he called to tell her the situation. He woke her up, of course, but she readily agreed to step in for CeCe. "Be sure to tell CeCe my prayers are with her," Shay said.
"I'll do it," he said.
"Nate," Shay added, "I'm glad CeCe has you. I'm glad you have each other."
Nate considered telling Shay that Marvin would be stepping in for him at Genesis House, but he decided to let her find out when she saw him there. He didn't want to give her false hope. He said his good-byes and was out of the house and on his way to CeCe's in the next instant.
* * *
CeCe sat on the porch and waited for Nate. She needed to see him, needed him to tell her that everything was going to be all right. She accepted that she'd come to rely on him, and while that might have caused her concern under other circumstances, right now she was just glad that he was in her life. That he loved her.
The pain in her stomach that always appeared when she was preparing to go back home was there this morning, more intense than usual. Maybe it was because she knew she'd see Eric's parents, and she knew the stakes were higher this time than they'd been in the past. Nate hadn't said anything about them or the letters since their talk in the park, but she knew he hadn't changed his position. She could feel him waiting for her to make a move. She knew what he wanted her to do—or she thought she did. She just wasn't sure she could do it.
Her thoughts skittered to her parents and her grandfather. She'd disappointed them so much, and every time she saw them, she could see the disappointment in their eyes. They'd loved her and raised her to live a Christian life, and she'd strayed from them and from God. But CeCe was also disappointed in them. If they had—
Nate's headlights brought her thoughts back to the present, and she got up from the swing and went to meet him. When she saw him step out of the car, it was as if her legs took on a life of their own, and she found herself running toward him, tears streaming down her face. He caught her to him and held her close, whispering words of comfort she didn't really understand. She did understand and feel his love and concern, and that was enough. After a few minutes—too few for her—she pulled away. "I'm glad you're here."
"Me too," he said. He put his arm around her shoulders and led her back to the house. "Are you about ready?"
She nodded. "We just have to get David up. The bags are packed."
"Let me put them in the car, and then we'll go get David. Is B.B. up?"
CeCe gave him a wobbly smile. "She's in the kitchen. There's coffee, and she's making us breakfast for the road."
"She's a sweetheart," he said. They entered the house. Nate gave B.B. a good-morning kiss on the cheek before taking the bags CeCe had packed and putting them in his car. When he returned, B.B. made him drink a cup of coffee.
While he and B.B. were alone, B.B. said, "I think I should go with you. CeCe is going to need you with her, and you won't be able to take David everywhere you go. I haven't mentioned this to CeCe because I know she'll refuse. But I've already lined up someone to take care of the day-care kids. Maybe the two of us can convince CeCe."
Nate nodded, deferring to B.B.'s wisdom. He knew she loved CeCe, too. B.B. went to pack while he went looking for CeCe. He found her in David's room and moved to help her put clothes on the sleeping child.
"B.B. wants to go with us, and I think we should let her," he whispered. "She can stay with David while we're at the hospital. Is that OK with you?"
"B.B.'s done so much for me, Nate. I'd hate to inconvenience her about the kids."
He placed his hand over hers, which was lacing David's sneakers. "She's got somebody to take care of the kids, and she wants to do it, so let her."
Reluctantly she nodded her assent, and in short order the four of them were off to Alabama—CeCe and Nate up front, B.B. and David in the back. The backseaters were asleep shortly after they hit the road.
CeCe sat close to Nate as he drove. He held her hand, periodically squeezing it to give her strength and to remind her that he was with her all the way. Once they were on Interstate 85 South, which would take them all the way to her home, she pulled their joined hands to her lips, kissed his softly, and then lowered them back to the car seat.
"I only see them about once or twice a year," she began, when she mustered up enough courage to tell him about her family and the estrangement they suffered. "It's just too hard for me to go home. Too many memories. Too many things said, too many things left unsaid. It's easier to stay away. Since my folks don't like to travel, they rarely, if ever, come to Atlanta." She looked out the passenger window, the landscape marred by her thoughts of the past. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. A part of me wishes they'd sought me out. I know I disappointed them. We live in a small town, and everybody knows everybody else's business, so they had a lot to live down when I got pregnant and everybody learned Eric was going to marry somebody else. Rumors started. Some said that the reason he wasn't marrying me was that the child wasn't his. Others said that I'd gotten pregnant to trap him. It was awful. I think my parents wanted to support me, but they didn't know how. To be honest, I didn't give them much time. I left town before I started to show and moved to Atlanta."
"Thank you," Nate said, giving her hand another squeeze.
"For what?" she asked.
"For sharing that part of your life with me. I know it was hard for you, and I'm just happy that you trust me and love me enough to share yourself with me this way."
CeCe looked at his profile as he watched the road unfold ahead of them, but she didn't speak.
"You know," he continued, "intimacy comes in a lot of different ways, and while I eagerly await the time we'll share physical intimacy, I'm glad we don't have to wait to be intimate in the other parts of our lives."
CeCe continued to stare in amazement at this man who wanted to share her life. How could she—CeCe Williams—have been so blessed to meet him and to have him love her, of all people?
"I know this isn't the best of situations, and I wish the circumstances were different," he was saying, "but I'm glad I'll meet your parents and your grandfather, and visit the place where you grew up. I think it'll help me understand you better, and in understanding you better, I'll be better able to love you."
CeCe knew tears were again forming in her eyes, but she didn't bother trying to stop them. She moved closer to Na
te, placing her head on his shoulder, as he placed his arm around her. They didn't talk much during the long drive, but she didn't think words were necessary. Their hearts were being bonded more tightly together by the invisible and loving hand of God. She knew it, and she knew Nate did, too.
* * *
Nate decided that they should check into a hotel before they went to the hospital. CeCe agreed because she didn't think the sleeping David and B.B. were up to sitting around a hospital all morning. They reserved two rooms—one for the men, and one for the women—which they knew would please David. Once B.B. and David were settled in the women's room for the time being, Nate and CeCe headed for the hospital. Nate drove, following CeCe's directions, and soon they were pulling into the hospital parking lot.
Nate took CeCe's hand and helped her out of the car, and she left it there as they walked into the hospital and then to the Intensive Care Unit, where her grandfather was. Nate guessed she took strength from his touch, and that pleased him very much. When they stepped off the elevator on her grandfather's floor, her grasp tightened. Wondering what was wrong, he turned his head to see what had attracted her attention. Hands together, he allowed her to lead him along the corridor toward an older couple who stood a little away from the nurses' station. He could see only their profiles because they were turned sideways and away from him and CeCe. He assumed she knew these people, and he wondered if they were her parents.
When they were within ten feet of the couple, CeCe slowed and said, "Mama, Daddy." The man and woman turned around so fast it seemed to Nate as if they'd been wired to CeCe's voice. The joy and relief and love in both their eyes surprised him. The two people before him now did not appear to be disappointed in their daughter.
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