She lost her courage and had to lower her eyes. She didn't want to see the disdain she was sure Nate now felt for her. Why shouldn't he feel disdain? It was no less than what she felt for herself. She stared at the blades of grass before her and thought how simple life could be if a person just followed the Lord's direction. So very simple. "Of course, Eric didn't have that kind of money," she continued. "I didn't let his money situation bother me, though. I told him it wasn't my problem. Before he left to go back to school, he told me he'd get the money. Over Christmas, his parents announced his upcoming marriage, and he gave me a check for twenty thousand dollars."
She raised her eyes to Nate's again. "And that really is the end of the story," she said, repeating the phrase she'd used when they'd talked after the Gala. "I used the money for my share of the down payment on the house B.B. and I now share, and for my living expenses until I had the baby, finished school, and found a job."
* * *
Nate admitted surprise at CeCe's story. It wasn't what he'd expected, but then he didn't know what he'd expected. He'd heard a lot of things in her story, things he wasn't even sure she heard. He knew Eric had broken her heart, but he also knew CeCe hadn't been as much a victim as she tried to convince herself she was. She and Eric had been co-conspirators. A part of him wondered if CeCe, consciously or unconsciously, had wanted to get pregnant as a way of forcing Eric to marry her. He knew pain had caused her to blackmail Eric. Pain resulting from unrequited love. And that bothered him. He was now even less convinced that CeCe no longer had feelings for Eric. She had to. And if she still had feelings for Eric, where did that leave him?
"So what happens now?" he asked.
CeCe turned to him. "I want to pay Eric back his money," she said, with such confidence that Nate knew she'd thought long about her course of action. "I feel so guilty for taking it. If I paid him back, then I wouldn't have that guilt."
Nate nodded. He agreed that restitution was needed, and he was glad CeCe had decided to do it, but he didn't think it was enough. CeCe was looking for the restitution to change her heart, when in fact, it should have been a changed heart that prompted the desire to make restitution.
"My debt to Eric is the major debt standing between me and the day-care center that B.B. and I have talked about. You know, the day-care center was something I wanted to do for B.B. She was keeping kids in the house, and it seemed that if I could give her this day-care center, I could show her how much I appreciated everything she had done for me, been to me." She shook her head back and forth sadly, defeated. "But I couldn't even give her that because Eric and the money he'd given me stood in the way. I knew I couldn't start anything new until I dealt with that debt. But the whole situation with Eric was just so hard to deal with that I kept putting off repaying the money, and thus opening the day-care center began to seem farther and farther away. But now I have to deal with it. It'll take a while," she continued her explanation, "but I should have the money saved in two, three years at the most. Then I can repay him, and he'll be out of our lives."
"You're going to wait two or three years to deal with this?" Nate said, his voice louder than he would have liked, but he couldn't believe what he'd just heard. What were they supposed to do with their relationship for two or three years?
CeCe turned to him. "It'll take me that long to get all the money," she said in such a matter-of-fact tone that Nate knew she didn't see any problem with her plan.
He wanted to yell at her that money wasn't the issue. Didn't she see that? He opened his mouth to tell her, but he closed it without uttering a word. He knew this was not something he could tell CeCe. He couldn't make her see; she had to see for herself. Besides, he had his own problems to deal with. He didn't want to make a life with a woman who didn't know how to forgive or one who still harbored feelings for another man. He'd been down that road once, and once was one time too many.
* * *
CeCe was true to her word. She wanted to pay Eric back and, over the next couple of weeks, she threw herself into her real estate business with a vengeance. Nate had sensed that before now she'd been hesitant to follow up on the contacts she'd made the night of the Gala, but she dropped those hesitations with seeming ease. One of her first calls had been to Mr. Cronin, who'd been out of town for a couple of weeks. His office staff scheduled her to meet with him as soon as he returned. The timing of the appointment seemed providential. Cronin put her in touch with a broker who was serving as the sole representative for a new development he was soon to begin construction on in southwest Atlanta. He'd suggested CeCe talk to the broker because he knew she was looking for another assistant, someone part-time. He thought it would be the perfect opportunity for CeCe to get her foot in the door and begin to build a solid foundation for her own business.
When CeCe had met with the woman, Margaret Thomas, they'd immediately hit it off, and Margaret had offered CeCe the job right on the spot. Margaret had been especially willing to work with CeCe's schedule since she herself had started in the business when she was a single mother with a full-time job. They agreed that Margaret would leave CeCe's assignments in the office each afternoon, and CeCe would have the tasks completed by the next day, or whatever due date Margaret set. The work would primarily consist of research CeCe could conduct on the computer, lead follow-ups, document filings and tracking, and as many showings as CeCe wanted to conduct. The arrangement gave CeCe the freedom to do the work on her own schedule and also gave her the opportunity to establish her own base of clients while working with one of the top producers in the city. She was giddy with excitement when she told Nate about it later that night.
"I can't believe the timing," she told him. "Mr. Cronin spoke with Margaret just yesterday, and then my appointment with him was today. I'd say God was opening doors for me."
Nate wasn't sure he agreed. "How are you going to do your regular job, put in time at Genesis House, and work with Margaret? What about David?" And me? he added silently. "You're only one person, CeCe."
She smiled as if she found his concern amusingly endearing. "It'll take some managing, I know, but I can do it. I want to do it. I want to repay Eric this money so that we can put the past behind us where it belongs. That's my incentive. It'll work, you'll see. I'll make it work. Besides, working as Margaret's assistant will be more manageable—and probably as lucrative, if not more so—than freelancing and having to handle multiple clients for multiple properties. I'll be able to do the work at night after David is in bed, and on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. It's the perfect setup."
Nate wasn't so sure, but he didn't want to squelch her happiness. If she wanted this new job to work, then he wanted it to work for her. He'd said he would follow her lead, and he was going to do that, but he was beginning to wonder if her future included any place for him.
She yawned, then apologized.
"I can take a hint," he said. "Let's pray so I can hit the road."
* * *
Nate watched David scamper back over to the older boys huddled around the new science exhibit at the Fernbank Museum. He'd come to love the child as if he were his own. Funny how that happened, he thought with a wistful smile. He and David had been hanging out without CeCe a lot since she had started her new job. He didn't think he was seeing the child that much more than he had in the past; it was just that he wasn't seeing CeCe much at all. While he enjoyed the time with David, he missed CeCe, and he regretted that the three of them weren't sharing moments that would become tomorrow's shared memories.
He knew CeCe tried to make sure that David wasn't shortchanged as a result of her new work schedule. She came home every evening after her day job and didn't go to the Cronin job, as he referred to it, until after David was in bed. Despite her efforts, he still thought she was shortchanging the boy. And him. Besides, things were bound to get worse. She could do most of her work at night now because they were in the preconstruction phase of the development. He wasn't so sure that would continue after they moved to the constru
ction phase.
"You're crazy about that kid, aren't you?" Stuart asked. He'd returned from verifying the rest of today's schedule with the museum's tour group assistant.
Nate nodded. "I guess it's pretty obvious, huh?"
"Sure is. Just like it's obvious that you're preoccupied. What's up with you and CeCe?"
Nate shot his friend a questioning glance. "What makes you—"
"Don't even try it, Richardson. I know you, remember? So don't tell me it's nothing. Either tell me what it is, or tell me it's none of my business."
Nate laughed. Stuart, his feet-on-the-floor friend, was always true to form. "I miss her," he told his friend simply. "I just miss her." He'd already told Stuart about the job Cronin had hooked up for CeCe. His friend had laughed when he remembered the older man's attentiveness to her at the Gala.
"Have you talked to her about it?" Stuart asked.
Nate shook his head. "I'm being understanding."
"You don't look like it. Your expression says you're angry with her."
Nate didn't respond immediately, but his friend was right. If CeCe had been working out of necessity, he didn't think the hours would bother him as much. Since he knew why she was working, he was more than bothered. Every time she couldn't do something with him and David because of work, like attend the museum with them today or spend Thanksgiving with his family in Chicago next week, or when she cut their private times on the swing short with a yawn, he was reminded that what she was doing was not necessary.
Why didn't she just call Eric, tell him how she felt about what she'd done, ask him to forgive her, and then arrange a repayment schedule with him? Why did she have to get all the money together and give it back to him in a lump sum? He'd been asking himself those questions for a while, but he'd yet to pose them to CeCe. Maybe it was time he did. He might even offer to give her the money. He'd made a profit when he'd sold his home in Chicago, so he had a little put away that he didn't need right now. What was the point of having money if you didn't spend it when you needed it? Besides, this wouldn't be the first time he'd dipped into the pot to help out a friend in need.
"Whatever it is," Stuart continued, "don't let it fester. You and CeCe have something special. You've had pretty smooth sailing until now, but your relationship is going to be tested. You know that. You've got to be ready for the test, and you've got to go through it the right way."
Nate accepted his friend's counsel. He hadn't expected his relationship with CeCe to be without bumps. It was just that this bump was not the bump he had expected. Not her past. Not her relationship with another man. "You're right, Stuart," Nate said to his friend. "What do you say about letting me buy your dinner tonight to show my gratitude?"
Stuart laughed. "I'll take dinner as partial payment. I think my advice is worth a lot more than the price of a single meal."
Chapter 17
CeCe was late getting home. Since today was the day before Thanksgiving, she'd shuffled her schedule a bit, going to work for Margaret directly after leaving her day job instead of coming home first. She'd hoped that would give her some time with Nate before he left to visit his family for the holiday weekend. She couldn't go with him, since she had to finish up her contribution to a major presentation Margaret was making to Cronin the following Monday. She had also hoped to get home before David went to bed, but she knew she was cutting it close.
Nate's car was in the driveway when she pulled in, and she had no doubt he and Miss Brinson had tucked her son safely into bed. While that gave her a measure of comfort, she still preferred that hers be the last face David saw each night.
She met Nate as he was coming down the stairs. "Hi, stranger," he said to her. Though he was smiling, she heard a tinge of censure in his voice.
"Hi, yourself," she said, greeting him with a light kiss. "David in bed?"
"Just put him down." He smiled again. "After I read him three stories."
CeCe laughed. "Three? Nate, you're a real pushover."
His smiled faded, and she wondered what he was thinking. "Maybe I am," he said. "I hadn't thought of myself that way before, though."
CeCe had the feeling Nate was no longer talking about David, and though she wanted to know what he meant, her first priority was getting to David. "I'll go say good night. Will you be here when I come back down?"
He brushed his finger down her cheek, a message in his eyes she couldn't quite decipher. "I'll be waiting for you," he said. "It's something I'm getting pretty good at doing." He dropped his finger from her face and put his hands in the pockets of his slacks. Then he moved around her so she could go up the stairs.
After spending a few minutes with her son, CeCe went to her room, put down her belongings, and slipped off her shoes. "Ohh," she said, wiggling her hose-encased toes, "that feels so good." She sat down on the side of the bed and rubbed her feet with her hands. It had been a long day and a long three-day workweek. Balancing three jobs was becoming more and more difficult. This was her first job as an assistant and she was learning a lot, but she hadn't realized how much time and effort would be involved in working with a top producer like Margaret. The woman was a dynamo, and she kept CeCe extremely busy.
If she didn't need any sleep, CeCe knew she could handle all three jobs without a problem, but as it was, she found herself getting more and more tired. She knew she couldn't keep up this pace forever, but she hoped she could hang on just a little while longer. She had only a few more hours to put in at Genesis House, and when that duty was done she should have more time. She sighed. "I'll probably just spend that time sleeping," she murmured. When she reminded herself of the reason she'd taken on the additional work, she guessed her sacrifices were worth it.
She breathed deeply, then stood up and slipped off her jacket and skirt. She pulled on a multicolored jumper over a long-sleeved shirt, put her feet in a pair of comfortable flats, and made her way down to Nate. She'd been happy to see him, and her happiness had been dimmed only slightly by his peculiar behavior. She'd have to find out what was wrong and make it right. After working through the Eric problem together, she was confident she and Nate could work through any problem they faced.
When she got downstairs, she checked to see if Nate was in the kitchen with B.B. Once there, she found B.B. on the phone, but no sign of Nate. She waved at B.B., mouthed a greeting, and then went to the front porch, where she was certain she'd find Nate. She smothered a yawn as she reached the door. She was tired. Very tired.
"Hi, again," she said, coming to sit next to him on the swing. She pressed a kiss against his cheek. "Miss me?"
"Always."
"Me too." She placed her hand in his. "Things will get better."
He arched a brow. "When? You've been saying that for a month now."
CeCe pulled away from him so she could see his face. "Are you upset with me, Nate?" His clipped words suggested he was.
Nate shrugged, and she almost laughed. Was Nate pouting? She couldn't believe it. Her manly man was acting like a spoiled child. "You are upset. I know you are. You could be honest about it, you know."
He gave her a sheepish grin. "OK, I'm a little upset, but I'm trying to be understanding about your work."
"But...?" she coaxed. "Come on now, I know there's a but in there somewhere." CeCe was still in a teasing mood. She was a bit flattered that Nate missed her so much. So much so that she thought she could put up with his pouting every now and then, as long as it didn't become a habit.
"But I'm having a hard time understanding."
"Well, you know what I'm trying to do and why I'm trying to do it," she said calmly, thinking he needed to be reminded of the reasons and reassured of her love. "I miss you as much as you miss me, but we agreed this was what I needed to do."
Nate shook his head. "We didn't agree."
CeCe's teasing mood vanished immediately. "Yes, we did. The day in the park, remember?" Of course he remembered. He'd just momentarily forgotten, she told herself.
He shook his hea
d again. "We didn't agree. You told me what you were going to do, but I didn't agree."
Now CeCe was getting angry. "As I recall, you didn't disagree," she challenged.
He expelled a sigh. "I didn't agree or disagree. You didn't ask my opinion. You told me what you were going to do."
"I guess you're telling me now that you don't agree? You don't think I need to pay Eric back? I don't understand."
Nate rubbed his hands down the front of his pants. "It's not that I don't think you should pay Eric back," he began. "It's just that I don't think you need to kill yourself in order to return all of the money in one swoop."
CeCe leaned back in the swing. She could see that Nate had been doing some serious thinking. Why was he just now telling her? she wondered. What did he expect her to do now that he was? "Do you have some other suggestion for how I can pay him back?" she asked, choosing to go with her second question first.
"I can give you the money," he offered with a careless shrug. "Or loan it to you, if that makes you feel better."
"No, you can't," she said with a strong shake of her head. What made him think she'd take twenty thousand dollars from him? "You know that wouldn't be right."
"Why wouldn't it?" His probing eyes challenged her. "We're going to be married, aren't we? Your debts are my debts."
She shook her head again. "No way, Nate. This is my problem, my debt, and I'm going to repay it myself. I have to."
"No, you don't have to. You want to." CeCe could tell by the tightening of Nate's jaw that he was angry. "Besides, you don't have to give it to him all at once. You can pay it back in installments."
Since he was angry, she tried to keep a rein on her emotions. "No," she said calmly, "I want to give it back in one lump sum. That way, I just have one call to make to Eric."
"Yeah," he said, the word full of sarcasm. "Three years from now. Why don't you just call the guy up, tell him you're sorry for what you did, ask his forgiveness, and work out some repayment plan?"
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