"Because I'm so proud of you. Because I'm so happy." He smiled into her eyes. "And because I love you so much."
CeCe basked in his words. "I love you too, Nate," she told him. "And I want a future with you if that's what you still want."
He nodded. "It's what I want more than anything."
"But," CeCe began slowly, unsure of Nate's reaction to her next words, "I'm going to need some time. I want to get to know my parents again. I've invited them to spend the holidays here, and I'm hoping I can convince them to move in after B.B. leaves. Then I want to get started with the teen pregnancy program. I have no idea where that's going to lead, but I want to be able to go with the flow. If Ronald is any indication, I have a feeling this house is going to become a teen hangout."
Nate rubbed her hand with his. "Sounds like you have a lot that you want to do, and it could take a long time."
CeCe nodded. "Too long for you to wait?" she asked.
Nate tilted her chin up. "Forever wouldn't be too long for me to wait for you, Ms. Williams. I love you, CeCe, more today than I did yesterday, and I didn't even think that was possible. I'm willing to wait until you're ready. I want to wait until you're ready. I don't want to rush ahead of the Lord, so taking some time is probably a good thing for us." He brushed at the tears that were falling down her cheeks. "I can wait because I trust you and your love for me, and I trust God to direct our relationship."
"Oh, Nate—," CeCe said, knowing that the past was truly in the past. There were no longer any ghosts in their relationship, and they both knew it.
He pulled her close, allowing her tears to dampen his sweater. "You aren't the only one who's been learning something about herself lately. I've been doing some learning myself."
When he said nothing more, CeCe asked over her tears, "So aren't you going to tell me?"
He sighed a contented sigh. "Sometimes I think I can do the Lord's job for him, CeCe. Of course, I can't, so I usually end up frustrated about all the things I can't fix. I think I've done some of that with us. The Lord has been doing a great work in your life recently, and I just wish I had been more supportive of what you were going through. I want us to always support each other in our faith—the victories and the challenges."
She pressed her hand to his chest and looked deep into his eyes. "You have supported me, Nate. You've supported me and challenged me. How can you think otherwise?"
He pressed a soft kiss to her brow. "I'm glad you think so, sweetheart, but I know I could have done better. I admit to being afraid of losing you and allowing that fear to color my reactions to what you were going through. But no more. I trust you, and I trust us."
"Oh, Nate," CeCe said, crying in earnest.
Nate pulled her into a close embrace and just held her. She knew he cherished the new level they'd reached in their faith and in their relationship just as she did. A short while later, he placed a finger on her chin and tilted her face up to his. "You're going to have to stop crying and kiss me. I have a feeling we won't be doing as much of that after your father moves in. I only thought B.B. had a shotgun, but I know your father does."
CeCe's laughter was cut short by Nate's firm lips as they pressed against hers.
The End
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Author's Note
Dear Friend,
I'm so happy that you decided to pick up a copy of my book. Awakening Mercy is a story that's close to my heart for a couple of reasons. First, because it's my first inspirational novel, and I consider it an honor to write for the Christian market. And second, because in many ways, CeCe's story is my story.
When I sat down to write this book, I wanted to tell about a person's journey back to right relationship with God. Instead, Awakening Mercy became a story that illustrates how God forgives us, but in order for us to walk in that forgiveness, we have to forgive ourselves and those who have wronged us.
The word forgiveness is very easy to say. But many times it's difficult for us to live out because, like CeCe, we focus so much on our personal pain that we fail to realize and accept the role we played in bringing that pain into our lives. I pray that reading Awakening Mercy will encourage you about the love and care that God has for you, and that it will spur you to seek forgiveness in your own life, if you need to do so.
I love to hear from readers, so if you're inclined to drop me a line, please do. Awakening Mercy is the first book in the Genesis House series, so I hope we'll meet again.
Until then, I leave you in God's care.
Angela
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Abiding Hope
by
Angela Benson
First published by Tyndale House Publishers, Heartquest, 2001
Print Copyright Angela Benson, 2001
EBook Copyright Angela Benson, 2011
Cover Design by Jimmy Gibbs at www.fiverr.com/jimmygibbs
Cover photo © Depositphotos.com/borzywoj
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from the Author.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Dedication
This one is for you, Mom. Thanks for being there, and for having the wisdom to refrain from saying "I told you so" until I was able to handle it.
Acknowledgements
Since I'm not a doctor, I needed some help with the medical issues presented in this story. For the help they gave me in this area, I extend a heartfelt thanks to Dr. Camille Davis-Williams, Dr. Angela Borders Robinson, and Nurses Angela Peterson, Sonya Winteroad, Katie Driver, and Merline Pinson. I pray I got it right, ladies!
Chapter 1
There was no baby.
Sharonetta "Shay" Taylor bit down on her lower lip and tried to stifle her tears. She didn't want her husband to know how much she wanted another child, or the level of devastation she felt because she wasn't pregnant. It seemed disappointment and loss had permanently attached themselves to her and Marvin, and she didn't want to burden him with yet another negative to add to the list. Soon the tide would turn for them. She was sure of it.
"You're going to cry yourself dry, baby."
Shay's heart quickened at Marvin's whispered words. She'd deliberately turned her face to the passenger window of their five-year-old Altima so her husband wouldn't see the tears that had filled her eyes without warning.
"Are you going to be all right?" he asked when she didn't answer.
Shay wiped at her tears and, taking great gulps of air, turned in her husband's direction. "I'll be fine," she said, hoping her voice sounded stronger than she felt.
Apparently it didn't, because Marvin took one hand off the steering wheel, reached across the gear shift console, and hugged her to him. "You've been saying that since we left Atlanta," he said, a bright smile splitting his deep chocolate face. "Somehow I don't have much faith in the words. You aren't having second thoughts, are you?"
Knowing she couldn't give in to the despair she felt, Shay brushed her hand across the short curls that covered her head and sat up straighter, her back flush against the blue upholstered bucket seat. Marvin had wrongly assumed her tears were because of their move, and she wasn't going to correct him. "No second thoughts," she said.
His eyes back on the unfolding two-lane county highway, Marvin squeezed her bare shoulder in an affectionate gesture that made her want to cuddle up close to him and weep out all of her heartache. "But I bet you're missing CeCe and Anna Mae, aren't you?"
Oh, how she missed her two dearest friends, CeCe Williams—now Mrs. Nate Richardson—and Anna Mae Wilson. If they were here now, she'd be able to talk to them about the baby—or rather, about the no baby. They'd understand, and they'd support her as they always had. "You know I miss them," she sai
d, trying once again to shake off the melancholy thoughts. "Don't you miss Nate and Stuart?"
"Not yet," Marvin said, the shrug of his broad shoulders causing the denim of his light blue shirt to stretch tight across his chest. His masculine frame filled his side of the car. "I guess I'm too excited about what's ahead to miss them yet." He flashed her a grin. "Besides, it's only been a week since we've seen them."
The warmth of his grin calmed Shay's insides, and she smiled back at him. "I know. It's just that so much of our lives took place in Atlanta, in our house, at Genesis House."
Marvin placed both hands on the steering wheel, his eyes straight ahead, his fingers holding tightly. Shay felt the tension emanate from him. "Not all of it was good, Shay," he said, his voice thick, contemplative. "We needed the change. We have to believe that everything that happened leading up to now happened for a reason."
"I know you're right," she said, thinking again of their losses and disappointments. First, losing Marvin Jr. Then, stepping down from their positions at Genesis House. Shay mentally chastised herself. She wasn't going to dwell on that now. The past was best left in the past.
"I know I'm right," Marvin said, his fingers a bit more relaxed on the steering wheel. "Besides, we're not leaving forever, and we're not going so far away that we can't keep in touch; Odessa, Mississippi isn't that far from Atlanta. I like Stuart's idea of all of us getting together at least once a year. We're not going to lose touch with them, sweetheart."
Shay sniffled for what she hoped was the last time. "I know, I know. You're right, but I still miss them. Are you sure you aren't just being macho?"
Marvin tilted his head down to her. "No, I'm not being macho. Instead of thinking about what we're leaving behind, I'm focusing on what's ahead and how blessed we are to be on a new adventure. It's been a long time since we've shared an adventure."
Shay knew Marvin was right. It was as though their lives had stopped four years ago with the death of their six-year-old son. After losing him, they had seemed to lose interest in everything else that was important to them. Their marriage had withered because of their inattention and, at their lowest point, Marvin had walked out on her. The ministry they'd shared couldn't be postponed long enough for them to pick up the pieces of their broken marriage or their broken lives, and they'd ended up resigning from work they'd felt they were called to do. But she and Marvin were back together now, and God was giving them another shot at a ministry and—soon, she prayed—another shot at a family.
Shay cast a sidewise glance at her husband, wondering how he was really doing. She couldn't always tell with Marvin. He was a master at keeping his feelings bottled up inside, and she had to work hard to keep him from withdrawing and suffering in silence and solitude. It was a tough line for her to walk. She didn't want to nag him to death, but neither did she want him to hide himself from her. She loved him—all of him—and she wanted to share his hurts and his successes. She studied him a moment longer. Then, feeling confident that he was okay, she leaned over and pressed a kiss against his smoothly shaven jaw.
"What's that for?" he asked, glancing briefly in her direction.
"Because I love you," she said simply.
He smiled and, taking her hand, placed it over his heart. "You'd better, because I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me for life."
Shay accepted his words for the truth they were and finally allowed her cares to recede. She noticed that the lonesome highway they'd traveled for the last two hours was giving way to a more peopled area. A Wal-Mart shopping center, with a chain pizza restaurant; a video rental store; and a Chinese restaurant seemed to have sprung up out of the woods. A new-looking Chevron service station sat across the street from the shopping center. A bright yellow banner heralding its grand opening flapped in the early spring breeze.
"Feeling better now?" Marvin asked, taking his eyes off the road for a second to inquire.
"Getting there," she said, taking in the Welcome to Odessa sign that signaled entry into the town they would now call home.
"Good, because we're getting there too, to our new home."
"How close are we?" Shay asked as they drove down what she thought was the main street and through the small town that was built around a center square, where the courthouse was located. Stores and shops—locally owned, not chains—seemed to run about one to two blocks deep on each of the four sides of Courthouse Square.
When they stopped at the first traffic light, Marvin picked up the GPS from the dash and pressed one of its buttons. One thing Shay had learned over the years was to refrain from offering navigation advice when Marvin was at the wheel. In their relationship, he drove and navigated. It made for a much smoother trip, not to mention a much happier marriage. "It looks like we make a left at the next light and drive for about a mile." He put the GPS back on the dash. "Not far."
Frame houses with dirt yards and large overhanging oak trees lined the street onto which Marvin turned. Children at play and cars in need of repair dotted the yards. As they crossed a narrow bridge—for a creek, not a river—Shay recognized a change in the neighborhood. Big oak trees still dominated the landscape, but rich, green yards replaced the dirt yards, and larger, better-maintained frame houses replaced the smaller structures they'd passed earlier.
"Is that it?" she asked a few minutes later. Up ahead on the left she saw two men and a woman scurrying around in the side yard of a single-story, olive green country home. Four wooden rocking chairs sat on the banistered porch that extended across the front of the house. About six or seven steps led up to the porch.
Marvin nodded. "That's it."
"Are we early?" she asked, hating to think they'd gotten here ahead of time and thus before their hosts were ready for them. She watched as the larger man and the woman hurried around the back of the house, while the other man stood waiting as they drove up the graveled drive.
"I don't think we're early," Marvin said as he eased the car into the driveway. "Hey, there's Daniel."
A smile spread across Shay's face as Marvin's old college roommate rushed toward their car. She was out of the car and in Daniel's arms as soon as Marvin brought the car to a full stop. "Daniel, it's so good to see you again," she said, stepping out of his bear hug.
"You, too, Miss Shay." Daniel spread her arms wide and looked her over. "You're lookin' good, lady."
"Hey," Marvin called, coming around from the driver's side of the car to join them. He closed the passenger door that Shay, in her haste, had left open. Then he said to Daniel, "Stop flirting with my wife."
Daniel turned and embraced Marvin with the same bear hug he'd given Shay. The two men were about the same size, though Shay thought her Marvin was probably an inch or two taller than Daniel, who was much lighter in complexion than her dark brown-skinned husband. Both men had at one time sported a mustache, but Marvin had shaved his, while Daniel still wore one. Both men wore faded jeans, attesting to their preference for comfort over style. Seeing them together like this brought back memories of the close relationship they'd shared over the years. At one time, she and Marvin and Daniel and his then fiancée had been planning back-to-back weddings.
"Marvin, man," Daniel said, "it's so good to see you, to see both of you. Come on, let me introduce you to Greg and Vickie, your impromptu welcoming committee."
"Are we early?" Shay asked, her previous concern revived.
Daniel shook his head. "Let's just say we had a slight communication problem."
Daniel's words and ominous tone made Shay think he wanted to say more, but she couldn't follow up because she was distracted by words coming from the back of the house.
"It's not going to work," came a woman's anxious voice.
"Yes, it will," a deep, reassuring male voice said.
"I'm not sure."
"Trust me" came the male voice again, this time with a tinge of teasing in the tone.
Shay lifted her eyes in question to Daniel. He sighed and, with a broad smile, beckoned them. Ca
sting a glance at Marvin, Shay followed Daniel to the back of the house. She was surprised and a bit overwhelmed by what she saw: a beautiful, honey-complexioned woman impeccably dressed in a pale yellow skirted outfit more suited for a formal dinner party than a backyard, and a bear of a man over six feet tall and weighing a good deal more than Marvin's two hundred pounds. Oddly, the woman made more of an impact on her than the man did. Standing before this stunning beauty, Shay felt every one of the extra fifteen pounds she carried on her five-foot-six-inch frame. She didn't even want to think about how she looked in her now rumpled sundress when compared to this fantastically unwrinkled young woman.
"Vic, Greg," Daniel called to them, gaining their attention. "The Taylors have arrived. I want you to meet them."
The woman flashed Shay a smile so pure and honest that Shay ceased her comparisons and opened her heart.
"Welcome," Vic said brightly and warmly. "I'm Vickie Thompson. I'm chairing the welcome committee. So nice to meet both of you."
Shay moved forward into the woman's welcoming embrace. "Nice to meet you too, Vickie. I'm Shay, and this is my husband, Marvin."
Vickie extended her manicured hand to Marvin. "Nice to meet you."
"And this is Greg Dawson," Daniel said. "He's the chair of our deacon board and all-around everything man."
The man's warm smile matched Vickie's. "Welcome, folks," he said, stuffing a white handkerchief into the pocket of his green coveralls. "We're mighty glad to have you. Daniel here has told us a lot about you, Shay," he said with a slight nod to her. Then he acknowledged Marvin the same way. "We were trying to get everything all set up for your welcome cookout tomorrow afternoon," Greg explained, opening his arms to the expansive backyard that butted against an open pasture. A white Ford pickup truck loaded with redwood picnic tables was parked next to what looked to be a recently poured concrete patio. "As you can see, we haven't quite finished yet."
"It's a mess," Vickie said. "That Bo—"
"All right, Vic." Daniel tousled her shoulder-length hair as if she were a preteen. "We'll take care of it."
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