by Mj Fields
She lay back down and smiled at me, “You should sleep, everything will look better in the morning. There is nothing you can do now anyway.”
“Thank you.”
I rolled to my side hugging the massive pillow that smelled just like him. The cool cotton on my skin was soothing and allowed me to relax a bit, but not enough to allow me to fall asleep. In tomorrow’s light, I would find out if the man who lived next to me had videotaped Abe and me, and how long he had been taping me. I always changed in my room. I’d slept naked.
It made me sick to my stomach and the thought of pressing charges and possibly having to testify in court was almost as bad as knowing that I would have to tell my parents.
I hugged his pillow a little tighter because for some strange reason, I did trust him. I yearned for his touch and the escape it gave. At first, my attraction to him was purely physical, but ever since the day I walked into Steel, the effect he had on me was unfathomable and undeniable.
I didn’t know where things would lead, but I had a feeling that after walking out on him in Florida, a carjacking and an arrest, Abe would think twice about protecting what was his. I had done so much damage that I had no clue why I was here in his bed. Why he would even want me here? And I wondered when he would decide I wasn’t worth the hassle.
***
I woke to whispers.
“Wait, don’t wake them up. Remember back at NYU when I said we should dabble in some shit like this and you Mr. Fuckin’ straight and narrow thought it was ridiculous that I would even think about something like that. Check them out. Tell me that’s not hot.”
“Jase you’re fucking sick, man.”
“You better be joking, Jase Steel,” Carly whispered harshly.
“Hey Baby, I thought you were sleeping,” Jase chuckled. “Of course I was joking, trying to get preppy boy to loosen up, laugh a little, life’s too fuckin short to let shit like this bring you down.”
I kept my eyes closed not wanting to interrupt their conversation and so I wouldn’t have to talk about anything that went on earlier.
“Whatever, take me home,” the bed rose when she got up.
“Do you know how sexy you look carrying my baby, Baby?”
“Do you think that’s gonna help, Jase? You’re on the shit list with me and if we don’t get home soon you’ll be on little Bell’s, too. Hey, Abe, I like her a lot.”
“I’m glad, Carly.”
“Tomorrow we meet with the lawyers. Get this shit fixed.” It was Jase.
“Of course. Thank you both.”
“Goodnight, Abe.”
When they left, I felt his eyes boring into me and a few moments later I heard him walk away. I opened my eyes and saw him walk into the bathroom, and then I heard the water running.
I sat up and looked toward the wall of windows. I had imagined what his room would look like in the morning. I walked over to the windows and watched in the distance the moons reflection off the ocean. It was beautiful and calming.
“Son of a Bitch! Goddamn it, Four.” I turned to see Abe’s naked body streaking across the room toward a closet and then hop out, putting his leg through his shorts and pulling them up as he rushed to the stairs.
His voice wasn’t curt or harsh, it was more like a soft plea.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said, stopping him from running down the stairs. I turned back to the window wishing that I hadn’t gotten up, wishing that I had just laid there pretending.
“I thought you left.”
I saw his reflection in the window as he walked toward me. He didn’t touch me, he just stood beside me with his arms crossed over his chest. I didn’t understand why.
“Did they find anything?”
“Yes. And not just of you, they went back a year and found out he’s been taking videos of his neighbors before you as well.”
“Will I have to testify in court?”
“I don’t think it’ll get that far. I think he’ll end up fucking dead in a ditch-somewhere.”
“You can’t say things like that.”
“The neighbor before you had a teenage daughter. That son of a bitch deserves whatever he gets.”
“Will the media be told? I mean, when they release the news will my name be involved?”
“There’s something called victim’s rights, hopefully, that applies in your situation.”
“Good. I don’t want my parents to know. It would crush them.”
He turned and looked at me, “Can I hold your hand?”
“What?” The question shocked me. He was asking me if he could hold my hand.
“I want to take your hand, walk you back over to my bed, and lie you down so you can get some sleep. I would also very much like it if I could sleep next to you. If not, I’ll take the couch. But more than anything, I am going to ask that you do not take off in the middle of the night. I want you to stay. I want to go over some things tomorrow and I want you, Nikolette Bassett, to be able to sleep tonight in my arms knowing that I am going to take care of everything.”
“Why aren’t you telling me I have to?”
He closed his eyes and then when he opened them he appeared hurt, vulnerable. “Nikolette, there’s a time and a place for all things. Right now, I just want to take care of you.”
He held out his hand and I reached out to take it.
I lay in bed that night with my head on his chest and his arms around me.
***
I woke in Abe’s arms, but I must have moved because I was on my side with my back to him. He hadn’t let go, in fact, if it were possible, he was holding me even tighter. His breathing was deep and rhythmic; he was still asleep.
Needing to use the bathroom, I attempted to slide out of bed and his grip tightened even more.
“Don’t leave,” he whispered.
I looked over my shoulder and his eyes were still closed, he was still asleep. I rolled towards him hoping to loosen his grip and his eyes began fluttering until they opened.
“Good morning.” His brilliant blue eyes were a bit dazed.
“Good morning.”
I expected his grip to loosen, and when it didn’t, I closed my eyes and he pulled me closer and kissed my cheek softly. I wrapped my arms around him and he exhaled a slow groan. I leaned in further and kissed his chest once, and then again. I felt his excitement growing and his distance as well.
I leaned in and kissed his neck. When I looked up, he was scowling a bit, which made me incredibly insecure about what I was non-verbally initiating. “I’m sorry. I—”
“No, I just don’t know if it’s a good idea right now.”
“I understand,” I smiled and nodded as I rolled away from him. “The bathroom is there, right?”
“Nikolette—”
“Pfftt no big deal,” I waved my hand dismissively and walked as quickly as I could to the bathroom.
Once I closed the door, the tears began to flow down my cheek. It had been an insanely emotional week. I didn’t trust myself, and now I didn’t trust that Abe wanted anything more than for me to be his toy. He wasn’t the man Carly thought him to be, or the one I’d heard whispering last night as I pretended to be asleep. He was moody, demanding, and overbearing. And the side of him Carly saw, the side he shared with others, apparently was not for me.
I sat on the floor and hugged my knees. I looked up as the door opened and wiped my face.
Abe peeked in and held out his hand. “Come on, let’s talk.”
“I don’t want to,” I must have sounded like a child.
“You do, and I need you to hear me out.”
“No. I wanna go home.”
“You can’t yet, he hasn’t been arrested,” he held up his phone. “I just talked to the detective.”
I stood up, “I’m not a toy. I’m going home.”
“I’m not a goddamn toy either, Nikolette.”
“You’re kidding right?”
“Tell me how I know that this,” he motioned between us, “isn
’t all part of the story. I don’t trust you a hundred percent either you know. When you left Florida you—”
He stopped talking and shook his head and looked down at the ground.
“That again, huh?”
His head snapped up, “It was pretty damn fucked up.”
“What would you have done if you were me, huh?” I batted away some more tears. “Stay next door to a guy who says he wants to own me without my friends in a scream’s earshot?”
His jaw dropped and then snapped shut, “Scream from what besides an orgasm, Miss Bassett?”
“You—How did I know you weren’t some, I don’t know, some sicko?”
“Do I look like a sicko to you?”
Arrogant ass. “Because you’re a preppy All-American boy?”
“Stand up, Miss Bassett.”
“Nikolette. My goddamn name is Nikolette.”
He turned around and walked out the door and returned in seconds with some of my clothes in his hand.
“Take a bath, you’ll feel better.”
“What’s my name?”
“Nikolette Bassett, your friends call you Nikki, and you were Four a few weeks ago.” He walked over and grabbed my hand and pulled me up. “You have been through some shit and I truly want to help you sort it all out with minimum damage. But I have no fucking clue what you want from me from one second to the next, and quite frankly you scare the shit out of me.”
I stood as he started the bath water in the enormous bathroom, one that I just now allowed myself to see.
He turned to me and tugged the hem of my shirt, “Lift your arms, please.”
And I did. He undressed me quickly. He redirected his eyes away from my naked body, like he did when I was clothed.
He held my hand as I stepped into the tub. Then he turned his back and walked to the other side of the room.
“I wanted to know you when I first saw you. After the beach and then having you in my bed, I didn’t want to settle for Four anymore. When I woke up, you were gone. Then you show up at Steel and completely catch me off guard.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I know you didn’t. In the past week, you have pursued your story and discovered things that I’m not ashamed of, but they’re private things. I have watched the way you look at me and I know you want what I can give you, you crave it. I want it, too. I stepped over the line last night. I knew I would. But what do I have to lose, hell, you know everything about me, you could be in this to ruin me.”
“You demand trust yet you don’t give it.”
“Tell me why I should trust you. Tell me what you want from me.”
“It’s all very overwhelming, all of this.”
“I agree.”
“Last night I laid in your bed thinking about what could happen, ready to give you what you asked of me, and this morning you reject me. I understand that I have brought a lot of drama and unwanted attention. I want you to understand that I won’t hold you responsible for anything you said last night. I can take care of myself. I’ll finish the article without exposing anything you don’t want uncovered. I’ll do the little—”
“Stop.”
Exposed
Abe
She looked at me with sadness and shame in her eyes. Two emotions I had brought on that I hadn’t meant to. When she was naked in front of me, I never wanted her to feel ashamed.
I pulled off the shorts I had slept in, stepped into the opposite side of the tub and sunk down. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes thinking about what I wanted to tell her.
“My parents have been married for thirty years. My sophomore year in college we found out Mom, Margret, had multiple sclerosis. A woman who had worked side-by-side with her husband every day was now tired all the time. Then she started dropping things, and even fell a few times at the pub. The doctors ran tests and diagnosed her right away. She had numbness, blurred vision, and extreme pain in her legs, hands, and face for years. Things moved so fast.”
“One weekend I came home and found her crying. Urinary incontinence is common in the more advanced stages. She was pleading with my father to let her go live in a home. She didn’t want her family taking care of her. But my father wouldn’t hear of it. Mom became very depressed. The next time I was home, she fell trying to get from her wheelchair to the toilet. Pops and I fought about him ignoring her wishes, subjecting her to the shame and embarrassment of losing her dignity. Long story short, she now lives in a rehab facility, but now she also has Dementia. Can you believe that? A double fucking whammy.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you. I’m sure you mean that. I’m not telling you this so you can have something for that story of yours, but because, I want to get to know each other. I want you to know that I’m not just some prick eligible bachelor playboy who meets girls on Spring Break, beds them and then goes back to fucking hookers when vacation’s over. But here you are, angry, hurt, naked, fully exposed, and vulnerable. I need you to see that I can be that, too. I don’t talk to anyone about her. Not even Jase or Carly. They know it’s off limits.”
“How often do you see her?”
“I used to see her weekly. Now I go every couple weeks. I prefer to go when she’s asleep.. She’s peaceful then, and it’s less like a hospital, you know people are sleeping, less staff to interrupt, things like that.”
“Why don’t you move her home and have around the clock care?”
“Great question. Um, my father refuses to let me help financially. She’s his wife. I wanted to move her home, but it’s a fucked up situation in which I have no control over.”
“I see.”
“You see what?”
“Nothing. The water is getting cold would you mind if I got out?”
“I think you better sit still and let me grab a towel for you.”
“I can—”
“No. Because if I see you naked again, I won’t be able to control myself.”
I got out and grabbed two towels, quickly dried off then left her to her privacy.
I returned a call from Nicholas DeAngelo.
Nikolette was standing in front of me in shorts and a tank top, pulling her hair into a ponytail, watching me.
“Thanks…I understand. It doesn’t mean I’m fucking happy though… Two days… Yes I know. Keep in touch.”
I wanted to break something when I hung up the phone, but she was here, and this was about her and…FUCK!
I shot my assistant a text to message me Dominick Segrettis file and to let him know I’d plan to call him no earlier than Thursday.
When I looked up at her, she rubbed her forehead. “The media know?”
“They do.”
“My name will be used?”
“No, but when his information goes out, it won’t take too much for the media to figure out who his neighbor is.”
“Right.”
“Do you think you should talk to your parents before that happens? Let them know?”
“Will we, I mean our video, be broadcast.”
“No.”
“You sound confident about that.”
“A trial won’t happen overnight. There are ways to delay things. That may or may not be used as evidence.”
“Oh god.”
“Nikolette, it could be a year or two.”
“This will ruin my career. I will be that girl. The victim”
“I understand but—”
“Yours too, Abe. Oh my God, what have I done?”
“What have you done? Honest to God, Nikolette, you need to stop blaming yourself for things way beyond your control. I think you and I should take a trip to Georgia.”
“What?” she was shocked.
“You can talk to your folks and I can let them know I won’t allow anything to happen to you…”
“What am I supposed to say to them, this is Abe O’Donnell the guy that got me off in Florida and now on film?”
“Well, that wouldn’t be accurate. It was four time
s in Florida and I didn’t actually let you get off last night. I was in a mood, remember?”
“Oh my god,” she covered her face and then started to laugh. “This is awful.”
“But you’re laughing.”
“What else can I do?”
“See, that’s one of the four reasons I like you.”
“Four, huh? That’s it?” She looked up as she shook her head.
“So is it a yes or no?”
“I have no idea.”
“Because you don’t know how to introduce me?”
“Because of all of it.”
“You can tell them that we met in Florida and chance brought us back together here in New Jersey.”
“Is that what I should tell them?” Her cheeks turned pink.
“First things first, Nikki.”
“Nikki?”
“Is that alright?”
“Yes.”
“Because that’s what your friends call you?”
She nodded.
“Are we friends, Nikki?”
“I hope so.”
“Good, me too. Now let’s talk about furthering that friendship and taking it to the next level. I need something from you.”
“To let you have control.”
“In the bedroom.”
“Right.”
“It bothers you?”
“To give up my freedom, yes of course.”
“It’s so much more than that. It’s trust in the truest form. It’s allowing me to be the man I am. It’s accepting that I will make decisions based on what I know you need.”
“How do you know what I need?” It wasn’t an argument. She wanted badly to give herself to me, I just had to convince her that it would be the best decision she could make.
“I know you very well already, Nikki. I know you’re legally of age, I know that you’re single, which gives me the opportunity to have you when I want. I know there was an immediate attraction on both our parts. You live close, so I won’t have to miss seeing you as often as I am going to want to see you. I know what you dream of being and I will do everything I can to help you achieve that goal. I know you’re on the pill and you are STD-free and you know I get tested and don’t make it a habit to have unprotected sex. I know some of your limits and you know I want to test them. When you trust me more, I know you’ll without a doubt trust that whatever I choose to do to your body will not just be for my benefit. I know you value family, which if you didn’t, would be a deal breaker for me. I’ll never do anything to you that will hurt you and I know you trust that. I know I was with you when you experienced your best sexual experience, and I can promise it’ll only get better. I assume you’ve never been spanked in a sexual way, but I promise you, you’d understand why it’s necessary and you’d do what I need to avoid it. I know you’re more turned on by anticipation than of what comes after a session, or experience. I also promise I’ll make sure you crave that, too. I know you’re not completely comfortable naked, and I can assure you, I will want you that way all the damn time. I know you were turned on when I was stroking myself in front of you, which gives me high hopes that someday soon you’ll show me how you get yourself off.”
