by Mandy Magro
A loud rap at the front door startled him as he made his way through the cottage, snapping him out of his thoughts. He deliberated briefly whether to ignore it then diverted through the lounge room, grumbling to himself.
Larry’s broad smile met him through the fly screen door and Ronny was instantly happy he’d answered the door.
‘Morning, mate, long time no see.’
Larry chuckled. ‘G’day, Ronny, thought I’d pop down and have a cuppa with ya before ya take off. Feels like we’re passing ships in the night at the moment.’
‘Yeah, you dirty stopout. I see you’ve been staying a fair bit at Shirley’s lately.’ Ronny opened the screen door. ‘Come on in, I’ll just go get decent and then make us a cuppa.’
Larry gave his boots a good wipe before he stepped inside. ‘Don’t go getting dolled up for the likes of me, Ronny, boxers and a singlet will do for a cuppa. I gotta head off into town to grab some feed for the chooks and horses soon anyway.’
‘All right then, suits me, I’ll run through the dip after brekkie.’ Ronny tossed his towel over the back of the lounge on the way past. Entering the kitchen with Larry in tow, he went to the kettle. ‘Coffee or tea?’
Larry pulled a chair up at the dining table. ‘Oh, whatever you’re having, I’m easy.’
‘Yeah, that’s what Shirl tells me too,’ Ronny said, laughing as he grabbed two mugs from the cupboard. It felt good to laugh – he hadn’t in weeks.
‘Oi, fair crack of the whip,’ Larry said, laughing with him.
‘Coffee it is then, and the stronger, the better this morning.’
Larry folded his arms on the table. ‘Ya still not sleeping, mate?’
‘Not really, too much on my mind, and I can’t seem to switch the bastard of a thing off when I go to bed. Even meditating’s not really doing the trick.’
‘I see … Ivy talking to ya again yet?’
Ronny spooned a heaped teaspoon of coffee and two teaspoons of sugar in each mug. ‘Only if she has to, can’t blame her though. I’m a dick, doing what I did to her. I should have kept my distance.’
‘Well, yes and no … you’re only bloody human and ya like the girl, a lot. Ya can’t help that you had a moment of weakness.’
The jug switched itself off and Ronny poured the hot water into the two mugs. ‘There’s no excuse for my moment of weakness. Whatsoever. I really hurt her, Larry, and I hate the fact I’ve been lying to her about who I am all this time. She knows me from somewhere, and I’ve dodged her questions about it twice now: once at the bank, and then when I kissed her.’ Ronny shrugged as his forehead crumpled. ‘It’s eating me up more and more – it’s just not right keeping something so big from her. And May and Alice have been so lovely, even after what happened – and that makes me feel even worse. I appreciate the fact neither of them have had a go at me for it, to be honest.’
‘Yeah, I know, it’s a hard one, but I suppose you’ve got your reasons to not tell Ivy who ya really are. And ya can’t change what’s happened, so don’t go beating yourself up over it too much, or you’ll send yourself around the bend. Okay?’
‘That’s me, mate, I beat myself up over everything – I’ll never change. I just have to try to accept what’s happened and move on, eventually.’ He placed a mug in front of Larry and leant against the kitchen sink. ‘Speaking of which, I’m sorry I haven’t been here much to give you a hand around the place but I’ve got this weekend free, so I’ll be making up for my lack of being here by telling you to rack off … in the nicest way possible of course.’
Larry held his hand up as if he was stopping traffic. ‘Don’t apologise, mate. I’m the one who pushed ya into taking the job on at Healing Hills. I said I’d take care of things here while ya do it and I’m more than happy to – keeps me outta trouble.’ He took a sip from his coffee, and then shrugged. ‘Where would I rack off to anyway?’
‘I dunno. Maybe take Shirl away for a romantic weekend? I hear there’s a really flash place less than an hour from here called the Hydro Majestic, and they’ve got specials on at the moment. It’s supposed to be top nosh. So I reckon get in while it’s discounted.’
Larry’s bushy eyebrows shot up. ‘Oh yeah, I heard about it re-opening a few months back. Apparently the views over the Megalong Valley are bloody awesome.’ He smiled as he nodded at Ronny. ‘I reckon ya might be onto something there. Shirl would be mighty impressed if I took her away for a weekend to a place with all the bells and whistles.’ He cupped his hand around his mouth as though there were a room full of people eavesdropping on their conversation. ‘And this old bushy wouldn’t mind playing at the life of the rich and famous for a weekend too.’
‘Well go for it, Larry, you two lovebirds deserve to have a weekend to yourselves.’
‘I think I might just do that, Ronny. Thanks, mate.’
Ronny held up a loaf of bread. ‘Want some Vegemite on toast?’
‘If you’re making some, I’ll have a piece, thanks, but if you’ve got peanut butter I’d prefer that … Vegemite tends to give me real bad indigestion lately.’
‘Shit, Larry, that’d suck. I’m addicted to Vegemite.’
‘Me too, always have been, but weird things start happening to your body when you’re a geriatric like me, and sadly, Vegemite just doesn’t agree with me anymore.’
Ronny dug through the pantry and resurfaced brandishing a jar and a pleased grin. ‘Kraft, and it’s even crunchy.’
‘Brilliant.’ Larry’s expression turned serious. ‘Listen, I’ve been thinking about this situation you’ve gotten yourself into with Ivy.’ He offered a resigned sigh. ‘I should have said something earlier but I’ve been a bit hesitant because it’s a pretty sensitive subject and I don’t want ya thinking I’m sticking my nose into your business.’
‘You’re not the kind of bloke to stick your nose in anyone’s business, Smithy, so I know whatever you have to say will be coming from a good place.’ Ronny popped the bread down in the toaster and turned to face his mate. ‘Go ahead, I’m all ears.’
‘I know Lottie was pretty adamant on keeping your prison life quiet – she went to great lengths to keep it all under wraps when it happened. I can definitely see her way of thinking and I respect she was just worried about what was best for ya at the time, but situations change and, well –’ Larry scrunched his face up as though he was about to get smacked in it, ‘– would it really be the end of the world if ya told Ivy who you were?’
Ronny’s jaw almost hit the floor. ‘Are you fucking serious, Smithy?’
Larry’s eyes never left Ronny’s, and they were filled with genuine concern. ‘Never been more serious in me life.’
Ronny pulled a chair out, spun it around, and then rested his forearms against the back of it. ‘Have you really considered what she’s going to think of me after lying to her all this time? What about the fact I never wrote back to her when I was in prison? It felt right at the time but now I see it was pretty harsh of me not to.’
‘I sure have, and I reckon it would somehow sort itself out, eventually. Better to lay it all on the line – than live with questions and regrets.’ Larry offered a resigned smile. ‘And I have a question for ya too: have you had a long hard think about never having the chance to be with the woman ya love with all your heart and soul because ya thought keeping all this stuff from her was the right thing to do?’ Larry shook his head slowly. ‘Because in my eyes, that’s not living, Ronny, that’s merely surviving each day until the next.’
Ronny’s gaze shifted around the room before settling on the view out of the window. ‘How do you know I love Ivy with all my heart and soul?’
‘I can see it written all over your face every time ya mention her name.’
He turned back to Larry as the toast popped up behind him. ‘You can?’
‘Yep, it’s plain as day. Ya see, as much as I joke about it, I’m a man deeply in love, and I couldn’t imagine my life without Shirl in it. She’s my soulmate, and I reckon, with the amoun
t of times fate has brought you and Ivy together, Ivy might just be your soulmate too.’ He shifted uneasily in his seat. ‘I can’t believe I’m saying all this lovey-dovey stuff, but I’m all you’ve got now Lottie has left us, and I need to step up to the plate and tell things how I see them.’ He cleared his throat, his eyes sad. ‘And I promised Lottie I would do the best for ya and support ya in everything that made ya happy, no matter what.’
Even though his head was spinning, a wisp of a smile tugged at Ronny’s lips. It felt so damn good to be talking to someone about his feelings for Ivy, instead of rolling everything around in his mind – because that was getting him absolutely nowhere. ‘I gotta say, this is a pretty heavy discussion for you.’ He stood and grabbed the toast from the toaster and smeared a thick layer of butter on each piece. ‘And because I know just how hard it would be for you to open up like this, I’m going to think long and hard about what you’ve just said. I can’t promise anything will change, but you’re right, I do need to take a serious look at what’s going on around me.’ He turned back to the table with Larry’s toast and placed it in front of him. ‘You’ve hit the nail square on the head, Smithy. I do love Ivy, with everything I’ve got. And I don’t want to wake up one day when I’m eighty, all alone because I lost my one true love thanks to a wrong decision. But on the other hand I don’t want to make the decision to tell her, only to have her end up hating me more than she already does. That would kill me.’
Larry offered a small smile. ‘Good. All I wanted to hear was that you’d at least think about it. Because then, whichever way ya choose to go, it’ll at least be your decision, and not based on what Lottie thought was best at the time, God rest her soul.’ He lifted his toast to his mouth then hesitated. ‘Like I said, I know Lottie was thinking of your best interests, as she always did, but little did she know ya were going to fall in love with Ivy Tucker. And that, my friend, changes everything in my eyes.’
Ronny finished smearing a thick layer of Vegemite on his toast and joined Larry at the table. ‘I know what you’re saying. I just feel bad even thinking about going against Lottie’s wishes after everything she’s done for me.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘It’s a fucking hard one.’
‘Look, mate, if Lottie knew how in love with Ivy ya are, I think she might have a change of heart … just like I have. All she ever wanted was for ya to live a happy life, and if that means you having to open up about what happened almost ten years ago, so be it. At least then, whatever the outcome, you’ll feel like you’ve done the right thing by telling Ivy the truth. And I reckon Ivy’s the type of girl who wouldn’t go blabbing it from the rooftops either, and neither are her aunts, for that matter.’
Ronny took a gulp from his now lukewarm coffee. ‘True.’
Larry swallowed his last mouthful of toast. ‘And speaking of Lottie, it’ll be her and Frank’s wedding anniversary this Sunday, so the time’s come for us to spread her ashes.’
Ronny’s heart clenched. He’d been avoiding having this conversation. He was going to find it hard letting the last piece of Lottie go. ‘Yeah, I know.’ He swallowed the emotions that were making his throat tight. ‘I really miss her, Larry.’
Larry reached out and gave Ronny a friendly pat on the back as he, too, sniffed back emotions. ‘Me too, Ronny, me too.’
***
Halfway to Healing Hills, Ronny’s mobile sang from the dash. Turning the radio down, he pressed answer and then tapped loudspeaker.
‘Hi, sis.’
‘Hey there, my beautiful brother! How’s things?’ Faith’s sing-song voice radiated through the Kingswood.
Ronny smiled. By the sounds of it, the holiday had done her good. ‘Things, are, well, a little complicated at the moment.’
‘Oh shit, what’s happened? What have you done?’
‘I’ve only gone and fallen in love with the one woman on this earth I shouldn’t have.’
‘And who might this woman be?’
‘Ivy Tucker.’
Faith’s gasp reverberated around the car. ‘Oh far out, Ronny, you never do things by halves, do you?’
Ronny grimaced. ‘You know me well, sis.’
‘So what the hell have I missed?’
Ronny slowed as he came to a T-junction, then turned left. ‘Well, to cut a long story short, against my better judgement, I was entered into an auction to raise money for cancer, and Ivy won me as her slave for the weekend, and then she needed a carpenter, desperately, so me being the thoughtful kind of bloke I am, I couldn’t say no to a damsel in distress, and then, well, things were getting a bit hot between us and I lost my wits and kissed her. And she kissed me back. And then I told her we could never be together because I couldn’t tell her everything about myself. And now she hates me.’
‘Fuck me swinging, you really do get yourself into the craziest of messes without even meaning to.’ She sighed noisily then continued to curse under her breath. ‘How much do you love her, Ronny?’
‘With every breath I take.’
‘Okay, well, that’s the kind of love worth fighting for.’ She sighed again. ‘There’s gotta be a way to fix this, just let me think for a minute.’
Ronny sat in silence as he watched the lush green landscape fly past his windscreen. He swore he could almost hear his sister’s brain ticking over.
‘I got it. You have to invite her to dinner.’
Ronny laughed. ‘What? You’re a spinner, Faith. Is that your way of fixing everything in your life, just feed people and they’ll come round?’
Faith chuckled down the line. ‘Basically, yes. It’s always worked a treat for me, so it shouldn’t be any different for you.’
‘Right. So I invite her to dinner, and by some miracle she says yes, and then what?’
‘And then you do exactly as I’m about to tell you to.’
***
A sliver of silvery moonlight spilled into the room and intertwined with the flickering candlelight – the two women preferring the softness to a blinding overhead light. The warm glow wasn’t adequate to ignite every corner of the large, country-style kitchen, but was enough to light up Alice’s gentle face and tender smile. Ivy sat across the dining table from her aunt, her cup of hot chocolate hugged tightly between her hands, and smiled back. Her belly ached after eating half a packet of marshmallows but she didn’t care right now, the sugary, squishy pleasure had been well worth it; sweet food was her comfort when she was emotionally wounded. Alice knew that, which was why she’d come knocking on Ivy’s bedroom door just before midnight with a packet of marshmallows to lure her out. Her beautiful aunt had heard her crying in bed, and had come to her rescue.
‘If you’re so worked up about going around there for dinner tomorrow night, sweetheart, why did you say yes in the first place?’
‘Because even though I’m mad at him for kissing me and then telling me in the next breath that we could never be together because he’s not been completely honest with me, I still like him, a lot. I know that makes no sense after cursing every lying, cheating man who’s ever lived these past few weeks, but I just can’t help myself when it comes to Ronny.’
Alice remained quiet as she listened, her hand gently squeezing Ivy’s on the table. Ivy sniffled and pulled another tissue from the box Alice had placed in front of her. After wiping her tears and blowing her nose she added it to the growing pile in front of her.
‘Why have relationships got to be so damn hard all the time? I just want to fall in love with the man of my dreams, have a family, and live happily ever after – is that too much to ask?’
Alice chuckled softly. ‘You’re asking the wrong person. Because, from my own experience, yes, it appears so.’
Groaning, Ivy rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, Aunt Alice, I just wish he could tell me whatever it is he’s hiding from me.’ She shook her head. ‘I mean, what could be that bad?’
Alice’s eyes widened as she sat back in her chair. ‘You never know what skeletons a person could be hiding in their closet, and
yes, they can sometimes have a huge effect on another. But in the end it’s their past, and their life, so you have to respect them enough to let them open up about things if and when they choose to, because you shouldn’t force anyone into telling you something they don’t want to.’
‘But what about this magical feeling I get when I’m around him? And I know he gets it around me too because I felt it in his kiss. Isn’t that worth opening your closet up for, instead of letting something that could be amazing slip through your fingers?’
‘Yes, and no, Ivy.’ Alice smiled sadly. ‘I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, sweetheart, but Ronny’s a big boy and he’s got his own mind, so you have to allow him to do as he sees fit.’
Ivy huffed. ‘I know you’re right, and I also know that Ronny has the right to keep his past behind him. It just breaks my heart to think that we could have had something so beautiful together.’
‘I know, love. Life can really suck sometimes.’ Alice tilted her head to one side. ‘But on a more positive note, though, at least by going around for dinner you can hopefully mend the bridge and become friends again. I truly think Ronny is good company for you.’ She smiled. ‘Don’t ever forget the fact he was the catalyst behind you finding the courage to sing again – even if it was just for that moment, watching him through the window of the cottage. Small steps, as they say.’
Ivy bit her lip to stop it from quivering as the memory overcame her. ‘Yes, he did more for me in those few minutes than I could have ever imagined, without even trying.’
Alice rested her chin on her palms as her eyes glistened with unshed tears. ‘Ronny really has been a miracle for us – in a few ways – so maybe you need to give the guy some slack and allow him to tell you whatever it is in his own time, as much as it pains you to do so. I honestly feel he’s a good man, and he’ll open up to you when he’s good and ready to.’
