by Deb McEwan
The wedding gifts were tastefully arranged on a raised stage at one end of the hall for viewing. Letters of thanks would be written when the newlyweds returned from honeymoon.
The reception was an extravagant affair. The smoked salmon starter was followed by fillet mignon and roasted vegetables and a sophisticated strawberry tower dessert. Caroline’s father gave a superb speech thanking people for coming and congratulating his new son-in-law on his choice of bride. Sam gave his speech in his capacity as best man. Everyone relaxed and laughed as he embarrassed his brother telling tales of their childhood. Some of them heckled him and asked what his middle name was to the annoyance of Donna who got up and shouted
‘There’s nothing wrong with Roquet.’ She couldn’t understand why the guests found that so funny.
Caroline started to fill up at Phil’s speech, but was determined not to cry and ruin her make up yet again.
Vicky looked upset and Max moved closer to try and comfort her. ‘What’s wrong?’ Vicky heard the concern in his voice and felt silly.
‘I didn’t realise I’d feel like this.’ Vicky sniffed. ‘It’s such an emotional occasion and they look so happy together.’
Max thought if he lived to be 300 he still wouldn’t understand females.
Various toasts were given to the bride and groom and then it was time to cut the cake. As with everything else at the wedding, the cake was extravagant. Four tiers high, the largest at the bottom and the smallest at the top. The inside of the cake was made from sponge which would surprise the guests and covered with chocolate cream. This was then covered with cream coloured icing with leaf decorations at the end of which were pink iced roses. On the top of the smallest tier were a bride and groom in replica outfits to the real bride and groom. The faces of the icing bride and groom bore a remarkable likeness to Phil and Caroline. Photographs were taken of the couple cutting the cake and Sylvia then arranged for the cake to be taken away, cut and distributed.
‘Keep the top tier for the first baby.’ Shouted Jean.
‘It doesn’t work for sponge cakes, Mam.’ Caroline whispered to her mother.
Sylvia banged her gong again and announced that the bride and groom would leave the table. Everyone stood up and clapped and Phil and Caroline made their way to the Bridal Suite so that they could freshen up prior to the evening function.
‘That means that they want to mate before re-joining their guests.’ Max said.
‘Lucky her.’ Vicky said under her breath and Max pretended he hadn’t heard.
‘I’ll radio the team.’
The families and wedding guests slowly made their way from the reception to the marquee in the grounds of Mursholme Hall. The band and DJ were already set-up and the music started as soon as the guests ambled in.
A little while later in the bridal suite Phil turned to Caroline. ‘Champagne, Mrs Gibson?’
‘Don’t mind if I do, Mr Gibson.’
‘Suppose we better go and join our guests.’ Said Phil without moving an inch. ‘Come on let’s get going.’
Caroline got up and headed for the shower where Phil quickly joined her. Half an hour later and back in their wedding gear they made their way to the marquee. There were calls from the guests for them to dance the first dance. They’d discussed this months earlier and Phil had reluctantly agreed to learn the Dirty Dancing routine. Unfortunately Phil had two left feet and couldn’t get to grips with it. Caroline had let him off this particular duty as she didn’t want to look stupid herself, so they decided to smooch to a love ballad. The band did a fair rendition of Angels and their guests clapped and cheered. Half way through the song they separated and went to persuade some of their friends and families onto the dance floor. A few of the older men and most of the women didn’t need much encouragement, but most of Phil’s rugby mates weren’t prepared to dance until they’d had a lot more to drink.
‘It’s interesting that some men think they’re better dancers after consuming lots of alcohol.’ Said Max. ‘I wonder if that’s a genetic condition?’
‘I don’t think it’s a genetic condition, just stupidity.’
Vicky removed her webcam and stretched her aching body. It had been a long day.
The celebrations were in full swing and Caroline watched as Phil leaned over to talk to Karen as they danced together.
‘Like my shapes then?’ Phil stepped back and made what he thought were sexy dance moves. He looked like an electric shock victim.
‘Different, Phil I’ll say that.’
‘Different is good. Think you and Sam will make some shapes later then?’
Caroline saw Karen’s expression and decided to rescue her.
‘Come on, husband you’re neglecting me.’ She linked her arm through his and led him to the bar.
‘But I’m just trying to make sure everyone has a good time.’ He protested but was quite happy to be led away by his lovely new wife.
Karen mouthed her thanks to Caroline as Sam approached. ‘Care to dance?’
‘Don’t mind if I do.’ She replied and they were inseparable for the rest of the night.
Caroline was grateful that Sue had passed out just after 8 o’clock and hadn’t embarrassed anyone.
It was the early hours of the morning and the guests started to leave, congratulating the Bride and Groom again and thanking them for a fantastic day. Family and friends made their way to their rooms in the Hall. Phil and Caroline were happily shattered and well on their way to being drunk and fell asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows.
Still high from the day before, the newlyweds joined their families and friends at breakfast. The Countess had noted their preference for a Full English and arranged for the staff to lay on a fantastic spread. The time had come for Phil to announce where they were going on honeymoon. He’d been tempted to wait until they got to the airport but knew that Caroline would wheedle it out of him before then, and he also wanted to show off in front of the others. Caroline didn’t have a clue where they were going, only that she’d been told to pack for a summer beach vacation but to take a few posh outfits with her.
‘Probably not headscarves and pearls because they’re not aristocracy.’ Said Vicky
‘Can I have a bit of quiet please.’ The others in the cosy breakfast room turned their attention to Phil.
‘Now I know Caroline loves the sun, sea and …’
‘Oi, I know you’re married but she’s still my little girl.’ Called Martin.
‘I wasn’t going to say that.’ Phil said and the others laughed.
‘Sunshine, sea and relaxation, now it’s time to reveal our destination.’
‘Just get on with it.’ Shouted Trevor.
‘She doesn’t like to travel far, and so we’re going to Lloret de Mar!’
Complete silence.
‘Oh heck.’ Said Max. ‘Look at her face, Vic, I hope he’s joking.’
Caroline did like Lloret de Mar, but as a break with the girls, not for her one and only honeymoon. She gave Phil a dangerous look and said so only he could hear.
‘We’d better flaming not be.’
Everyone looked at Phil and he looked distraught for a few seconds. Long enough for Caroline to think he was serious. Before Caroline had a chance to kick-off, he added. ‘Time for us to say adios, we’re actually going to Barbados!’
‘Yippee.’
Shouted Caroline. She jumped up from her chair, clapped her hands and jumped around in a circle.
‘You wind-up merchant, I knew you were having a laugh.’
They kissed as if nobody else was about. Trevor coughed.
‘Remember us.’
Caroline leaned away from her husband.
‘Brilliant, Phil thanks. Can we swim with dolphins and turtles?’
‘Honeymoon suite in a 5 star couples only all-inclusive resort, with its own beach by the way. We can do whatever you want, sweetheart.’
An hour later everyone waved the newlyweds off to the airport and the others p
acked and said goodbye to the Earl and Countess.
*****
When they’d packed all their gear, the spiders returned to Caroline and Phil’s empty house. Now it was time to enjoy themselves. Max had seen the effect that alcohol had on the humans. He was content for the spiders to sample alcohol but had rationed individual intakes.
Max had a permanent team stationed in the hospital grounds. Whilst all his teams could be mobilised given adequate notice, the hospital team was one of three rapid reaction squads and could move between wards or departments with very little notice. Geraldine had recently assumed command of Green Vulture the name for the hospital team. Max admitted to himself that he’d put her there because, although he admired her skill and daring, he wasn’t keen on dealing with her directly. Geraldine had started drinking as soon as they arrived at the empty house, and was now gyrating to the music and giving Max the come on.
‘Have you changed your mind about our date?’ The dulcet tones of Geraldine’s voice echoed round the room and Vicky gave Max a look which made him feel even more uncomfortable.
‘It’s not going to happen, Geraldine.’ Said Max before making his way to the kitchen.
The others tried their best not to laugh at Max’s discomfort. Vicky hadn’t met Geraldine and it was dislike at first sight. She vowed to herself to have words with Geraldine the next time they met.
The rest of the teams soon relaxed and some of them even ignored the orders about limiting their alcohol intake. They jumped and swung from newly constructed webs, ate until they were fit to burst and when exhaustion got the better of them, slept where they fell.
Chapter 6
The Terryvision fast forwards to 18 months later. Caroline and Phil have had another holiday and are settled into married life and their respective careers.
It had been a wonderful day for Caroline. Her suspicions had been confirmed and now she was pottering about the house getting everything ready in time for Phil coming home from work. Instead of staying late at school to mark homework and work out the various projects for the following day, she had left on time for once. The non-cooking preparations for dinner were going well and Caroline was singing away to the music playing in the background. She opened the back door to take the rubbish out and saw four magpies lording it in the garden. ASBOs to Caroline, always looking like they were out to make trouble annoying smaller birds or timid cats or anything that looked or acted weaker than them. All they needed were hoods, they already had the bad attitude. She put the rubbish down and clapped her hands.
‘Shoooh, go on, out of the garden.’ She shouted and the startled birds flew off to annoy somebody else. A few seconds later Caroline was rewarded with a blackbird’s beautiful song.
‘Are you singing to me?’
‘No, love.’
‘Aaaargh, what the ...?’ Caroline jumped and turned in the direction of the voice
‘It’s OK, it’s OK. It’s me, Pete, with your shopping.’ Pete opened the back gate.
‘Why didn’t you ring the front door bell like everyone else?’
‘I did knock and bet you didn’t hear me coz the music’s going full pelt and you were in the garden. Sorry to interrupt your conversation.’ He nodded towards the sound of the blackbird.
Caroline turned to hide her reddening face and took the bag to the kitchen. She’d ordered the ready made steak in onion gravy with posh veg and all she had to do was heat it up. Even she could do that without ruining it. She’d also bought a bottle of champers to celebrate though she wouldn’t be drinking any herself tonight.
‘Haven’t you got other deliveries?’
‘OK, love, sign for these and I’ll be on my way.’ Pete started laughing. ‘Let you get back to the birds, Mrs Doolittle.’
Caroline playfully snatched the paperwork and signed where required. ‘Goodbye, Pete.’
Phil had been working long hours during the last few weeks and was absolutely shattered. Arriving home after 8pm the first thing that hit him was the lovely smell coming from the kitchen. He hadn’t felt hungry but as soon as he smelled the onions, he remembered he hadn’t had time for lunch and his stomach rumbled in protest. He wondered if Caroline had eventually mastered the art of cooking something decent from scratch or if this was a ready made meal and she’d just heated it up. Being an optimist he hoped the former; he was also a realist so suspected the latter. Phil was surprised to find the house in semi-darkness with romantic music coming from the living room. He adored his wife but hoped she didn’t want him to perform again tonight. He was absolutely done in and wanted to collapse on the sofa after eating dinner. He quickly re-arranged his thoughts; although they’d only been married for 18 months, they both wanted a baby and they’d had lots of fun recently trying to make one. Phil smiled to himself as he remembered their holiday.
They lay next to each other on lounge beds at the hotel poolside, near enough to the beach to be able to hear the waves and to smell the salt in the air. It had been a lovely morning and they both felt the warmth of the sun on their bodies which were already turning a golden brown. Reggae music was playing in the background and a gust of wind lifted Caroline’s ponytail. She put down her book and put a hand on Phil’s thigh.
‘Think we’re going to have that storm they promised earlier Phil. Can you think of anything to do indoors?’
Phil tipped his wife off her sunbed and pulled her to her feet. They quickly ran back to their hotel room hoping that the neighbours were out.
Caroline’s voice brought Phil back to the present.
‘Hello, darling, lovely evening. I’m in here.’
Phil walked into the living room and took-in the scene before him. The room was lit by soft candlelight and the table laid for a special occasion. It was a Tuesday night and he wondered what was going on. Then it clicked. Phil grabbed Caroline’s forearms and tried to contain his excitement.
‘Are you, are you, are you?’
‘Yes. yes, yes.’
They both collapsed on the sofa in a big embrace. When they broke free Caroline asked. ‘Champagne, darling?’
Phil was ecstatic. ‘Don’t mind if I do. Boy or girl.’
‘More than likely.’ Caroline dodged the incoming cushion on her way to the kitchen.
*****
Max called his teams together for a briefing. ‘Through your hard work the Terries now know a little of human relationships, mating rituals, and how humans are conceived.’
Clive yawned.
Max continued. ‘Sorry if I’m boring you, Clive.’ Clive had the decency to look embarrassed.
‘I want them to know all about the human pregnancy and how the parents to be will have to adapt. I don’t want to jump too far ahead so we’ll cover the birth of the baby and my next priorities at a later date. Any questions?’ Max started to put on his webcam when Geraldine, one of the team leaders piped up.
‘How about a date?’
Sniggers followed in the Ops Room and Vicky was not amused. ‘Inappropriate, Geraldine now get back to work.’
‘I was talking to the organ grinder …’
‘Enough.’ Said Max. ‘Geraldine, do as Vicky says and do it now.’
‘Yes, Boss.’ Answered Geraldine, and Vicky noticed that she didn’t seem particularly bothered.
Vicky kept a neutral expression but felt her blood boil. She adored Max but how dare he undermine her position with Geraldine and how dare that vain egotistical creature speak to her like that. Vicky admitted to herself that she’d gone soft since coming to Earth and was concerned she’d lost the respect of the other spiders. Phoenix was worlds away but Vicky remembered a key part of her upbringing.
*****
It was a constant battle for the spiders on Phoenix not to be caught and put to work by the Bundrils. The survival rate was very low amongst those who were captured and Vicky’s parents were already mourning the loss of 3 of her siblings. To avoid the loss of their last spiderling, and to stop her from being captured and put to work, her pare
nts arranged for her to be sent to her Uncle Porgi in the Bundril forest region. The Bundrils were able to get enough workers from the cities and hadn’t yet felt the need to capture spiders from the countryside.
Vicky was sad to leave her immediate family, but also very excited about her new adventure.
‘What’s Uncle Porgi like? Is he gentle and friendly? Is the food good in the country?’
‘He’s very intelligent and hardworking.’ Said Vicky’s mother and Vicky didn’t notice the look her parents exchanged.
The long walk had tired Vicky and she didn’t ask any further questions.
When Vicky felt she could walk no further, they stopped for food and rest. Her father found a Marberry bush and set about loosening the berries using his strong spider string. Vicky’s mother collected Jeswell leaves which were the ideal accompaniment for the berries and they feasted until they could eat no more.
Vicky relaxed ready for sleep and her father put a leg around her.
‘Your Uncle Porgi will teach you how to look after yourself if someone tries to attack or abduct you my sweet.’
‘Can’t you do that, Daddy?’ Vicky felt her eyes closing but was trying to stay awake and listen to her father.
‘Not like your Uncle Porgi, my darling. Now rest and when you wake it’s a short walk to your new home and you’ll be energised and ready for anything.’
Vicky wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that but could no longer resist sleep and she dreamt of trying to escape from the Bundrils.
They arrived at her uncle’s home, in a small clearing deep in the forest. Both her parents put two front legs together in the prayer position and bowed, her Uncle Porgi made an almost imperceptible nod. Vicky’s father started the introductions but was silenced by a shush noise from Uncle Porgi. They remained in silence until Vicky could stand it no more.
‘Hello, Uncle Porgi, my name’s Vicky and I’m very pleased to meet you.’
Her uncle didn’t even look at her. ‘You have the impatience of youth, young Vicky. You’ll soon learn when to speak and when to be silent.’
